“You could stay at my place until you get in better shape financially,” Tony said, surprised at his own offer.
Lilly looked at him, but couldn’t answer until she collected her thoughts. “That’s generous, Tony. I appreciate it, but …”
“But what Lil?Are you afraid of me?”he teased.
“It’s just … No, Tony, I’m not afraid of you. I’m so confused,” Lilly, said turning her back and working faster.
Tony backed off. “Tell me about the apartments.”
“There are two – both down by your old house.”
“My old house?”
“Where you lived with the guys before we were married.”
“You can’t live there. It’s a dump,” Tony said swiftly.
“I can live anywhere I choose to,” Lilly said adamantly.
“Lil, don’t get stubborn,” Tony said softly. “I shouldn’t have said you couldn’t. I have no right. That area has deteriorated.”
“I’m sorry,” Lilly murmured. “Old habits die hard. Has that neighborhood really gotten worse? Oh, I don’t know. Your offer is tempting. I have to get out of Eileen and Everett’s way.”
Lilly stood at the sink rinsing the last visible oven slime off the sponge. She found paper towels and started rinsing the oven again.
“Lil,” Tony said in a reasonable tone. “I’ll go my offer one better. I’ll leave for Georgia in a few weeks. You could use my ware … er … home. I’ll be gone until around September first.”
“In September, I’m going to Saint Croix,” Lilly said considering. With tongue in cheek, she trailed off, “I could stay here until you leave.”
“Don’t push it,” Tony said.
“I’d like to kiss you, but I’m a little grimy.”
“Save it for later,” Tony answered.
Lilly finished the oven and started washing her hands, arms, and face with dish washing soap. “That’s the only way to get this junk off.”
The LaRoches arrived home with sleeping babies in tow. Eileen acknowledged Tony only with facial expression as they tiptoed their load to the bedroom. Kara woke as soon as she touched the sheets.
Eileen muttered, “Damn,” and whisked her out of the room where her brother was sleeping.
Everett came into the kitchen first. “What stinks? Lilly have you been cooking again?”
“Everett, you met Tony Saturday.”
The men exchanged handshakes. Eileen and Kara arrived, and Eileen plopped down in the chair lifting her tee shirt for Kara. Eileen sniffed the air.
“First the windows, then the oven. Do you really have to look at those apartments tomorrow?”
“Nope. How long can you nurse while you’re pregnant?”
“I forgot to ask,” Eileen said with a shrug. “Back up. What did you mean, ‘Nope’?”
“Lilly will be staying with me,” Tony said firmly.
“For now,” Lilly added.
“You two have the strangest divorce,” Everett said.
“Many people have amiable divorces,” Lilly baited EO.
“Maybe that’s the way to be amiable,” EO said. “Married with a couple of chaperones isn’t amiable.”
Everett handed Tony a beer and nodded, putting his hand on Eileen’s shoulder. “Remember the old days? When we could be amiable all night?”
Eileen laughed. “Then Jason came. I think I got pregnant for Kara the only time Jason allowed us to be amiable between them.”
“Or since,” Everett added.
“Come on, then. How’d you get pregnant again?” Lilly asked.
“By memory,” Eileen answered solemnly. That sat on the air for a moment, and then they all laughed.
Eileen brought Kara to her crib. When she returned, she stood behind Everett’s chair. He reached back catching her hand. Tony and Lilly stood, understanding the intimacy of their little gesture.
“We’d better shove off. Eileen, I’ll call you. Everett, happy birthday.”
“Lilly, leave your phone number,” Eileen said.
Tony took a pen from his pocket and wrote the number on a napkin. “Good night EO, Everett.”
Nick della Robbia was riding in an unmarked car with his partner when he spotted Tony and Lilly coming out of Eileen’s garden apartment.
“God damn, pull over,” Nick said, adjusting his side mirror.
“What?” his partner answered, thinking he had missed something on the street.
“That’s my nephew coming down the street.”
“So?”
“The woman with him.”
“Too skinny,” his partner decided, watching the rear-view mirror.
“She’s his ex-wife. They’re divorced.”
“My neighbor married his ex-wife.”
“It couldn’t be like that,” Nick said.
His partner gave a skeptical. “Yeah.”
As Tony and Lilly arrived at Tony’s car, he unlocked the passenger side door. As Lilly began to get in, she turned and kissed him.
Nick laughed. “God damn, Hurricane Lilly strikes again.” They stayed at the curb until Tony drove by and then pulled out to arrive at a red light side-by-side.
Nick’s partner said, “Young love. They’re holding hands.”
Nick said, “I’ll find out about this tomorrow night.”
Tony and Lilly had entered the electric phase of their reconciliation. They each felt the spark as they kissed. The spark grew to a current, of sorts, as they held hands while he drove. When he needed his hand to shift gears, he deposited her hand on his leg. They did not want to break the current.
This continued well beyond the ride home. The next morning she walked with him, striding along the flower and fish markets as the city was balancing between night and day. They next walked through a ghetto in the silence of early morning.
“It’s eerie, as though we walked into the twilight zone,” Lilly whispered.
Tony smiled at her. “I always think that, every morning.”
Lilly made breakfast while Tony showered. He came out dressed.
“Tony, you look so … nine-to-five,” Lilly said walking around him.
“I’ve been in suits for years now. It’s a little different from the coveralls I wore at the garage.” Tony put his arm around her from behind. “Lil, Pop, Frank, and my uncles go to see the Yankees every Tuesday, and today’s opening day. The Yanks aren’t home, but we go to Pop’s and watch on Tuesdays anyway.”
Lilly turned. “That’s OK. Will you come here before the game or go straight to Pops?”
“I have to change, so I’ll come back here. What will you do today?”
“I’m going job hunting. Can I have a key? Also I’m going to get a chest.”
“You have a chest,” Tony joked. “See two little breasts.”
Lilly giggled, wiggling away from him. “I mean a chest of drawers.”
“I’ll help you get it tomorrow night.”
“Thanks, but I’ll managbf3ge.”
The time apart brought severe doubts to them both. Lilly filled out applications at three hospitals and spent one hour waiting at each one. She arrived back at Tony’s with a headache. She worried she might be expected to have dinner ready for Tony, and her headache got worse. The very thought of Tony made her head throb.
When he arrived home, he seemed somewhat muted. She recognized the pensiveness in his movements. He recognized her headache expression. Tony sat and watched the news while she sat with her face in the crook of her arm. Each was glad the other didn’t reach out to touch.
He rose to leave, saying quietly, “TJ might have something stronger than aspirin.”
She waved him away. “Thanks, anyway. I’ll sleep it off.”
TJ arrived minutes after Tony left. “Hello. Where’s Tony?”
“At Della Robbia Central, watching the Yankees.”
“That’s right. The della Robbias’ night at the game.” TJ looked at her, “You’re still here.”
“I’ll be staying until
Tony goes on the trail. TJ, I’d like to visit, but I have an awful headache.”
“I’ll be back in a second.” TJ left, and Lilly dozed. She woke to find him standing over her.
“Here’s a fiorinal that will knock your headache.”
“It would probably knock me.”
“I’ll leave it here in case you change your mind. It’s really not strong.”
After TJ left, Lilly waited, but every time she tried to think about Tony, she felt worse. She took the fiorinal and fell asleep on the sofa.
Tito was aware something was up with Tony. Tuesday’s games were always a source of both pride and entertainment for Tito. Neither Frank nor Tony had ever been a regular player at the della Robbia brothers’ Friday night poker games, but Tuesday was Tito’s time to show off his sons.
Nick might be an important detective, and Joe had his own liquor store, but Tito had sons. Frank was missing tonight. There was speculation as to what he was doing. Tony was fairly certain Frank was in front of a TV somewhere, watching the game. Tony was preoccupied to the point of asking what inning it was minutes after the seventh-inning stretch, a tradition the della Robbias practiced even at home.
Tito asked Tony if he was still planning to go on the trail.
“Sure, Pops. I gave my resignation yesterday.”
Tito said, “You have a good job! Good jobs don’t grow on trees.”
Tony was silent for the rest of the game. He jumped up the moment of the last out.
Tito looked up. “What’s the rush?”
“I have to get home.”
“Someone waiting?” Nick asked knowingly.
“Goodnight all,” Tony said and left.
Tony arrived home shortly after eleven. He didn’t notice Lilly and walked right through the living room and up the stairs to the bedroom. He panicked momentarily, thinking Lilly had flown again. When he went back downstairs, he saw her on the sofa. He sat with her and kissed her temple.
“Lil?’” He got no response. He lifted her and carried her to the stairs.
“Hi,” Lilly whispered groggily. She pulled up and kissed him. “I’m sorry I was bitchy.”
“You weren’t bitchy, pal. You just had your dark silence.” He put her down.
“How was the game?” she asked.
“The Yanks got their butts kicked,” Tony answered.
“Good,” Lilly said. “You were in your darker mood, too.”
Tony laughed. “Now, you’re bitchy.”
Lilly finished in the bathroom first and was almost asleep when Tony came to bed.
“Lil, did you take something more for your headache? That’s some strong aspirin.”
“TJ brought me a fiorinal. I never take medicines. I have no tolerance.”
“Did it work?”
“I don’t have a headache if that’s what you mean.” Lilly kissed his shoulder.
The next morning Tony and Lilly joyfully walked through a drizzle in Central park.
“Lil, what are you using for birth control? I haven’t seen anything,” Tony asked innocently
“Don’t worry about it. Look at those ducks looking for a nook to build a nest.”
“Lil, don’t sandbag me.” Tony stopped. “Aren’t you using birth control?”
“Tony, don’t worry about it. I won’t get pregnant,” Lilly said softly. She started walking.
“Lillian, what do you mean you won’t get pregnant?” Tony said more sternly.
“Tony, please drop it,” Lilly pleaded.
“Lillibelle, talk to me.”
“Tony, I won’t get pregnant because I can’t get pregnant,” she whispered.
“What happened?” Tony led her to a bench where they sat, almost oblivious to the wetness.
“After I was in Thailand for a few months … well, I lost a lot of weight and I stopped menstruating. At first, I attributed it to being upset, like when Brian died and I didn’t get my period for three months. As time went by, I became a little afraid, but I figured my body would adjust. There wasn’t anyone like an endocrinologist or even a gynecologist to see.”
“Have you seen a doctor?”
“Yes, well, yes.” Lilly felt as though her skin was being pulled off.
Tony recognized the flight in her manner and took both her hands in his. He said tenderly, “Tell me about it, Belle.”
“There was this doctor. He was such a pious bastard. He was Scottish. When I first got there, he came on to me, not outwardly, but he assumed I’d love to sit on the right hand of God. He was so pompous. Well, when he actually did make a move on me and I declined, he couldn’t believe it. So when I went to see him with my problem … I think he enjoyed it. He smirked and gave me an internal exam that almost made me a nun … He did some blood test and diagnosed premature menopause … He …” Lilly couldn’t continue.
“Lil, calm down. Call your gynecologist. What’s his name? Feldman. He was so gentle with you when you were raped. After we were married, he called me to go to his office. He really cared about you,” Tony said gently.
“Tony, no doctors. Not yet. I’m home. I’m eating and sleeping and gaining weight. I feel great. It’s going to come back. My body went into shock. For months I felt like a cartoon character in an evil world or the only real person in an evil cartoon. I want to give my body time to get back to its own timing.”
“Why don’t you see him?”
“Tony, if Dr. Feldman said it was premature menopause … I don’t know. Give my body time. If I’m still not menstruating by August, I’ll go see him. If he said … I mean to know …. To finally believe I’ll never have a baby in my belly or at my breast. This probably sounds ridiculous to you.”
“No, not at all. Someday I’d like to have kids, too.”
They got up, aware now of how wet they were, and they walked on.
“Eileen’s a nurse, too. Have you spoken to her?”
“No, she’s so fertile. She says she has terminal fertility. She’d feel funny. It would put a wedge between us.”
“Very wise, Lil,” Tony said admiringly.
That day, the static was gone when they thought of each other. Lilly found herself singing and planning dinner. Tony arrived home with a bottle of Chanel and a pale pink silk nightgown set. Lilly couldn’t find the words. He was impressed with her cooking.
“St. Luke’s called. I’m going tomorrow. I spoke to a nurse recruiter for a while on the phone. I’ll get an employment physical, blood work, and a chest X-ray tomorrow. I’ll work in a clinic.” Lilly was bubbling.
They walked after dinner.
They went camping overnight on Saturday. Lilly borrowed TJ’s sleeping bag, and they drove along the Thruway, singing with the radio. They set up a tent at Woodland State Park. There was a sprinkling of other tents, but all the other campers were men.
Tony explained, “It’s the second weekend since fishing season opened.”
Tony led the way while they walked. Lilly began to feel his affinity for nature. She could see him coming alive, hearing every rustling and birdsong.
“I’m hoping to do most of the trail in solitude,” Tony said. Lilly nodded. They climbed a steep incline and sat on a large rock.
“What date is it?” Lilly asked.
“April eighth, 1978.”
“April eighth,” Lilly repeated slowly. “I want to memorize it. It’s so beautiful.”
He took her hand. “It is.”
They sat quietly, studying a couple of birds building a nest amid the leaf buds of a maple.
Afternoon progressed to evening. They found they couldn’t zip their sleeping bags together. Each tried to drift to sleep but couldn’t, feeling the distance between them was far more than the physical few inches. The temperature dropped rapidly. Lilly was unsure if the cold was real or emotional.
Tony whispered, “Lillibelle, are you asleep?”
“No.”
“Are you freezing your ass off?”
“Yes.”
They unzipp
ed their bags, and Tony tried to figure a way to put them together. Lilly sat watching him. “My blood is not thick enough for this. The coolest it got in Thailand was maybe seventy.”
“Hang on, pal. I’ve got it. We’ll put the blankets around the bags the long way.
Once inside the sleeping bag cocoon he asked, “You are freezing. Why did you go to Thailand?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t want to stay in Jamestown after graduation. There was no place to go. I was going out with a nice guy … ,” Lilly said hedging, “He was more serious than I was. He would have kept coming around, and he was so convenient and buddyish, I would have kept stringing him along. Even though I told him I didn’t love him, he didn’t hear me.”
“Why Thailand?”
“That’s more difficult. There was an article in Newsweek or Time about the refugees. I really needed to be needed.”
“There’s more to it than that.”
“Probably. Well … yes.” Lilly hesitated. “You know all my brothers and sisters who died?”
“Yes?”
“I always felt people thought I should have died, not Edward.”
“Why? Why Edward?”
“We came in pairs. Deidre and Bridget are the help-out older sisters. Patrick and Daniel, the princes. Ann and Colleen, the golden sisters. Then Edward and me, the good and the bad.”
“Your family was so strange. I could never understand it. They were larger than life, everything about them, the tragedies, the triumphs. Remember five O’Dwyers at one prom?”
“We were a tribe. I can’t think of a harder job than trying to hold it all together.”
“Your mother?”
“Yes.”
“Your mother?” he repeated, disbelieving.
“What would you do with a willful, disobedient sixteen-year-old you knew was involved with sex, drugs, and rock and roll, flunking out of school and surly and sulking?”
“Put it that way, I would have banished you to Siberia too.”
“When she did, something snapped. I stopped being shattered and got mad. I really hated her. It’s like she raped me, too.”
“Have you forgiven her?”
“No, but I know forgiveness is the ultimate revenge.”
“I like that. It reminds me of a quote. ‘Sweet is revenge, especially for women.’ It’s from Don Juan.”
A Yonkers Kinda Girl Page 34