Lilly gained control and pointed up. “A constellation?’
“I felt while the babies were young, it might be restful to sleep under the stars. This is the sky for midnight of January 15 through February 10.” They both laughed.
Carolyn added, “They called and said I won’t be fully processed for another two weeks.” She shrugged in an uncharacteristic gesture of uncertainty.
Lilly supplied, “Hence …”
******************************
27. October 1978
The rain slid down the window of the bus like a little river with ever changing tributaries. Tony alternately dozed and gazed out into the bleakness of the night. His mood didn’t match the oppressiveness of his current circumstance, wedged between a young woman in desperate need of a shower and the window, which had developed a drip along the seal.
Tony was exuberant. The final weeks on the trail had been far more difficult than he had imagined. Autumn had ushered in bitter weather in Maine, cold enough to match December in New York.
The Mahoosuc Range presented a frozen, slippery, almost insurmountable climb. It was then that the loneliness began to close in on him. Many nights, huddled inside log lean-tos, he toyed with the idea of going home. He was hungry to slide his ideas for a company out of neutral and get the works in gear.
He missed his family more than he had anticipated. The whole reunion with Lilly, and the shock of upcoming fatherhood still had a tinge of unreality to it.
He couldn’t help but think the trail was repelling him. The climb up Mount Katahdin was an angry raging battle against freezing rain. For the first time in his life, his physical capabilities were being challenged in more than a basketball game. He felt his very survival was seriously threatened.
He took three pictures of the sign stating it was the northern terminus of the trail and then started down the mountain at a gingerly pace. Each step reconfirmed the accomplishment, so he began to go faster. He fell frequently, but he only got up to run again. He ignored the bruises, deciding he was infallible.
Remembering his flight down the mountain, he unconsciously rubbed his leg and winced slightly at his definitely fallible body.
Tony arrived at Port Authority a few minutes past nine on a Sunday morning. The sun was dazzling. The city was almost silly in its enormous presence. He rapidly walked the thirty blocks to his home.
Tony imagined catching his wife lingering in bed and pictured himself joining her. He planned the course of the day, a little sex, a long shower, shaving his beard, a visit to Yonkers, back for a nap, more serious sex. He found the apartment empty. He wandered from room to room, rediscovering his home. He noticed the pillows lined up, body style on his side of the bed. His smile grew to a little laugh as he saw the top pillow clothed in a Brighton tee shirt.
He stood in shock studying the tropical rain forest and the almost completed constellations. Powerful, separately, together they were horrid. Tony made a mental note to get Lilly a piano, assuming she was the artist.
He showered and shaved, threw out his trail clothes, and chose old favorites. He waited for Lilly until noon and then decided to call his parents lest he be disappointed twice.
Frank answered the phone, and he was reassured of his welcome by the din that erupted in the background when Frank called, “It’s Tony. He’s home.”
Frank told Tony, “Come on up. Everyone’s here. The whole family.”
Tony reacted instinctively, assuming Lilly was part of the whole family. He immediately left for Yonkers. Sitting on the train, Tony wondered why Lilly hadn’t grabbed the phone and insisted on driving to get him rather than making him wait for the infrequent weekend trains on the commuter run. He began to suspect she was not there.
His suspicion that Lilly was not one of “the whole family” was confirmed when the door opened and he was swallowed in an embrace.
“Lil?” Tony managed to say to his father.
“Eh?” Tito answered, as though the name was unfamiliar to him.
“Lilly? Is she here?”
“No,” Frank said, dropping his face guiltily.
“She wasn’t home.” He asked, “Frank, when did you see her last?”
“A few weeks ago, maybe. When she picked up the box to send to you.”
“Jesus, Frank. I thought you were going to look out for her for me.”
Tito answered, “You don’t marry a woman that needs to be watched.”
“Pop, don’t start that crap again.”
“Tony, I saw her yesterday,” Nick interceded. “She’s fine. I’ve seen her every few days. Have you seen the sergeant major’s artwork?”
“The sergeant major?” Tony asked.
“Her nurse friend, Carolyn. She’s going back to Cambodia.”
“Oh, the one from the Virgin Islands?” Tony was puzzled.
“She’s staying with Lilly while she waits for her papers, real Army type. She annoys the hell out of Issy and Carly. She lectures Lilly every time she has a sip of coffee or doesn’t eat right. I couldn’t stand it, but Lilly drinks it up.”
“The mother she never had,” Tony said, nodding.
“She’s leaving tomorrow. Good timing. You’ll be on trial with her. She hasn’t said anything to me, but I think her attitude is you should have come home from summer camp and taken care of your family.”
“True.” Tony walked to the kitchen wall phone.
Carolyn answered and explained that Lilly was at Eileen’s baby-sitting while Eileen was in labor. “I saw your equipment when I got back and called Lilly. She thought you would be at your parents. I think she was going to get someone else to mind her friend’s children and go directly there.”
“Thanks, Carolyn. Do you have EO’s number?”
He had barely hung up when Lilly was at the door and then in his arms. “Lillibelle, whoa. You are pregnant,” Tony whispered touching her belly with his fingertips. “How are they?”
“Fine. Wonderful. Growing. You? How are you? You look great. Your mountain man beard,” Lilly said hugging him again.
Tony pulled back a little, putting his whole hand on her belly. “That’s them isn’t it? Moving?”
“One of them. They are in a gentle mood today. They’re dancers, but sometimes they battle like Mohammed Ali and Larry Spinx.”
“Boys?”
“No, they’re girls.”
“Did the doctor say so? From the ultrasound?”
“No, but they are.” Lilly smiled challenging him, but then noticed his parents and stopped talking.
“Lilly, you’re having twins? She didn’t tell us,” Isabel said to Tony.
Tony looked from his parents to his wife. No explanation was forthcoming.
Tony said in exasperation, “I don’t know what passed between you, but bury the hatchet. These babies will need grandparents, and Bridget is not getting within a mile of them.”
Tony walked purposefully to his mother putting his arm around her. “Ma, you got some shells and gravy?”
He led her into the kitchen, leaving Lilly and Tito facing each other in the small passageway.
Tito said gruffly, “Didn’t know there were two.”
Lilly nodded. “I came to tell you the day I brought the anise drops.”
Tito stared down while Lilly went past to follow Tony to the kitchen. Tony soon got his fill of shells and his family and was ready for a more private reunion with his wife. He began to slowly wrench himself from his family.
Playfulness flowed between Tony and Lilly. Without a spoken challenge upon leaving the apartment, Lilly ran for the elevator. Tony raced down the stairs. He was leaning casually against the wall as though bored with waiting when Lilly emerged from the elevator.
Lilly pursed her lips and whined, “Pregnancy has slowed me down.”
Tony laughed, “We haven’t done that since high school.” He spotted his car.
“Give me the keys.” Tony took the Vette’s keys and fondled them.
Lilly watched
him commune with the engine while it idled. “Now, don’t have an orgasm, Tony. It’s just a car.”
“Don’t talk dirty in front of my baby.” He addressed the car. “Don’t listen to her. She is jealous because her trunk’s too full.”
Lilly knew she was in for a cook’s tour of New York as Tony pulled out into traffic. He spoke nonstop of the trail, letting down the bravado he maintained in front of his family. It was his first opportunity to purge himself of the fear and loneliness he had battled.
Lilly sat in mute amazement. She suppressed a smile, fearing it would be taken as criticism. Tony always appeared so unflappable to her. He spoke of the unearthly loneliness in such a way that she realized it was the same emotion she had experienced in Thailand. The memory caused her face to relax into a bittersweet smile.
“You know what I’m trying to say, don’t you?” Tony asked after assessing her expression.
“I felt it in a crowd in the refugee camp. I had no common bond. Everyone else belonged there. The nuns, the groups of traveling doctors. The supplies were listed for displaced persons. I always felt there was a certain irony. There were so many thousands of them. I was the displaced person.”
“That’s it. Sometimes I would run with my pack on and all. Sometimes it built to a crescendo. I always felt like an invader. I had a feeling the woods were keeping up a front for me, as though …somehow the land would disguise itself as I approached and revert back to its secret true self once the invader had passed through.”
They returned to the apartment at dusk. They stood on the sidewalk for a few minutes, drinking in the eerie lighting of the autumn twilight. They entered the apartment arm in arm, walking through the rooms.
Tony caught Lilly’s eye as they climbed the stairs. He tickled the palm of her hand with one finger. Lilly unbuttoned the middle two buttons of his shirt and slid her hand inside.
They progressed to the bedroom. Tony leaned down and kissed her, drawing her inside the room. Lilly started to undress. Tony looked up, directly into Carolyn’s face across the hall. Carolyn waved her paint-brush a little and then overcame her embarrassment and walked out to the hall.
“Hello. I’m Carolyn Stoner.”
Tony recovered himself quickly. “Yes. Hello, Carolyn. Lil has told me about you.” He couldn’t suppress a smile as he heard Lilly scrambling to replace her clothes.
“How about some coffee, Carolyn?” Tony offered.
“Only if you are offering to make it. I have to keep working or I won’t be finished by departure time tomorrow,” Carolyn replied.
Tony crossed the hall. “Your murals are impressive.
The next few days spun by, filled with activity. Carolyn’s departure was a sorrow for Lilly and a relief for Tony. He refrained from mentioning the murals, but was grateful when Lilly brought up the subject. They decided the night sky would be restful but the jungle had to go. Tony spent three days applying coats of cream-colored paint to the wall to cover the jungle scene.
He couldn’t reach Vincent by phone. Tony assumed his line was out of order. After trying repeatedly, he decided it would be better to go to California and convince Vincent to move to New York. He arranged to sell the Corvette for top dollar to his old boss’s boss so he drove the car to California, planning to fly back.
The apartment felt empty after Tony left for California, like a street after a parade. Lilly longed to play a real piano again to fill the void, but she made do with her keyboards and harmonica. She was accompanying jazz on the radio when the doorbell rang. She continued to play harmonica as she approached the door. She threw it open to find Jay and Hillary Sullivan.
Jay said, “I knew that was you.”
Lilly said excitedly, “Come in …come in. Hillary, Jay, you look great.”
Jay answered, “You look pregnant.”
“Twins,” Lilly said.
Hillary hung back, scrutinizing Lilly.
Lilly said, “The last time I saw you, you were pregnant with your first. I thought about you all the time. You were due in September. I remember touring the hospital where I trained and thinking of you as we passed by maternity.”
“That’s nice,” Hillary said coolly.
“Hillary, I wrote you, but the letters came back. I used your parents’ address in Amagansett and your apartment on Palmer Avenue. Then I wrote to your parents’ house on Simmond Lane. They all came back. You were in Saudi Arabia, and I didn’t know how to get in touch with you. Those were horrible days.”
Hillary said hesitantly, “Is Tony here?”
“He’s in California. He’s starting his own business. He won’t be back until Tuesday.”
“The young magnate,” Jay said.
“Tony told me you live in Texas.”
“Not for long. We’re moving back to New York,” Hillary volunteered.
Jay snickered. “Hillary is too polite to ask, but I’m not. Is that Tony’s?”
Lilly nodded, “Yes, but I’m holding on to them for a while. We’re married. I’ll make coffee. Boy, do I have a story to tell.”
The tension between Hillary and Lilly diminished halfway through the story.
Hillary said, “Cambodia? Maybe you should have tried Mars. They both seem equally unreal.”
Issy arrived to go shopping while Jay and Hillary were still there.
Hillary rose to leave, “We have to go apartment hunting.”
Lilly stood tentatively. Hillary moved to her, and the two friends hugged.
Hillary said, “Four years is a long time.”
Lilly replied, “I hope not too long.”
“We’ll be back in New York next week,” Jay said.
“Come to dinner …Saturday?”
Hillary said, “We’ll have the children. You’ll like my kids. My baby just turned two. He’s a hell-raiser.” She surveyed the living room. “He’ll demolish this place in twenty minutes.”
Jay added, “Laugh now. You think she’s kidding. Andy, our eldest will sit and color and play Legos while John will tear the place apart.”
Hillary said, “They are into dinosaurs right now. Andy is a brontosaurus, and John is a raptor.”
Jay said, “And my beautiful wife has them convinced I’m a troglodyte.”
Lilly burst out laughing. “Hillary, I’ve missed you so much! I’ll be prepared. Call me when you get in.”
Once they had left, Lilly turned to Issy, noticing the excitement on her face. “Spill it Signore.”
“I’m getting married. Nick proposed last night. I’ll meet Lydia tonight and my future grandchildren. Isn’t that strange? Grandchildren and I’m only twenty-five. I hope Nick will let me have a baby.”
“Wait. You haven’t spoken with him about that?” Lilly asked.
“Well, our engagement isn’t official.”
“Official! Is that what happens when you marry a cop?” Lilly teased.
Issy ignored her. “We’re going to Jamestown this weekend. My mother is beside herself. Nick is only five years younger than my father. She asked how I met him. I said you, and it sounded like she swooned.”
“She’s thinking of Gary. I never encouraged that,” Lilly said. “Why am I always the bad guy? What does Carly say?”
“Carly likes Nick. She thinks I’ll stay out of trouble with him, but she’s afraid of burnout and stress with cops.”
Lilly reassured her, “Nick has been a cop forever. He learned how not to take it home with him.”
Tony seemed to be sagging as he lumbered through the restricted area for exiting passengers. Lilly followed him with her eyes, trying to read the expression on his face. Tony sighted her and nodded. He approached her unsmiling and put his arm around her shoulders. They walked through the terminal and out to their new old car, a ten-year-oldChevy that one of Tony’s mechanic friends had found for them.
He gave her the bad news while driving back to Manhattan. “Lil, Vincent has lost it. He’s into cocaine, really into it. He forgot an order he had made and reordered it. H
e was laughing about it. That’s an eighteen-thousand dollar mistake. I can’t go into business with him. He has all the technical expertise, I don’t want him around.”
“Tony, you’ve been programming for years. Don’t you think you could do it?”
“I know computers some, but not like that. Business was my end.”
“You must know someone else, or your friend the head hunter might.”
“I have to work up a resume. But there is one possibility I came up with on the plane,” Tony said, still disheartened.
“Who? Someone you knew from grad school? Why do you sound so skeptical?”
“I don’t think you’ll like it.”
Some gorgeous woman? I’ll turn green and die.”
“Not exactly.”
“Then who?”
“Dennis Kelly.”
*********************
28. January 1982
Lilly woke first. She listened for the children. The nightlight in the hall illuminated Tony’s face. He looked drawn. Tito’s final illness was taking a toll on him.
Owen half snorted a cry. Lilly slipped out of bed quietly to retrieve him for his morning nursing.
Tony opened his eyes and sleepily watched them and then touched the back of Owen’s head. All his life, he had ignored his own curly black hair, but now Owen’s identical head of hair was a marvel to him. They lay quietly in their nest while Owen fed. The baby turned his head and fell back to sleep.
Tony said softly, “He’s ten months. He’ll be weaning soon.”
Lilly said, “He already doesn’t do the naptime nurse. He’s down to twice a day. I know it’s silly, but I wish I could still nurse them all.”
“Earth Mother,” Tony murmured.
“I’ll leave after breakfast. Did you sleep enough to be Daddy to the birthday princesses?” Lilly asked.
“What time should we show up?”
“How about three? I’ll get Nick and Issy to bring food. Ma will want to cook, but if she doesn’t get some sleep …”
“I know. I hope he doesn’t die on their birthday.”
Lilly lifted his hand and kissed his fingertips. Both closed their eyes.
A Yonkers Kinda Girl Page 47