The streets of Paris were alive with people and music coming from the cafés and bars despite the fact that it must have been early hours in the morning. The smell of roasted chestnuts enveloping and overwhelming me as I walked through the streets so, naturally, I had to stop to buy some, which I ate slowly as I continued my tour of the city.
Along one highroad I took in the beautiful shop displays until I found myself stopping in a boutique where I bought three new outfits, one of which I wore straight away. And then, for the rest of the day, I simply walked around absorbing the beauty, imagining what it would be like to visit such a beautiful place with a friend and wishing I had waited for Charles and asked him to come too. I'd never really thought of asking him to take me anywhere as he seemed to enjoy being at home, but I was sure he would have enjoyed this trip as much as I did. I laughed as I imagined Charles carrying Veronica on his back so we could all spend the evening here and she could show us around all the places that she spoke about in her story.
The river Seine wasn't hard to find and was hard not to love as the lights of the city illuminated off of it. In the distance I could see the Eiffel tower, somewhere I was sure would be an amazing place to watch the sunset, but it had been a long night for me and I soon began to feel tired so while sitting on the river bank, watching the boats, I fell asleep.
I awoke abruptly some time later to the sound of a boats horn, and realised that I had long missed the sunset and night-time was in full flow. Brushing myself down I got up to make my way home, but remembered there was something I wanted to do before I left. I'd picked up a map during the day so I took it out and looked for the name of the street Veronica had told me about where she'd bought the macaroons. A rush of excitement filled me when I found the small, quaint shop with a signage above it that read 'Pierre's Patisserie'. I could already see Veronica's face when I gave her the macaroons. It must not have changed much since she had been there because it still looked similar to how she had described it. I went into the shop and bought an assorted gift box of macaroons, hoping it was the same one that Veronica had had the night Robert proposed, then after securing it in my bag I made my way home.
The kitchen window and back door were open indicating someone was possibly working on lunch. I peeped as discreetly as possible around the corner of the door.
“Where have you been?" He said, noticing me immediately. "We were worried about you.” His hands caught hold of me and pulled me into a firm embrace.
“I'm sorry, I just went out. I didn't think anyone would mind.” I said.
“We don't.” He replied almost defensively. ”We'd just like you to tell us, so we know not to worry.”
“Sorry.” I said, feeling a small tinge of guilt as I thought of myself being out having fun while Charles was at home obviously worrying. He smiled, momentarily satisfied with the result until a new problem settled on his brow.
“Do you have new clothes?” He asked pulling back to take in my new look.
“Yeh. I got them last night, in Paris.” I answered.
“Paris?” he repeated, “Is that where you went?"
“Yeh. Your Mom told me the sweetest story, so I had to check it out.”
“Oh!” his mind lost in thought as he made his way back to sit at the table.
“Paris is such an amazing city. I had to buy myself a few pieces of clothes, and I bought a little present for your Mom.” I said taking the rucksack and following behind him. I pulled the box of macaroons out and sat them on the table. ”Where is she?”
“She's upstairs.” He said, his 'worried dad' face now replaced by his 'concerned counsellor' face. “Claudia,” He said, sounding unsure whether to continue or not. ”Where did you get the money to buy all this?”
Oh! I thought, biting down on my lip, I remembered telling him a few days ago that I didn't have any money and now I had come in with a bag full of shopping. “I, err, picked it up somewhere.” I said unable to keep eye contact with him as I spoke.
“By picked it up, do you mean you stole it?” He asked.
I nodded and folded my arms in front of me, after all how else would I have been getting money all this time. He gave Rachael a quick apologetic look, she just raised her eyebrows slightly and then looked down at the newspaper that was in front of her.
“I don't have any money Charles, and I don't have a job.” I continued.
“But you can't just steal.”
“So what am I supposed to do?“
Sighing deeply Charles thought for a few seconds. “You're right.” He said, “I should have given you some money.”
“I'm not going to take your money.” I said offended by his suggestion.
“Most parents give their kids a weekly allowance. I just didn't think of it, I'm sorry.” He did look genuinely sorry as he spoke, only making me feel worse.
“No Charles, really. I didn't come looking for you for your money.”
“No one thinks that. Besides, you deserve an allowance. You help out a lot.”
"I like helping." I argued defensively.
"So let me reward you for your help!" He said, this time his voice raised slightly. I felt the frustration as he tried to release it with a loud sigh, rubbing his head for a moment before continuing.
“It's really important you don't steal any more Claudia. People work hard for what they have, you can't just take it from them.” He said softly, “You do understand that don't you?”
Of course I understood. J would often give me a lecture about how wrong it was to steal, and for a long time I hadn't, to keep J happy at least. I looked back down at the same tile that had taken my attention before, this time truly feeling guilt and remorse. I knew it was wrong to steal, but seeing Charles in the state he was over it hurt more than any other rational reason.
“Okay, fine. I get it. I won't take anything that's not mine. I'm sorry, it's just ... "
"You don't have to explain." He interrupted.
I nodded submissively.
So what now? I thought, remembering the present and other things I had bought with the stolen money.
“Charles," I said, forming a small pout on my lips. "Can I at least keep what I already have?”
Charles sighed again and a faint smile came to his lips, I knew he wasn't happy with what I had done, but something was amusing him. “How much do you have?”
I took the box of macaroons from my rucksack and then emptied the rest of the contents onto the table. Along with some personal items I had taken from the facility; out of the bag fell the clothes I had bought, a few small bundles of cash notes, some odd pieces of jewellery and a load of coins.
“Well, you have been busy?” Rachael scoffed.
Charles gave her a reprimanding look to which she merely shrugged her shoulders then asked, “What's with all the jewellery?”
“You sell it, right?” I answered.
“How about you keep the clothes and we hand the rest over to the police, anonymously of course.” Charles suggested.
“Fine.” I puffed and began folding the clothes back into the bag.
“Where did you get this?” Charles asked, picking up a silver bracelet I had packed before leaving the facility. He stroked his thumb along the emerald stone in the centre of the oblong piece, the surrounding small diamanté pieces glittering with the movement. It was pretty but nothing special, I had had it for as long as I could remember.
“The orphanage. They said it belonged to my mother, I don't know if it's true.” I replied.
Charles remained quiet for a short time and then said, “It did. I gave it to her.” He stared quietly at the bracelet softly caressing it with his thumb, his eyes distant and moist. “You should wear it.” he said, clearing his throat as he fastened it around my wrist. After inspecting how it looked for a few seconds he walked over to the sink and started washing the few items that were in it.
So it really was hers, I thought, the green gem sparkling gratefully for finally being recognised. All this time
I had had it I had never really believed it had belonged to my mother, suspecting it was simply a trinket the orphanage had bestowed on me out of pity. I had almost sold it at one point, it’s only saving grace being the memories it brought me.
My memories of the games we played in the orphanage were interrupted by the sound of Veronica's footsteps on the stairs. I quickly grabbed a plastic bag from the counter next to me and swiped all the money and jewellery from table into the bag. “Please don't say anything to Mrs Williams.” I asked.
I had already disappointed Charles I didn't want to disappoint Veronica also.
“I won't.” Charles said, drying his hands and then folding the dish cloth. I gave the plastic bag to Charles and quickly stuffed the remaining items into my rucksack.
“Good Afternoon everyone.” Veronica said cheerily, walking into the kitchen. “What are you all up to?”
“I got a present for you.” I said walking over to her and handing her the box. Veronica looked at the box and smiled as if recognising it, then she opened it to check its contents. “Where did you get these?” she asked.
“There's only one place you can get a real macaroon.” I answered in the best French accent I could manage.
“You went to France?” She asked.
I nodded “Paris. I found Pierre's Patisserie.”
“It's still there?”
I nodded again.
Veronica eyes filled with tears. ”Claudia, you really shouldn't have.”
“You don't like it?” I asked, unsure of the meaning of her expression.
“No, I just mean you shouldn't have troubled yourself for me.”
“There wasn't any trouble. I actually had a nice time, I wish you could have been there.”
“Thank you so much Claudia, you really are a sweet girl.” She said hugging me tightly. Internally I exhaled, and closed my eyes allowing the comfort I had felt at Mrs Maple's house to fill me.
“You're welcome." I said finally, if only she knew that I had much more to be grateful for than she realised. "Why don't you go and sit down and I'll make you a cup of tea.”
“You're going to spoil your Gran in her old age.” Veronica laughed as she walked over to sit down at the table, I chuckled at the sound of the word Gran. I finally had a grandmother. Charles, who was leaning against one of the kitchen cabinets, smiled at me. “Thanks, for making Mom so happy.” He whispered as I got a cup out of the cabinet. I smiled back and went to make the tea.
“So, what did you do all night?” Veronica asked, after I gave her the tea.
“Well, it was actually early morning when I got there.” I started and then I told her, Charles, who had by now come to sit down, and Rachael all about the day I spent there.
“Wow, shopping in Paris? That must have been expensive!” Veronica said when I finished the story.
Nervously I looked around the table thinking of an answer.
“Yeh,” Rachael laughed, “Charles has already given her a roasting for using up all the allowance she'd been saving, but girls will be girls I guess.” I looked up at Rachael, this was the second time she had covered for me. “Actually,” she continued, “I was just saying that we should probably take her shopping for some new clothes and other things, she didn't bring much with her. Then she could save her allowance for something else. What do you think?” she said looking back at me. “Okay,” I said wondering what the catch was, but as much as I searched Rachael's face for some sign of insincerity, none was apparent. Perhaps Rachael isn't so bad, I thought, for the first time considering some form of friendship with her.
Slowly I glanced over the three people who sat around the table with me. Everything, right at that moment, was perfect and that's when the shudder of fear ran through me. From my past experience of life it always worked out that just when I found someone, they were taken away from me.
Closing my eyes briefly I made a silent prayer that it wouldn't happen again. Not only had I found my father, but I also had a grandmother and a step mother too, I can't lose them. I told myself making a firm resolution to do my best to keep them happy, but the more I resolved the more possible scenarios played out in my mind where I wouldn't be able to.
“I might go and lie down for a little, I didn't get much sleep.” I eventually said, no longer able to fight the overwhelming feeling of defeat.
I sat on my bed, looking around the room unable to believe how attached I had come to this place so quickly. Only having felt it for a short time at Mrs Maple's house, I had forgotten what it felt like to have a family but I had never forgotten how it felt to lose one and that was something I never wanted to feel again. I'd already lost enough people in my life. But the reality was Charles and his family still hadn't known me for that long, and whereas I had looked for him, he hadn’t even known I'd existed until a short while ago.
Maybe I should quit while I'm ahead, I thought. I had found him at least. And although they had taken the whole Paris shopping spree quite well, I was so sure I could do a lot worse.
I lay back on my bed and closed my eyes, for the first time considering it may be easier for me to leave while still in the family's favour than to ruin it altogether.
I didn't go back downstairs for the rest of the day. I wandered around for a while, pretending to tidy up or reorganise things. And then lay on the bed for a while hoping the family might go out until I eventually fell asleep.
While I slept I saw myself in a dream wearing the metal plated suit of armour that I had worn in a previous dream, and I was sat on the same horse I rode with the rider but in this dream the rider wasn't with me. I rode down a long country road until I came to a city similar to Westpoint. Riding through the city I finally came to Charles' house where I made my way to the back of the house and found there was a large field in place of the garden. Charles, Veronica and Rachael all sat in the middle of the field, around the table eating, on the floor next to Charles lay the armour that the rider had worn in my last dream.
”Charles.” I called as I rode up to the table and reached out my hand for him. Everyone at the table turned to look at me but no one offered any greeting.
“What have you done?” Charles asked as I came closer to them and stood up, placing himself in between me and the table where Rachael and Veronica still sat. I felt the wet stickiness before I noticed my hands were covered in blood.
“You need to leave.” Charles said, creating a wall of fire between me and him, “You’re not welcome here anymore.” The wall of fire grew filling the distance between me and Charles quickly. I patted the horse, trying to coax him to where I wanted him to go but instead he neighed and kicked until I couldn't hold on any longer and fell. And then everything was gone. The field, the house and my family and I was back at the facility, the buildings still burning as they were when I left it.
"What's happening?" I screamed running alongside the burning buildings until I reached the entrance of the grounds only to find the gate closed. The porcelain doll Dr J had given me the last time I saw him strapped to the gate. I reached out to grab it only to see it ignite into flames. “No,” I shouted blowing on the doll to make the flames go down, but the more I blew the stronger the flames grew until the doll became nothing but a hollow piece of burnt out porcelain. “No,” I whispered turning to run only to find I was once again in a different environment. I was back at the café standing in front of the newspaper where I had first read of Dr J's death and once again that heated fury ran through me, tears of fire falling from my eyes once again.
My eyes shot open, the orange accents on the wall seeming to spin around the room. "J" I said rubbing my eyes roughly.
I had promised I would avenge him. I thought, a small sob echoing in my throat.
"I will."
CHAPTER 7
It was early evening when I eventually showered and redressed, I still didn't feel I could handle sitting with the family so I left quietly and went into the barn at the back. Settling in was a lot harder than I thought it would
be, but for different reasons. It wasn't the fear of living a normal, mundane life, nor was it the fear of trying to appear 'normal' around new acquaintances. Instead, I was finding it a lot harder to cope with the constant wave of different emotions I was experiencing on a regular basis. I was certain of my feelings. I loved Charles, most definitely and I was very fond of Veronica, even Rachael didn't seem too bad. But it was never knowing for sure how they felt that flamed a fear that, for no reason whatsoever, that constantly weaved through my chest growing each day despite the constant assurance. It was the fear of being rejected and asked to leave. I hated fear, it was weak and I couldn't appear weak. Maybe it was better for me to take the initiative and just leave on my own terms, I told myself. I walked around the barn clearing up bits of debris from the last time I worked in there with Charles and then stood back to look at the work we'd done, a small sense of pride rippling through me. It would be a shame if I wasn't here to finish it, I thought, remembering the mock argument I'd had with Charles about whose den it would be.
“Here you are!” Charles' voice came from the barn's door, “Is everything okay?” His eyes were puffy, as if he had been waiting up for something.
How long have I been in here for? I thought, as he rubbed his hands over his eyes before approaching. “Are you okay, Claudia?” He asked again.
I didn't speak, but just shook my head. “What's wrong?” He asked. The words swelled up in my throat, I didn't know where to begin. “Are you upset about this morning?” he asked.
“No, it's not that.” I answered, finally finding my voice. Charles nodded but remained silent, obviously waiting for an explanation. “It’s ... “ I started, “I don't know if I should stay here much longer.”
“I don't understand." He said, his forehead wrinkled between his ruffled eyebrows. "You were fine this morning, happy even. I thought you were starting to settle in. Did something happen?”
“No. Not exactly.” I replied.
“Then what?” My heart sighed as the tiredness in Charles’ eyes turned to sadness.
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