by Gabrielle G.
“Kind of?”
“It’s grey, but the cut is the same,” she blurts out, blushing.
“Yours is darker,” I say stupidly, not believing the first time we talk to each other after all this time is about hair.
“Yeah, I hide the grey.” She shrugs, and before I know it, she lets my hands go. It’s too soon, I still need her touch, so I trap her index finger in mine and rub it with my thumb.
“You want to tell me what that was all about?” I say, nodding my head in the direction of the church. She bites her lip and my dick twitches. She seems so unsure if she wants to share, she looks so lost. It takes all I have not to wrap her in my arms and carry her home. I need to protect her, I need to soothe her, I need to cherish her.
“I have anxiety attacks.” Her eyes fall at the ground. I wait for her to elaborate. Alane always needed time to put her thoughts into words. “One day, out of the blue, I had one. I still don’t know what triggered it. Now I live with it.” She blinks as her eyes adjust to my scrutinizing gaze.
As a dad and a chef, I’ve heard more than enough excuses and drama in a lifetime. There wasn’t one ounce of bullshit in her eyes, only pure pain. Alane is hurting, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I hadn’t known about it, and it hurts me in return.
Over the years, I’ve tried not to miss Alane and what we had. I’ve tried my best to be mentally faithful to my wife when I know she wasn’t physically. I’ve tried to let Alane go, and I truly believed I had, until I heard she was in town. I knew then that I had lied to myself. I knew she always had been somewhere in my mind. I knew I had missed her more than a dying man misses oxygen, and the first thing I did when having the chance to breathe the same air as her again, is not recognize her.
“I’m sorry,” I say tearing up. Her eyes locked on mine like a magnet.
“For what?” I’m not sure we have time for me to do penance for all I need to earn her forgiveness.
“For loving you,” I whisper as the church doors open, and Lawson appears, followed by Alane’s mother. I quickly let her hand go, chancing a last glance before we’re surrounded by very nosy onlookers.
The residents of Springs Falls don’t really get into each other’s business like other small villages, unlike my family. Mrs. Smith sure doesn’t like me but would surely make it her business if she sees me hugging her daughter.
Every time I’ve crossed paths with her before, she would scoff and mumble things under her breath that I didn’t necessarily need to hear to know they weren’t agreeable.
“Aaron Gritt, what a pleasant surprise,” Alane’s mother says sarcastically, with a pained expression on her face.
“Mrs. Smith.”
“And is this your other son?” she asks presenting her hand to Law.
“Yes, this is my son Lawson. My daughter, Hailey, is away at a basketball tournament this weekend,” I say with emphasis on the word daughter to correct her without insulting her. She ignores my comment while narrowing her eyes.
“Alane, don’t take long. The Harbors invited us for lunch, and you know Chris is in town, and they would really like you to reconnect with him.” I raise an eyebrow in Alane’s direction.
“Chris?” I ask once her mother is out of range.
“They always thought he would be better suited for me than you were.” I see Lawson giggle in the corner of my eye. Chris is his godfather, and he heard enough stories from my brothers and me to know Chris is certainly not better suited than I am. I love my friend, but he’s an ass. Not as bad as his sister Patricia, but still an ass. What is more surprising though is that he didn’t tell me he was in town.
“When did he arrive?” I ask her, trying to connect the dots.
“I don’t know, my mother said he was busy last night and was only here for the weekend. I’m not sure if he really wanted to have lunch with us, but the Harbors insisted. From what Patricia told me, he has a girlfriend.” My eyebrows jump to my hairline.
“Chris? A girlfriend?” I laugh at my words. “Doubtful,” I add. “A piece of ass on the side, yes. A girlfriend, no…”
“Dad!” Lawson says horrified. “Can we please not speak about Uncle Chris’ sex life?”
“Sorry,” I say, raising my hands up in defense. Lawson comes closer, suspiciously eyeing Alane and me. I’m not sure what my son is up to, but the smirk on his face doesn’t insinuate anything good.
“Mrs. Smith, did you know Dad is chaperoning the dance next Friday?” Alane turns to me.
“Are you? I didn’t see your name on the list of parents,” she says
“I… well…”
“He is,” Lawson interrupts. “He wasn’t sure if he’d be busy with the restaurant, but he will be there.” My eyes widened, looking at my son. What is he talking about?
“Well, great.” She smiles. “I’ll see you then.” She waves a hand and walks away in her mother’s direction.
“You can thank me later,” Lawson deadpans next to me while my eyes follow the sway of Alane’s hips.
“What?”
“It’s so disappointing when you realize that your father, your hero, the one you looked up to, has no game,” he says dramatically.
“No game?” I feign being hurt by his words. “Hailey is going to kill you. You know that, right?”
“That’s all part of the fun. Now, what are you going to wear? Do you still have your suit from prom? I can’t wait to tell Uncle Luke, Grandma and Grandpa, oh my God, and Uncle Barn!”
“As long as you don’t tell Aunt Sal, we’ll be fine!” I mumble, knowing my sister won’t be happy to hear I’m going to a dance with Al.
“Don’t worry, Aunt Sal doesn’t care, Dad! Haven’t you heard? Uncle Chris is in town,” he says, getting into the car. I follow suit, wondering what my son knows that I don’t.
13
Then - Alane
“I can’t believe your parents allowed you to be my date for the winter formal,” Aaron says entering the Winterland decorated gymnasium. He looks delicious with his navy blue suit and grey tie. It’s the same suit he wears for important hockey games, but I don’t know why he looks better than usual tonight.
“Don’t be too excited! They said yes because my mother is a chaperone, and I have to be home by ten.” I remind him of the deal my parents struck with me.
“I don’t care, Al. I get the chance to dance with you.” Swoon. How that boy can be so adorable when I am not? Just thinking of the elaborate plan I have for tonight, I know I’m not worthy.
“Why were you late then?” I tease. He was only fifteen minutes late, but Aaron is usually Mr. Punctuality. The blush spreading on his cheeks tells me there is a good story there.
“As per usual, Barn pissed on my bed, but then Sal threw a fit when she realized she wasn’t the one coming with me tonight. It seems I promised I’d bring her to a ball to meet her prince. When she heard about the dance, she thought she was coming along. She was all dressed up in one of her princess costumes, and it took me a long time to calm her down. I promised I would bake with her tomorrow. I also promised that Chris and I would take her for ice cream.”
“Chris?”
“She’s pretty fond of him, to her I suck now because I have this girlfriend she’s not a fan of.” He shrugs. “Chris made a joke about you being overrated one day when Luke couldn’t stop speaking about you, and Sal looked at him like he was her new hero. So not a good feeling.” I can feel the pain in his voice. Aaron has been Sal’s everything for a long time. Aaron’s little sister doesn’t approve of him spending so much time with me, and she voices it regularly. Their relationship has been difficult, not as much as Barnabas peeing on his bed difficult, but still ignoring him and having tantrums kind of difficult.
“I’m sorry, but I’m not really sorry. You’re mine, Aar. Your little sister has to understand that,” I joke.
“If only my brothers could understand that too, it would be peachy.” Aaron and I had a little argument the week before when he’d learned I’
d watched porn with Luke. I’d come to the farm to hang out with him but had forgotten he was working.
Luke had the house all to himself, and I’d found him watching gay porn. He’d gotten a tape from Chris, which did not surprise me; Chris has a way of getting a hold of these things. I’d been intrigued by gay sex since I knew Luke liked boys, especially about the mechanics of it. So when I asked Luke if he wanted to hang, and he agreed on the condition that I watched the rest of the movie with him. I sat on his bed and started watching, trying to ignore the bulge I’d seen poking through my boyfriend’s gay brother’s pants.
It wasn’t my first time watching porn. Patricia and I had also found some of Chris’ stash, but two men together was different. The video had given me a good idea of what I wanted tonight to be about, but it furthered my knowledge of what was acceptable and what excites me.
When I saw one man putting his dick inside another, I almost had an orgasm on Luke’s bed.
The whole scene should have frightened me. It was violent, hard, rough, but it got me so wet that my nightly fantasy had involved Aaron doing a lot of the same to me.
Unfortunately, I knew tonight couldn’t be about anal sex and roughness, but I was hoping I could do something else, something men always seemed to like in porn videos. Something Patricia and I had read about extensively in the magazines her brother kept hidden in his closet, not that I went in there. Patricia had brought us a few to study.
After my discussion with Mrs. Gritt, I’d felt somewhat better about my desire and sexuality. Guilt over God and what my parents thought aren’t my main concern anymore, but self-reproach for trying to push Aaron to do something he isn’t comfortable with is my daily self-punishment. I am, at the same time, trying to find a way around it.
If Aaron can’t take my virginity, maybe we could have oral sex or even anal? I could remain a virgin, yet fulfill my wildest fantasy without getting pregnant. I just have to convince my boyfriend.
“You look beautiful, by the way, Sweets.” Planning to do what I want is a constant battle in my mind. First, I needed to look presentable but desirable, so I could drive Aaron crazy. I know how to get him hard just by kissing him, but I need to have him wanting to kiss me more than usual. I need him to crave me and not be able to say no. I need him to want me so much, he can't back out. So, I bought a simple black dress that hugs my hips and caresses my breasts. The outfit had horrified my mother, the cardigan I swore to keep on all night with the perfect pearl necklace I borrowed from her, gave her the security she needed. I insisted that she would be there anyway, as well as Coach Gritt, and a lot of other parents and teachers. I also reminded them there was no way Aaron would do anything. It’s funny how she always thinks Aaron is the one who’s trouble. If only she knew.
“Thank you,” I answer shyly like the perfect girlfriend I am, not the hussy thinking of taking him in my mouth while pleasuring myself with my fingers.
“Do you want something to drink or do you want to dance?” He’s guiding me with his hand at the small of my back, and I would love for his hand to travel south to grab my ass tightly.
“Let’s go dance,” I say when I hear Sinéad O’Connor’s hit song hit the speakers.
Being so close to him while my mother is looking over my shoulder is a mistake. I want him, and it’s hard to hide. Aaron doesn’t smell like his usual wet ice and sweat mix but a mixture of ocean and a fresh breeze. It doesn’t matter.
What I desire is his touch, his kiss, and his smile, not the funny smell of the ice rink. His fingers on my waist are burning me up. Our hips are rubbing against each other, and my head against his chest is spinning. As my breathing becomes heavy from the desire building around me, I can feel his erection growing against my belly. I can feel his heat, and it’s making me hotter. Tilting my head up, I see Aaron’s nostrils flaring.
“Are you okay?” I whisper pecking him on the lips. No heavy petting is allowed at the dance. Squeezing my hips tighter, with his hands, he pushes me into him so I can feel him entirely.
“I need to kiss you,” he says, dragging me by the hand toward the exit so fast I almost lose my balance. That’s not the Aaron I know, but I like this Aaron a whole lot.
Unfortunately, my mother is at the door, blocking our way out.
“Give me a second,” he squeezes my hand in reassurance. Aaron walks towards Chris, who winks at me over his shoulder and then strolls towards the door. Aaron is back in front of me after a few seconds while Chris is distracting my mother. We make our way to the exit when Patricia jumps in front of us.
“Finally, I’ve found you. I didn’t know where you were,” she scolds me before turning to Aaron and greets him while batting her eyelashes. He nods to acknowledge her presence.
“I need to go to the bathroom,” I shout above the music.
“Let me come with you,” she shouts back. I shake my head. I can feel Aaron’s uncertainty and my window for sexual favors closing. I need to get the hell out of here before my mother realizes I’m up to no good.
“No, I don’t feel well,” I tell her, reaching for Aaron’s hand. “Can you tell my mom not to worry? I just want to see if I feel better with less noise and some fresh air, and if I don’t, Aaron will take home.” Patricia narrows her eyes at me, but I use my poker face, the same one I use at home. She nods and lets Aaron and I pass while Chris still distracts my mother.
“Where are we going?” Aaron asks once we are in the corridor.
“You were the one dragging me somewhere, Aar. I thought you had a plan!”
“I just wanted to properly kiss you,” he offers as if we haven’t kissed for years. Pushing him into the girl’s bathroom, I find myself pinned against the wall before I can lock the door. Aaron devours my mouth with a swipe of his tongue, nibbling my lower lip, licking my upper, trapping my body under his, but it’s over before it really begins, and he lets me go.
“Saw something I want to try,” I announce, diving back into the kiss.
“Okay, but you know we can’t…” I kiss him deeper to shut him up. I don’t want him to remind me of the stupid deal he made with my father. I don’t want my father or God between us right now. I don’t want anything between us.
“Don’t worry, I’ll still be a virgin after what I want to do,” I say, placing my hand on the bulge in his pants and pushing my tongue in his mouth.
As we get lost in our kiss, I unbuckle his belt before finding its way to his length. It’s my first time to have my hand on his cock. It’s warm, thick, and smooth. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it’s better than anything I could ever imagine. It sends a surge of desire between my legs, and I bring my other hand to my panties. Sliding the cotton underwear down my thighs, I squeeze him before releasing his lips. I fall to my knees and stroke my clit, coating my fingers with my desire while I bring my mouth to his zipper.
“My hands are busy, pull down your pants for me.”
“I don’t think we should…” Releasing his cock, I tug down his pants and underwear in one move.
“Al, please… I…” I shut him up by opening my mouth and taking in his length. His whimpers satisfy my eagerness to take the next step in our relationship, and I start to work on him, following all the advice I read in the magazine and everything I saw in the videos. The tip of his dick taps the back of my throat at the same rhythm as my fingers enter me. Each moan sends vibrations in both of our bodies, and as my hand works him, I feel him swell around my tongue.
“Fuck, Al, I’m going to come,” he says, putting his hand in my hair and pulling a little. As I saw in the videos, I abandon my clit so my fingers can find his balls, and I hold them tight. His hips thrust, and come fills my mouth, without any warning on his part, spurting several times before I swallow every last drop of him.
Letting my fingers travel along his dick, I rub the tip of him before I get back on my feet to meet his eyes. They are burning with lust and anger. Backing away from me, he shoves his package back in his pants and kisses me
roughly, his hand cupping my pussy over my dress.
“You’re not the only one watching porn, Sweets. Are you sure that’s what you want?” His voice is strained, and I can see he has no more control over the situation than I do.
“Yes! Please, Aar.” I groan while his hand rubs me.
“You’ve tasted me, now it’s my turn.” He pushes my dress up to uncover my core. “Do you want me to do that?” His fingers brush me tentatively. I nod fervently for his hands to caress me, for his mouth to taste me, for his fingers to enter me.
“Please.”
“Fuck, you drive me crazy,” he says, getting on his knees in front of me. “Stop me if there is anything you don’t like, okay?” He starts by kissing my pubic bone gently, breathing in my scent.
“You’re making me lose my mind, Al. We could lose everything; you do realize that?” He nibbles his way down to my throbbing pussy. When the tip of his tongue hesitantly licks me, I feel my whole body shake under his touch. I can barely hold myself up with the intensity of the sensations, so I back away. “Too much?” he whispers.
“Oh no, please more.” I sigh in despair. Putting his fingers between my legs, he opens me to make room for him and licks me some more. Tracing the outline of my opening with his tongue, he pushes inside while I try to muffle my moans.
His long, slow licks move along one side and then the other, getting closer to my clit with each lap. I want to shove his head into me and have him eat me out, but I know I should let him explore some more as he let me do to him a few minutes ago. My clit is aching, and I beg him for more pressure while grinding into his face. When he continues his agonizing pace, I grab his head and move it to where I need it to be.
“You’ve tortured me for almost two years, and now you won’t let me play?” he teases before sucking on my clit. Not being able to stay quiet while I hump his face, I bite my lip when he increases the tempo and slides a finger inside me. Synching his fingers and flat tongue, he keeps alternating between lapping and fingering me, and I slowly lose my mind, a white fog enveloping my brain.