by R. D Rhodes
“Yeah, please.” said Harry.
“Yes, please.” I said.
Gary padded away and I sat down in the partially ripped brown couch. Harry slumped down next to me and sank his back into the leather. He draped his legs across the floor and looked up at the ceiling. “I’m fucked.” he said, as if I couldn’t already tell from his baggy eyes and knackered expression. He unwrapped the scarf from his neck and dropped it on the floor and that grizzly scar glimmered red and purple under the houselights. It was the first time he had looked older than eighteen.
“Me too.” I replied.
“Harry, you the usual mate?” Gary called from behind the wall.
“Yeah, please, man.” Harry shouted to the ceiling.
“What about your mate?”
“Two sugars and milk please.” I said.
Harry pushed his weight into his tennis shoes and sat back up, and we waited, listening to the spoon tinkling away in the kitchen. On top of the desk there was a few framed photos of Gary and three young boys that looked like him. In one of them he had his arms over their shoulders, and they were all smiling brightly in front of a green pond-filled background that looked like Kelvingrove park.
Gary came through and handed me my cup.
“There you go, mate. Whit’s your name again?”
“Aisha. Thanks.”
“No worries.” He handed Harry a cup and sat down in the other chair with his own. His thin arms were almost hairless, appearing extra-long because of the undersized white sleeves.
“Some view you’ve got here.” I regarded.
“Aye, it’s no bad mate. No much good for the kids though, especially when the lifts broke.”
I nodded absentmindedly. The city looked just like any other in the night; silhouettes amongst darkness, and little ant lights swarming along trails in the same directions.
“Gary looks after his wee brothers.” Harry clarified.
“Orite, cool.” I nodded.
“So, Harry, how you been, man?” Gary said enthusiastically, smiling those wonky teeth again. His long thin hair hung loosely over his receding brown hairline.
“Aye, not bad mate. What about yourself?”
“Same as always man. Ah’m doin fine.”
I inspected a yellow stain on the couch as the two conversed either side of me. I took another drink and focused back out the window.
“What about the kids? Howz wee Davy doin?” Harry asked; a stronger, slightly harsher accent slowly taking over his speech.
“Och, they’re all brilliant. Davy’z doin’ away fine. Paul’s really into his football the now.”
“Orite. Very good.”
“You still in the trade?” Harry inquired.
Gary grinned. “Aye, got three surround-sound tellies in the other room to get rid of.” He nodded towards the wall and Harry burst into a sudden laugh that filled the room. Loud and happy and childish, I hadn’t heard him laugh like that since at the table that first day on the ward. A semblance of joy brightened his black eyes and his shoulders lifted, “Where did you get them from?”
“Uh…Tesco that was mate. Me and ma pal went in and just lifted them off the shelves and walked oot the shop wi them. Ma mate was pissin himsel cause ah was carryin two at the same time, one in each arm.” Gary held out his arms in demonstration and Harry laughed again. I did too. I could just imagine it, and it was always good to get one up on Tesco.
“The kids back tonight?”
“Naw man, they’re stayin wi their aunt. She looks aifter them on Fridays.” Gary made a strange face and smirked. “What about you? You still robbin? Still a little bastard?”
“Nah.” Harry smiled back, “Not really. I’ve kinda stopped that now.”
The conversation went quiet as we sipped our tea. Gary got up, went out the room, and came back in with a pack of biscuits which he offered to us.
“So what yous up ti? Yous doin much tonight?”
Harry took a long sip. He put his cup down on the floor. “Ah was actually wantin to ask a favor.” He paused. “Could you put us up tonight?”
Gary just about jumped off his seat. “Of course, man. Anytime you want. How long ye stayin fir?”
Harry looked at me to check if I minded, and I shrugged and told him with my eyes that I didn’t. He turned back to his old friend, “We’re actually in a bit of trouble, to tell the truth. We have to get goin tomorrow.”
Gary’s eyes flickered between us. His face went serious. “You’re orite aren’t ye?”
“Aye! We’re fine, no big deal. Just got to get out of town pretty fast, that’s all.”
“Yous got somewhere to go?”
“Aye.” Harry sipped his cup. “Yeah.”
“Och, well that’s alright then. Police were keepin tabs on me too for a while there, but ah think they’r aff me now.”
“That’s good. It’s not actually police but..like I said, it’s no big deal. It’ll’ blow over in a few days.”
Gary waited. He smiled conspiringly. “Yous no gonna tell us what it is then, no?”
Harry looked at me, then at the wall, then returned his eyes to his friend. “Aisha split up with this guy, it ended in a bad way. He’s in a gang in Govan, and he’s really pissed off about it. He’s a bit of a nutter and knows quite a few people. Glasgow’s a big place, but we just wanted to be safe. Anyway, I’m goin with her. And we just want to get outa town. That’s all.”
Gary nodded, though he smiled like he didn’t believe it. “Alrite. Aye, no big deal. Hey! Ye guys okay if ah switch on the TV? Ah wanna watch the highlights o the Man U game.”
I shrugged. “No bother.”
“Course.” Harry said.
The TV blinked on. But it was only twenty-five past ten, so the news was on instead. Gary flicked it across to channel three while he waited. He got up from his seat. “Ah’m just goin to the toilet.”
Harry and I sipped our tea and dunked the chocolate digestives. “You don’t mind do you, staying here tonight?” he asked.
“Course. That’s what I thought was happening anyway.”
My answer evidently pacified him, and he relaxed back into his chair, his eyes blinking as the adverts flashed by and tried to sell me shampoo, deodorant, perfume, washing up powder and toothpaste. I looked at what I was wearing. What were they trying to say?
Gary came back and flicked it over to channel one.
I looked out at the night sky.
Chapter 33
I lay in one of the two single beds. Flaking wallpaper curled from damp patches in the walls and mini-sized clothes and various toys were scattered all over the floor. A couple of finger paintings were tacked to the wall above my head, next to another framed photo of Gary and his brothers.
I dug myself under those warm, soft covers. I felt clean and fresh having just had a shower, and away from the cold and wet of the previous wandering nights I felt like I was smothered in luxury, despite the somewhat depressing atmosphere that hung in the room. Harry came in and went to the other bed and Gary stood by the door.
“Ah’m sorry about the mess, guys.” He bent down and picked up a pair of socks.
“It’s fine!” I said, “Don’t worry about it. And thanks very much, we really appreciate everything.”
He smiled embarrassingly at me and stepped out the door, “Alrite then. Well, goodnight guys. Sleep well.” He softly closed it behind him.
I flicked off the lamp and the room fell into blackness. Already I could feel my eyes start to close.
Harry coughed.
“You all-right?” I said.
“Hm? Yeah, I’m fine.”
He yawned.
I lowered my voice- the walls looked thin- “How did he get those scars? Those marks on his face? Was it a knife?”
“Yeah. Gang fight.”
“Oh.”
“How do you know him?”
“We both went to the same care home, when I was fifteen.”
He stayed quiet.
&nbs
p; “Where are his parents? Those kids’ parents?”
“Och, they’re junkies. Total smack addicts. They live somewhere else.”
“In Glasgow?”
“Yeah.”
His answers were short. He sounded tired. So across the blackness, I let him sleep. But it was him who spoke next, “We used to shoplift a lot together, when we were younger. About fifteen. I told you I was from Inverness, but I stayed everywhere. Edinburgh. Glasgow. Manchester. Moving. Always moving.”
I waited for him to continue. “Where are your parents?” I asked.
“Fuck knows. Fuck them anyway.” He said hostilely. “I don’t care. I haven’t seen them since I was eight.”
The room fell quiet. I didn’t want to go to sleep on that note though. “We did it, man! Can’t believe we got past all those guards. All the way up for free. You did it.”
“Thanks.”…… “I still don’t feel safe, though. I’ll be happy when we get to those mountains. We’re close now….Anyway, I’m knackered. Goodnight, Aisha.”
“Goodnight.” I rolled over and tucked in my knees and closed my eyes.
The silence was suddenly broken by screaming from the wall,
“YOU’RE A FUCKIN BUM!” a woman balled. “ALL YOU DO IS FUCKIN DRINK. YER NUTHIN. A WASTE OF FUCKIN SPACE.”
“DON’T YOU DARE TALK T’ME LIKE THAT, YE LITTLE BITCH!”
“GET AWAY FROM ME!”
“EH? WHO THE FUCK DO YE THINK YE ARE?”
I heard the connection clear. Everything went silent. Then there was whimpering.
“AH’M SORRY! AH’M SORRY. AH DIDN’T MEAN IT.” The sobbing kept on. “Oh, shit. Ah’m sorry Laura. Ah’m sorry.”
“Fucks sake.” Harry cursed.
I folded my hands behind my head. If that went on every night, the kids in this room were growing up hearing it. That was the sounds of their dreams before school the next day. This was their shelter, their safe place. As their brains processed their day’s learning, that is what would infiltrate it and chalk up their minds. What chance did they have?
The sobbing died away. It all went silent again.
“You awake?” asked Harry.
“Yeah.”
“…It’s not right.”
“I know.”
I heard him sigh.
---------------------------
My nose was filled with the smell of frying bacon. I could hear it sizzling away in the kitchen. I got up and put on my hoody and jeans and made my way through.
Gary was stood over the pan in his t-shirt and tracky bottoms. “Mornin.” he smiled. “Harry nae up yet?”
“No.” I said.
He nodded and turned over the sausages. It was cramped, there was only room enough for about three people standing back-to-back in that kitchen. I remained leaning against the door. “So how long you stayed here for?” I asked.
“About three years…” He prodded at the sausages with the spatula. “…It’s no the best place, but there’s worse areas. It’s all ah can afford just noo.”
I scratched my head on impulse, glad to realise it no longer felt like the oil that was sizzling away in that pan. “How much is the rent for a place like this?”
“Three hundred a month.” Gary said. “Ah would love to move but, ye know, what can ah do? Ye need money and tae get money ye need a job, and tae get a job ye need a decent education, and there’s nae much chance tae get that when you’re more concerned wi surviving. It all boils doon tae money.”
“Everything does.” I said. “Money makes the world go round.”
“And burns it all tae hell.” Gary replied.
“Something smells good!” Harry sang over my shoulder. “You’re not gonna give us food poisoning again, are ye?”
Gary laughed. “Only in your one, mate. Go and get yoursels’ a seat and ah’ll bring it through. Yous wantin tea?”
“Aye. Please, mate.” Harry said.
We went through to the living room and waited in the chairs.
I stretched out my arms. “I got a great sleep.”
“Yeah me too,..after all that screaming had died down.”
“That was brutal…”
“What time do you want to get going?” I said.
Harry picked up Gary’s phone from the desk. “That’s eight now. Leave in a few of hours? There’s always buses around eleven.”
“You want to get the bus?”
“Yeah. I’ll just pay for it. Shouldn’t be too expensive.”
Gary came in with a plate of fried food in his hand. He gave me mine first and I sat it on my lap. “This looks brilliant.” I said. “Thanks very much.”
“That’s all-right.” He came back through with Harry’s, then our teas, and then his own.
I cut up the sausage, ran it through the bean sauce, scooped up some egg and rammed it all into my mouth. It was delicious and hot. I wolfed down the lot and washed it down with the tea. “I’m just gonna go out for a wee walk.” I said. “You guys okay if I come back in half an hour. Leave you to catch up?”
“Aye, no bother.” Gary said. “Watch where yer going though. Stick to the busy streets.”
“Yeah, I will.”
“We’ll leave in a couple hours, yeah?” Harry looked inquiringly.
I nodded as I got up from the chair. I was almost at the front door when Gary called behind me and handed me a jacket. I thanked him and stepped out and made my way down the long concrete steps, passing the same doors with black bin bags rotting outside them, and the same box of discarded needles, until I was back outside.
Chapter 34
B eyond the entrance, the stench of piss was overcome by the acrid subway smell. A thin drizzle hung in the air underneath the overcast sky. I traced my steps back the way we had come the night before. In the asphalt park a heavily pregnant mother was with her wee boy on one of the swings; pushing him with one hand and texting with the other, her face glued to her phone. As he swung back and forth the boy kept looking back, as if to check that she was still there, and beneath his tiny winging feet the ground glinted with the huge shards of smashed glass and cracked beer bottles.
I turned left at the path and emerged at Possil High Street, by the same loan shop amongst all the strategically placed bookies and pubs and fast-food takeaways. I zipped Gary’s jacket up to my neck. And I walked down the road, until I came to a large expanse of open wasteland. I stood on the pavement and peered through the chain-link fence as kids trundled by behind me on their way to school. Before me was a dumping ground of nappies, carpets, torn-up settees, food tins, bottles, coke cans; just shit everywhere, all discarded in one colossal patch. Some weeds grew out from the cracks in the broken cement and were swaying grimly in the breeze. Only the part I was standing at was fenced off though, and as I looked over towards a grey housing block, I saw kids with schoolbags trudging a path between the rubbish.
I turned away down the street, going under the bare black trees that were rooted in the pavement, their branches strangled by black bin-bags, and I followed the direction of the schoolkids. Most of them were on their own but a few of the smallest ones were with their mothers, holding hands. The road curved around a corner and everyone crossed over in front of me. I did too. I was almost at the other side when a little girl, no older than five, went running past on the pavement, her mother- a fat, sweating whale of a thing- pounding the ground behind her, “BEYONCE! BEYONCE! HEY, YOU WEE SHIT! GET BACK HERE!”
The girl, cute and red-haired, kept skipping ahead, lost in her own world and taking no notice. “BEYONCE! BEYONCE!” Her mum kept barking, “GET BACK HERE!”
The girl skipped down off the pavement and onto the road but misjudged her footing. It seemed to go in slow motion as one leg came across the other and she keeled over, her out-thrown hands scraping the ground as she smacked down onto the concrete. A few parents gasped.
“WHAT THE FUCK DID AH JIST TELL YOU?” the mum screeched. With one of her hands she grabbed Beyonce, pulled her up into the
air, and skelped her ass with her other hand. The girl had been silent before, startled by her fall, now wailed in anguished tears.
“YOU FUCKIN LISTEN TAE ME WHEN AH TELL YOU, RIGHT?” The woman yanked the girl to her feet.
The girl kept howling. She rubbed her eyes and nodded.
“RIGHT, C’MOAN, YOU’LL BE LATE FIR SCHOOL!”
The other parents stalled, watching her uncomfortably, some visibly squirming. But nobody did anything. They turned away as she dragged her girl past them towards the sign for Possil school.
My blood was boiling. I wanted to thump her, but I held back. What would that do? I thought, as they disappeared into the grounds. And this is just one parent, I thought, one little girl. What about the millions of others? What could I really do? I knew the reaction I’d get if I’d said something. I’d just get told to fuck off. It made me sick. The other parents went on in their own little worlds. Nobody ever did anything about this, that’s what really got to me. But then I hadn’t either.
I crossed over onto the other pavement, waiting for her to come back through the gates. A few impoverished-looking kids walked by me. Then, out of nowhere, an image of those businessmen in London popped into my head, swinging their arms with that despicable air of self-importance as they strode through the park. Where were they now? They weren’t here anyway. They were a billion miles from a place like this. They were coasting up a big stairway supported on the backs of these souls- stepping on their heads, pushing them down with their big feet. It was the same in the tuna factories in the Philippines and the sweatshop factories in India and China. All these poor souls were being crushed. It was capitalism at its most brutal; in order for one to go up, others must stay down.
I actually felt sick. Everything in the world suddenly depressed me. Some of the kids that passed me looked happy, were smiling, but the parents definitely weren’t. I could see the inevitable cycles before my eyes. I stood there another minute. The mother didn’t appear. I walked away.
What could I do about it? What could I really do?
I kept walking, ignoring Gary’s advice to stick to the busy streets. I didn’t care anymore. I left the road and passed through whole streets of semi-derelict buildings, and beyond those streets yet more unused buildings, but instead of all the windows being covered up with cardboard many had been welded up with steel. I felt so low I didn’t even feel like running away anymore. I didn’t want to do anything. A forest or a nature reserve were the last things on my mind, I didn’t give a shit. Everything seemed so lost. What was the point in my life? What could I really do about all this? All around me was a vast hole of empty nothingness. I imagined that they had boarded up those windows with steel to keep out squatters or junkies. And now more than ever I sympathized with them. I wanted to escape. I wanted to get away from this miserable existence, and if drugs helped them, then I understood. All we are doing is trying to escape from life. I wanted to go to sleep and sleep forever.