by Erin Trejo
That voice. God I could get used to hearing that voice all the time.
“Oh, you know? Just wandering. I was out, or I was going out until I got stood up. I don’t have anything better to do, so here I am.”
Monster looks from me to his friends who are chuckling next to me.
“You just let some random bitch in?” he asks while looking at Viking.
My mouth falls open and I’m about to say more when Viking moves. His hands slam into Monster which causes him to stumble back a few steps.
“Watch your fuckin’ mouth brother. I’m so fuckin’ tired of you actin’ like this. This isn’t you. Get your damn head together,” Viking snaps before stepping around him and going inside. Monster just stands there and runs his hand through his hair.
“I’ll go. I’m sorry.”
“No. Stay. I’m… fuck, I’m sorry.”
“No I get it. I tapped into a dark spot when I shouldn’t have,” I say looking over my shoulder at him. Monster shakes his head and moves toward me slowly.
“I don’t know exactly what you see in me Kyza. Women don’t look at me the way you do. Club whores do, but real women like you? They don’t.”
I swallow hard and turn to face him. So much pain and hurt is held in Monster’s eyes that it hurts me to look into them.
“Real women like me? I’m nothing special Monster. Like I said before, we all have a past.”
I take a step back and he counters my step. He moves forward and his eyes are dancing in the sunlight.
“You wanna push me? The only time I’m free is in the dark darlin’.” My heart beats faster the closer he gets.
“You can be you anytime you want,” my voice cracking slightly. Monster stops in front of me. He leans down so that his lips are near my ear.
“I’m always in the dark,” he whispers and shivers race over my body. My heart beats even faster. My knees are weak. It’s him. How in the hell did I not know it was him?
“It was you.”
Monster pulls back and stares down at me.
“Are you scared?”
I shake my head no, I’m not scared, I’m confused. I don’t understand why he would do that.
“Why?” I ask as a tear runs down my cheek and my chest rises and falls rapidly. He lied to me. Didn’t he?
“Look at me. What can I offer you like this?” he asks pointing to himself.
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m nothin’ in the light. Nothin’. I walk around bein’ the Monster that they think I am. I do what I do to survive Kyza. This is me.”
“I know that. I know this is you, and I’ll take it.” I catch myself by surprise with my words. Monster doesn’t say anything as he looks at me, his gaze is burning into the depths of my soul.
“You what?”
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life Monster. Never. There was always a hole deep inside me and that’s where the dark is. I’ve done things that I regret doing. I’ve hurt people. I’ve run. I’ve hid. Now I’m tired. I’m tired of being in the dark all of the time. Do you have any idea how exhausting all of this is?” I cry as tears spill down my face.
He’s breaking me. I’m letting him fucking break me. I can’t stop now.
“Kyza,” he begins when I cut him off.
“That picture? The one that you saw? I killed him Monster. Do you hear me? I killed him.”
My emotions take over as do my instincts. I turn and run to the gate. I’m banging on it to get out, but it just won’t budge.
“Open this shit up,” I cry loudly.
I see the guy they called prospect moving to open them, but then Monster’s voice booms from behind me, “You open those gates and you’re a dead man prospect.” I spin around and slam my fists into his check. I’m pounding until I can’t breathe any more.
“What are you doing? Why are you doing this to me? I want out Monster.”
He lets me hit him and scream until there isn’t any fight left in me. Slowly my body gives out and Monster lifts me in his arms, cradling me to his chest.
“I’ve killed too. I know what it feels like to want to run from that shit, but you can’t,” he whispers to me softly.
“Does the pain ever go away? God I can’t even bear it some days,” I sob even harder.
“No. It never goes away, but you can come to terms with it.”
“It’s all my fault Monster. If I would have just listened. I never listen,” my voice nothing more than a broken moan.
“It’s okay,” he whispers as he carries me inside.
My body trembles in his arms, but I can’t stop it. I’m fucked up. They were right. My eyes grow heavy as the tears just keep on coming.
“I’m weak,” I whisper before the exhaustion takes me.
Eleven
Monster
My feet are kicked up on the edge of the bed as I drink myself into a stupor. She came here looking for me. She knows it was me coming to her in the dark of the night. It was the only place I felt whole, but then she dropped that bomb on me. Why would she want someone like me? Maybe she thinks I’m the best she can get? She’s wrong, so fucking wrong. That little piece of heaven lying asleep in my bed could find so much more in someone else. She needs someone that isn’t so messed up in the head.
I tip the bottle up to my lips and take another long pull of beer when she stirs. I’ve let her sleep. I couldn’t fall asleep after what she said to me. She killed that man in the picture and now I want to know why. I want to know what happened to her that made her kill him. I want to know if that dark part of her still lingers inside.
“What time is it?” she groans as she rolls over and looks at me. Her makeup is smudged and smeared all over her face. Even looking a mess, I think she’s fucking heaven.
“About six in the mornin’,” I tell her as I take another pull. She yawns and sits up to look at me.
“You always drink this early?”
“Only when I don’t sleep.”
She narrows her eyes and her brows pinch together.
“Why didn’t you sleep?”
For a girl that has wanted to keep her distance from me she sure is chatty today. I don’t mind it. In fact, I love hearing her voice. It also makes me wonder though. What is she hiding from or who for that matter?
“You said you killed him. Why?”
She shakes her head. Her eyes never leave mine.
“You don’t get that part. Thank you for letting me sleep off that mess, but I’m not giving you that,” she says and climbs off of my bed.
She’s in nothing but her underwear seeing as I stripped her out of her clothes when she passed out. She looks around the room trying to find her clothes, but she won’t. She won’t find shit until I get the answers to my questions.
“You won’t find them. Now answer me,” I growl.
She turns to me. Her big, blue eyes are taking me in. With my shirt off she can see everything. She can see every single mark that litters my skin. The burn was bad. I can still remember the fire and the way it felt as it licked up the side of my body. It hurt like hell.
“I can still smell the scent of burnin’ flesh,” I tell her as her eyes move over every inch of me.
“How far down does it go?” she asks looking at my stomach.
I shake my head and smirk at her.
“You don’t get that part,” I say throwing her words back at her. It might be a childish move, but I don’t care. She better think twice about pushing my buttons today.
“Well, since sharing time is over give me my clothes,” she snaps as she crosses her arms over her chest and glares at me.
I smirk right back at her. I’m half drunk and I’ve not slept, she better think again about pushing my buttons right now.
“They’re gone until I get my answers,” I say as I stand and take another pull.
She watches me closely; observing me. She isn’t going to let me slip inside of her without a fight. Lucky for her I’m in the fighting k
ind of mood right now.
“You can’t keep me here,” she snarls.
I set the bottle down on the table and move toward her slowly. Each step is calculated as I think of the many, many things I want to do to her. I tilt my head to the side and watch her eyes. I’m looking for any signs of fear that might be dancing in them, but mainly I’m looking for her darkness. I want to see it. I want her to feel like a cornered, wild animal. I want her to unleash her fury on me because since I’ve met her I knew there was something else lingering inside of her. I knew there was more to her than just being a little lost girl working for Paul. No, there is so much more that she hasn’t let me see yet and I fucking want it all.
“I can do whatever the fuck I want to do. Did you forget who the fuck I am?”
She watches me and each step closer to her makes my cock even harder. She’s a goddamn drug and I want more of it. I knew from the first night I was inside her that her demons could play well with mine. It was something I’ve never felt before.
“You don’t know me Monster. Please don’t fucking push me,” she grits her teeth and that makes me smile.
Right there, it’s just below the surface, that animal that hides inside of her. It looks a lot like mine, but she’s obviously better at keeping hers caged. I’m nearly to her when her eyes spark. I can see the rage simmering in those blue oceans.
“Why not? You gonna break? You gonna snap and let that beast loose? Huh?” I taunt her.
God I need this. I need to see it, feel it, play with it. The air is so fucking thick around us that I can barely breathe, but this, this is what I fucking need from her. Kyza swallows hard; body trembling.
“Monster stop.”
I’m not stopping. There is not damn chance I can stop this now. She’s like a volcano about to erupt and I stand in awe of her. Her eyes are wild. She’s looking around the room for something, anything she can use against me. She won’t find anything. I made sure of that by removing anything that could be used as a weapon while she slept.
“Did he hurt you? Did he keep you trapped in a room like a caged fuckin’ animal?” I ask when we are nearly toe to toe.
She doesn’t take her eyes off of me now and that’s ripping me to shreds. We’re so close, and yet somehow deep inside of her is the Kyza that I don’t even know yet. I see a girl that had something so bad happen to her that she turned into a monster herself.
“You don’t know shit,” she hisses and my cock strains against my jeans trying to get to her.
I reach down and adjust that fucker, but I never lose eye contact with her. She wants to look away, but I can’t let her. Not right now. I’m so fucking close that I can taste it on the tip of my tongue. The intensity between us is insane and I’ve never felt this kind of power before.
“Then tell me. Did he force you? Huh? Did he just take what he wanted from you? Was he your boyfriend?” My tone is low and deadly, but so is the look in her eyes.
“Don’t do this to me,” she begs, but I can see that hardened look in her eyes.
She’s about to snap. I inch even closer as she inches back until her back hits the wall. She looks up and stares into my eyes. Fuck. I think she’s looking into the depths of my soul.
“I’m doin’ it sweetheart. I’m pullin’ that goddamned monster out of you. Show me. Show me what I fuckin’ wanna see.”
I reach up and wrap my hand around her throat quickly. She startles a little before she completely loses control. She fights me. I wasn’t aware of the strength she had until she slams her fist into my ribs. Of course it’s not a fair fight. I’m much bigger than her, but I love the way she reacts. That beast of hers is showing its ugly red eyes right now and that fire in her burns deep.
“I don’t want this. Get the fuck off of me!” She screams as her fists continue to pound against me.
My hand loosens around her throat and she uses that to her advantage. She moves quickly, much quicker than me. In seconds she has the knife from the back of my jeans in her hand and has it plunged into my side. I roar as the pain shoots through my body. She moves back. Her eyes are narrowed to slits as she plans out her next move.
“Do it,” I taunt her.
She looks at me and smirks when those gorgeous red lips of her part.
“You asked for this.”
She comes at me again but this time I’m ready for her. She lunges for me, but I move in time. She circles around and tries again, but I grab her around the waist. She screams, snarls, and hisses. I lift her into my arms and slam her roughly onto the bed. I pull the knife from her hands. The door flies open, but I’m still too fucked up in the head to listen to whoever it is that’s yelling right now. I position the knife to her throat as my body pins hers down. Her chest is heaving with every breath she takes.
“What the fuck Monster?”
I glance over this time and see Viking and Grinder along with a few prospects standing there watching the scene as it unfolds.
“Get the fuck out of here!”
“What in the hell is goin’ on here brother? You kill that girl and we’ve got problems,” Viking adds.
“Get the fuck out!”
This time they actually do leave. They even close the door behind them. When I look back down Kyza is on fire.
“You made a mistake,” she hisses between her clenched teeth.
“Did I?” I ask cocking my head to the side.
I toss the knife to the floor and move quickly, standing up and yank my jeans off. Kyza leaps from the bed. She’s near the door when I catch her.
“You going to rape me too?” I chuckle under my breath and toss her back onto the bed.
“Didn’t rape you before did I?”
I shove her down, but she rolls over onto her back. She peers up at me. I can see anger, fear, and lust all mixing as one in her eyes.
“You can’t do this to me,” she says softer this time.
I climb on the bed and force her thighs open. I settle in before I grab the fabric of her panties and rip them from her body. She gasps, but doesn’t say another word, at least until I plunge inside of her.
Twelve
Kyza
Each thrust is more powerful than the last. Each grunt grows louder. Each time he looks at me I can feel myself climbing a little more. I’ve kept my shield in place for years. Years. And here he is ripping it to shreds with his bare hands. Why is he doing this to me? Why am I letting him do this to me?
“Now you know what it feels like to fuck a Monster,” he growls before thrusting even harder.
Each sweet bite of pain clears a little more of the fog from my memories. Each dirty word he speaks brings it all back to the surface.
“You bastard,” I cry and try to push him off of me.
He doesn’t stop and I don’t really want him to. I’m confused. I’m scared and I’m afraid that once I fall apart I won’t be able to pick up the pieces and make myself whole again.
“Say it again,” he growls as he lifts my legs so that he can get even deeper inside of me. His body is solid and I want to grab on and never let go. That isn’t my realty though.
My body bounces with each thrust and so do the memories. Each one shifts and plays out over and over in my head.
So much blood.
All the tears.
So many lies.
It hurts so fucking badly.
“I hate you. I hate what you do to me. I hate that you weren’t there when I needed you. I hate that you pushed me until I couldn’t breathe.”
Each word is meant for the past, but I spit them at Monster as he fucks me into silence. There are no more words to be said, yet there are so many. It’s so frightening.
“Get it out. Get it all out,” he growls before he leans down to bite into the flesh of my neck.
My body isn’t on the same level as my head. My body is someplace else and Monster is there. He’s taking care of all of my needs. The room is spinning as adrenaline and things I’m not familiar with cycle through my bod
y.
“You bastard! How could you let them do that to me? How could you know and not stop it?” I scream as tears spill down my cheeks.
Where am I? Why does this feel so fucking good yet still hurt like hell? Monster is stirring up too many emotions. I haven’t had to deal with these emotions in so long. Why now? Why?
“Tell me. Tell me who let them hurt you Kyza,” Monster says and his voice is calming, almost soothing. His thrusts slow becoming gentler, easier. “Tell me baby.” His lips are near my ear. He’s licking and sucking until I’m dizzy with need. My insides clench and burn and god do I want to let it all go, but I know that I can’t. Why is he pushing me? What does he want from me?
“No,” I cry even harder and wrap my arms around his back.
My nails dig into his flesh and Monster lets out a hiss. I can’t stop. I don’t want him to stop either. I just need him to stay inside of me.
To keep me safe.
Protected.
“Who was it?” he asks again.
His cock is caressing all of the right places inside of me. My vision blurs and more tears fall, but his lips never stop moving over my skin. Bumps form as a shiver races through me.
“Please Monster, don’t,” I sob harder.
He slows his movements, but doesn’t stop. I dig my nails in deeper and listen to the growl as it vibrates through me. He pumps into me a little harder and I feel like I’m flying. I’m soaring just like I did back then.
I was free.
I am free.
No, I’m not. I never will be as long as he’s out there. He let this happen to me.
“Who let this happen to you darlin’?” he whispers once more before he bites my earlobe between his teeth.
I relish the pain and pull him closer. My body trembles. Right before I come, I cry out and lose it.
“My father.”
Monster pulls back and returns to thrusting inside of me. His hips slam into my thighs and I know that I’ll have bruises. There’s no doubt about that. The weight in my chest feels lighter and I feel like I can breathe, but what did I just do?