by Doyle, S
I felt a twinge of guilt, but I pushed it away. I couldn’t go on like I was doing. Thinking about Vivienne. Thinking about coming all over her like some kind of savage.
Sex on the brain. Maybe the cause was just having a room next to Jackson’s. When Kate was up visiting, sometimes it sounded like they went at each other all night. Usually on those nights, I’d find myself sleeping in the chair of my office so I wouldn’t have to think about it. Wouldn’t have to wonder what it would be like having a woman in my bed again.
“Come on, it’s so nice out for walking. You can follow me back.”
I hadn’t even realized she took my hand and was tugging me along. We were walking down the street lined by snowdrifts that had accumulated over the weeks.
I’d pulled my hand back, but she kept talking as if that hadn’t mattered.
“So how did you know Sammy was crawling anyway?” she asked me.
I knew because… “Isn’t that what babies do?”
“He was a little bit of a late starter. Didn’t get his butt moving until last month, but now I can see he’s going to be walking sooner rather than later. Pulls himself up on everything and everyone he can find.”
Who was everyone?
No, I didn’t want to think about it. I followed her because I was curious about the cabin. Ty said she’d added stuff, but I wanted to make sure it was livable. Of course it belonged to Zeke, and Zeke had never been a man to do things by half measures.
When we reached it, I could see she kept the wood completely covered with the tarp as I’d instructed. The walkway leading to the cabin was snow free and there was a shovel by the front door.
“Ty came over and shoveled you out from that last storm. Good.”
“Uh, no, I shoveled myself, thank you very much. No way was I going to ask Ty to drive an hour in that weather just to get me out. I’ve got a strong back and two good hands. No reason not to do it myself. Although I did get a heck of blister.”
She held up her finger and I could see the red welt on the end of it. That. That was the reason for her not to do it herself. Because she’d hurt herself, even if it was just a blister. Nothing should mar that pale skin of hers.
DO NOT THINK ABOUT HER SKIN.
That was an order I forced myself to obey. She opened the door and immediately I could see the changes. A crib next to the bed. A heavy chair she’d placed near the potbelly stove.
A pack and play. Where in the hell—
“Eve,” she said, dropping Sammy into the thing, “orders all the baby stuff online. It costs a fortune to ship and we have to get Doogie to fly it up. But we made a trade. They handle the shipping costs and I pick up some babysitting shifts when Shelby wants a night off here and there.”
She’d added a kitchen table with a chair for her and a highchair for the kid. I walked over to it and saw that it was plastic, with a plastic seat that would be easily cleanable. Which was sensible. Babies made messes when they ate.
Still, I’d made Emily her own chair. Wood, with cushions you could attach and a big Panda decal on the tray that hooked to it.
Emily had loved to bang on that Panda’s face…
“Caleb?”
I blinked. I hadn’t realized I was staring at the damn chair like it was some creature that might attack me.
I looked around the place and nodded. “Looks good.”
“Yeah,” she agreed, and it was evident there was pride in her voice. “I’m doing well at Bud’s and now I can buy things for me and Sammy. Not just rely on handouts.”
“Good thing people are lazy as shit,” I said. I wasn’t trying to be funny, but she tilted her head back and laughed.
“From your mouth to God’s ears,” she agreed.
There was a knock on the door. Just one before it opened, and Ty was walking in like he lived here.
“Hey, Vivy, you ready?” He turned and saw me. “Oh, hey, Cal. Didn’t expect to find you here.”
“I was in town picking up supplies. Vivienne wanted to show me what she’d done with the place.”
“Looks great, doesn’t it? She’s turned it into a little mini-home for Sammy.” I watched as he picked the baby up out of the pack and play. “Hey there little guy! Give Unca Ty a smile.”
The baby obliged him. And that pissed me off. That he could just pick the baby up. That the baby knew him and smiled for him.
“You shouldn’t use fake words. If you’re saying uncle, then you should say uncle. Kid has to learn how to speak.”
Vivienne and Ty both looked at me as if I’d surprised them.
“Sure thing, Cal. Makes sense,” Ty said, putting the kid in the pack and play again. “So I brought this over for you, Vivy.”
Vivy. Stupid nickname. Her name is Vivienne. It’s beautiful. He should use it.
Then I watched as he pulled out a gun from the back of his jeans.
In a second I was on him, taking the gun from his hand. “What the fuck are you doing bringing a gun into a home with a baby?”
“I thought I would show Vivienne how to shoot. She needs to make sure she can defend herself against wolves, bears…well, anything.”
Vivienne got between us, sensing possibly my need to throw Ty out of the house and into the nearest snowbank. She took the gun from my hand and patted my chest as if to sooth me.
“That’s nice of you, Ty,” she said over her shoulder. “But I’ve got it covered.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I asked her. He was stupid for taking the gun out in the kid’s presence, but not for his intentions. She did need to know how to protect herself.
“It means I can protect myself,” she told me.
“This isn’t a game, Vivienne. This is real life. Up here you need to know how to maintain a gun and ammo and use it when necessary. You just don’t do that around a baby,” I explained to Ty, as if he was a moron.
His expression was defensive. “That’s what I was going to show her, Cal.”
It bothered me he appeared to be a bit too eager to be Vivienne’s instructor.
“You two think I need a teacher?”
“Yes,” I said before Ty could agree.
“Fine. Sam’s okay in his pack and play for a few minutes. Let’s go out back, and you two big strong men can show me what I don’t know.”
We walked outside a fair distance away so the gun shots wouldn’t be too loud for the kid. Ty had gotten a small caliber handgun. Nothing that would deafen anyone, but still, he had brought safety earphones for Vivienne.
He lined up some fairly large rocks on a log as targets only about ten feet away.
I shook my head. “She’s not going to be able to hit rocks, Ty. She needs to know how to hit something the size of bear. Aim for those trees over there,” I said pointing to a cluster of Western hemlocks.
Ty put his hand out for the gun, and after I told myself it was his job to do, I gave it to him.
“Now, here is how you hold it,” he said, showing Vivienne how to grip the handle. He used both his hands to do it. Then he came around behind her and lifted her arms to a certain height, his hands over hers, holding the gun.
“Like this?” Vivienne asked.
“Yes,” Ty answered, still with his body plastered against her back. “Now what you want to do is make sure your feet are planted and just gently squeeze the trigger.”
Was there innuendo in what he was saying? Was he really talking about his dick that he wanted gently squeezed?
“I think I got it. Now, you back off, Ty, and let me try,” she said.
Yeah, Ty. Back the fuck off.
I crossed my arms over my chest as Ty came to stand next to me. Just far enough so we weren’t on top of her while she was shooting.
“There’s going to be kickback when that gun fires in your hand,” I told her. “Don’t let that scare you.”
She looked over her shoulder at me. “Okay, Caleb. I’ll try not to be scared.”
Somehow in that moment, with the twinkle in her eye
, I knew both Ty and I had been played.
She fired off two shots, knocking the first two rocks Ty had laid out clean off the log. Then she turned to both of us and smiled. “Why, that wasn’t hard at all.”
“Holy crap, did you see that, Cal?” Ty asked me, his mouth open. “I barely had to teach her anything.”
I shook my head. The idiot.
Then she turned her back completely to the target, looked over her shoulder once, then aimed gun—her back still to the target—and fired off two more shots. Each shot knocking off another rock.
“Why, my goodness. This is easy pickins’.”
Ty looked dumbstruck. He still wasn’t getting it.
She took out the ammo cartridge, checked it, snapped it back then put the safety on. Then she handed me the gun, butt first, a smug expression on her face.
“You know what we do for fun in Texas, boys?”
“I’m guessing you shoot,” I said, feeling like an idiot.
She smiled. “Got a rifle and a full clip of ammo. Zeke hooked me up. He’s like a gun enthusiast, I think. You should see his collection. I keep the rifle in a case that’s locked so that Sam can’t open it. I’m covered. Sorry, Ty, I wasn’t sure what you meant when you said you wanted to come over to help me with bears. I thought it was some kind of trick with the trash or something. I could have told you not to bother.”
He shrugged harmlessly, but clearly his thunder had been stolen. “That’s okay. Still got to see you and Sam.”
Lovesick puppy.
But wasn’t that what I’d wanted when I told him to watch over Vivienne? Wouldn’t it be easier to think Vivienne was with Ty and they were hitting it off like any normal young couple might?
Except they really couldn’t be that. Not when there was a kid involved.
“I’ve got to get my stuff,” I said. “In town.”
“Sure thing, Cal,” Ty replied. “See you back at camp.”
He wasn’t leaving. He wanted me to leave so he could spend time with Vivienne alone. I was clearly the third wheel, and it pretty much sucked.
I looked at Vivienne and I could tell she sensed the weird tension that descended. Fortunately, that tension was broken by a loud wail.
“Sorry, guys. Sammy doesn’t like to be left alone for more than a minute.” With that she ran inside the cabin and I didn’t move.
Neither did Ty.
“I’m going to go in and say goodbye to the little guy,” he announced then he, too, was heading inside the cabin. Acting as if he belonged there.
I started walking to town wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Because if I didn’t know any better, the emotion I was feeling right now was jealousy.
6
Bud’s
Vivienne
I tried to hold back the yawn, but in the end, it got me.
“You can leave when you need to,” Bud said as he lined up an order of beers for me.
Yeah, leaving wasn’t really an option. I had a few more hours to go before closing and it was in those hours where the guys were a little drunker and a little looser with their tips.
“I’m fine. Just had a rough night with Sam so I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep. I can power through it.”
It was crazy because, for the most part, Sam was the champ of sleepers, but every once and a while he decided he needed to be held all night. Last night was one of those nights.
It might have been the wind. It’d been blowing particularly hard. And losing a couple hours of sleep to cuddle with my boy wasn’t the worst thing ever.
I took the tray of beers and started dropping them off at the various tables. I made my way to where Caleb was sitting with just the guys tonight and handed Jackson and Eli their beers. I circled around to drop off Cal’s and he captured my wrist.
“Sit,” he said.
“I can’t, I’m working.” But I didn’t move, and I didn’t yank my hand away. Because while it was subtle, it was there. The rub of his thumb against the inside of my wrist almost as if he couldn’t help himself. It wasn’t the first time he’d done it and every time he did it made my heart race.
“You’re dead on your feet. You can take a fucking break. Now sit.”
He kicked a chair out from the table, and I knew this wasn’t a battle I was going to win. Besides, it felt good to sit down. Just for a minute.
“Here, Vivienne, take my beer. You look like you need it,” Eli said, pushing the glass in my direction. “I’ll go get another one.”
“She can’t drink, Eli,” Cal snapped as if Eli had committed some crime.
“I can to,” I said. I didn’t drink. Drinking being another one of those sins my Pop liked to preach about, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t.
“You’re breastfeeding,” Caleb said in a softer voice. As if Jackson and Eli didn’t know that with a baby came breastfeeding.
“Not any more. Sam wasn’t really having it, liking his bottle better. And besides his teeth were getting to be an issue.” I smiled because now, after a few weeks, I had finally started to feel like my boobs were mine again and not a milk factory.
The guys winced at that, which only made me chuckle. I looked at the glass of amber liquid with a little bit of foam on top and thought, why not. Another step on my path to freedom.
I picked up the draft and took a tentative taste. I must have made a face because Eli was laughing and even Jackson cracked a smile.
“See, you don’t even like it,” Caleb said clearly bothered by what I was doing. And if I knew something bothered Cal, then I was hell bent on doing it. Because getting a reaction from him was better than what I usually got, which was stony silence.
“I’m trying to give it a fair chance,” I said.
Another sip and I felt the foam hit my lip. I put the glass down and licked at my top lip where it tickled.
“It’s not that bad,” I said, looking at Caleb directly.
Only he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking at my lips instead. His eyes shuttered, dark and focused.
“Did I miss a spot?”
His hand reached out and, for a second, I thought his thumb was going to brush away whatever I’d missed. An intimate touch to be sure and I didn’t even realize I was leaning into it, until suddenly he was standing, his chair flipped over.
“I’m leaving. Angel, figure out a ride back for you and Daniels. Daniels, make sure she doesn’t drink more than a few sips. She’ll get drunk without knowing it’s happening.”
“What about me?” I asked, looking up at him exacerbated. “What are my orders?”
“Leave Alaska.”
I shook my head. “Not happening. Next?”
He didn’t say anything after that, just left without another word.
“Vivienne…” Eli started, but I held up my hand.
“Don’t make excuses for him, Eli. I’ve been doing this with him for months. I know the score.” I stood and pretended to brush crumbs off the apron I was wearing so the guys wouldn’t see the rejection in my eyes.
“He’s just…” Eli said, trying again to explain Caleb’s behavior.
Only he didn’t need to. It was evident to anyone who watched us what was happening. I was the one with the crush. I was the one who was just waiting for the slightest hint from Caleb to fall into his arms.
And Caleb pretended to want nothing to do with me. Beyond that he wanted me to leave the state. Which, in a way, told its own story.
But I had two things he wasn’t counting on: patience and stubbornness. By a mile.
In fact, tonight there had actually been a little progress. I was the only one, after all, who knew how he liked to touch me on the inside of my wrist. Knew that what looked to be a casual hold was anything but.
No, I wasn’t the only who knew that. Caleb knew it, too.
He just needed time.
And when it was winter in Alaska, it felt like there was nothing but time.
* * *
Later that night
Cal<
br />
I let the hot water hit my back and braced both hands against the shower wall. I looked down at my engorged cock and told myself the suffering was necessary. That I couldn’t touch myself with her in my head. The feel of her skin still on my fingers.
I tilted my head back and wondered, for the thousandth time, what it was about her.
She was young, which wasn’t my thing. In fact, I considered most older men with younger women on their arms to be pathetic. Because, of course, the woman was on his arm only because of his money or his position. Not for who he was as a person. Because it didn’t make sense.
Ty and Vivienne made sense. Only the second that thought entered my head, I wanted to punch the shower wall hard with my fist. Crack my knuckles, break something so that I could feel the pain inside me outwardly.
Still my erection didn’t subside.
Then there was everything else about her. She’d never had a sip of beer. Never had sex outside an encounter or two with a guy who hadn’t protected her and left her with his responsibility.
Her naiveté should have been a turn-off. I didn’t need young. I didn’t want inexperience.
And she had fucking freckles all over her face. Why did I fucking want to touch every single one of them with my tongue?
From the moment she’d gotten off the damn plane, she’d been in my head and in my dick.
And she wasn’t leaving! No matter how many times I told her she couldn’t stay. Which meant this…whatever this fucking was…wasn’t going away.
The jealousy. The wanting. The way my heart started beating out of my chest just because I rubbed my thumb along her wrist.
I pounded the shower wall with my fist as the realization hit me hard.
She. Wasn’t. Leaving.
And I was so fucking hard for her I didn’t know how it was going to stop.
“Fuck!”
I grabbed my dick. Fucking my fist furiously, squeezing myself almost to the point of pain. I hadn’t had the willpower to resist, but I wasn’t going to let myself fucking enjoy this. Not any more than the relief of coming would bring.
I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to see her face as she’d been leaning toward me, a spot of beer foam on her top lip. I had been so close to touching her, to touching that lip.