by Doyle, S
Ty had told Caleb I was sick, and Caleb had immediately come to help.
Which completely contradicted with the concept that all he really wanted to do was fuck me, because sure as hell he didn’t have that on his mind when he walked into my cabin that reeked of baby sick and me.
Then I saw a hand land on Ty’s shoulder.
Ty turned and pointed with his chin as Caleb came up behind him. “I was right, too. Call knew what to do, didn’t he?”
“He did,” I said, looking up at Caleb trying to read his expression.
“Ty,” he said as he handed me, my beer. Then in a surprise move, he lifted Sam out of Ty’s arms and plunked him on his hip.
Possessive, I thought.
“Oh, yeah,” Ty said. “You and Sam must have bonded and everything.”
“And everything,” Caleb said noncommittally. “You wish your congratulations to Eli yet? You should probably go do that.”
I was about to comment on Caleb’s rudeness but then I watched as Ty looked at Cal, then to me, then to Sammy as if he was trying to figure out a not-so-complicated puzzle.
I took a sip of my beer so as to avoid eye contact. It wasn’t exactly that I felt guilty. I hadn’t done anything wrong sleeping with Caleb.
My only fault had not been feeling for Ty what he’d felt for me. Presuming, of course, that what he felt was anything beyond a simple crush. And even that could have simply been a result of there being only a handful of women his age in the entire area.
“Oh. Yep. I should do that. See ya, Vivvy. Again, really glad you’re feeling better.”
I nodded and watched as he made his way through the crowded bar.
“Did you have to do that?” I asked.
“Do what?” Caleb asked as he held Sam with one arm and sipped his beer with the other.
I shook my head. Because what was I supposed to say? That it felt like he’d been territorial with me and Sam. That he’d practically run Ty off.
“You already know he’s not any kind of threat to you.”
He glared at me from where he was standing over me, drinking his beer and holding Sam.
“Fuck yeah, I know that. He took one look at you when you were sick as shit and did nothing to help you other than come running to me. You can’t have a man-boy like that in your life. Not when you’ve got Sam.”
I smiled. Sam. He’d said his name again and it sounded so good and natural. I tried not to think about what any of this meant. About the fact that he stayed with us through most of the party, bought my beers, entertained Sam and me. Like he was with me.
Even though he’d said he didn’t want anyone to know what we were doing. Part of me decided right then that maybe it was good advice to stop judging Caleb by what he said and start thinking about what he did instead.
* * *
Vivienne
In the end Shelby got a little bit plastered and the party concluded when Eli decided she’d had enough. That point being when she stood up on one of the tables and started to tell everyone the story of some cat named Stumpy.
Eli bundled her into her coat and gloves and carried her Rhett-Butler style out of the bar to his truck with everybody behind them clapping and hooting.
It reminded me, for a second, of back home after a church wedding. Pop would stand up before some young couple and talk about sins, temptations and the sanctity of fornication, which I thought was the least romantic thing ever. But at the end, the groom got to kiss the bride, politely, and everyone in the church would stand and applaud.
Those had been my favorite days.
“What?” Caleb prompted me with a nudge against my shoulder.
I shook my head. “Just thinking about home. How there had been some good days. Happy even. I know he kicked me out, but as much as he was all I had, I was all he had, too. Sometimes I wonder if he regrets what he did.”
“You should talk to him,” Caleb encouraged.
I nodded wondering if that was just one more reason why Caleb thought I needed to leave Hope’s Point. I didn’t say anything, just reached out my arms for the sleeping baby on his chest.
“I need to get him bundled up and into the carrier.”
“You don’t need the carrier. I’ll carry him home.”
“I can manage,” I said a little stiffly and not sure why. Just yesterday he’d told me what I was supposed to expect from him.
Sex. Not support.
Fucking. Not lending a hand.
Although in one way or the other, he’d been doing that since I got to Hope’s Point. He’d just been surly about it.
Except tonight it didn’t feel like he was doing this begrudgingly. Tonight, I thought, really didn’t make any sense at all. Unless, of course, it made total sense.
“Vivienne,” he snarled, not letting go of Sam. “You get his stuff. I’ll get him in his gear and walk the two of you home.”
“I don’t have a choice, do I?”
“No,” he said firmly.
I collected our stuff and, like he’d undone Sam, he buttoned him up. The party was still going with some folks who weren’t ready to leave. Together, Caleb and I waved to everyone left at the bar then started the walk to my cabin.
Again, I had to question what it all meant. There was no question of us having sex tonight. He already knew my feelings on that with Sam in the room. Given how loud I’d gotten, there was certainly no question about doing it with Sam around.
My son was not going hear his mother ever screaming, Yes, yes. Harder, harder!
However, that meant another night without Caleb. I thought about my cold bed and shivered a little.
“Tonight was nice,” I said, breaking the silence, trying to work up the courage to say what I wanted to say. “Shelby and Eli are so in love. Anyone can see it.”
“Yep.”
“You had to hear how she went on and on about his jeans getting wet when he kneeled down to propose.”
He snorted. “Oh trust me, I heard it. She must have told the story a hundred times.”
I laughed because it was true.
“You leaving with me,” I put out there. “You don’t think that might raise a few eyebrows?”
“Walking you home in the middle of the night is something that would be expected of me,” he said gruffly.
“Hmm. What about fetching me all my beers and holding Sam most of the night? Would that be expected?”
He stopped and looked at me. I didn’t look away. But then he started moving again without a word so my only choice was to follow him.
Eventually, we reached my cabin. “I’ll take Sam now.”
“Open the door, Vivienne. I’ll put him down.”
I knew it wasn’t an argument I was going to win. I only thought to re-establish some boundaries between us. Of course, he wasn’t having it.
I opened the door and stepped back to let him inside. He quietly made his way to the crib where he laid Sammy down then stripped him of his snow gear. My good baby was so knocked out, he didn’t make a peep the whole time.
A good baby who would turn into a boy one day then eventually into a man. And getting him to that point was my responsibility. Ensuring that he was good and kind. Strong and resourceful. Alaska would help with that. Still, it was an awesome task I understood could be made easier with the help of a strong man to show Sam the way.
I also knew Caleb said he wanted no part of any of that.
Which made it so hard to watch when he carefully pulled the blanket over Sam and leaned his hand in to rest it against his forehead as if checking again for fever.
“He’s getting big,” Caleb said quietly. “He’ll outgrow the crib soon enough.”
I nodded. “I know. I’m saving for one of those car beds.”
“That will be tight in this cabin,” he said as he looked around the place.
“We’ll get by,” I said tightly. “We’re not leaving if that’s what you’re suggesting.”
He shook his head. “No, I know.”
<
br /> “Talk to me, Caleb,” I said, walking over to where he was again staring at Sam. “I can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong.”
“You can’t help me,” he said tightly. “You know you can’t.”
I reached out to rub his back in small circles. A gesture I realized had become as familiar to me these past few months as touching Sam. “I think you’re wrong. I think I could help you if you would let me. We both could.”
He jerked then as if I’d struck him.
“I have to go.”
I nodded, expecting nothing less. “You can keep running, Caleb, but just so you know Sam and I aren’t going anywhere.”
He left and I was right. The bed was particularly cold without him.
15
Vivienne
I opened the cabin door as I heard Eve pull up outside. I gave her a wave to let her know I was coming and went to get Sammy, who was already dressed for the weather.
“Are you ready for your play date?” I said as I lifted him into my arms with a bounce. “You’re going to be with Zeke Jr. today!”
I don’t know if he understood me, but the tone of my voice must have alerted him to the idea that fun was to be had today. He babbled and tried to put his mitten in his mouth only to spit out when he realized it didn’t taste very good. I laughed because I was pretty sure Sam was the funniest baby on earth. And he liked that I did because he laughed, too.
We’re blessed, I thought. To have each other. To have this place. To have come from that shitty motel room and that women’s shelter teeming with sad, desperate mothers with their sad, lost children.
Stupid luck that day in the library. Seeing the ad at all. And then here we were. I nuzzled his neck, but he pushed my face away.
“Noonnonammmamm.”
It sounded a lot like no, mamma, but I knew he wasn’t there yet. Still. “Are you saying I can’t give my baby boy kisses already?”
“Noonoonoommamono.”
I laughed, grabbed our stuff and went out to greet Eve. I settled him in the kid seat in the back of the truck. Eve now kept two in this truck since, a lot of time, either she or Shelby hauled around both Zeke Jr. and Sam.
Today Eve was taking us to her place as there was a storm coming. One severe enough Zeke didn’t think the cabin would provide enough shelter. The temperatures were expected to drop to twenty degrees below freezing, which was too much for our potbelly stove to combat.
“Hey,” I said, settling myself in the passenger seat.
“You pack for a few days? Not sure how long this storm will last.”
I nodded. “Yep. We’re set. I appreciate you guys doing this. How did you know it was going to be this bad?”
“Zeke’s got ways of tracking the weather, don’t ask.”
I never did with Zeke. Or Eve, for that matter. Not since she’d admitted she sort of maimed people. But only the bad guys, of course. I thought about what my father might have to say about her, but then I pushed it aside. Whoever Eve was or whatever she and Zeke did, they were kind and thoughtful neighbors.
Good people who had given me everything when I needed it. I would never judge her for anything.
Besides, I decided most of what she’d said had to be made up. I mean, it’s not like she was actually some paid assassin who had come here to kill Zeke. That’d be ridiculous.
“So you going to tell me what the deal is?” Eve asked once we were on the main road to the home Zeke had built for her and Junior.
“Deal about what?”
“Uh, two nights ago, the engagement party. Cal plastered to your side.”
I shrugged uncomfortably. I hadn’t heard from Caleb since the party. Not since he’d run—again—from me. “I wouldn’t say plastered,” I hedged.
“Ha,” Eve snorted. “I was there. I would say plastered and he wouldn’t let Sam go for a second.”
I turned to look at Sam and smiled at him so he would smile back at me. Also, to hopefully avoid Eve’s attention.
“I didn’t notice,” I said noncommittally. Although I knew I was a terrible liar.
Eve spared a glance at me. Then another.
“Holy shit, you two fucked!”
“Hush!” I said as if Sam might understand. It was bad enough I exposed him to the word fuck wherever we went, but I didn’t want him putting that word in context with…well, fucking.
“You did!” she pressed. “How could you not tell us? Do Shelby and Kate know? Am I last the one? Is this because you’re a preacher’s daughter and, technically, I do bad things to bad people sometimes? Because that’s so not fair. I’m, like, your best mom friend.”
“No, you’re totally my best mom friend!” Which was insane, but true. While I adored both Shelby and Kate—Jenny, too, for that matter, though she was more distant—they didn’t understand what came along with motherhood like Eve and I did. The constant worry, the constant self-doubt that you were making the right decisions.
Heck, just the self-doubt of choosing to live in Hope’s Point with a young child. We were a plane ride away from a hospital. An hour’s drive from the medic at Dyson’s camp. Sam had been super sick, but it wasn’t like there had been a doctor on hand to make house calls.
There’d been Caleb instead.
“Nobody knows. I didn’t tell anyone.” Because Caleb didn’t want people to know, or I didn’t want my friends to know I was sleeping with a guy who didn’t want other people to know. Because it might look like I was being pathetic again. Desperate.
I wanted to believe I had come so far from that virginal waitress behind the dinner counter desperate to have someone else fulfill her dreams. But had I? Had I really?
“Well?” Eve asked basically encapsulating ten questions into one.
“I don’t know what to say. The sex was amazing, he doesn’t want people to know, and his favorite new thing is to run away from me like I’m a hideous monster.”
“He’s adjusting,” Eve said. “You have to be patient. His whole world has shifted underneath him and it’s just taking him some time to catch up with it. He’ll come around.”
I wasn’t sure. A man like Caleb was defined by his role as a leader. The person in charge. The one who had to make the hard decision. Responsible for everything and everyone around him. It was his nature.
I’d seen that in the stupid picture on his profile.
Losing his wife and daughter, though…believing he was responsible? The risk he would have to take to try again? The courage he would have to have?
I wasn’t sure I could be anywhere near as brave.
“I just…I don’t want to be his plaything though, you know? I had that. I let someone use me because I thought I was using him. I don’t want to do that again. If Caleb and I are going to move forward, it’s got to be as equals.”
“No reason you shouldn’t,” Eve agreed. “The problem with men is…they’re stubborn fucks. They get ideas into their heads and sometimes you can’t shake them loose. Take Zeke. I said I wanted a baby, he said I was crazy, that he couldn’t be a father, wouldn’t know how…yada, yada. Eventually, because he’d give me his arm if he had to, and since he’d already given me a finger—it’s not like I’m exaggerating here—he gave in. Now, he’s got this boy who’s taught him how to love maybe even more than I did. And he’s happy in a way he didn’t know he could be, even after me. So yeah, sometimes you have to push them if only to show them how happy you can make them.”
I chewed on that the rest of the way to their place. When we pulled up in front of the monster home subtly situated on an overlook amongst the pine and hemlock, I tried to consider what it represented.
Whatever Zeke’s life had been, now it was a home filled with a wife and child. Children when Sammy came to play and girl talk when Shelby, Kate or I were around. A total shift from whatever he’d known before. It must have taken him time to adjust, too.
I’d been to their place plenty of times over the past few months so the beauty of the home combined w
ith its sweet technology didn’t shock me anymore. Sometimes I thought of Eve’s place as what I imagined Bill Gate’s home might be like if it had been stolen and situated here in Hope’s Point, Alaska. Full of computers and smart devices and secret doors that Zeke would say were off-limits.
In the nicest possible way.
The house was a split level with the kitchen and living room on the first floor with the bedrooms downstairs, all practically built into the slope they were perched on. In addition to the bedrooms, was a weight room for Zeke and a playroom for Junior, although I had a feeling Zeke spent equal time in both.
We gathered our stuff out of the car and went inside, dropping everything by the door. Sam and I followed Eve as she trotted down the stairs to find Zeke in the playroom, dressed in loose, black, cotton pants and a black T-shirt that stretched across his body in ways that made a woman’s mouth water. I had no idea how old he was beyond having the idea that he was older than the rest of us, but it DID. NOT. MATTER.
And I didn’t even feel a little guilty about admiring him. As hot as I was for Caleb, there wasn’t a woman on the planet who could look away from Zeke.
“Hey, baby, Sam’s here.”
“Good, we’re just getting started,” Zeke said.
I looked over at Junior who was now officially on his feet. He also wore some loose pants over a pudgy diaper and a black T-shirt that matched his father’s.
“What are you guys going to work on today?” Eve asked as she skipped into the room to kiss first her husband on the mouth then her son on the cheek.
“Basic defensive maneuvers,” he said, then addressed me. “I have workout clothes for Sam, too.”
“But Sam can’t stand unless he pulls himself up on something.” I was pretty sure basic defensive maneuvers were out of his league.
“It’s never too early to start,” Eve assured me. “Trust me.”