by Marni Mann
“Billie,” I roared back, stroking through her tightness, our bodies trembling together. I gripped her face with both hands, mouth on hers, and I emptied myself.
Ripple after ripple, and I still didn’t let her go, taking in her air as I held on.
When we finally stopped moving, she stayed on top of me, and we kissed.
“Don’t go,” she said when she eventually pulled away.
I didn’t answer right away.
I let it all simmer for a few seconds—the satiation, the thought of what had just happened between us, how I was still inside her.
“I won’t,” I replied.
Her body relaxed as she heard my answer.
Mine stiffened.
Forty-Five
Billie
It was dark in my room when my eyes opened. Jared’s hand was on my stomach, his body pressed against my back, instantly telling me I wasn’t alone. Even if he wasn’t touching me, I’d still be able to smell the subtleness of his scent in the air and feel his presence in my room.
He was just that strong.
And having him here gave me the warmest sensation, an overwhelming spark in my chest, a sexual gnawing that reminded me of the way I had felt last night. That man had a power over me—not just in a way where he owned my body, but he also had the ability to constantly occupy my mind with things other than the crash.
Just like he was doing right now, yet he was still asleep.
Not wanting to wake him, I rolled over as carefully as I could, and I used the tiny bit of light that came in through the windows to see what he looked like in the morning.
There was such a still quietness to his face that he didn’t have when his eyes were open. A level of maturity I’d never experienced before, but I appreciated it even more now that we’d been together. It all felt so right—having him in my bed, seeing him sleep as though the heaviness had been lifted from his head.
And as if he agreed, he slowly opened his eyes.
As a protector, he must have sensed my stare, and I wasn’t shocked that he had. I was just glad I’d gotten a few seconds to enjoy his peacefulness before I was hit with the intensity of his eyes.
“Good morning,” he whispered. He raised his hand from under the sheet and touched my cheek, his thumb so warm as it brushed my skin.
Now that the blanket had moved down a little, I glanced at his chest, at the dark hairs that covered it and how it was just the right amount. “Morning.” I nuzzled his palm, closing my eyes as his scent turned stronger. I would remember it anywhere.
“Do you know what time it is?”
It was Friday. I’d forgotten Jared probably had to go to work.
I glanced behind me at the clock on the nightstand and said, “A little past seven,” before I turned around again.
His hand went back to my face. “Did you sleep?”
“Yes.” I smiled because it felt so good to say that. “A solid four hours and then off and on for another two. You?”
His thumb pressed the corner of my mouth. “Same.”
“When was the last time you could say that?”
He didn’t respond right away. It didn’t seem like he had to think about it, more like he was just realizing how far he’d come. “Before the crash.”
Something wasn’t being said, and I sensed we both knew it.
He had been so adamant about us not getting together, warning that all it would do was hurt us. But I didn’t understand how last night could be a mistake, especially when he had slept and I had woken up with the lightest feeling in my chest.
“See, I’m good for you.” More sunlight was trickling into the room, so I knew he could see my smile. When his grip tightened, I took that as his reply and asked, “Do you have time for breakfast?”
He nodded, and I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his cheek, taking in the scent of his beard. There were so many traces of us in that hair, of the hours we’d spent tasting and pleasing. We had moved to the shower and then the kitchen, and we’d ended on the bench in front of my bed. At least an hour of conversation had followed about our lives before we finally fell asleep.
I hated the thought that he would soon have to leave.
“Give me a few minutes,” I said softly, kissing the same spot, and then I pulled away and climbed out.
Knowing he was staring at my nakedness, I gradually walked across my room to the bathroom, eventually shutting the door behind me. I’d felt his eyes on me the whole way. That was one of the reasons my face was flushed when I looked at myself in the mirror above the sink. The other reason was because it had been a while since I felt this way about a man, and the thought of Jared was burning through me.
I sat next to Jared at the counter, the same place I had intended for us to eat last night before dinner took a very different turn. Since I hadn’t planned for breakfast and I normally didn’t eat more than an egg, I had to improvise. Fortunately, I’d found some rosemary biscuits in the freezer, which I’d toasted. I’d then scrambled some eggs and green onions and mushrooms, and I’d served a grilled tomato on the side.
“Jesus, your cooking just keeps getting better,” he said, glancing up from his half-eaten plate, reaching for his mug of coffee.
“Thank you.” I set down the other part of my biscuit and began to cut the tomato. “Wait until you really experience me eating.”
He stared at my mouth and smiled. “You say that like it’s an event.”
We both started to laugh, and it was needed since there had been only seriousness this morning.
“I just mean, it’ll be fun when I can really join you,” I clarified.
Food was going down my throat, and it all tasted delicious. Those were vast improvements, but I still wasn’t there yet, and his face told me he knew it too.
“I think it’s tied to flying.”
I nodded. “I think you’re right.”
His other hand went to my face, and he turned me toward him a little more. “Then, come flying with me. It will fix all of this.”
My heart slammed into my chest. My hands tingled.
As I looked him in the eyes, I wanted so badly to give him the answer he wanted to hear.
But I couldn’t.
I wasn’t ready.
He leaned forward and put his lips on my forehead. “It’s okay. I know.” He stayed like that for several seconds until he added, “Billie, I have to go to work.”
I had known his departure was coming. He was already dressed, his phone in his pocket, the sound of it going off almost nonstop.
“Thank you for breakfast … and for last night.”
He pulled back after he exhaled over my face, and his eyes almost took my breath away. They were haunted, so painfully intense. And as his struggle, I was the reason for it.
“You’re welcome,” I whispered, and then I got off the stool. “I’ll walk you out.”
A sadness seeped into my chest as I moved through the kitchen toward the front of my apartment. When I got to the door, I held it open, and he stopped in front of me. His hands went to my waist, and he kissed me. It only took the smallest touch of his lips to reheat the passion that had pulsed between us last night.
“Billie …” he said softly, backing away. “I’ll talk to you soon.”
And then he was gone.
Forty-Six
Honey
Fall 1986
“The anticipation is literally killing me,” Honey said to Andrew as they sat on the end of their bed.
Andrew’s arms had been circled around his wife since she took a seat a few moments ago. The thought of what was waiting for her in the bathroom was so overwhelming. If he didn’t hold her, she would start pacing.
Because …
She was late.
When she hadn’t gotten her period, she hadn’t told him immediately. With all the letdowns that happened to her every month, she was positive it would show up any minute. But when more time had passed, she’d decided she couldn’t put it off any longer, and he’d
brought home a test this morning.
Now, it was processing on their bathroom counter.
“Whatever the result is,” he said, “we’re going to be fine with it.”
Honey looked at her husband. She hadn’t wanted to take the test in the first place. She was terrified of what the result would be. Because, for the last fourteen months, her period had shown up. And Honey had a feeling if she didn’t get pregnant soon, there was definitely something wrong with her.
He was looking for a reply, and she couldn’t give him one. At least, not one he would want to hear. So, she tucked her knees to her chest and circled her arms around them, and then she rocked along the edge of the bed.
“Honey …”
“Andrew, I can’t.” She looked at him even though it hurt. “I want to tell you a negative result won’t crush me, but I just can’t promise that.”
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pressed his lips to the top of her head, holding them there while she moved back and forth.
Over the last several months, she’d tried not to let this consume her, but it was getting harder every day. Each time they had sex, Honey hoped it would make a baby, and that was starting to be the only reason she wanted to be intimate with her husband. Once she realized their efforts were for nothing, the dread would fill her again, a level of disappointment that was beginning to own her.
“We’ll figure this out,” he whispered as he held her. His lips were still in her hair, both arms on her now. “I promise you, baby, you have nothing to worry about.”
Honey was silently counting the seconds, focusing on the numbers, ticking them off in her mind. With each one that passed, her chest tightened more. Her hands began to tremble. A churning started in her stomach, and it felt so strong that she had to put her hand on it, hoping the pressure would calm it.
“It’s time,” Andrew said.
Honey had been concentrating so hard on the numbers that she’d forgotten exactly what she was even counting for.
But it was for this—the result.
Except she couldn’t move. She couldn’t get off the bed. She couldn’t walk into the bathroom and see the result of something that was so far out of her control even if it was taking place in her own body.
“You go,” she said, trying to take a breath and not finding enough air. “Please … I can’t.”
He pushed down harder with his lips, this time really kissing her head. She felt him breathe her in, and he exhaled over her. He was giving her all the love he had and she really needed it, especially since he was pushing himself off the bed and going into the bathroom. Within a few steps, he was already inside. Honey had left the test on the counter by the sink. In the time that passed, she knew he was already there.
And that he was reading the result.
And that he knew whether they were pregnant.
She felt sick and tucked herself into an even tighter ball, rocking her feet over the ledge of the mattress. “Please,” Honey prayed quietly. “Please, please, please.”
As she swayed, she heard nothing from inside the bathroom. Silence wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted celebrating, shouting, an expression of joy at the very least.
Silence meant exactly what she’d feared.
Nausea was taking over her stomach. The eggs and coffee Andrew had made were threatening to come up.
She had known taking the test was a bad idea. She should have done it on her lunch break or gone to the doctor and waited through it alone. Because it was one thing to handle the disappointment, but the thought of seeing it on his face would be too much for Honey to bear.
She would never do this to him again.
Just when she didn’t think she could take another second of the silence, he appeared in the doorway. “It wasn’t fully processed yet.” He glanced down at the test he was holding in his hand and back up at her. “But it is now.”
“Andrew …”
“Baby, we’re pregnant.” He held the test up for Honey to see.
She felt her mouth open, but nothing came out of it. She was in too much shock. She hadn’t expected this result. She had been positive she knew what the outcome was going to be, and this certainly wasn’t it. That had meant another month of trying, another disappointment waiting at the end of it.
But that wasn’t the case, and she didn’t know what to do with herself.
“Pregnant?” she whispered when he knelt in front of her, his hands gripping her knees. “You mean, we’re really going to have a baby?”
He nodded, and she immediately fell into his arms. He lifted her into the air, and she wrapped her body around him, a contentment filling her like it had on her wedding day.
“Andrew,” she said so softly, pulling out of his neck so she could look at him. “I’m finally going to be a mother.”
He nodded.
And that morning, they both cried.
Forty-Seven
Jared
It didn’t matter that I’d left Billie’s apartment and showered and brushed my teeth because I could still smell her as I walked into work that morning. The effect it had on me was more than I was willing to admit to myself, and that scared the hell out of me.
Billie Paige wasn’t a scent I should have ever inhaled in the first place. But now that I’d had her, I couldn’t get enough. I wanted to be with her again tonight and tomorrow morning and every day after. And just as I was running my hand underneath my nose, getting the faintest whiff of her again, my phone vibrated from an incoming call.
I reached into my pocket and saw my friend’s name on the screen. “Marcus.” I quickly calculated the time in San Francisco and assumed he hadn’t yet gone to bed. “I’m beginning to worry you never sleep.”
“You know what it’s like, being a new business owner. There’s no time for that. All I do is worry like hell and work like a dog.”
I laughed. “It’s not any different when you’re an old business owner either.” I nodded at one of the security guards as I passed him in the hall and closed my office door behind me. “How are things going?”
“That’s the reason I’m calling.”
I took a seat at my desk, entering the passwords my computer required to enable email to come through. Once it loaded, I pulled up the one Billie had sent yesterday morning, hours before I’d gone to her place.
To: Marcus Campanella
Subject: Basil’s—Ad Results
* * *
Hi Marcus,
* * *
It’s now been a full week since the launch of your thirty-second ad on my social media channels, so I just wanted to reach out and provide a detailed report of the data and activity the ad had generated. In our last email exchange, when we had discussed your goals, you were specific in the audience you were aiming to reach. Well, I’m extremely happy to report that we’ve not only reached those numbers, but we have also far exceeded them, as you’ll see in the attached spreadsheet.
* * *
Since the ad will live indefinitely on all of my channels, I will continue to provide detailed reports, so you can see how it produces over time. The next spreadsheet I’ll be sending will come at the thirty-day mark and then quarterly from there on out.
* * *
I can’t thank you enough for being so patient and understanding with me as I find my footing again in this industry. I know this isn’t exactly what you had in mind when you solicited my services, but I want you to know that I truly appreciate you taking the chance on me, and I hope you’re satisfied with the launch of your campaign.
* * *
One day, I intend to make my way to the West Coast and visit Basil’s rather than just admire it through the sinful pictures you sent. When I’m able to accomplish that dream, I’ll be sure to get in touch.
* * *
Noodles and Toodles,
Billie Paige
“Oh, yeah?” I said into the phone, pulling my eyes away from her email and turning in my chair to face the wall of windows behind
me.
I stood just as he said, “The fucking phone has not stopped ringing.”
I smiled, gently pounding the glass pane with my fist. “This news couldn’t make me happier, my friend. We’ve accomplished everything we intended.”
“You know … when you told me you were going to hire some online reviewer to come eat at my place, I didn’t have high expectations. I certainly didn’t believe it would get me six solid months of reservations, but that’s what has happened.”
I shook my head in amazement. “Jesus Christ, Marcus.” I pressed my shoulder against the glass, looking down at the street below. “This is so well deserved—all of it. You’ve worked so goddamn hard to get here.”
“My family thanks you, Jared. This is going to change our lives.”
“I’d do anything for you and Charlene and the kids.” I glanced back at my computer, seeing the email Billie had sent. “I have some data on how well the campaign is performing. A spreadsheet that breaks down each channel and the click-through rates. I’ll forward it to you once we get off the phone.”
“Sounds good.” I heard him take a drink and swallow. “When are you coming to the West Coast?”
“You know I can never stay away for too long.” I returned to my chair, placed the call on speaker mode, and set the phone on my desk.
“Next time you’re in town, we’re having dinner at the restaurant,” he said. “I want you to taste some of the new dishes I’ve been experimenting with. I need someone with an honest palate, like yourself.”
“I’d be honored.” I glanced at my cell when I heard a text come through. It didn’t appear on the dark screen, so I said, “Listen, buddy, I’ve got to run. I’ll be in touch when I know my schedule.”