by Linda Kage
With a sigh, I slumped down onto my bedroll. “Why do you keep fighting it, my love?”
The more regard he seemed to grow for me, the harder he tried to resist our union.
But I think a part of me understood. I wouldn’t like thinking some tattoo on the side of someone else’s face was trying to force my feelings for them. That was the problem, though. I understood that wasn’t what the mark was about. It wasn’t forcing anything. It wasn’t making us fall for each other—and I was definitely falling for Farrow, the man, just as much as he was falling for me. All the mark did was let a person know who to pay attention to because it recognized that you had more potential to fall in love with them than you did anyone else.
All our feelings were still our own.
I could see how he might think it was all being manufactured for him, however. And in his shoes, I would probably resist it too, if I thought that way.
I guess I was just going to have to explain the mark to him a little better, wasn’t I?
Tomorrow, I promised, as I lay down. Tomorrow, I’d get him to understand.
19
Farrow
I snuck into Nicolette’s and my tent early the next morning while she still slept. She looked so lovely and serene draped across her bedroll with her thick, dark braid curled around her neck like a scarf and a bare knee and calf peeking out from the confines of her skirts.
My body reacted instantly. I swear, I’d been in a perpetual state of arousal since plucking her from Donnelly. And it didn’t help that she made it so damn obvious that she was more than willing to lie with me.
I could wake her right now, ruck up her skirts, and the woman would be wet and moaning by the time I pushed inside her. A groan vibrated through my throat as I fisted my hands down at my sides.
I was weak when it came to her, but sex would be the one place I refused to give in. I would not tup her, not until she learned everything about me and my situation and was still willing to have me afterward.
Which she wouldn’t be.
Swallowing down my regret over what would never happen, I tore my gaze from her and scanned the interior of the tent until my focus fell to the jewelry she’d taken off last night. Not pausing to think my actions through, I decided they’d do fine. I swept up her wrist guards, necklace, and hairpin, then shoved them into a sack, cinched it closed, and pushed to my feet.
Exiting the tent, I let the flap fall behind me, and I strode through the dawn where ribbons of smoke from dying campfires floated up around me like whispering fog. The scent of burned wood and rich spices overtook the aroma of fresh dew clinging to moss-covered trees.
The drop in temperature made my skin prickle with anxiety as I stopped a passing man hauling two pails of water from a nearby stream and asked him where I could find Mydera.
He pointed out the way with a tip of his head, and I strode off with a brisk murmur of gratitude. Her tent flaps were flung open and her two pages—Wicket and Spice—stood guard.
As I approached, Spice bowed her head to me. “Mydera will see you now.”
Without pausing, I ducked down and entered.
“Farrow of House Scott,” Mydera greeted, sounding pleased to receive me. “I was hoping I might get a visit from you this morning.”
I scowled into the darkness of the tent until my eyes adjusted and found her sitting cross-legged on the ground with her hands resting palms-up on her knees in meditation. Her eyes were closed.
“You know who I am,” I said, my heart beginning to race with dread. I had never told her which house I belonged to.
Her lashes fluttered open slowly. “We have a few seeing eyes within our midst. And they were all quite anxious to report that the Bastard Betrayer had momentarily joined our camp.”
My jaw knit. I’d forgotten about being labeled that despicable term by Roloff, and honestly, I hadn’t thought I’d ever hear it again.
Who the hell had coined the phrase Bastard Betrayer, anyway? It was stupid as hell.
“And it appears,” Mydera went on, “that even the mages of the Dimway Forest will benefit from your many deceptions.”
I swallowed with no idea what that meant, but it caused my blood to congeal regardless.
“Do you know what I’m supposed to do?” I probed, holding my breath for the answer.
But Mydera merely chuckled. “Child, you know better than that. Prophesies are never so forthright. All they do is cause confusion and more questions, until there they are, complete and true as the sky is blue. So no. I’ve no idea what you’re supposed to do to save us all.”
“Is my heroic agenda enough to get you to help me, though?” I hedged.
She flashed a smile. “Depends. For what reasons are you seeking me this grave morning, my son? I should warn you now; I won’t commit murder. Not against anyone.”
“It’s nothing so sinister,” I assured as I tossed the sack I held onto the ground in front of her. Inside, Nicolette’s golden wrist guards clanged together loudly. “I merely need a couple items charmed. That’s your area of expertise, is it not?”
Mydera glanced at the sack. Then me. “I’m listening.”
I handed her a folded slip of parchment, saying, “This is what I require.”
She read slowly, humming and bobbing her head the entire time. “Interesting choices,” she finally said, glancing up. “I don’t suppose you’ll tell me what you need all this for.”
“No, I don’t suppose I will.”
She smiled vaguely. “I didn’t think so.” She refolded my list and held it up between two fingers. “This’ll cost you, you know.”
I never had a doubt. But I lifted my eyebrows, regardless. “Even though I’m supposed to save your entire clan?”
“Being our savior has gained you an audience with me, plus the accommodations from my people for a day. But to attain your list of tricky charms, I’m afraid I’ll need more.”
Damn. I knew it would come to this. But it still filled me with grief. Biting the back of my teeth as hard as I could and already regretting my actions, I pulled the everlasting flagon from my pocket and showed it to her. My mother had told me to never part with it.
It grieved me to betray her.
In front of me, Mydera’s teeth flashed and eyes lit eagerly. “Well, in that case, my dear, we have a deal.”
“No!” Nicolette shouted, dodging suddenly into the tent. Snatching the flagon from my hand before I could pass it over, she clutched it to her chest and sneered at Mydera. “There’s no deal here.”
My heart dropped. A chill taking over my body, I demanded, “How long have you been out there, spying on us?”
Zipping me a scowl, she hissed, “Long enough to watch you try to hand over your most prized possession. Because of me. And I’m not going to allow it. I’m not going to Donnelly with them, because I’m not leaving you, so just erase the thought from your head. Right now.”
“Oh, but we’re no longer interested in traveling across the Vast Desert to Donnelly,” Mydera announced, seemingly amused as she glanced back and forth between Nicolette and me.
We shot her a startled stare and yelled, “What?” together.
“Why not?” I wondered. They had to go to Donnelly, so they could take the princess with them. That would’ve been my next request.
“Because of the flagon?” Nicolette said.
Mydera gifted her with an amused look. “No, sweetling. The flagon has nothing to do with it.” Her gaze settled knowingly on me. “It merely appears that there will no longer be a need for the forest mages to leave Far Shore after all.”
While Nicolette frowned in confusion, wondering, “Why not?” Mydera focused on the flagon.
“But I’ll still take your trinket there as payment, regardless. It’ll make a perfect addition to my little collection as it’s quite rare and worth a mint.”
“Well, I’m sorry. But you can’t have it,” Nicolette bit out, still hugging the flask. “This is Farrow’s, and he’s not parting wi
th it. Because I’m not leaving his side. I’m not going anywhere with your people. And I’m going to be the one to help him save his mother, not you.”
Sniffing, she squared her shoulders decisively. If her determination wasn’t so misplaced, it’d look spectacular on her. “So we will not be needing your services, and you will not be getting this,” she finished.
“Oh, princess,” Mydera said softly, shaking her head in disappointment. “If only you knew everything.”
Hearing the word princess cross Mydera’s lips, I gasped and surged forward, taking Nicolette’s arm protectively.
Against me, she shivered with dread. “What…” She paused, grappling for air before saying, “I’m sorry, but what did you just call me?”
Mydera narrowed her eyes. “Yes, I know exactly who you are, my lady.” Her attention veered back to me. “I know who you both are.”
This time, I was the one who trembled as I hauled Nicolette even closer. And sadly, I wasn’t certain if I drew her in to offer her comfort and protection or seek it myself, because Mydera could expose me right now and reveal everything if she so wished.
I could lose Nicolette in an instant.
Except I wasn’t ready. I needed more time with her. I needed…
Everything.
Heart beating hard, I stared the mage down as she flickered me a sardonic smirk. Aye, she knew she could ruin me.
“But I won’t use it against you,” she finally added, enjoying all this power she held over us. “So here’s what’s going to happen. Princess Nicolette will not be going anywhere with us. It’s never in a mage’s best interest to interfere with destiny. Ergo, you remain with your true love bastard.”
Nicolette flashed me a triumphant smirk, until Mydera added, “And you’ll give the flagon to me. I’ll take it in payment for the items I’ll be enchanting for Farrow.”
“But—” Nicolette started, only to receive a severe glower from Mydera.
“I said, I’ll take it in payment for the items he’s requested that I charm for him.”
I nudged Nicolette’s arm, encouraging her to comply. She sent me a mutinous frown before releasing a disgruntled huff and muttering, “Fine. But let it be known, I’m against this plan entirely.”
I granted her an honorable nod. “So noted, my lady.”
Lacking all grace, Nicolette chucked the flagon at Mydera, who caught it with one hand, her fingers curling around it in a possessive claim.
“Thank you.” Her chest heaved as she released a relieved breath, and the flask was tucked out of sight before she continued. “Now, I invite you both to visit the cook’s wagon and join my people for a farewell breaking of your fast while we have your possessions packaged and readied for your journey ahead. I’ll meet you there when I have your trinkets charmed.”
Nicolette and I exchanged glances. She appeared to be as uncertain as I felt about this entire deal, but we also seemed to agree we’d follow the mage’s instructions anyway.
With a sigh, Mydera waved the backs of her fingers at us, shooing us along. “Well, what’re you still standing there for? Get on with you now. I have work to do.”
Mumbling to herself, Nicolette snagged my hand. “Come on,” she growled, “I think I’ve reached the limits of my patience here.”
I blinked at the command but followed her without a word as she led me from the tent. It always surprised me when she issued an order and I found myself perfectly content to obey. When first we met, she’d been much more biddable, acquiescing to my directives with nary a question. But the longer I remained in her company, the more she seemed to come into her own, growing more confident in her decision-making and philosophies.
I couldn’t help but think that once she reached her full potential, she’d be spectacular.
Unstoppable.
“I cannot believe you snuck out and spoke to that woman behind my back,” she hissed, trying to keep her scolding quiet and between the two of us. She kept hold of my hand as if she couldn’t seem to part with me, even as she sent me a vexed sniff. “What items are you getting enchanted, anyway?”
I couldn’t tell her. She’d never forgive me if she knew I’d snatched some of her things to have infused with magic.
Swallowing down my dread, I murmured, “That’s my prerogative, my lady.”
“Oh, is it?” She sent me an arch glance, only to sniff and lift her chin a notch higher before facing forward again. “Fine. Keep your secrets but know this. I’ll learn them eventually.”
“Not today, you won’t,” I countered.
Zipping me a scowl, she agreed, “Maybe. However, someday, you will come to learn you can trust me. Implicitly.”
I knew she’d leave the moment she learned everything; that was what I could trust. Until then, I’d steal as much time as I could with her.
Glancing toward me, she said, “You’ll also come to understand there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”
I glanced at her, but she was no longer paying me any heed.
With a shake of my head, I released a breath. No one had ever claimed to be so dedicated to me. I wasn’t sure how to process it.
My ribs tightened painfully around my chest, constricting my lungs. Her sweet words caused the ache to grow, until every muscle in my frame pulled taut, threatening to shatter me into a million pieces.
In an effort to hold it all together, I tugged her fractionally closer, and yet she still seemed to slip further and further away.
Too far away.
I needed her closer.
My brow furrowed. I was following my contradictory path of needs and desires again, wasn’t I? Dammit, what the devil was wrong with me?
Did I want my father’s love and acknowledgement, or did I want to be as far away from such a monster as I could get? Did I want Nicolette to go for her own safety or did I want her to stay because I couldn’t part with her? Could I not just settle on one desire and stick with it? Because, seriously, one moment I was trying to shove Nicolette at the mages, yet now I was back to concealing truths just to keep her.
Why did I always desire two such opposite goals?
Though to be quite honest, I really didn’t want any of the goals I worked so hard to obtain, probably because what I wanted most was an impossibility on all fronts, and I was left torn in two, my actions always sending me in conflicting directions.
With the king, I did want him to be my father, but a real father, a father of integrity, that I could find honor and pride in. But he could never be that man. He was evil, straight to the core, so I had alternated between loving and hating him, frustrated because I knew I could never get what I needed most.
But it was time to lay that to rest. The king was no longer my concern. He’d crossed the line with Sable. Imprisoning her wasn’t something I could forgive.
And with Nicolette. Dammit, with Nicolette, I’d ruined anything we could ever have by beginning our association with a lie—a lie I’d covered with more lies, and then more lies on top of that. I could never be fully honest and open with her without losing her, and I could never fully have her without showing her all that I was.
I blinked, a little startled. I'd actually figured out the conundrum to all my issues. Huh. Strange. I’d been warring with myself for years over the opposing pulls I always experienced when it came to the king. But after mere days in Nicolette’s company, my problems became as clear as the sky on a cloudless day.
Now, if only I could figure out how to handle my new dilemma: Nicolette.
Glancing over, I studied the creature beside me while we approached the cook’s wagon. A beam of morning sunlight was breaking through the trees and falling on her hair. Amused that it’d found the worthiest creature in the entire forest to gift with its brilliant illumination, I reached up to capture a piece of her dark locks and idly ran it between my fingers.
No matter what happened next, I had her here and now, a beautiful woman who claimed she’d do anything for me. Even if it was a temporary ill
usion, what man wouldn’t appreciate the bounties of such a moment?
She looked at me. Her lips had been pinched in displeasure and eyes narrowed with irritation. She was far from happy with me. But all that softened whenever she took in my expression.
As if realizing what I needed most, she clucked her tongue. “I know, darling. I know.” Leaning in to rest her head on my shoulder, she slid her arms around my waist. “But it’ll get better, I swear. Everything will work out okay.”
For half a second, I almost believed her.
Reaching the end of the line at the cook’s wagon, we waited behind a dozen others for our turn to collect a plate.
As Nicolette pressed closer to me, I kissed her hair. “My skepticism aside,” I said. “I must say, I greatly admire all this faith you put into a single tattoo. When you believe in something, you believe with your whole heart, don’t you?”
“Yes.” She gazed at me a moment before adding, “And I believe in you.”
Those five words. They almost felled me. I wanted to hold on to her forever. But I also wanted to push her away and tell her how wrong she was to put any faith in me. I was going to betray her. I’d been betraying her since the moment I’d come for her in Donnelly. It didn’t matter if I no longer planned to deliver her to the king; I’d lied to her about all of it.
I lied to her still.
I was the last person she should believe in.
Pure acid seemed to spread through my veins. The self-revulsion rose, and all the while, I sank closer to her, seeking the comfort and release only she could give.
Someone needed to save her from me. But who?
I glanced up as we reached the front of the line.
The serving woman blindly handed Nicolette a filled plate and cup of steaming liquid. Then she picked up the next to hand to me, only to lift her face and meet my stare directly, as if singling me out.