by Linda Kage
Nicolette blew out a slow, steadying breath. “No, I didn’t think I had. Like dream sharing, for instance.”
Dream sharing?
My lips parted. My breathing increased even more. I was probably on the verge of having an anxiety attack, because…
No.
We couldn’t share dreams. That would mean she’d seen—
“Were you aware that when one soul mate dies and the other brings that one back to life with true love’s kiss, they then share a deeper bond, for lack of a better term, and will thereafter share their dreams with each other?”
Limbs going cold, I rasped, “Oh God.” Everything I’d dreamed the night before wavered through my mind. There was so much, practically my entire life in fast-forward. I didn’t usually remember my dreams, but I remembered this one. Clearly. Everything had been real too, memories from my past, not just fanciful things that had never happened to me.
“No…” I mumbled, shaking my head. She couldn’t have seen that.
Face paper white, Nicolette nodded. “Oh yes,” she countered and took a moment as her breath wobbled unsteadily. “I saw everything.”
“Nic—” I started, my mind already trying to find a way to salvage this, to keep the truth from her.
But then her lips trembled as if she might fall apart, and I cringed. I wouldn’t be able to handle watching her weep.
“I died yesterday in that river,” she said. “Didn’t I?”
I couldn’t lie. Not right then. So I whispered, “Yes.”
“And you let me think it had been a mere scratch. You lied.” She shook her head, looking momentarily lost and alone as if she’d been abandoned. “So many lies.” She closed her eyes and sucked in a harsh rasp before squaring her shoulders. When they opened again, she turned my way, and I saw her devastation. Her pain. Her distrust.
I’d done that to her. I’d broken everything bright and innocent and beautiful about her. All her willingness to believe in the good in people, gone.
“And the dreams?” she whispered. “They were all the truth, weren’t they? Factual memories, not just engineered scenarios you drew up from your imagination? You set out on this journey to capture and kidnap me for your king? Your father. So he could rape and mutilate me and then sell me back to my brother as nothing but a ruined shell? All because he threatened your sister?”
I wanted to look away from the condemnation in her gaze. I wanted to deny it all. But I couldn’t. She deserved the truth, and the full intensity of my shame.
So, I repeated the dreaded word, “Yes.”
“Oh God.” Her eyes filled with tears, and a sob seized her so strongly she had to hold on to herself to keep from rattling apart.
“Nic.” Desperation bubbled up my throat, and I found myself blurting, “I wasn’t going to do it, though. I wasn’t going to take you to him.”
She held up a trembling hand to stop me. But I couldn’t let her think I would ever do something so horrible to her. “At first, yes,” I admitted, gritting my teeth and cringing at my own admission. Then I plowed on. “Before I knew you, I thought to kidnap you. I—I just couldn’t conceive of any other choice. Sable’s life depended on it. But barely a day in your company, I realized I couldn’t. I could never do that to any woman, let alone you.”
“So…” She shook her head and furrowed her brow. “You—what—decided to let your sister die instead?”
“No!” I shouted. At her frown, I blew out a calming breath, and explained, “It took me a while into the journey to formulate a plan. But I do have one now. I’m going to sneak into the dungeon and break her out instead.”
“Then…” Her eyes squinted. “You’re going to betray your father?” I could see the doubt brewing. She’d never looked at me with so much wary distrust before. “You plan to betray the one man you’ve been trying to please and gain acceptance from your entire life?”
My chin trembled. I lowered my face. “He’s not much of a father, though, is he?” I mumbled, ashamed that I’d been so determined to seek his favor in the first place. Glancing up, I admitted, “It’s long past time for me to give up on that dream. So yes, I’m going to betray him.”
Because I was the Bastard Betrayer. Apparently, that’s what I did.
Nicolette lifted her chin to let me know she was listening, not necessarily believing, but at least listening to my explanation. And considering it.
“And you need me to help you with this plan?” she wondered, her forehead wrinkling with confusion.
“What?” I shook my head immediately. “No. I don’t want you anywhere near the castle when I attempt to free Sable. I don’t want you placed in that kind of danger at all.”
“Then why didn’t you return me home when you supposedly realized you couldn’t use me in your father’s sick games?”
“I—I didn’t have the time,” I said. “Doubling back would take too long. With each passing day, Sable suffers more in that dungeon. I need to get back to Blayton. As soon as she’s free, I can return you—”
“No. Stop!” Nicolette surged to her feet and lifted her Colt, pointing it at my head, her teeth flashing and eyes narrowing. “Stop lying to me! For once in your life, just be honest with me.”
“I am,” I insisted. “I do intend to take you home, if—if that’s what you really want.” I swallowed down a painful knot, hoping that wasn’t what she wanted after all. “But first, I need to get back to Sable—”
“Then there’s more,” she accused with steely determination. “Something else you’re not saying. You’re a master at avoiding the truth. Omitting things. Manipulating. So what aren’t you saying? Tell me. Why didn’t you return me home?”
“Because—”
“And if you lie again, I will shoot you through the heart, I swear it.”
“Because I didn’t want to,” I shouted, stunning her silent with the sudden heat and intensity behind my words.
The Colt half lowered uncertainly in her hand. I snarled at her for forcing me to reveal what I hadn’t even been able to admit to myself.
“I didn’t want to,” I whispered again and thumped the back of my head against the tree behind me. Then I looked up at the branches and leaves above, and I felt my heart crack. “I wanted to keep you with me. That’s the real reason I could never return you home.”
Nicolette didn’t immediately answer, so I reluctantly drew my gaze back to her.
The Colt began to tremble in her grip as she shook her head. “But why keep me?”
I cracked out a hard, dry laugh. “Why do you think, my lady? Here you were, suddenly in my life, a beautiful young woman—a princess, no less—claiming you loved me, looking at me like I was something special, something worthwhile, showing me your adoration with everything you did, and promising to never leave me. Why would I ever want to take you back to them? You saw my dreams. You know what my life has been like. No one ever treated me as well as you did. I wasn’t ready to let that go.”
Nicolette’s features contorted with agony. Her shaking increased. She stopped hiding her pain with anger and let the heartbreak free as she sobbed, “But how will I ever be able to believe anything you say again? You had so many chances to be honest with me, yet you chose to lie. Every time.”
I could tell from her expression, she wanted an actual answer, but what could I say to make this right? I had repeatedly betrayed her trust in the most personal and intimate of ways.
“I couldn’t risk it,” was all I could think to whisper.
Her face crumpled with upset confusion before she rasped, “Risk what?”
“Risk receiving the look you’re giving me right now,” I admitted. “At first, I didn’t know you. I still thought I might be kidnapping you. I didn’t care about you. But then later, I—I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to lose you, and my truth was horrible. I knew you’d eventually see me just the way you are right now. You’d understand the real me and be filled with horror. I knew you’d leave.”
Pocketing th
e Colt in her dress, Nicolette finally rose from where she’d been sitting. My breath caught at the magnificent view she made. Pain and devastation coated her like a thick layer of grime, yet she held her bearings, regal and erect.
This wouldn’t destroy her.
A sense of pride filled me. Even through heartbreak and ruin, she stood firm. Resolute. And yet that very thing is what broke me the most. She had no need for me. She’d leave now.
I was going to lose her.
Holding my breath as she approached, I looked up at her from where I sat against the tree, hoping she’d either forgive me for all my sins, unchain me from the tree, and promise to stay, or she’d just shoot me straight through the heart and put me out of my misery.
“I saw how you were raised,” she said quietly, her gaze swirling between sympathy, pain, and anger.
I swallowed through a short nod. “Yes,” I said. She’d seen everything.
“I saw the terrible way you were treated, the terrible, unfair choices you were given. And I can’t in good conscience blame you for setting out to…” Pausing through a wince, she took a moment before continuing, “What you planned to do to me was horrific, but not your idea. It was against your will, and it was for a worthy cause to assist your sister. I can respect that.”
“Nicolette,” I tried.
My voice only made her wince, however. She shook her head against my attempts to speak. So I fell mute.
“But just two days ago,” she went on, through clenched teeth. “Only two days ago, I swore to you that nothing you ever told me would scare me away. I swore to you I wouldn’t hate you. And you didn’t believe me.”
“I…” My own eyes grew wet. “Nicolette. I’m sorry. I—”
“You have no faith in me. In us. In anything. After everything we’ve been through together, you still couldn’t show me the real you, even when I begged you to. And you continued to lie. It’s so deeply ingrained in your blood to hide your true self that I’m not sure you’ll ever be able to open up to me, to trust me, as I did you. And if you can never trust me like that, then how can I ever trust you? You frankly label my promises as worthless when you refuse to believe me when I say I’ll do anything for you. And if you can’t respect even that, then you’re not yet the type of mate I need.”
She was right. I could never be the man she deserved.
I wilted, not sure what to say. So I rasped, “Princess…”
“You shut me out of everything you are, and I would’ve helped you with your sister. I would’ve done anything for you. Oh God.” She pressed her hands to her face and more tears filled her eyes. “I was such a stupid fool. What a laugh you must’ve had behind my back for how gullible and trusting I was.”
“No,” I swore vehemently. “Nicolette. Never. I—”
“I was so willing to believe anything and everything you told me. You were my true love. Why would you lie?” Moaning, she shook her head and wept more strongly into her fingers. “I’m nothing but a rash, naïve idiot. I don’t deserve—”
“Stop,” I choked out, wishing she’d hate me instead of blaming anything on herself. “You—you are not an idiot. You’re the best person I know. You—”
“I need some time to myself,” she announced suddenly, cutting into my words as she straightened to scowl at me. “I’m going home now.”
“What?” My chest caved in as if I’d been physically punched. I tried to stand but didn’t make it far before the chains yanked me back down. “No. You can’t. It’s too dangerous. A Donnelly girl with a High Cliff mark alone in Far Shore? You wouldn’t even make it to Vance alive.”
Her eyebrows immediately arched with insult. Then, with a sniff, she said, “Watch me.”
“Nicolette, please,” I pleaded, making it up to my knees at least. “Don’t do this. Don’t leave. You don’t have to put yourself at such risk. If you want to go home, I’ll take you home. I swear it. Just unlock my chains, and I’ll—”
She broke me off with a harsh laugh. “And what about your sister?”
Dammit. I closed my eyes, briefly having forgotten about Sable. With a sigh, I revised my hasty plan. “We’ll find you somewhere safe to stay. Then, I’ll go free her, and Sable and I will come back together to escort you home.”
She looked worn and vanquished as she studied me. Then she shook her head and wearily murmured, “And how can I believe a word you say?”
“Because I—”
“Don’t even bother,” she murmured, shaking her head weakly. “I’m done with your lies.”
With a defeated sigh, she returned to her pack, picked it up, and slung it over her shoulder.
My eyes burned. Unable to watch her actually walk away, I bowed my head and closed my lashes. Just like she had said, I was too afraid to let her see the real me, to see my fear and pain. It was my ultimate downfall.
“Since an innocent princess’s life is in danger—and I know how that feels,” she told me, sounding far kinder than I deserved, “I left the key to your chains around here somewhere. You can find it, free yourself, and still go save Sable. But I’ll be long gone by then.”
With a wince, I squeezed my eyes tighter and nodded my lowered head to let her know I’d heard her.
“Whenever you learn your truth,” she said, “you’ll know where to find me. Goodbye, Farrow.”
I couldn’t answer, too ashamed, too flayed open before her, all my failures and weaknesses still on display.
When I finally risked a glance up, she was gone, disappeared into the trees. And with her, she took the other half of my soul.
A deep sob shredded my chest.
“Goodbye, princess,” I whispered.
26
Nicolette
I had no idea how to get home. I just knew which direction Farrow and I had been going, so I went the exact opposite way.
He had re-applied his skin concealer to my tattoo the night before, and as long as I didn’t fall into another river, I thought it should stay in place for a day or two longer before beginning to rub off. After that, I’d have to hope keeping my cape up over my head would hide it enough, because it’d take three or four more days to reach the Far Shore border. At least.
Glancing back, I almost expected to see Farrow charging after me. But I was alone in the trees.
Trying not to think about him, I turned forward again and kept walking. I wasn’t going to worry about leaving him there, chained to a tree. He’d find the key and be free soon enough.
Except worst-case scenarios kept plaguing me. What if ruffians—like the archers—showed up before he found the key, and they robbed or killed him or both? What if wild animals scented him and attacked? What if—
Argh!
“He’ll be fine,” I growled to myself. He was a talented, resourceful guy. A survivor. He’d been through many an atrocity—I winced just thinking about everything both his parents had ever put him through—and he’d managed just fine, then. He would this time too.
The unease came anyway. Dammit, I was supposed to be mad at him, not so deathly worried. He’d betrayed me, all because he couldn’t trust me with the truth. That deserved some retribution on his part.
But what if—
I was so focused on thoughts of possible dangers that could befall him, I completely neglected my own. And the sound of wagon wheels plus plodding horse hooves told me I was nearly upon others before I could duck out of sight.
“Ho there,” a male voice called out.
Hell fire, I’d definitely been spotted.
I froze, squinting through the trees until I finally saw movement. My heart pounded.
For a woman alone, on foot, I knew exactly how vulnerable my situation was. Slipping my hand into the pocket of my cloak, I clutched the Colt close.
A wagon full of three men rolled through the break in the trees.
They had given me a greeting first, not flung an arrow, though, so I took that as a sign of good faith, hoping they might just be friendly after all. I lifted
an arm in reception, all the while, my stomach knotted painfully.
Blinking in surprise, they looked around for the rest of my traveling party. When they found no one, the driver tugged on the reins, pausing his horses.
“You lost, miss?”
I couldn’t ask them how to get to Donnelly. No one here would treat me kindly if they knew which kingdom I hailed from.
Swallowing thickly, I said, “I’m going to Dimway Forest. My husband…” My frame trembled as I pictured Farrow. “I lost him on the Cull River. A Coral Reef Killer attacked the ferry we were riding, and—” I pressed the back of my hand to my mouth with a tragic flare, leaving the rest unsaid.
The lie came so easily; it made me wonder if it was always this easy for Farrow to distort his tales, too. I felt a sudden burst of kinship with him. When it came down to survival and saving a loved one, lying didn’t seem so awful after all. And he’d always had a reason to lie. Maybe—
“Aww, you poor dear.” One man clucked his tongue, and just like that, the lie wasn’t so easy anymore.
They seemed kind. Deceiving them wasn’t right. Acid swirled in my stomach.
But I had to preserve myself, so I said, “If I could just get to Dimway, I could return to my family.” My voice cracked.
Okay, that didn’t feel so awful to say. If I merely concentrated on the true parts of my story and just altered small details in order to survive, lies were tolerable.
Because, honestly, I had lost my husband—the man who was my true love and soul mate—in the river yesterday. The moment he decided not to tell me I had died from my fall off the ferry, he proved he wasn’t ready to form a committed, honest, equal relationship with me yet. He still had to discover his inner truth and become the man he needed to be first.
So, until then, I really did want to get to the Dimway Forest to return to my family, just as I’d said. I merely kept the fact that my family didn’t exactly live there from these fine men.
They seemed the decent type, but how would they feel if they knew I was really a princess from their enemy realm that had burned a whole army of their royal troops to a crisp with a single dragon?