Friends Without Benefits

by Marci Bolden

  Kara hugged her. “I’m a fixer. It’s what I do.”

  “I know, but…”

  “You want to find your own way. I get that. I really do. Don’t forget to drink lots of water. You’ll be stiff as a board tomorrow if you don’t.”

  Dianna gave a weak salute as Kara climbed into her car, and then she walked several more spaces before getting into her SUV and dropping her head on the steering wheel. Even though Kara’s heart was in the right place, Dianna wished she would stop trying so hard to make her life better. How could things possibly get better when her entire life was slipping through her fingers?

  Chapter Four

  Dianna didn’t need another hassle. She didn’t need another stressful moment in her life, but that was exactly what she was getting. Jason had come home for the holiday, and she and her sons had immediately sat around the kitchen table, where they debated how to handle their first holiday as a broken family. The discussion had gone downhill quickly, and both her kids were pissed off.

  “I’m not going,” Sam said for what Dianna was certain was the tenth time since they started discussing their plans. “No way in hell I’m acting all Brady Bunch with that cunt.”

  Dianna closed her eyes. “Do not use that word in my house.”

  Jason threw his hands in the air. “Well, we can’t just not see Dad.”

  Sam lifted his brows sarcastically. “Yes, we can.”

  “Mom, tell him.”

  Dianna shrugged her shoulders. “He’s seventeen, Jas. He can do what he wants.”

  Sam pushed himself up. “Except say cunt.”

  “Except that. Where are you going?”

  “Megan’s parents invited me to go out to dinner with them tonight. They feel bad that I’ve been abandoned by my father.”

  “All right, listen,” she said. “I’ll have dinner ready whenever you plan to be here. All you have to do is tell me when you are going to your dad’s dinner. That is all I need to know.”

  “I’m not,” Sam said. “Don’t wait up. I plan on staying as late as I can to avoid the empty shell that was once my home.”

  Dianna chuckled as he left, but her grin faded when she noticed Jason glaring at her. “What?”

  “You let him get away with everything.”

  She didn’t say what she was thinking, but she silently considered how much her eldest son sounded just like his father in that moment. Mitch always seemed to have a disapproving tone when speaking of Sam, who preferred his guitar and friends to books and studying. “What exactly is he getting away with?”

  “What are you going to tell Dad if Sam doesn’t show up for Thanksgiving?”

  “I’m not going to tell your dad anything, Jason. That’s not my job anymore. All I need to know is when you guys plan to eat here so I can have dinner ready.”

  “So, you’re just going to let Sam skip out on spending any part of Thanksgiving with Dad?”

  “What do you want me to do? Drag him over there and supervise his every move, just so that he spends quality time with your dad and his new girlfriend?”

  Jason lowered his gaze. “Fiancée.”

  Dianna’s stomach dropped like a rock, and a sour taste filled her mouth. Fiancée? They weren’t even divorced, and Mitch was engaged? She swayed in her chair as her heart slammed against her ribcage.

  “He called this morning to let me know.” Jason’s voice was quiet, as if saying the words softly wouldn’t inflict as much pain on his mother. “He said he was going to wait until after the divorce was final, but she found the ring, so… I’m sorry, Mom.”

  She gave him a pathetic attempt at a reassuring smile, even though her eyes had filled with tears. “It’s okay.”

  “It’s not. It’s not okay. What the hell is wrong with him?”

  Dianna hushed him as she reached out and stroked his hair, but as he always did when she tried to comfort him, he shook his head and snuffled back his tears.

  “Sam’s right. We shouldn’t go. Grandma will understand. I don’t want to meet her. I don’t want to pretend like I’m okay with this. It sucks. Dad sucks.”

  “But he’s still your dad. No matter what happens, what he does, or…who he marries, he’s still your dad.”

  Jason stood and pushed his chair in. “Let’s do our usual Thanksgiving thing. Parade in the morning, eat around lunchtime, and then we’ll help you get the tree set up. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “I told the guys I’d be over to hang out. I’ll see you later.”

  “Bye. Jason?”

  He stopped walking away and faced her.

  “I love you.”

  “Love you, too, Mom.”

  Then he was gone, leaving her sitting alone at the table. She was tempted to call Sam. His anger over the engagement must have been the reason he refused to spend the holiday with his dad. She hated, absolutely loathed, that Mitch was so thoughtless toward their children.

  How did he think Jason and Sam would react to their dad walking out on their mom and getting engaged to someone else so quickly? How could he think this would be okay with his sons?

  Almost as much as she hated what he was doing to the boys, she hated that he could still hurt her. But her lip began trembling as she ran the news of his engagement through her mind again.

  Paul smiled when he saw Dianna sitting at the same table where they’d last shared coffee and conversation. He’d considered calling her several times, but every time he’d hesitated, not sure what he would say. When she’d called him, he’d smiled as soon as he saw her number on the caller ID. She’d sounded a lot less excited when he answered, but he didn’t let that bother him. However, when she looked up at him, her skin was pale and she had bags under her bloodshot eyes. She looked worse now than she had sitting on the witness stand talking about her husband’s affair.

  “Hey,” he said tentatively.

  “Hi.” Her voice was hoarse, and she cleared her throat before speaking again. “I was waiting for you before I ordered.”

  He waved a waitress over. “Do you know what you want?”

  “Just coffee. Thanks.”

  He placed their order as Dianna stared blankly out the window. Whatever was going on, she definitely wasn’t okay. Several minutes later, the waitress filled their coffee mugs and set a brownie and a slice of cheesecake on their table.

  She looked at the plates and then creased her brow at him.

  “You looked like you could use something sweet.”

  Her lip twitched, but she didn’t fully smile.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Tears welled in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks, and Paul let out a slow breath. Nabbing a napkin from the stack on the table, he handed the far-from-soft paper to her as she took a few slow breaths.

  “What happened?”

  She lifted her gaze to him, and even more tears fell down her cheeks. “They’re getting married.”

  The words stole his breath. For a moment he had a flash of standing on a beach, Michelle smiling up at him as she vowed to be his wife for the rest of their lives. But the memory faded quickly, and he was back in a café staring at Dianna. He pushed his plate away. “That was fast, huh? I mean, we’re not even legally divorced yet.”

  “Neither are we.” She looked down at her wedding bands.

  He looked at his as well, and he had to wonder why he was still wearing the gold band. It wasn’t like either of their spouses deserved the show of loyalty a wedding ring represented. But he hadn’t been able to remove his yet, and apparently neither had Dianna. At least not until this moment, when she tugged the bands off and tossed them aside.

  “I thought you should know,” she said quietly.

  “I guess we really didn’t mean that much to them after all, huh?”

  He glanced up and immediately felt like a jackass for his comment. Her face scrunched and her lashes grew wet with tears as her lip quivered.

  “Oh, God, I’m sorry, Dianna. I shouldn’t have said that.”

>   “No, it’s true.” She snatched up a napkin, dabbed at her eyes, and took a breath.

  “But I shouldn’t have said it.”

  “How could he just walk out of our marriage and into another one without a second thought? He couldn’t. Not if he cared. Not if he…” She gasped in a failed attempt to calm herself, and more tears fell down her face. “Not if he loved me. Even just a little bit.”

  Grabbing her hand, now devoid of her wedding rings, Paul squeezed it tightly in his. She used the other hand to cover her face. Sliding from his booth and into hers, he ran his hand over her back and did his best to soothe her. After a minute, she sniffed and reached for another napkin.

  “I’m sorry.” Her voice was hoarse. “I thought I was done crying over this.”

  “When did you find out?”

  “This afternoon. He told the boys. Jason told me.”

  “How are they handling it?”

  “Better than me. I just don’t understand.” She lowered her head, and her long dark hair fell like a curtain, hiding her face from Paul.

  He tucked the strands behind her ear. A tear had fallen down her nose and was on the verge of dripping from the tip. He used the knuckle of his pointer finger to wipe it away. “I don’t either. I don’t know what they wanted from us.”

  She put her hand to her face to hide her emotions, but she didn’t seem to be able to control the ragged breaths she was taking. Paul didn’t know her, didn’t know a thing about her, but seeing her heart breaking in front of him was tearing him apart. He slid his arm around her and handed her more napkins.

  “I’m sorry,” she said after several minutes.

  “It’s okay.”

  “No, I didn’t ask you here to dump on you like this.”

  He squeezed her shoulder. “I don’t mind.” Oddly, he didn’t. Soothing her somehow kept him from thinking too much about how much this was hurting him. He’d loved Michelle—maybe too much, like she’d said, but he tended to be an all-in kind of guy, and just because she’d left didn’t mean he’d pulled his heart out of their marriage yet. Part of him, for reasons he couldn’t quite understand, kept expecting her to change her mind. Though, he was certain—or so he hoped—that he’d be too smart to take her back if she did. Michelle being engaged, however, seemed to be the slap in the face Paul had needed to accept that his marriage was indeed over.

  Dianna finally glanced over at him. “I swear I don’t normally get hysterical in public. This is so embarrassing.”

  “No, it’s not. You were just dealt a pretty hefty blow.”

  “I don’t know if I’m going to survive this. It’s killing me.”

  “You will survive. I’ll make sure of it.”

  She flicked her gaze to him. “That’s very noble, Paul, but you have your own problems.”

  He stared at her for a long time before he clutched her hand. “This is a tough time we’re going through, and we need all the help we can get. We’ll take turns being miserable, huh?”

  She offered him a slight smile. “Well, I certainly took advantage of my turn today.”

  “And I’m sure I’ll take advantage at some point, too.”

  She took a deep breath and seemed to relax a bit. “I spent so much time falling apart, I didn’t even ask. How are you? I kind of dropped a bombshell on you.”

  He lowered his face and exhaled slowly. “I’m not surprised, I guess. She’s not the type to take care of herself.”

  “It still hurts.”

  He nodded as he processed the knowledge that his wife was getting married. They were silent for some time before he pulled his hand from hers and lifted his cup to his lips. His arm was still around her as he sat silently, drinking his coffee.

  She picked up her fork and took a bite of the brownie. “Maybe this will fill the black hole of agony I have inside, hmm?”

  “If that doesn’t work, try brandy. It has amazing healing powers.”

  “I’ll try that tonight when I should be baking pies and wrapping presents, but I can’t even…”

  “What?”

  Dianna sighed and put her fork down again. “Nothing.”

  “Come on. Don’t shut down on me now. What were you going to say?”

  “Our Thanksgiving tradition is to watch the parade, eat, and then we put up the tree and stuff it full of presents. By the time we go to bed Thanksgiving night, Christmas has taken over the entire house.”

  “He may not be there, but your kids are. You can still do all that.”

  She gnawed at her bottom lip as she nodded.

  “That’s not it, is it?” he pressed. “There’s something else?”

  Her cheeks flushed. “I, uh, I got a job after Mitch left, but…I can’t afford to stuff a tree full of presents this year. I can barely afford any presents this year.” An embarrassed-sounding laugh left her, and she shrugged. “They understand. They’re old enough to know about finances and all that, but it doesn’t make it any easier for me. I’ve always been able to provide for them. Well, Mitch has always been able to provide. I guess I never was.”

  “You provided them with plenty.”

  She nodded. “I got them a few movies and CDs, things like that, but it’s a far cry from the laptop and gaming systems they’ve been asking for. They’re going to be so disappointed in me.”

  Paul was quiet as she lowered her face. As she reached for another napkin, he reached for her discarded wedding bands. There were three rings: a plain gold band, one with a large marquee cut diamond, and a band—likely to celebrate an anniversary—that was filled with diamonds. Sliding the rings onto the tip of his finger, he examined them for a few moments. “You could sell these.”

  “Not good for anything else, are they?” she asked after a moment.

  He stood, dropped the rings into his pants pocket, and then reached for his coat. “Come on.”

  “What are you doing?”

  He helped her to her feet and held her coat open until she put her arms in the sleeves.

  “Where are we going?”

  Instead of answering, he took her hand and tugged her out of the café and down several doors. A bell jingled to announce their arrival as he pulled her into a small pawn shop. The man behind the counter, an elderly gentleman who reminded Paul of his father, welcomed them.

  “How much for these?” Paul deposited Dianna’s rings on the glass display case. “And this.” It was a struggle to get his wedding band over his knuckle, but once he did, he set it down next to hers.

  After fifteen minutes of bartering, Paul guided Dianna out of the store and toward his car. “I know this guy who runs an electronics store. He’ll have what you want for your boys.”

  “Paul, we didn’t get enough to get what they want. I mean, you did a great job haggling with that guy, but do you have any idea what a new laptop costs?”

  He opened the passenger door for her. “Trust me. We have enough.”

  She stopped in front of him and tilted her head in that sympathetic way she had the day of his trial. “I hate to take the wind out of your superhero cape, but we don’t.”

  “This guy we’re going to see—I worked a deal that kept him from serving a very long jail sentence. He said he owes me. We’re going to take him up on it. Trust me.” He winked at her. “We have enough.”

  “You’re going to pull in a favor from a criminal to get my boys Christmas presents at an extremely discounted rate?”

  “He was never convicted.”

  Her lip trembled again, but this time she smiled as tears filled her eyes. She hesitated, as if unsure of herself, before throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.

  Paul had suggested that Dianna fill her emotional void with brandy, but the best she could do was a cheap bottle of wine. The boys were in the den cussing at each other over a game while she kept herself busy pretending that it wasn’t one of her favorite nights of the year. They had decided not to go to Mitch’s, which had caused him to call her nonstop. She’d finally unp
lugged the landline and turned off her cell phone. She half expected him to show up at the house, but he hadn’t. Other than that, Thanksgiving had been peaceful, and knowing she had presents to put under the tree, as she had every year since her sons were born, had made her first holiday as an almost-divorcee much easier to get through.

  Turning her cell phone back on, she ignored all the pings of new messages and missed calls. She snapped a photo of the tree and sent it to Paul with a message.

  It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas, thanks to you and your criminal clientele.

  She’d barely put her phone down when it rang. She was expecting it to be Mitch again, but her phone identified the caller as Paul.

  “Hey, you.”

  Instead of responding to her greeting, he said, “The tree looks nice.”

  “Thanks. Did you have a good day?”

  He let out a loud sigh. “Not in the least.”

  Dianna took a moment to analyze his voice. “You sound a little drunk.”

  “Nah, not too much.”

  “Paul?”

  “I tried calling earlier. I wanted to tell you Happy Thanksgiving.” He was speaking more slowly, as if trying to sound sober but doing a terrible job.

  She creased her brow. “I turned my phone off earlier.”

  “Oh.”

  “What did you do today?”

  “I just…you know…stayed home.”

  “Alone?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, it was fine. The kids had stuff going on with their mother, and I didn’t…” He exhaled again. “I wasn’t up for company.”

  “Are you up for company now?”

  “You don’t have to—”

  “We’re in this together, remember?”

  Paul was quiet for so long, she began to wonder if he had hung up on her. Finally, he rambled off his address and gave her confusing directions.

  She walked to the den and waited to be noticed, but Sam and Jason were too entrenched in a video game. “Hey, guys, I’m going to take some leftovers to a friend. I’ll be back in a while, okay?”