“But what about Aunt Martha and Uncle Bill? Don’t they still come for Christmas dinner?”
“Martha and Bill moved to Idaho shortly after you left. They wanted to be closer to Billy and the kids. I thought I told you that.”
She had, but for some reason my mind hadn’t connected the dots. I hadn’t pieced together that my mom would now be alone all of the time, even over the holidays. The realization knocked me sideways. I’d never thought about what my mom did while I was gone. She’d always been a homebody, content to wrap her life around me and Dad. Although she’d made friends with the moms of some of my friends, she wasn’t close to any of them. We’d been her world, and we’d both left her.
“So, you’ve been spending Christmas alone?” I asked.
“The first few, yes. But then Mercy barged into my life and planted herself here. She really is a sweet young lady. Did I ever tell you how we met?”
Probably, but I couldn’t remember, so I shook my head. “No.”
“I’d dropped a piece of mail on my way in from the box. Mercy was walking home from work and saw it on the sidewalk. As you know, this isn’t the safest neighborhood for a single woman to just stop in and meet her neighbor, but I swear that girl isn’t afraid of anything. She marched right up and banged on my door. I invited her in for a cup of tea, and although she was hesitant, once I assured her I lived alone she joined me.”
“Mom, she could have been a robber or a murderer or something. You shouldn’t have invited her in,” I chided.
“I’d like to believe I’m a better judge of character than that. Besides, at least a robber or a murderer would have added a little adventure to my boring life. Anyway, you should have heard her carrying on about her job at the preschool. She was just a teacher then, and a student on the side, but I’d never heard anyone more passionate about anything in my life. The way she talked about those kids… it made me want to be a part of something again. Made me feel like I still had a role to play in this life.”
The remnants of depression in her voice made my ears perk up. Alarmed that I’d never even considered her mental health, I patted her hand. “Of course you still have role to play, Mom.”
She leveled a stare at me. “If you don’t stop interrupting me, I’ll never get through this story.”
“You’re right. Sorry.”
“Mercy believed in the mission of the school and she invited me to volunteer. She made me feel like this lonely old housewife could still make a difference.”
Mom wasn’t trying to hurt me, but her words still cut deep. “I never realized you felt that way about yourself.”
“Children aren’t the only ones who need to be reassured of their value. I know your dad made you feel inadequate, Landon. There were many times I should have stepped between the two of you. I always stood up for you when he and I were alone, but he was just so stubborn and pigheaded. Your dad loved you, and he believed he needed to push you to succeed. He never realized he was pushing you away. I wish I would have done more… said more. Maybe I could have kept him from getting so worked up that night.”
She felt guilt over his death, too. “Mom—”
She held up a hand, silencing me. “I cook for kids now. You wouldn’t expect that to be so healing, but it has been. Lots of these kids don’t eat outside of the school, so I’m solely responsible for their nutrition. I make a difference in their lives, and the day-to-day experience of knowing that I’m helping them is every bit as fulfilling as decorating a Christmas tree for you.”
Every word out of her mouth was unexpected, almost foreign, making me wonder if she’d completely changed while I was gone, or if I’d never really known her after all. Growing up, my mom had always seemed a little one dimensional, but I could see now that she had more sides to her than I’d ever imagined.
“I don’t blame you for leaving, Landon. You did what you needed to do in order to cope with everything. I’m proud of the man you’ve become. Your dad would be proud of you, too.” She cracked a smile. “He probably wouldn’t say it, but he would be. At first, I didn’t decorate for the holidays because I missed you and your dad and was feeling sorry for myself, but now… I’m busy. I’m a working woman, and I have better things to do than decorate for a dead husband and a son who never comes home. If you wanted me to put up a Christmas tree, you damn well should have shown up for a holiday.”
My mom had teeth and a backbone. Who knew? I had nothing to say, no excuses to use to defend myself, so I nodded. “I’m glad you found something that makes you happy, Mom.”
“Volunteer with me,” she replied.
“What?” I asked, certain I misheard her.
“At the preschool. While you’re here. Come and meet everyone and volunteer. I know once you get to know the children and see what we’re doing… It will help you heal, too.”
I doubted that. “I’ll think about it.”
I expected Mom to push me into making a decision now, but instead, she gave me a tight smile. “Mercy and Ben will be joining us for Christmas dinner.”
Mom had mentioned Ben before, and Mercy had hurried off Friday evening to cook for him. “Is that her boyfriend?” I asked. The idea that Mercy had a significant other in her life bugged me far more than it should since the little ice queen clearly wasn’t interested in me.
Mom gave me an odd look. “Bentley is her brother. Why do you ask, Landon? Mercy is a beautiful young lady and now that I think about it you two would—”
“Mom, stop.” The train was dangerously close to getting derailed, and I needed to keep it on the tracks. Yes, Mercy was attractive, but even if she hadn’t been openly hostile toward me, I didn’t date. And she didn’t seem like the kind of girl who’d be interested in causal sex. Even if she was, there had to be some sort of rule against sleeping with your mom’s boss. If not, there should be. Mom and I were mending our bridges. Screwing her boss would be like planting C4 beneath them and handing a book of matches to a kid with ADHD and no parental supervision. Something was bound to go boom. “I’m only here until the end of January, remember?”
“Are you planning on being in the service forever?”
“I don’t know. Maybe?” But I did know I wasn’t interested in a relationship, so I changed the subject. “Ben’s her brother, and his name is actually Bentley? Like the car?” It was so unusual, it threw me off. Then again, Mercy wasn’t exactly a common name either.
“Mercedes and Bentley. Their dad named them. Mercy says he has a thing for luxury cars. Probably because they help him pick up women. He’s been married… I think she said six or seven times. I’ve never met him myself, but with the way she talks about him…” Mom shook her head. “I don’t know how such a sweet, intelligent girl like Mercy ended up with a father like that. Her mother isn’t much better. Met a man on the computer and flew across the country to be with him, leaving her daughter here on her own. Poor thing, she was still in high school when her mom left. I’ll tell you what, Landon, you could do a lot worse than Mercy, and I don’t think there’s anyone out there who’s better.”
She wasn’t listening. “Mom, I—”
“Martha has two grandkids and a daughter-in-law now. I have a son that I haven’t seen in seven years. When you enlisted, you told me it would only be four. I’m glad you’re home now, but how much longer will you be in the service? You’re twenty-five, and you need to think about your future, about a career, a wife and kids. Don’t you want any of that?”
Did I? “I don’t know, Mom. I’m gonna go finish the tree.” I turned and roamed back into the living room. Passing Dad’s recliner, I was assaulted by memories. I could almost see him standing in front of the chair, shaking a finger at me as his eyes bugged out.
“I’ve worked my ass off to give you every opportunity I never had, and you will go to college!” he thundered. A bead of sweat ran down the side of his face. He was really working himself up this time. “It’s time to pull your head out of your ass and commit to something.”
>
I blinked, and the memory was gone. Turning, I went back to the half-decorated tree and picked up another ornament to hang. It wasn’t that I hadn’t wanted to go to school. I’d even taken some Running Start courses and had been working on credits toward achieving my associates degree. I just didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life and I needed a break without people pressuring me, so I could figure it out.
And all Dad knew how to do was pressure me.
Seven years later he was long gone, and I still hadn’t pulled my head out of my ass and made a commitment. If he could see me now, he’d be so fucking disappointed, he’d probably work himself into another heart attack.
Desperate for a distraction, I picked up a glass bulb and hooked it on a tree branch.
The mundane task of decorating the tree didn’t even slow my thoughts. If I was being honest with myself, I’d admit that I’d gone into the Army to get out of making any decisions at all. After the first four years, I’d re-enlisted because I still didn’t know what to do. I’d have to decide what to do soon unless I wanted to re-enlist again.
Hell, my indecision could probably turn me into a lifer.
When Mom joined me at the tree, she didn’t say anything else about my lack of a relationship or a career. Instead, she helped me finish before sending me outside to put up the outdoor lights. While hanging the lights, I noticed that the gutters were stuffed with leaves, so I cleaned those out and washed down the walkway. The gate squeaked again when I opened it, so I brought out the can of WD-40 and solved that problem before turning my attention to the weeds crowding the tiny front yard.
I stayed outside until Mom called me in for dinner. After we ate, I headed straight for bed. I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.
* * *
Sunday morning, Mom and I ran errands and went grocery shopping. When we returned home, she went to work washing and chopping vegetables and asked me to go let Mercy know that dinner would be at five.
“Why would I do that?” I asked.
“Mercy and I have dinner together every Sunday night, but we usually eat at six,” Mom explained. “Please let her know it will be ready at five tonight.”
“Can’t we just call her?” I asked, suspicious of my mother’s motive for sending me to the home of a girl she’d hinted at setting me up with.
Mom speared me with a look that meant business. “She only lives on the next block. I figured some fresh air would be good for you, Landon.”
Fresh air? We’d just gotten back from the grocery store, and I’d spent Saturday hanging up lights and cleaning out gutters. I had enough of Seattle’s fresh air to fill my lungs for days, but not enough breath to argue with my mom, so I put on my rain jacket and headed over to Mercy’s.
The rain had let up, but the clouds still looked dark and ominous, like they might burst and drown the city again at any moment. Determined to get this bullshit task over with before I got drenched, I hurried my steps until I was standing in front of the door Mercy had disappeared behind two nights ago. I knocked.
Shuffling sounds came from the other side of the door. “Who is it?” Mercy asked, her voice sounding muffled and a little different.
“Landon,” I replied, waving for the peephole like a dork. Realizing what I was doing, I shoved my hand in my pocket and tried to play it off. “Mom sent me over.”
Locks clicked, and the door opened about an inch or two, a brass chain keeping it from opening further. The right side of Mercy’s face appeared in the doorway, one beautiful blue eye, rimmed in red, staring out at me. “Hey. What’s up?” she asked.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, immediately alarmed by the way she looked like she’d been crying. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.” She blew her bangs out of her face. “I’m just watching some stupid Christmas movie.”
“Can I come in?”
I don’t know why I asked. I could have easily given her the message through the door and been on my way, but a familiar, sweet scent was coming from the apartment, tickling a memory. And I kind of wanted to see her place.
“Um. I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
Surprised, I stared at her. “What? Why not?”
“I don’t really know you, Landon, and I’m a single woman who lives alone. I’m not looking to become a statistic.”
I couldn’t deny the wisdom of her precaution, but did she really think I’d hurt her? “You know my mother,” I objected.
“Yeah, that’s not the same as knowing you. In fact, that makes it worse because I know you disappeared for seven years. What if you committed some heinous crime and were just waiting out the statute of limitations to return and do it again?”
What the fuck was she talking about? “Are you really watching a Christmas movie? Or is it some man-hating Lifetime flick?”
Her lips twitched. She seemed dangerously close to smiling before forcing a frown. “Why don’t you just tell me why you’re here, so I can check on my cobbler and go back to my movie.”
The familiar scent drifting out of her apartment finally registered. I sniffed the air, my mouth practically watering with anticipation. “You’re making Mom’s marionberry cobbler?” I’d had plenty of desserts since leaving home, but none of them held a candle to Mom’s cobbler. Marionberries were like blackberries, but better. They grew in Oregon, but Mom always found them at the local farmer’s market in early August.
Mercy nodded. “Beth’s been sharing her recipes with me. This one’s my favorite.”
“Mine, too. Where did you find marionberries this time of year?”
The slightest blush colored Mercy’s visible cheek, making her look even younger and more innocent than normal. “I bought a bunch right before school started and froze them. I couldn’t handle the thought of going all winter without cobbler.”
Every new thing I learned about Mercy made me want to get to know her more. Considering that my time in town was limited, and she was my mom’s friend and boss, that was dangerous. Taking a step back from the door I tried to distance myself from her and her delicious scents, and got down to my reason for darkening her doorway. “Mom wanted me to let you know that dinner will be ready at five.”
Mercy’s brows furrowed. “And?”
I shook my head. “And nothing. That’s all she said.”
“Sunday dinner’s always at five, Landon.”
Of course it was. Realizing I’d been played and set up by my mother after all, I took another step back. “Okay. I’ll see you at five then.”
Mercy still looked confused, but I turned and bolted down the stairs before she could ask any more questions.
Chapter 6
Mercy
Wondering why Beth had really sent Landon to my apartment, I closed the door and leaned against it. Had she told me a different time for dinner? I reflected on the conversations we’d had over the past week only to come up empty. If she’d mentioned a time change, I sure hadn’t caught it.
Was Landon lying? Did she really send him?
Still trying to figure out what motive either of them could possibly have, I took the cobbler out of the oven and turned off the movie before heading for the bathroom and stripping out of my ratty old sweats. I’d refused to let Landon in, but not knowing him had only been part of the reason. I’d been lazily lounging in front of the television all day, practically drowning in my own loneliness as I watched stupid mushy movies about happy couples and families. I hadn’t showered, my hair was a mess, and there was no way I was letting Mr. Sexy Asshole see me in my current state.
So, now I was hustling to get cleaned up and pull myself together before I headed over for the weekly dinner I usually looked forward to, but had been dreading since Friday night. Beth had her son now, and I wasn’t blood. I was… a fill in. She didn’t need me anymore now that she had the real thing.
I felt inadequate and out of place, and I hated myself for those stupid emotions.
I probably should have made nice with
Landon, then I wouldn’t feel so weird about interjecting myself into their dinner. He was Beth’s son, so he couldn’t be all bad. Besides, I didn’t know the details and it wasn’t my place to call him out on his absence. Now things between us were sure to be awkward. Keeping my big mouth shut and minding my own damn business would have been the smart move.
But that asshole deserved to know that his absence had hurt his mom.
Still, I could have been more tactful. It wasn’t like I lacked the ability to be subtle and diplomatic. Heck, my job forced me to make tact my bitch. I mean, it wasn’t like I could come right out and tell people they were lousy parents who should have their rights stripped and be forced into sterilization. And believe me, sometimes it took a heaping serving of tact to chew on those words without spitting them out. But being politic served the greater good, because it meant keeping the children who needed it most in my preschool where I could still help them.
For that, I could swallow every ounce of my pride and every one of my opinions.
But, no matter how I looked at it, I couldn’t see any greater good in not pointing out the effects of Landon’s absence on his mother. He needed to know that his actions had consequences, and that while he was off saving the world or whatever, I’d been here comforting the woman whose heart he kept breaking.
I’d sacrifice honesty all day long for the chance to help a child, but not just so I could be comfortable at dinner.
By the time I left for Beth’s I’d talked myself out of any regrets I’d been feeling about dressing Landon down and had puffed myself up with righteous indignation and a shaky sense of honor. I arrived just before five, and Beth opened the door to my knock, giving me a bright smile as she led me toward the kitchen.
“Your home looks beautiful,” I told her, meaning every word. From the lights outside to the decorated tree to the Christmas village in the bay window and the stocking hanging from the fireplace, the transformation was breathtaking. The place felt like Christmas. Having never seen it so festive before, the sheer volume of decorations took me by surprise. It was like she’d taken her house from equator to North Pole over the weekend.
Rescuing Mercy (Special Forces: Operation Alpha): A Dead Presidents MC Spinoff Page 6