Placing it on the porch railing, he thought about knocking. His dad would flip out if he couldn’t find their garage door opener.
Walking around the side of the house, he knocked on the door to Kendall’s room and waited. Looking through the window, he couldn’t see anything but could tell there were no lights on inside.
To himself, he murmured, “Where are you, sweetheart?”
After a short internal debate, he walked to the front door and concocted a story if anyone besides Kendall answered it.
He spent ten minutes knocking. A sick feeling started in his stomach but he didn’t know why.
He tried to look through the windows but it was dark and hard to see. In his jacket, his phone rang and he grabbed for it anxiously.
It was his mom. “Hey, honey. The strangest thing. You got a letter – an honest to god letter – in the mailbox. Our mail carrier said it wasn’t mailed though. I thought it was weird. Looks like someone just dropped it off. I thought you’d want to know.”
“Thanks.” The back of Jared’s neck tingled. “I’m headed back now.”
Leaving the porch, he tucked the garage remote behind one of the rails. He wouldn’t want someone to rob the place.
Driving back to his house, his sense of dread grew.
“Where’s your girl?” His mother peered around him as he came through the kitchen door.
Distracted and strangely worried, he replied, “I…don’t know. She wasn’t home.”
“You sound worried.”
“It’s…I don’t know. Something’s off.”
She picked up an envelope on the counter and he took it with a frown when he recognized Kendall’s handwriting. There was no postmark or return address.
His mother chatted as he ripped open the envelope and began to read.
Kendall was gone.
The first line stunned him but it was nothing compared to the rest of the words that swirled in his brain and flipped everything upside down.
Jared, I’m sorry I can’t say goodbye to you in person. It hurts me to have to tell you all of this in a letter.
I’ll be gone within a couple of hours of you leaving my place. By the time you get this, I’ll be hundreds of miles away. Don’t try to find me.
I’ll tell you what I can because I know all of this is going to be a lot to process.
I’m eighteen and from Colombia. Nothing else I told you about me is true. Not even my name. It’s been changed many times over the last six years. I hope my face changes as I age.
My mother was murdered when I was twelve after she witnessed a crime. My father cashed out our life and we ran. He was murdered when I was fourteen and I’ve just kept running.
I’ve lived in the house alone for ten months.
I risked everything to stay with you but today I realized I was also risking your safety and I have no right to do that. If your friends noticed you acting differently, other people did, too.
I’ll miss your smile, your laugh, the way you hold me, the sound of your voice. I can never see you or contact you again. I carry my favorite photos. Reminders of the man who loved me so well, so beautifully. No one else will ever compare.
Don’t waste your life. Take the gifts you’ve been given and do good things. Find happiness and fulfill your potential.
I love you. Forget me. Forgive me.
Kendall
When Jared collapsed into a chair, he jarred the dining table and knocked over a vase of flowers.
Startled, Debbie released a small scream and bent over him. “What’s wrong? Jared, what happened?”
He couldn’t talk. Then he did something he hadn’t done since he was a little boy. He burst into tears and clutched his mother.
“Jared! Oh my god, son. What is it?” He shook his head and sobbed against her shoulder. “Can I read the letter?”
“Read it. It can’t be right…it can’t be right.” There was a rustle of paper as his mom took Kendall’s letter and went quiet. She kept one arm wrapped around him.
“This is the girl you told me about…” She tried to wrap her mind around the situation. “I need to call your dad.”
Sitting up, Jared scrubbed his forearm across his face. “Yeah. I need to talk to Dad now.”
He watched as she texted Gary with shaking hands. He picked up the envelope and shook out the photos inside. Every cell in his body reacted to the images.
His mother blushed brightly as she glanced at what he held.
“No judgment, Mom. We were safe and I love her.” Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and recited Kendall’s address. “Tell Dad to meet us there.”
She handed him the keys to her Volvo and he drove back to the house he’d spent so much time in without knowing anything about the woman who lived there.
He parked in the driveway and took the garage remote from where he hid it.
When his father’s truck pulled in behind them, his mother rushed to his side. Gary Stalzer approached his son and put his hand on his shoulder. Jared handed him Kendall’s letter and he read it with a professional eye.
“I’ll check out the house.”
“This was in the front yard.” Gary’s eyes focused intently on the remote before staring at Jared in question. “I never saw any room but the basement.”
“Then let’s start there.” He led his wife and son to the entrance at the back of the house, picked the lock, and swung the door open. He placed his palm on Jared’s chest when he moved to rush inside. “I need to clear it, son.”
A minute later, his father reappeared in the doorway with a nod.
Jared rushed inside and the weight of the truth hit him like a brick. He collapsed beside the bed on his knees and gasped for breath into sheets that smelled like Kendall’s perfume and something else he didn’t recognize.
The furniture was where it had always been but the empty photo frames said everything there was to say.
When he trusted his legs to hold him, Jared stood and went up the stairs to the main part of the house. It was obvious to all three of them that it hadn’t been lived in for a long time.
The wood floors were covered in a sheet of dust and small booted footprints tracked through the rooms.
One set led to a pantry and Gary discovered a hidden storage space in one of the walls. “It’s big enough to hold a person if necessary. There are handles on the inside to pull the wall into place,” he murmured quietly.
There were ashes in the kitchen sink - a tiny corner of a driver’s license inside.
Jared felt like his heart would explode from stress.
They walked to the garage and found it empty. Tracks in the dust attested to the fact that a large truck or SUV had backed out recently.
“I didn’t question it. She said they worked a lot. I never saw the upstairs. I didn’t know she had a vehicle. I didn’t know anything.” Pressing his thumb and forefinger to his eyes, he raged at himself. “She’s lived alone since she was fourteen. No wonder she tried to be invisible. Oh my god. I put her in so much danger and she didn’t even make me feel bad about it.”
His mother rubbed his back. “You couldn’t have known, Jared. How could you have known? You thought she was a teenager like you, living with her parents and going to school. You cannot blame yourself for this.”
He returned to the basement and walked into her bathroom. She’d left all her toiletries. He pocketed a small bottle of her perfume.
Everything looked the same but it felt like a black hole.
Her closet held clothing she hadn’t been able to take as well as a mini fridge and microwave: something else he’d never questioned since he had a mini fridge in his own room.
In the darkroom where they’d once made love as she developed pictures of him, he felt along the walls. His fingers brushed a piece a paper and he worked it from the space where it had gotten wedged.
It was a picture of her laughing in bed against the pillows. It was one he’d taken of her on one of the many afternoons he�
�d taken for granted. He took it with him to keep anyone from finding it and because it was the only photo of her face.
“I’ll see what I can find out, son,” his father said gently.
“Nothing official. You can’t risk triggering an alarm.”
“I’m almost certain the paper trails will be dead ends.”
“We can’t make it worse.” Jared looked at the room, thought back on so many things he should have seen, should have heard, should have questioned. “I want every single item she left behind. I’ll carry it out myself.”
“What will you do with it?” his mother asked in confusion.
“Keep it in storage. Save it for the day I see her again.”
To their credit, neither of his parents disagreed or told him it was impossible. It was what made them amazing parents.
Jared took grocery bags from the back of his mom’s car and used them to pack everything but the furniture. When they were loaded in her trunk, he stared at the room for a long time.
“I’ll use my money to pay the rent on this place for another couple of months. I’ll need Dad’s help.” They nodded and he took a deep breath. “I want to give her as much of a head start as possible. She stayed here because of me, because she loved me. I owe her as much safety as I can provide.”
The three of them left the house and returned to their own.
Jared went to bed and slept more than twenty hours. His parents moved Kendall’s furniture into a climate-controlled storage unit while his mind, body, and heart dealt with the loss and shock.
When his exhausted mind allowed him to wake up, he stared at the ceiling of his bedroom for a long time.
“I’ll see you again, Kendall. One day, I’ll find you and help keep you safe. Until then, I’m going to bust my ass to become the man you deserve.”
A man who would make her proud.
Chapter Seven
May 2007 - May 2011
The rest of Jared’s senior year passed in a strange haze that didn’t feel real most of the time.
He applied himself as never before in his classes, stopped drinking and partying completely, ran or worked out constantly, and refused to date.
Gone was the flirtatious, good-time guy everyone knew.
His mother was a calm influence and he found himself hanging out with her while she baked or did projects around the house. Finally, she held his shoulder and said, “Is there anything I can do, honey?”
“No.” Jared cleared his throat. “I just want to find her. I need to know she’s okay.” He shrugged. “Until I do, I like being around you. You don’t fill up the silence.” Swallowing, he added, “Kendall was like that. Different from other girls who never stop talking.”
Taking a deep breath, she nodded. “Wanna help me bake the brownies for your brother’s class?”
“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good, Mom.”
When Jared was awake, he never stopped moving. Staying busy helped ease the tension that rode him constantly. He could focus on a task, the music pumping through his headphones, or someone else and it muted his worry.
It was when he laid down to sleep that every worse-case scenario drifted through his mind. He started having nightmares about what might have happened to Kendall and the things she’d told him in her letter.
He was exhausted.
His friends worried about the obvious changes in him. Kendall’s disappearance was impossible to miss but Jared didn’t discuss the circumstances with anyone outside his family.
Not one whisper of his true relationship with Kendall ever spread - from his friends or Erica. Everyone had questions and wild rumors flew but Jared didn’t weigh in.
He told anyone who mentioned her name that she was an amazing person and it was a shame more people didn’t get to know her before she transferred schools.
Other students gave him strange looks and he knew they were surprised he even knew who Kendall was.
He knew her and she knew him better than anyone ever had.
In a private meeting with school officials, his dad requested that the school delay action about Kendall’s unexplained absences and their inability to reach her parents. He told them there was an ongoing investigation and worried that any formal documentation on their part might jeopardize his case.
The administration had questions but the local sheriff explained that he was unable to answer inquiries on an open file.
Getting over the addiction Jared had developed for her was nearly impossible. For six months, he’d grown accustomed to touching Kendall and being touched by her.
She was a painful habit to break.
As the days passed, it became clear that Kendall was truly gone. There was no contact and Jared was shocked at her ability to disappear - particularly at her age - without a trace.
It seemed she’d had a lot of experience making herself invisible. The quiet official inquiries his father made to find her came up empty.
When Kendall had been gone almost two months, an untraceable letter arrived at the house. It wasn’t from her.
Stop trying to find her, Sheriff Stalzer. You’re going to get her killed because your channels are not secure. That’s why you received a letter instead of an email. She’s safe for now. I provide her fresh documents. Her pursuers have a massive network. They haven’t given up trying to find her, and they’ll kill anyone who gets in their way. I’m working to resolve the issue but you need to worry about your family’s safety. H
They read the letter several times and finally Jared said, “We have to listen to him, Dad. We’re making it worse.”
“Yeah, son. I’ll pull all the requests I’ve made and delete all mention of her from my computer at the station. I’m sorry, Jared. I truly am.”
“I’ll see her again. One day...I’m sure of it.” If he kept repeating it to himself, it was easier to breathe. “I will.”
Jared threw himself even harder into working out and doing everything possible to drown out his constant need for her.
A week before high school graduation, his dad took him aside. “You’re hurting but you’re too young to be alone all the time. You’re going to throw yourself into a full depression.” His gruff voice was softer when he added, “We’re worried, Jared. Just…try, okay? Try to get out of the house and have some fun.”
Swallowing carefully, Jared explained, “I was a different person before I met Kendall. Selfish and shallow. Everyone knows that guy. It’s too late to remake my reputation here but I’ll do it in college. I can make a fresh start.” His father frowned and he added, “I’m focused right now; I’m worried but not depressed.”
“You had it bad for that girl.”
“I was a better person when I was with her. I wonder now why she wasted her time on a guy who kept her as some dirty little secret while I lived my life like she didn’t exist.” He shook his head and took a deep breath. “I’m going to become the man I should have been when I had her.”
“You’re young but you’re a good human being, Jared. You make mistakes like all of us do at your age but that doesn’t make you less of a good man. Kendall saw that, son. She saw something in you that made the risk of being found worth it to her. Don’t forget that.”
“I know she’ll be watching. I want her to be proud of who I become and if I work hard…maybe one day, I’ll get a second chance to love her.”
* * *
Five months after Kendall disappeared, Jared began his freshman year of college and started dating casually again.
There was a big difference in how he treated women. He didn’t lie, didn’t use them, and never dated more than one person at a time. If a relationship ended, he kept things civil.
During his four years of college, two women fell in love with him but he didn’t – couldn’t – return their feelings.
He was honest and explained his heart wasn’t his to give. It belonged to someone he might never see again.
Jared went out of his way to talk to loners, people no one else seemed t
o notice. Kendall taught him many things during their time together and one of the biggest was that the surface of a person’s supposed life didn’t mean shit.
You had to dig deep.
His lifelong friends remained a big part of his life. The four of them were split between UCLA and USC on football scholarships.
He and Slade were snapped up as a team completer in passing and receiving with UCLA. Big Country and Tommy rounded out a lagging offensive line for USC.
They met up a couple of times a year and saw each other when they went home for the holidays.
Over winter break of his senior year of college, Jared told them the truth about Kendall after he swore them to secrecy. The three men had stared at him, speechless.
Big shook his head. “We fucked up your life…her life.”
“I can’t believe you still talk to us, man,” Tommy added.
Jared shook his head. “It isn’t your fault. I couldn’t talk about it for a long time. Even now, I worry about putting her in danger.” He took a long swig of his beer and considered his next words carefully. It had taken a long time to admit the truth to himself.
“No matter what, she wouldn’t have been able to stay. The day Kendall left, she’d been in our hometown for ten months. If it weren’t for me, she probably would have left a lot sooner. She stayed because she loved me.” Clearing his throat when his voice broke, he added, “The Erica thing must have hurt her bad. She loved me anyway.”
In front of three men he’d known since they started Kindergarten together, Jared broke down and purged the lingering sadness.
He wept for the entire chain reaction that started with Kendall’s mother being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He wept for a girl who lost both her parents violently and kept running, always alone. He wept for what they lost.
Jared’s show of emotion matured his friends and made all of them closer. He was grateful to have others besides his parents to talk to about the woman he loved and lost.
After four years without her, starting to heal was long overdue.
Chapter Eight
May 2011 - April 2016
Dirty Little Secret: The Damaged Series - Book One Page 5