* * * *
Evan might have stayed at home the next day for all the use he was at work. He’d undercharged several customers and only hoped Mr. Bailey wouldn’t notice when they did the weekly books. Evan couldn’t stop thinking about Milo from one minute to the next, and although they hadn’t arranged to meet, he decided to visit him after work. There was every chance Milo wouldn’t be in, but Evan supposed the walk would do him good and the journey wouldn’t be wasted.
When Evan turned onto Ponden Street, however, he knew he couldn’t go home without seeing Milo, as he’d only spend the whole night fretting about him. Evan thought he might go for a pint and come back later if Milo was out, but he soon saw he wouldn’t need to find a nearby pub, as Milo was standing in his doorway dressed in his best blue suit. He was obviously on his way out, but at least Evan could say a quick hello.
“Milo! How are—”
Evan’s words of greeting froze in his throat, and he thanked heaven Milo hadn’t heard him. Following Milo through the door was a man in his thirties, tall, good-looking and elegantly attired in a dinner jacket and bowtie. Evan assumed he was a friend of Milo’s and that they were going out for the evening, although they didn’t seem dressed for the same destination. Milo closed the door and, without warning, drove an icy blade through Evan’s heart. He folded his arms around his companion in an intimate and undeniably sexual way, kissing him lingeringly on the cheek before they drew apart.
Evan bolted into a shop doorway, then peered out to see Milo walking down the street and the man in evening dress hailing a cab. Leaning back against the wall, Evan tried to stay calm and rational, reminding himself of his conversation with Sandy the previous night. He hadn’t expected Milo to stay celibate and wouldn’t want him to, but did he have to go in search of another man’s body so quickly? And did he have to flaunt his conquest so publicly—and dangerously—with such a very refined and attractive man?
What made Evan sick to his stomach was the affection of Milo’s embrace. The man wasn’t a stranger he’d picked up on the street, or even a vague acquaintance. There was no doubt that he was a friend like Evan, and yet it seemed Milo could take him to his bed to kiss him and make love to him. Evan hadn’t realized how distraught he would be to know Milo had been with another man, and now he’d seen that man in the flesh he pictured them together, writhing and groaning with pleasure as their bodies entwined. It was all he could do to stop himself throwing up, but he wasn’t only disgusted by the harrowing image. Evan was incensed.
How could he have been such a soppy fool to think he could let Milo do as he pleased while he lived like some kind of saint? He had his own needs and desires, so why shouldn’t they be satisfied? The more he thought about his predicament, the angrier Evan became. It had been five months since he’d last been with a man, and he was desperate for a fuck. He’d wanted that fuck to be with Milo more than anything, but if Milo could screw somebody else, then damn it, so could he.
He headed away from Milo’s flat and was soon in a less salubrious part of the city, one so rife with filth and crime that even the police steered clear. The foul-smelling lavatories at the end of the high street were popular with men of his sort, and Evan didn’t care what kind of man he found there. He could be fat or thin, rich or poor, ugly as sin or with the face of an angel. If he had a willing cock or arse, he’d fit the bill perfectly.
Evan faltered when he reached the bottom of the steps. He’d forgotten how strong the stench of piss was in such underground conveniences, and he took several deep breaths before venturing inside. A couple of blokes were undoing their flies at adjoining urinals and they looked up when Evan appeared. He gave a casual, knowing nod, and the men went back to their business of silently starting to fondle each other. Then Evan glimpsed a movement across the room. A man had appeared in the entrance to one of the stalls, an unmistakable look of invitation on his face.
The man was shorter than Evan, not bad-looking but nothing special, and his clothes, which were neat but plainly cheap, suggested he worked in a manual trade. As Evan took a determined step toward the stall, he noticed a white mark on the man’s jacket sleeve, while on the back of his hand—
Evan’s furious lust melted into the urine-steeped air as he realized the man’s profession. On his hand were tiny speckles of blue most people wouldn’t even notice. The man in the stall was a painter. He was doubtless a common dauber of ceilings and walls, but he was a painter nonetheless, and Evan suddenly saw Milo at his easel, scrutinizing the canvas and adding one final stroke to his work. Evan stepped away, his stomach churning.
“I’m sorry, mate. I can’t.”
“Sling your hook, then.” The man’s voice was an angry Irish brogue. “And don’t come back if you’re not bloody up for it.”
Evan stumbled backward. “I-I’m sorry.”
“Go screw yourself, you stupid bastard. That’s all you’re bloody well good for.”
Evan ran up the stairs and down the street, eager to get as far away as he could from the scene of his shame. When he could run no more, Evan fell against a wall, panting and heaving. He managed to avoid the humiliation of spewing his lunch into the gutter and finally made the journey home, his head swarming with the Irishman’s scornful words and loathsome visions of Milo and his lover.
Back in his room, Evan collapsed onto the bed, tears streaming down his cheeks and into his mouth. He curled into a sobbing ball, finally understanding why Milo was so afraid to fall in love again. Love was cruel and hopeless—it was absolute torture—and he knew then that he couldn’t be Milo’s friend. The loss of his companionship would tear him apart, but Evan couldn’t endure another day of heartbreak like this.
Chapter Nine
Evan could barely get out of bed the next morning, or the day after that. The moment he woke, he saw Milo enfolded in the arms of his new lover, and Evan’s insides coiled in sickening knots. He thought about not going to work, but he knew that would be a mistake. If he stayed in bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking of Milo, he’d be in danger of driving himself mad. Instead he went to the shop each day, concentrating on his work and trying to put the past days behind him.
Of course, it was impossible to put Milo from his mind, especially as he’d arranged to meet him on Sunday. They’d planned a day trip to Greenwich and Evan had been looking forward to it so much, to seeing the grand park and the observatory, and seeing it all for the first time with Milo. They couldn’t possibly spend the day together now, and Evan had taken the coward’s way out by dropping a note at Milo’s college, telling him he had to go home to Derbyshire for a few days.
Evan spent Saturday evening alone in his room, telling Sandy he didn’t feel well and wasn’t in a fit state to be sociable. He hadn’t told Sandy about his vile day, about what he’d seen and almost done. He knew Sandy would be sympathetic, but he might also advise Evan to forget about Milo and get on with his life. Evan wasn’t ready to hear those words yet, and maybe he never would be. He wanted to cherish the touch of Milo’s hands as they danced in the club, the sound of his voice, the scent of his skin, and he lay tormenting himself with sweet memories until his head throbbed and his body ached with inertia.
By Sunday afternoon, he couldn’t stand being stuck in his room any longer. He had to get out for some exercise, even if he only walked down the street and back. It was a warm, bright day and he went out in shirtsleeves, not bothering to shave. His mother would have been shocked by his slovenliness on the Sabbath, but Evan didn’t care what she or anyone else thought. All he wanted was a bit of fresh air, and for the world to leave him in peace with his thoughts.
At the end of the street he turned the corner, deciding to carry on walking for a while. There were a few people about, but it was quiet enough, and when he spotted Dennis and his girlfriend across the road Evan waved and walked on. He hoped they wouldn’t think him rude, but he wasn’t in the mood for a chat. Evan turned the next corner and couldn’t believe his bad luck. Fifty yards down t
he street were Mr. Bailey and his wife, both done up in their Sunday best. His boss lived several miles away, and Evan couldn’t think what they might be doing here. He fixed a smile on his face as Mr. and Mrs. Bailey drew near.
“How nice to see you, Mr. Bailey. And Mrs. Bailey too. Are you out for a walk?”
Mr. Bailey peered over his spectacles, as was his habit.
“We’re visiting Mrs. Bailey’s niece, Calver. You live in these parts, don’t you?”
“That’s right, sir. I’m out for a Sunday stroll.”
Mr. Bailey nodded, looking far more cheery than he did each day in the shop.
“We’ll let you get on, Calver. I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”
“Yes, Mr. Bailey. See you tomorrow.”
Evan quickened his pace as he walked away. He was only five minutes from Beston House, but before he could get any closer a distant voice called out behind him.
“Evan!”
Evan swore under his breath. Was everyone he knew out walking this afternoon? He was tempted to ignore whoever it was and break into a run, but he didn’t want to offend anyone. He turned around to see two men walking briskly toward him.
“Evan! You’re back already. Is everything all right at home?”
The tears he’d shed so many times that week burned at Evan’s eyes once more.
“Milo. Good to see you. Everything’s fine, thank you.”
Evan was surprised by his composure, but he doubted he’d remain so calm when Milo turned to his companion, the man he’d embraced and kissed that terrible night.
“Evan, this is my old school friend, Jeremy.”
The name was familiar, and it didn’t take Evan long to recall Milo’s story of his sexual awakening.
“Less of the old, thank you very much.” Jeremy smiled and held out his hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Evan. It’s lovely to meet you at last.”
Evan shook Jeremy’s hand, which was as warm and reassuring as his smile. Much as Evan longed to hate him, he could see why Milo would choose him as a friend and lover. He was effortlessly confident, like most men of his class, but he also had a genial air that drew Evan to him instantly. If Milo had to take someone to his bed, Evan supposed he could do a lot worse, but he couldn’t bring himself to stay and make small talk.
“I’d better go. Enjoy your afternoon.”
Evan turned to walk away, but Milo grabbed his arm.
“Where are you going? We were coming to see you, or at least to find out what was going on. I was so worried when I got your note.”
“Sorry about that. It was a false alarm.” Evan felt guilty for needlessly troubling Milo and was even keener to get away. “I really do have to go. Goodbye.”
“Evan, what’s wrong? Why are you acting so strangely? Is it about what happened the other night?”
Since Jeremy seemed to know all about him, Evan decided to speak freely.
“I’m sorry, Milo. I thought I could be friends with you, but I can’t. Not after I saw you and Jeremy together.”
“You saw me and Jeremy? When?”
“The other day outside your flat. When you kissed him. Milo, I’m happy you can get from him what you won’t take from me, but I can’t sit by and watch it happen. I know you don’t mean to hurt me, and I wish I was a stronger person, but—”
“Evan, what are you talking about? You didn’t think…? Jeremy is my friend—a very dear friend—but we haven’t been lovers in fifteen years. I asked him to come by that day because I needed to talk to him. I needed to talk about you. I had to ask him if I was making a dreadful mistake by not letting you into my heart and my life and—”
“And I told him he’d be a bigger fool than I thought he was if he let you go. He’s so clearly mad about you. And luckily for you, Evan, I managed to talk some sense into him.”
“You did?”
“I did, meaning I’m somewhat surplus to requirements here. Two’s company and all that.” Jeremy gave Milo an affectionate pat on the back. “I’ll be in touch.”
With perfect timing, a cab approached and Jeremy flagged it down. He climbed inside and the cab trundled away, leaving Evan alone with Milo.
“I’m sorry, Milo. I saw you two together and assumed—”
“It’s perfectly understandable. Jeremy and I have been friends for so long, we sometimes forget how at ease we are with each other. You’re not the first person to get the wrong end of the stick.”
“You’re lucky I wasn’t a policeman. He might have had something to say about it.”
“Quite possibly, but I was so grateful to Jeremy for his help and advice, I couldn’t help but give him a hug. Just as I’d like to embrace you now.” Milo lowered his voice. “Come home with me. Let me make love with you, as I should have done a long time ago.”
Evan was tempted to grab Milo and drag him back to his flat, where they could do whatever the hell they liked with each other, but a doubt still nagged at his mind.
“You know I want to be with you, Milo, but are you sure? I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for.”
“I am more than ready.” Milo discreetly took Evan’s arm and headed in the direction of Ponden Street. “Jeremy convinced me, as he’s been trying to for years, that I can’t live in an emotional limbo anymore. I can’t live in fear that I’ll lose someone else, that my heart will be broken again. I spent the whole of the war trying not to be a coward, and ever since, I’ve been just that. I might as well have died out there in France, if I only survived to live a life without love. And I do love you, Evan. You know that, don’t you?”
“Of course I do.” Evan leaned closer to Milo as they walked. “And I love you too. I want to spend every day of my life with you.”
“Oh, Evan.” Milo squeezed his arm, sending ripples of heat cascading through Evan’s body. “Let’s go home, before I do something in public I really will get in trouble for.”
Evan laughed and they began to run, the twenty-minute journey to Milo’s taking less than ten. Milo could barely fumble his key into the lock, he was so eager to get inside, and they were already kissing when they staggered into the flat, Milo’s glasses almost tumbling to the floor as they crushed against each other.
They ripped at each other’s clothes, as they had less than a week ago, and were soon down to their underwear, as they had been then. Slowing his pace, Milo eased the white fabric of Evan’s drawers over his thighs and released himself from his own undershorts. They fell onto the bed and Evan yearned to explore every inch of Milo’s body, but he held him at arm’s length.
“Milo, I think you should know that I’m not very experienced. I’m not a virgin—far from it—but they’ve always been rather hurried encounters.”
“You don’t need to explain to me. I’ve partaken of pleasure in the odd public convenience, where time is of the essence.”
“But I’ve never even done it in a bed before.”
“Then I am privileged to be the first man you share a bed with. Apart from Alfred, of course.” Milo smiled and touched his fingers to Evan’s cheek. “I don’t care what you’ve done before, or with whom. All I want is for you to enjoy yourself. Do you think you can do that?”
“I think so.”
Evan grinned and pulled Milo to him, kissing his mouth, his neck, the scar on his shoulder, and moving down to suck and lick at Milo’s pale pink nipples. He’d never done such a thing before and wasn’t sure he was doing it right, but Milo seemed to have no complaints as he tangled his fingers in Evan’s hair. Then Milo subtly guided him downward, and Evan needed no further encouragement. He descended Milo’s torso, nibbling at the fine curls of hair that grew more dense and enticing as Evan neared his goal.
Milo’s dick was gloriously stiff, and Evan trailed his tongue from balls to tip before taking its length in his mouth. He tried to go slowly at first, but his movements quickened as he thrilled to Milo’s sensual groans and the gentle thrust of his hips. Trying not to break his rhythm, Evan raised
his eyes to see the elated look on Milo’s face. He was obviously close to climax, which would usually be Evan’s cue to finish the job with his hand, but he wanted Milo’s dick in his mouth when he came, wanted to swallow every luscious drop of his cum. Evan was therefore frustrated and slightly alarmed when Milo pushed him away.
“Was I doing something wrong?”
“My God, no.” Milo pulled Evan into his arms and rolled him over, pushing his cock between Evan’s thighs. “But would you mind if I…? Do you want me to…?”
Evan nodded eagerly, knowing precisely what Milo meant. He made to turn over onto his front, but Milo eased him back.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m turning over, so you can—”
“Darling, I want to kiss you and look into your eyes when we make love. Why would I want to do anything else?”
“I didn’t even know you could do it like that.”
“My sweet love, you have so much to discover.” Milo leaned across to the bedside cupboard to retrieve a slim green bottle. He took out the stopper and poured a clear substance with the texture of honey into his hand. “I don’t suppose you’ve used this before either?”
Evan shook his head, but it didn’t take a genius to work out its intended use.
“I’ve always had to make do with a gob of spit.”
“I think you’ll agree this is quite an improvement.”
As they kissed again, Milo’s fingers slipped between Evan’s buttocks and eased inside him. Evan had never felt such an exquisite sensation, and he sighed his satisfaction into Milo’s mouth. His sighs turned to groans as Milo’s fingers glided along his sensitive passage, in and out, over and over. While his arse was used to being entered, generally in haste and with little finesse, it wasn’t accustomed to being caressed with such tender expertise. Evan was almost disappointed when Milo’s fingers withdrew, even though he longed for what was to follow.
Evan wound his legs around Milo’s body and soon felt Milo’s hardness pressing inside, filling him slowly and completely. If Milo’s fingers had been magical, his dick was miraculous. Milo seemed to know exactly what speed, angle and force would stimulate every part of him. The exhilaration that began in his groin swiftly spread to his legs, his arms and his chest, until Evan’s whole body was buzzing with joy. He stopped himself coming for as long as he could, but he was nearing his limit when Milo’s breaths began to pulse as fast as his cock. They grasped each other’s jerking hips as they emptied themselves, Milo into Evan’s grateful backside and Evan all over Milo’s chest. Milo gasped and sank onto the bed next to Evan.
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