by Emily Bex
Going inside, he quietly walks upstairs to her, lets her feel him there, knowing she is working through a lot right now, and it is overwhelming to her. She turns as he enters their bedroom, and it just about breaks him in two to see the look on her face, one that he never wanted to put there. He knows they are about to go ten rounds and he only prays when it’s done, they are still together.
“Bel rosso, I am here, right here.”
She jerks around to see him standing there and charges at him, slamming both fists into his chest. “Who is she? You leave our bed in the middle of the night? You leave our bed for her?”
As she comes at him like a ball of red fire, her words and pain slam into his heart and he lets her scream and beat his chest, she can’t hurt him physically, but the mental anguish she brings can destroy him completely. He slides his hands around her slender waist, holding her in place.
“Stop it, Kate! Stop this damn nonsense. Now!”
Slowly releasing his grip on her, he tries to get his emotions under control, but all he sees is red. He takes deep breaths as he shakes his head.
“Please, give me a chance to explain, I did not seek her out. Do you doubt my love? What have I ever done to make you doubt me? What do I need to do to make you trust me? Damn it woman, tell me. Right now!”
“I'll stop when I understand why you left our bed in the middle of the night. I'll stop when I know who she is, and what she means to you. And what would you do, Shade Medici, if you woke to find me gone... and with another man? Something tells me that man would be dead by now, so don’t tell me to stop! I don't doubt your love for me, lover. I have never doubted your love for me. But I think you have doubts about mine, and those doubts are driving you away from me.”
Pacing the floor, running his hand through his hair, he feels trapped, like he has hit a wall and broken into a million pieces and his mind can’t bring forth the right words, the words he needs to make her understand the fear that lies inside him. He lowers his head.
“I come to you broken, with fear of something so deep inside me that I can’t breathe. I have no way to describe how I feel when I bring you pain, jealousy, anything to make you doubt any part of me. I am scared, so scared of something that could take you from me, make you too frightened to ever love me ever again. Please, I beg you to let me explain her, and why I left here, please. I need to have a chance to explain calmly.”
***
Kate takes a deep breath and tries to let go of some of the anger. The voice in her head is saying let him talk. She reaches out and puts her hand in his dark, tangled hair. She feels his wounded soul.
“Then tell me why you left me tonight. I will listen to what you have to say.”
***
He grabs her and kisses her deeply, his emotions spent. All he wants to do is have her in his arms, feel her, touch her, and wrap her tight in his embrace. Breaking the kiss, he stands a long time holding her in his embrace. When she is with him, he feels like he can conquer the world, and nothing will ever tear them apart. But the specter of the beast is always there, threatening to end his dream.
“Thank you. I am sorry, please forgive me, I never meant for things to play out as they did tonight. They were not of my own accord. I... Sabine is…”
Stopping suddenly, he knows he has to choose his words with care and tread softly, so she never again wonders about him leaving her in the night.
***
She pulls back from him slightly at the mention of her name, and she can feel her own back stiffen involuntarily. Sabine? She saw the photo of them together when he took her to Florence. The tall, exotic beauty he held in his arms, the intimacy displayed in that photo apparent to even the blindest eye. In her head, she knows this man has been with many women before her, both mortal and immortal, and that in itself, brings insecurity. But even though her heart knows he loves her, it is still hard not to have a visceral reaction to the women she knows he has been intimate with. After all, she knows what is in his heart, she has no idea what is in Sabine’s, and this one came looking for him.
“I'm listening, Shade.”
***
Leading her to the chair by the bedroom window, he sits down and pulls her into his lap, not ready to have her leave his arms, feeling she was backing away already from his embrace when he started to explain.
“Sabine is from Florence. She came seeking me out. She had heard rumors of our mating. She came to...” Running his hands over his face, he finishes, “Hell, I don’t honestly know what she came for.”
He sighs heavily. “I was restless, and I went for air, that’s all. I needed to be outside under the moon. I didn’t hunt. I just needed to deal with things inside my head. She came looking for me. She is a just another warrior.”
Kate looks at the anguish in his face. “She is a woman first and a warrior second. And she is not just another warrior. I saw the photo of the two of you together in Florence before you tore it up. And I have no doubts about what she came for. You don't think Sabine feels your restlessness? It breaks my heart. There is this void in you that you won't let me fill, and as long as that exists, I will always be threatened by every immortal female who feels she can step in and take my place. Hear my words, Shade. I do not doubt your love. You doubt mine.”
“I understand that now mi amore, but do you understand if my beast lets go, he could kill you? I can’t always control what happens, the beast is wicked, and it takes strength to calm him. I don’t know what will happen, and it frightens me because I love you more than my own life. He might be fine when unleashed, and then again, he might go batshit crazy. You tempt him out of his mind. You drive me over the edge with wanting you, I can’t stop thinking about you, and it’s a constant. When he is released, I could not bear if anything happened to you at my own hand! The beast is evil, bel rosso, he is my wickedness, and you have seen nothing of him, nothing!”
“But is he not you? At his core, is the beast not you? Would the beast not recognize me? Could I not call you back? How do I fight? This battle with the beast is pulling you away from me, Shade. Do you think I fear to stand before him? Because I don’t! I embrace him, for the beast is you. I will lie at the feet of the beast.”
“Si, I am the beast. And fighting him and taming him will be something I cannot teach you. I do not know what will curb his hunger for you. I have little control of him while he is out, but if you push him, I cannot honestly say how much I can control him. You are mortal. I have never let him loose on a mortal woman. It takes much for him to come to the surface and you seem to have called to him immediately. He wants you mi amore, he wants to claim you, to calm himself. I do not know how to explain this, I go into a different realm, and I become true evil, true vampire when he comes out. Blood will be his top priority. He will seek it like nothing you have seen. Please, you must wait longer, until you have taken more of my blood. It will help you with whatever he deems to do to you… cazzo! I sound like a raving lunatic and I am frightened for you.”
“So where are we, lover? Am I supposed to get used to your restless wandering in the night, while your legion of female followers seeks you out to comfort you?”
Slamming his hand down on the arms of the chair, he rolls her off his lap and stands, pacing the floor.
“You know I love you. I did not ask for this or for her. Sabine is a warrior. She is a mercenary and came to the camp for training. Paid for the training out of her own pocket. She is a fucking hellcat, and one bitch to take in hand, but I did it. She did not stay with Medici. She was happier working solo, and she knows how to fight, and how to kill. She is at the top of her game right now. I also know her weakness and what will take her down. Yes, I fucked her, is that what you want to know? We stayed together for some time, she lived at Castello. She was my lover, but not like Adriana. Sabine brought out all that was dark and evil in me. She came here I am sure, because she felt great changes in me. And you can bet your sweet ass she thought she could strut her hell back into my life and make y
ou go away. That didn’t happen, now, did it? Because I love you, you are my mate. Not her! So, if you think this will be a problem, yeah, it’s going to be because I don’t know what I am going to do. I could either lose you to the beast, or lose you when I walk out of here because you can’t deal with who I am and what I am. I just want to love you, I want you happy. I want to hold you. I don’t ever want to let go, and I never felt like that ever. You are the one who has my heart and soul.”
“Let's get one thing clear, Shade, because it is the thought that is in your head. It is the thought that drives you from our bed in the middle of the night. I'm not leaving. The doubt that nags at you is yours, not mine. I'm not leaving. Whatever this path reveals, I will deal with, because I have chosen you, I love you. So, fuck the beast, and fuck your legion of females. You underestimate me. You see happy, playful bel who loves to tease and provoke you. But you underestimate my willfulness, and my stubbornness, and my determination, but most of all you are underestimating my love for you.”
He hangs his head, “You think I underestimate your love for me? You, of all the females, mortal and immortal, in my entire life, have been the only one to show me love, show compassion, given me light and a reason to rise each night, because I want to be with you and love you.”
Leaving their bedroom, he walks down the stairs and goes outside, his heart torn, knowing there is nothing he can do any longer but expose the beast and pray. Lighting a smoke, he feels shame and failure.
***
Her anger flairs as he walks away, and she follows him down the stairs and storms up behind him like she has unleashed all the demons of hell. “Seriously, did you not hear one word of what I just said to you? Don't walk away from me. Don't you dare walk away from me! Tell me what you want. Tell me what to do to get through to you. I love you, I will never leave you. What is it you want from me? Tell me, and I will do it!
“Lover, if you think I am the one who will leave because of your darkness, then yes, you are underestimating me.” She stabs at his chest with her finger. “You are the one wandering in the night...not me. You are the one with doubt...not me.” She grabs his shirt in both fists, shaking him. “Don't turn the tables, and don't run away from this. You are driving a wedge between us, and I won't let it end this way.”
He remains silent as he leans against the house smoking, his calmness only feeding her anger.
“Don't ignore me, Shade... This is not going away. And I will not let you throw us away, do you understand?”
***
Her fire comes out, he knew it was always in there, but he needed to see it, feel it, to know she can deal with all the hell his beast carries, but her words slice through him faster than any blade he has ever felt. There is anger and pain rolling through his veins, his blood is boiling, and he knows she is hurt. When she grabs his shirt, he is surprised. She has never taken control like this, and his voice is calm.
“Si, I heard every word you said. Si, I do wander the night and si, I think you might just take one look at my beast and the darkness and leave me.”
Taking her hands in his, he looks deep into her eyes, “I need time to think about the beast and his capacity to kill and my capacity to control him. Tonight, I need to be alone and so do you, before we both say things we regret.”
Kissing her hand, he disappears, teleporting to the Dead House. His heart feels ripped in two and his soul is screaming in pain, but he needs to work this out before he says one more word to hurt her.
***
She is standing in the dark, listening to his tender voice, and she thinks, finally, he is calm, and they will discuss this and work it out. He takes her hand in his.... and what? What is he saying? We need to be alone? He is leaving? He is leaving me? He is going to D.C.? He kisses her hand and before she can even respond, before she can beg him to stay, he is gone from her. She is standing alone in the dark, dumb-founded.
Her mouth is open as she stares at the empty space he just occupied. She is too numb to scream, too numb to cry. She turns and stumbles back across the yard and into the house. She closes the door and leans her back against it, because her knees feel weak and she’s not sure she can walk much farther. Oh God, I am losing him. I'm really losing him! How did this go so wrong? I only want to love him.
The tears start to fall down her cheeks, and she is wracked with sobs. She slides to the floor, where she wraps her hands around her knees and lets the tears flow freely. Why is he making this so hard? Why can't he trust me to love him? A million questions in her head and no answers, not one.
She pulls herself up from the floor, the house is deathly quiet. There are no songs playing for her tonight. No fire in the fireplace. What if he never comes back? The very thought of it sends a wave of panic through her, and a fresh set of tears. She stumbles up the stairs, blinded by her own tears and looks at their bed. Was it only a few days ago they were playing in this room, him showering her with gifts, her teasing, him responding, teleporting her to California to see that house, and the progress she had made? How can we fall so far so fast? Oh, lover... how do we fix this? How can you not know I would do anything you ask?
She feels so broken. She steps into the bathroom to wash her tear stained face, and stares at her red eyes in the mirror. I look like hell. She leaves the bathroom and drops her clothes behind her. She picks up his shirt, thrown casually across the bed, holds it to her face and inhales. Him... she can smell him. She puts his shirt on, as this is as close as she will get to him tonight, and a fresh wave of pain washes over her.
She pulls down the blankets from their bed and climbs into the cold sheets, and cold blankets, and a big empty space beside her. The pain in her heart feels unbearable. Can he even feel that? Can he feel what he has done? Lover, please!
But there is no response from him tonight, not this night. She grabs the pillow where he lays his head and hugs it to her, burying her face there and letting the tears flow again. She has slept beside him all day, so sleep will not come to her now, but she craves the escape that sleep will bring so she opens the drawer of the bedside table. She pushes aside the weird collection of weapons he has left there, knives and something he calls shurikens. She fumbles through pens, and bookmarks, and assorted rubble to find that one bottle. Ah, there it is--Ambien. She rarely takes them and hasn’t touched one since Shade came into her life, but she wants that unconscious release from her pain, the pain is too great. She needs to escape, so she takes two, and swallows them down before she can second guess her decision. She has not eaten, and it does not take long for the drug to hit her system. Within minutes, she is groggy, and she turns out the light and slides down in the bed, their bed, holding the pillow to her chest as she falls asleep.
***
She is awakened by a sound and she sits up in the bed. It is dead quiet. Did she hear something? Or dream something? She looks at the clock, she has only been sleeping for about two hours, and she still feels the groggy pull of the drug. She is about to lay her head back down on the pillow when she hears it again. Yes, footsteps! Her heart is racing because she thinks he has come home. He has had time to cool off, and he is as miserable as she is. He wants to climb back in their bed and hold her... kiss her... fix this mess they created.
“Lover, Is that you?”
She waits in silence, but he does not answer her.
“Shade, please, I know we can fix this....”
She reaches for the lamp on the bedside table and turns on the light as she swings her feet out of bed and starts to stand, feeling a rush of dizziness from the pills. She steadies herself and turns to search for him and stops dead in her tracks. Standing in the middle of the bedroom is Sabine, clad in leather, eyes red, fangs bared. Kate stumbles backwards... is she really seeing this?
***
Sabine eyes the mortal, her small frame, her red hair, and wonders what she could possibly do for a master vampire like Shade.
"Not who you were expecting?" She stands with her legs spread, one hip out,
and a wicked smile on her face.
Kate steadies herself on the bedside table, adrenaline flowing through her, her head clear now. She recognizes this woman from the photo she saw at Castello. The photo Shade tore to shreds.
“What do you want here?”
"Shade didn't tell you? He didn't tell you about me? We have a long history, Shade and me. And I just thought I would stop in and see his latest mortal plaything."
***
Sabine is staring at Kate with such evil intent it sends a cold chill down her spine. Kate moves to the wall, and places her back against it so, at least, Sabine can't get behind her.
Sabine laughs, "Clever move... pointless, but clever."
“I know who you are... you’re Sabine. He told me about you.” Kate keeps her back pressed against the wall.
Sabine is laughing still, toying with her.
“Well, I doubt he told you all about me. Did he tell you how we fucked? Did he give you the dark and dirty details? How many times? How often? He is one nasty boy who plays with nasty toys. He loves delivering pain almost as much as he likes giving pleasure. You can't seriously think a mortal can satisfy the appetites of someone like Shade Medici, do you?"
***
Sabine is very slowly stepping closer to her, like a cat stalking a bird, as Kate slides along the wall, keeping her back plastered against the surface, working her way in the direction of the closet. She struggles to stay calm, and keep a clear head, her heart is racing. She is no match for Sabine. She has seen Shade move so fast she can't see him, and she knows this vamp is capable of the same.
Kate snaps back at her, “I am not his plaything. We are mated.”
Sabine hisses at her when she utters the word mated and releases a deep growl that makes Kate want to drop to the floor. The look Sabine gives her is pure evil as she spits out her words.