by Emily Bex
She looks at his pain-filled eyes and speaks to him out loud as she slowly strokes his face.
“Then know this, I will never leave you. I will never stop loving you. To have you leave me, even for this brief time, I feel gutted. It is a pain I cannot bear. You are mine, body, and soul, for all eternity. And whatever torment you carry, I will also carry. There is no life without you.”
She pulls his face to hers, and locks eyes with him. “Do you hear me, lover? There is no life without you.”
Her words run singing through his blood, and he lets go and feels her healing the hellish caverns he has inside. The deepest holes of hell he has fallen into and fought to climb from, her love fills them, and makes him whole. Her touch brings light into the darkest places. He kisses her like his life depends on it. He no longer wants to do anything but be with her forever, nothing else matters, past nor present, just her. It has always been about her, every breath and move he makes is for her and his heart stops screaming and instead, feels renewed in her love.
“I will never love another. You are mine, and I take responsibility for what I have done to you. I am sorry. I left so as not to hurt you. My word is my honor. I will always come back. I will always love you. Nothing can take you from me.”
“I never doubted you would return, Shade. Our bond is too strong to be broken. But I feel such pain when the bond is stretched, and I feel I have lost you for even that break in time. Now carry me to our bed please and lay with me.”
“Put a leash on me, mi amore, because sometimes... I lose myself.”
Standing up, he feels her curl into his arms, her head on his chest, and a soft sob escapes him. Her body language tells him that he is still her warrior, still her savage lover, still her vampire. Kissing the top of her head, he slowly walks over to their bed as he leaves behind the pain with each step.
78
He is aware that it is a long time before bel sleeps, her mind still troubled by the trauma of his memories, and his sudden exit from their bed. It is not her fault, her actions dredged up memories of events he thought he had buried, events where he was the tormenter, and not the tormented. Memories he is afraid to share with her, even now. But those experiences, part of a torrid tortured past, molded him. Showed him more about who he wasn’t than who he was, but they held him in their grip, like a sick addiction for far too many years. The Sex Cult, the women, the chamber at Castello. It was a time in his life when the beast ruled the man, at Sabine’s urging, and the man followed willingly. A time when he succumbed to the deepest, darkest part of who he could be if he gave up his humanity. Sabine fed that in him, and it took every fiber of his being to break away from the twisted, deviant lifestyle that had nothing to do with love. It is a part of his past he hopes to hide from her.
His bel is all goodness and light. Her love is pure, and unconditional. Her love is healing. And despite their passion together, there is innocence in her he hopes she never loses. He tamps those memories down again, in the deepest recesses of his mind, and hopes the day will never come that he has to explain that to her. He is aware of just how much he hides from her about the true nature of his world.
His hunger is raging, and he looks down at her soft heartbeat as it pulses in her neck and his body screams for her. He can’t feed from her now and Luca is his only solution throughout this pregnancy. Sighing, he knows that these past few nights have brought to her eyes a whole different view of vampire life. That incident between Rissa and that damn feeder, her over-hearing his feeding from Luca, and then last night, his sudden departure from their bed as his beast took control and those memories haunted him. His beast will never rule him like that again. And he no longer fears that the beast will take her the way others were taken. He is grateful that she stays with him, loves him through it all.
He will go to Luca, so he can survive and protect what is his. Shade climbs quietly from the bed, grabs some jeans, sliding them over his hips, not bothering to button them, and heads to Luca’s quarters.
As he approaches Luca’s suite, the door is slightly ajar, enough for him to see inside. He can hear Luca moving around so Shade steps into the doorway and peers in. Luca stands with his back to the door, shirtless and in jeans. He stands before a large canvas, his body blocking the image he is creating, and Shade quietly watches him paint, holding the palette of colors in one hand, and his other hand moving the brush deftly across the canvas, painting what appears to be blue waves. Luca steps back from his canvas, tilts his head as he examines his work, and in doing so, exposes the canvas to Shade’s view.
***
Luca becomes aware of his presence and spins quickly to see Shade at his door. He stands deadly still, not sure of his master’s reaction. Shade’s eyes are locked on the canvas. He does not speak but walks to it slowly and scans every inch of it. It is a portrait of Shade. In a tentative voice, Luca speaks, “Master?”
Shade responds, “Explain it to me. Tell me this story, Luca.”
“I paint what I feel, master. I have you standing in an angry sea, battered by the waves, and surrounded by dark clouds. You have ridden the torrent of the seas and fought your past to find her. And although she gives you reason to rise, you can still be pulled down by the current, drown in their beating. But each time you are caught in the currents, you arise, for her. You fight to get back to her. The rose you hold in your hand represents my lady and your love together. She will always be the reason you rise and conquer. I see these images in my head, they flow from me to the canvas and I let it go.”
***
Shade nods, he is aware that Luca sees his daily stuggle to find that middle ground with Kate.
“I was not aware of how transparent our struggle is, but that is often how I feel. Luca, right now, I need you. I am losing strength. Bel feeds deep and heavily now, with the bambino growing inside her.”
***
Luca is honored to be of service to his master.
“Take what you need, master, it is yours for the taking.”
Luca exposes his neck to him fully, but Shade steps back, taking his wrist instead and locks eyes with him.
“Not this time, Luca, I cannot feed from you in the traditional way tonight, just your wrist for now, I cannot offer you...release. She has been through too much and I cannot risk hurting her more. I will starve before I do that. She needs some time.”
Luca offers up his wrist. “It is fine, master, I have someone I can go to for release. I do not wish to make this more difficult for you or my lady.”
Before the words are out of his mouth, Shade sinks his fangs deep and the intensity of his power rails through Luca’s body. It is not the same level of eroticism as feeding from his neck, but it is master, and Luca would die for him.
***
As Shade’s hunger abates, he can feel his body rushing with this young warrior blood, it is so fresh, like sun ripened fruit, the taste bursting on his tongue. He draws only what he needs, not wanting to push Luca too far. Shade has enough on his plate and does not need to deal with Luca’s sexual appetites this night, nor his own. He just needs to take the fucking edge off and get back to bel. Licking Luca’s wrist as he unlatches, he looks at him and pulls him into his arms. Luca’s head lays on his shoulder and Shade kisses his cheek.
“Luca. Forgive me, please. I must return to her. Does she know of this canvas?”
***
Luca sighs as Shade feeds much too quickly and it almost hurts when he extracts his fangs from him, but then the torture of his tongue across the flesh wound and his embrace only drives his body further to have release, his cock hard and aching, but he knows this is not to be this night.
“She doesn’t know about this painting, I just finished it tonight. Do you wish for her to see it?”
“Si, I do Luca, but for now, I must return to her, and our bed. You will be fine, si?”
“Yes, master, I will be leaving for a while, into the morning hours. If you need me, call for me, I will return immediately.”
“Be careful,” Shade warns, “take a weapon. And let me know when you have returned, I will hear you in my death slumber. Now go.” Spinning on his heels to leave, Kate stands at Luca's doorway, looking in.
***
She had slept little, sleeping then waking, as the events of last night keep replaying in her head. What torments you, lover? What wounds your soul? She had felt him as he lied beside her throughout the day, restless in his death slumber, and knows it plays on his mind as well. She had finally drifted into a fitful sleep, and when she awoke in the darkened room of early evening, she discovers he has slipped from their bed. She wonders if perhaps he has left early for the Dead House.
Gi has already delivered the breakfast tray, loaded with food, and the two pills. So tonight is the night. She has such a huge appetite, and she knows it is the baby's demands. She eats everything he has brought for her, and swallows down the pills. “There you go, little one. Special nutrients to make you strong, like your father.”
She dresses and prepares to go downstairs when the memory of Luca, gently guiding her back into the house last night, comes rushing back to her. What was she even thinking? The drama they have tossed him into. She must thank him. She must apologize. She walks to his suite and finds the door is slightly open, she steps to the door and she sees them. Shade, feeding from Luca's wrist, and Luca lost in the throes of a sensation she knows only too well. She puts her hand on her belly, feeling the slight swell of it. “For you my little warrior, he does this for you.”
She regrets she has interrupted this intimate moment, as Shade and Luca stand before a painted canvas. She is ready to slip away unnoticed when Shade turns to her.
***
“I'm sorry... I didn't mean to intrude. I thought you had left for the Dead House. The door was open. Forgive me, please.”
Smiling, Shade goes to her, enfolds her in his arms. “No apologies, mi amore. I needed to feed, to keep you and our bambino strong. I tried to wait, but we have been through so much lately, it has drained me. You feed heavily now, and I am grateful for that.”
Turning with her in his arms, he looks for Luca, and sees him standing near the easel, looking unsure of her presence.
***
Kate approaches her protector, “If this is not a good time,” she steps tentatively into his space, “I only wanted to thank you, Luca, and to apologize. I feel so foolish for my actions last night… ” She tucks her head, hating that he is a witness to so much of their drama.
"My lady, please, it is nothing. You don’t need to feel shame around me. My job is to protect you, even if that protection is sometimes from yourself. No apologies necessary."
When she looks up, she sees the canvas on the easel, and she gasps softly. It is Shade, standing amidst a roiling sea of crashing waves. She is taken aback by the image. He sees us, and our lives playing out before him.
“Luca, this is beautiful Tell me what you see. Tell me what inspired you.”
***
As Luca explains his painting, Shade watches her face closely, and he knows the time will come when he will have to provide her with more details about what sparked his reaction last night. He only hopes like hell she will understand. But that is a hurdle for another day, not this one.
***
As Luca explains the meaning of the portrait to her, Kate feels a mixture of sadness and pride. “Yes, my warrior will always rise and conquer, always.”
She feels Shade as he steps behind her, and wraps her in his arms, pulling her into his chest, kissing her on the top of her head.
He takes her hand and leads her back to their room. ”Come, my walking sin, we need to give Luca his privacy.” He knows they will always face challenges, but they will remain as one, and he will fight to make sure nothing ever comes between them.
79
Kate is one full day into taking these pills. She takes two pills, three times a day, and she can already feel their impact. Her bones ache, her head aches, and she feels weakened. She steels herself to the idea that she has four more months of this, because she will do whatever she needs to do to bring this baby into the world. She, at least, takes comfort in learning pregnancy for the vampires is an escalated process.
Her appetite does not feel as strong, but she is not nauseated, so she will continue to eat as before. She dares not stop eating, or change her pattern, as she does not want to worry Shade. He has enough on his mind already. And if she sleeps more, well, that is normal, pregnant women tire easily. “Whatever it takes, my little warrior. You will gaze upon your father's face, I promise you.”
***
Shade is up and moving about the room, dressing, getting ready to go downstairs when he glances at her with concern.
She smiles at him and shakes her head.
“You aren't going to worry over me this whole pregnancy, are you? It will be a long four months if you do. I am just feeling tired. I think I need to sleep more, so just kiss me please, and go about your night. I am fine!”
There is a tap on the door, and it is Gi with another tray, and more pills. She eats as if she is hungry, so he will think she has an appetite, and she swallows down more pills.
He gives her a concerned look and she smiles back at him. “But you will rest, si?”
“Shade, the staff already waits on me hand and foot. I can't think of anything else they could do. You will have them carrying me around soon. But yes, if I feel tired, I will rest. I promise.”
That's an easy promise to keep. She can barely stay awake to talk to him. She just wants to lie down and sleep.
***
He looks at her paleness, and it worries him. Fuck, she looks so tired and weak. Walking to her, he pulls the duvet up around her and kisses her softly.
“Sleep, Kate. Please let the staff take care of you. If you need me, I can be here in seconds. Don’t try…” As he looks down, she is already sound asleep. He kisses her cheek before leaving.
Walking out, closing the door softly, he heads down to his office, trying not to stay so focused on her, to discover Alec left a message on his phone. He has to see what the fuck he wants, and he needs to pull himself together.
***
Gi brings up the lunch tray and has to wake Kate. He props the pillows behind her as he says, "Master has instructed you are to stay in bed tonight, my lady."
She thanks him as she takes the pills he holds out for her and lets him know she will be fine as she watches him leave. She had forced herself to eat breakfast while Shade was here, but she has even less appetite now and can't bear to look at all the food on the tray. She slips from the bed and dumps the contents in the toilet and flushes it away, putting the empty plate back on the tray, arranging the silverware so it looks used.
That minimal effort exhausted her, and she climbs back into the bed, head pounding, joints aching, and so tired... So very tired. She falls back asleep until she hears Gi enter once more with the dinner tray and more pills. He leaves the dinner tray as he clears away the lunch tray, and as soon as he is out of the room, she repeats the process of flushing the food down the toilet. Her body feels weaker by the hour, but the doctor said she would be sick. This is the price she must pay, and she will pay it. But getting back to the bed is a challenge. She needs to be careful that Shade does not see her struggle, besides, she’s sure her body will adjust, it just needs time.
80
Alec dresses for a morning in Congress, plus an early afternoon interview. Appearance is everything. Mortals are like sheep, and he will lead them, like lambs to slaughter. Rissa is in her dressing room, getting ready for her own day. He walks to her door and watches her as she dresses. Her fashion sense is flawless, and it starts with her lingerie and the matching bra and panties, the garter belt, the silk stockings. She keeps her beauty on display, carefully crafting her image.
“Rissa, before I leave, remember to call that mortal. After this situation with the feeder, you need to make sure she takes those fucking pills. Stay on top o
f it, will you, darling? And if she gives you any indication she is not taking them, let me know, so I can formulate a Plan B. The last thing I need is a warrior reading bedtime stories. Shade has mentioned some rival coven has moved into the D.C. area. I haven't had much time to look into it, but I certainly can't afford a rogue coven to expose my cover. And right now, I'm not sure Shade has his head in the game. This is critical, Rissa. Please tell me you have this under control.”
“I am always on top of things, Alec. And I will inform you immediately if there are any glitches with this pill process. Alec... What do you mean there is a rival coven in D.C.? You never mentioned this. When were you planning to inform me?”
***
Walking over to him, swinging her hips, she lightly brushes invisible lint from the shoulders of his immaculate jacket, and dabbles with his impeccably tied necktie.
He creases his brow, “I didn't share the information about the coven because, quite frankly, I don't have all the details. I need to sit down with Shade and see what he has found out. I know there were a few rogues he killed, and something about a tattoo made him think there were more than just a couple of rogues. Like I said, I don't have all the details at this point, Rissa. That's his job, to stay on top of this stuff, and that's why I need him focused. And why I need you to see to this...baby issue.”
He reaches around her, cupping her ass in his hand and gives her a hard squeeze. “Behave yourself today, my darling,” smiling wickedly, “or not.”
She gets the exact response she wants with that smile. He belongs to her and she throws back her head and laughs with loving wicked intent. “Oh, daddy, there is only one man I want to misbehave with, and only one hard, steeled cock I want!”