by Emily Bex
***
Rissa is pacing her home office, anxious beyond words to know if Kate has lost that damn thing yet. It is so close to being over she can taste it. Grabbing her cell, she thinks to herself, I don’t care if I wake up that whole damn household, I am calling!
Dialing the house, it rings a few times, and that is unusual. What the hell is going on over there? Finally, the old one answers.
“This is Larissa Benneteau, I was calling deeply concerned for my dearest friend Kate. I was just there, and she was so ill, I was wondering if I might speak with her?”
***
Gi heard my lady’s cell phone ringing and goes up to their bedroom to see who might be calling. It is Master Alec’s mate, so he decides he should answer.
“Yes, Miss Benneteau, I am afraid my lady is not home at the moment.”
What? Not home? What the hell has gone wrong now, I will kill that bitch myself! “Oh, not home? I’m sorry, but I am having a great deal of difficulty comprehending this news. I was just there a few days ago and she was so ill, and now she is not home? Please, I am a very close friend, is she all right?”
Gi hears her fake sincerity but knows not to challenge a master’s mate.
“I am sorry madam, but I regret to inform you that my lady lost the baby, and master has decided to take her away. I do not know when they will return, but I will be happy to deliver any message you may have for her.”
Rissa gasps loudly, “Oh, I am so very, very sorry. Oh dear, what terrible news. Please, I just... Oh my, this saddens me so. Please, will you just relay our love and support, and deepest sympathy from me and Senator Canton to Shade and Kate. I am so overwrought with this loss for her. Thank you for informing me.”
Hanging up, she throws back her head and spins around and around in her office chair, laughing with glee.
“Oh, my wicked sweet Alec, it is done!”
89
Teleporting back to Virginia, the house is still quiet, the house staff is moving about their business, not really looking or addressing him or bel, trying to give them space. He doesn’t blame them. He is not much in the mood for conversation, or anything else at the moment.
The death of their child has taken its toll on both of them, in more ways than one. He makes sure bel is settled inside the house. She seems lost, torn, and he knows she will be this way for a while. But if she doesn’t snap out of it, he has no idea in hell what he will do. He is struggling, himself. It has been the hardest torture of his life, and he doesn’t think he will ever completely get over it.
He hates to leave her, but it must be done. He will try to stay home this night, but he is feeling caged in and aching to be let loose, or he will lose control on those who do not deserve his wrath, over something only he feels responsible for.
“Bel, I need to check in with Luca, make sure things are fine here. I don’t plan on leaving, but if I have to, I will tell you, and Luca will always be here with you.”
He watches her look back at him with dead eyes, emotionless, and he takes a deep breath. Come on bel, come on, work through it. “Make sure you try to eat something, build your strength back up, take it easy, your body has been through a lot.”
Walking to her, he still gets nothing from her. He kisses her head softly, letting his hands slide down her arms. “I love you, Kate. I will always love and protect you.”
Turning, he heads for his office and Luca's quarters to find something to occupy his mind.
***
Shade has shielded her, protected her, taking her out of this room where they lost their baby, and to the California house where he held her while she slept, waited on her when she was awake. Now they are back home, and she wants so desperately to talk to him, but she knows if she starts to talk, the tears will start again, and once they start, she feels they will never stop. He is in his own pain, and she knows her retreat into herself is only adding to his personal misery, and her tears bring him such agony as well. She must find a way to push through this, for both of them.
***
Walking into the bunker, Shade runs his hands over some of the weapons, and fights the damn ache to gut something, take something out hard. His emotional state is on edge and he needs to get out of this house and release some of it, but he knows he should stay close to her. Picking up one of his favorite shurikens, he twirls it in his hand, watching the sharp-edged blades catch the light. Running his fingertips over the razor-thin edges, he knows it is sharp and ready for war. He wishes he was in a war, something that would give him an outlet for this pain and anger. He realizes that, unfortunately, he is in a war, but not the type he is used to.
Grasping the shuriken in his fingers, he should go outside and practice. It’s been a while, although he knows he needs no practice with any weapon in this room. He feels his cell phone buzz on his hip. With a flick of his wrist, he sends the shuriken spinning across the room and watches as it sticks deep into the wall. He glances at his phone... Alec.
***
“Shade. Alec here. Rissa told me about the baby... Can't say I'm surprised. I hope you understood that going in and didn't get too attached because I need your head in the game here. I got a call from Tomas while you were in California. Seems this coven not only likes to strike mortals but leave them exposed for others to find. Both careless and stupid, and we can't afford this right now. You need to get on top of this. Tell me this is not going to be a problem.”
Shade listens to Alec’s matter-of-fact voice and the complete lack of emotion. Heartless fucking bastard, black to the damn bone, sitting all high and mighty, he is probably one of the most powerful master’s Shade knows, but damn his heart is cold and ruthless. Shade is in the fucking mood to show him he isn’t the only one who is deadly as he looks for a way to let go of this shit boiling inside him.
“Well, I never expected hearts and flowers from you Alec, so let it go, don’t ever fucking mention it again, it’s done. What the fucking hell do you mean leaving bodies? Where? Never mind, I’m heading out now. I’ll see Tomas at the Dead House and will roll out from there. Leave it to me. This is what I do best. Go play with your political chess pieces, the only fucking warrior you can rely on will be there before you hang up the phone.”
Alec knows all of Shade’s anger over his loss will be channeled into his work. “That's all I need to hear, Shade.”
***
Shade ends the call, loads up on weapons and is ready to teleport. Fuck! Bel! Damn it Shade, stop running out without telling her where the hell you are going.
“Luca!”
Luca instantly appears in the bunker.
“I am going out, trouble in D.C., don’t know when I will be back. Stay fucking close as you can to her, she is fragile and let me know if anything happens.”
Luca watches him load his weapons and knows this is no ordinary situation, he is a walking arsenal, and on the edge. Luca can feel his blood rushing and his adrenaline pumping.
“As you wish, master, I will take care of her, you need not worry.”
Shade nods at him, “I don’t worry when you are here Luca, just do your job.” “Bel? Answer me.”
“Yes, lover...”
“I need to go into D.C. I will be gone for a while, Luca is here. He’ll be with you. Don’t be afraid. If you need me, you call or let Luca know, and I will return immediately. Tell me, mi amore... Say it, I need to hear you say it before I leave, I need to know that no matter what happens...”
“Go... I will be fine. Be safe please. Her heart breaks to let him go, but she can't keep him trapped here with her in this darkness.”
He sighs, and it kills him. He needs to hear her say she loves him, and she can’t say it. Grabbing his latest prized weapon, he twirls it in his fingers, his blood screaming to get moving. This is just what he needs, a good hunt and a few dead rogues oozing through his fingers. Teleporting straight into the Dead House, the league of warriors under his command are already gathered and it feels fucking good to have a mission,
and his mind immediately goes into warrior mode and he forgets everything before this moment.
90
Kate feels his absence as he teleports from the house. It feels like more than she can bear, and yet, she knows this is how he will deal with his own pain. He is a warrior, and heaven help anything in his path. But where does she put all her pain? She can't lay it at his feet, she can't. She curls up on their bed, and drifts into a light sleep when she is awakened by the sound of a baby's cry. She sits upright and slips from their bed, walking into the nursery. The crib is empty. She runs her hand across the sheets as the tears fall. Oh, my little warrior... I am so sorry... I have failed you.
She walks through the room, touching the things that were to be his; his bed, his dresser, his toys, his books, his clothes. She feels her soul shattering into a million pieces, and she wonders if she can put it all back together again. She walks to the nanny's bed and lies down, letting the tears flow, as she clutches a soft teddy bear to her chest.
***
Luca can hear my lady moving about upstairs. She has not come downstairs since master brought her back from California. He walks up the stairs to check on her. The bedroom door is open, and he steps lightly into the room, but she is not there. He turns to walk down the hall when he catches a glimpse of her in the nursery. He stands in the doorway and watches as she lies on the small twin bed she had set up for Theresa, clutching a stuffed toy as silent tears fall down her cheeks. He takes a deep breath and wonders if he should even interrupt her. He is much better equipped to deal with Shade's anger than my lady's sorrow. She seems completely unaware of his presence. He steps into the room and she turns her head toward him, and he is confronted with her pain filled eyes. He walks to the chair by the bed and sits next to her.
“My lady, is there anything I can do for you?”
***
She turns her head to see Luca enter the room. Another warrior like Shade, with a head and body built for fighting, but the heart of a romantic. She understands immediately that this is their connection, and this is why they are so close. They are so much alike, like brothers, he is simply a younger version of Shade. There is such gentle concern in his voice and she knows she can talk to him, but not this night. Her own pain is too great to let it free yet. She reaches her hand out to him and he takes it in his.
“Luca, I just need to be alone. But thank you, thank you for checking.” She squeezes his hand to let him know she is okay, and that he can leave.
He looks at her small hand in his, so white against his dark skin, so fragile, and he feels why master is so protective of her. He releases her hand as he stands to leave.
“I will leave you then, but please, if there is anything you need...” He starts to leave the room when she speaks.
“There is one thing, Luca.... One thing I need.”
“Yes, my lady, anything.”
“When we are in this room, when we are alone, I need you to call me Kate.”
***
He drops his head and closes his eyes. He can already feel master's wrath if he ever heard him address her as such. He knows this is a line he should not cross, but he can't deny her request. He raises his head and looks at her and speaks her name aloud for the first time. “Kate.”
***
She feels his inner turmoil as he struggles with the request, but then he says her name. She mouths the words "Thank you" and then turns her back on him, curling herself into a ball, clinging to the stuffed bear.
He sees her response, her silent thank you and then watches as she retreats back into her shell. He leaves the room, wishing he knew how to fix her, and him, and how to get the life back in this house.
***
For Shade, it is a very different night. As dawn approaches, he is getting ready to head for home. The night has been long, but there is still an intense edginess inside him. There were not enough rogues for him to let loose on, but they were popping up in the strangest places, no rhyme or reason, and he keeps running it through his mind. He stayed close to his grid in G-town, in case they moved their activity closer to Alec, but the rogues stayed on the outskirts of the city, slaughtering, draining, and leaving their victims lay in the open. It made no fucking sense to him.
If they wanted to draw a lot of attention, why not come into the heavily populated areas with a lot of nightlife? He was trying to keep one step ahead of their next strike and it kept his mind in a tangle. He had no fear. They would get them all, the bastards, each one branded with the same Aries tat. This was not a few random rogue attacks that were unrelated as they had earlier thought. This was a well-planned and organized strike and was much bigger than they originally perceived.
Wrapping up for the night, he swings by the Dead House, gets a kill count, and sends them all home. He isn’t too badly messed up, but he needs a shower and there is blood all over his boots. He teleports home, landing outside the French doors that lead into Luca’s suite. He taps lightly on the door and enters. Luca is awake as usual and painting at his easel and looks up at him as he enters.
Shade nods, “Anything happen here?”
***
Luca looks him over. He seems a bit more relaxed, but there are still underlying signs of his master's frustration. Luca will not tell him much, he will not speak of the worry he holds for my lady. He feels sure she will soon emerge from the nursery and not spend her time locked away in that room, and no need to add to his master’s burden. Plus he will keep my lady’s secrets.
“Nothing happened here, master, everything is fine. Quiet. Looks like you had some success by your appearance, but I don’t think it would be a great idea to go to your mate looking like that.”
Shade looks down at himself and decides he is right. “Damn Luca, let me use your shower, that way bel won’t see the clothes or boots, and Gi can get them before she notices, si?”
Luca nods, “Whatever you need, master.”
As Luca shrugs, Shade strips the bloodied leathers from his body, stepping into the shower stall and allowing the hot water to wash off the night.
***
Kate feels, as much as hears, him when he enters the house, and she jumps up from the small bed in the nursery and runs to their bedroom, pulling back the sheets and climbing in. She kicks at the blankets to make the bed look tumbled and slept in. She never wants him to see her hiding in the nursery. It is where she goes to feel the pain, and he has enough of his own pain to carry around.
***
Quietly making his way to their bedroom, he feels better, the hell of the night washed away, his hair still wet. The door is ajar, and he assumes that is Luca's doing, as he told him to stay close to her. Shade walks in and finds her asleep. She looks better, but he doesn’t feel any better about her condition. Already naked, he climbs in beside her. It is impossible to slip unnoticed into any bed at his size, he is no small vampire and the bed always sinks when he climbs in, but he has come to like it as it always makes her roll toward him. He pulls her into him, and lets his hands caress those crimson locks he adores and closes his eyes.
“I am home, mi amore, right here with you.”
***
She feels him as he slides into their bed, and pulls her to him, his skin still damp and his hair wet, and she slides her arm across his chest as she feels his hand in her hair. She kisses his chest as she nuzzles into him.
“Lover… I missed you,” she whispers to him.
***
Smiling softly, his heart takes a small leap that she is recovering. At least she is talking to him, and just feeling her closeness to him makes him feel better. He needs this so desperately, to have her in his arms, feel her, and protect her.
“I missed you too, but things are beginning to stir in D.C. and I needed to be out there, it is my job. But as I have promised you, I will always come home to you, my bel rosso.”
***
She listens to his voice with her head on his chest, feels the vibrations of his deep tone, and it strikes right to her
heart. She loves him with every cell of her being.
“I understand. I hate when you are away from me, and I worry...but I understand.”
She reaches up and strokes his cheek with her hand. “I love you, Shade. I feel like I haven't said that enough lately... So much... Too much...” She can't finish this sentence, she is not ready to talk to him about all that has happened, and she will not burden him further. “Lover, just know what is in my heart.”
As her hand strokes his cheek, he wants to curl inside her, fill her void, make her whole again, but he can’t do that. He can’t fix all the hell she is going through, and it breaks him all over again.
“I know what is in your heart, because I hold it within my own, and nothing will tear me from you or you from me. Just remember this love is for eternity, and I never take that lightly. Bel...”
***
He wants to tell her so desperately there will be more babies, they will have more, but he knows however many children they have, you can’t replace one child with another. “I love you, and if you can possibly say it to me before I walk out that door each night, it gives me a thousand times more strength, because I fight to return to you.”
***
It breaks her heart she did not say those words to him last night. She raises herself up and looks into his eyes.
“Lover, you will never leave this house again without hearing those words. I am so sorry. I have felt so broken, and you have protected me from it all. I have felt so disconnected when I was sick, left in the darkness...and afterwards.”