by Emily Bex
***
Shade leaves the shower, towels off as Luca immediately binds up his arm. The bleeding has stopped, and he knows the wound will be healed before he arises again. He tries not to think about how fucking lucky he is to still have his damn arm.
Luca finishes wrapping the wound. “Master, do you need to feed? Are you feeding at all?”
“Luca, I am fine, I only feed from bel now, and I haven’t lost enough to make a difference. The wound sealed over, and I didn’t lose much blood. There are dead rogues out there though, all I care about right now. Anything happen tonight?”
Luca shakes his head at Shade’s careless thoughts about himself. “No, my lady is fine, quiet night. She...sleeps.”
Shade leaves his bloody and torn clothing behind as he leaves Luca’s suite.
“Good, heading up now to her. Fuck, I am tired Luca.”
Heading up the stairs, the towel wrapped around his waist, he feels so tired and lost, and he hopes bel is asleep and doesn’t notice the binding around his arm.
***
Kate hears him come in downstairs again and she knows he will go to Luca's suite and shower like before, so she rushes from the nursery and runs to their bedroom. Shit! The bed is made again.
She rips down the blankets and tosses the pillows around a bit before climbing under the sheets. She can hear the shower running, and then the water stops. She waits for him, but still, he does not come to her. Her already broken heart feels the pain. She knows he is avoiding her. He is fighting his own pain and can't carry hers as well. Luca says she is not losing him, but she feels him slipping away from her, and she doesn't know how to stop it. Shade, please help me find my way back to you.
***
Shade enters their bedroom quietly and slides into the bed beside her. Fuck! My bandaged arm is on the side she cradles into. Damn fucking luck!
He pulls her onto his chest, she stirs, and he can tell she is awake. “I am here, right here.”
***
Kate lies with her eyes closed as she feels him slide into bed, and he draws her close as she moves to lie next to him, her head on his chest, her arm draped across him, her leg across his legs. His skin and hair are still damp, and she is aware of the fresh bandage on his arm. She knows he fights. She knows all his anger is taken out in battle, but she won't make the same mistake as this morning. Her worry over his safety only angered him.
“Lover, I have missed you.”
Shade nuzzles his face into her crimson locks. “Not as much as I have missed you. I want you to feed. I need to know you are strong and feeling better. I worry about that. Will you please, for me?” He tilts up her chin, looking deep into her eyes. “I love you. I want you to be strong for me.”
Kate fights back her tears. She hungers for his touch and he has felt so far away from her, if he only knew how desperately she has craved him, and yet, she did not feel wanted or welcome in his embrace. She felt like his obligation, not his mate. Looking into his eyes with his dark damp hair falling around his face, she kisses his forehead, and his nose and then his lips, hoping she will not feel rejection.
***
He sighs with the feel of her, the heat of her body against his and he wants her so desperately, to be inside her, feel her love, giving her something she desires, but he is so afraid. Will she feel pain inside? Returning her kiss, he grasps the back of her head, fisting her soft silky hair and moans.
“Please mi amore, take from me, I need to feel you, know you still love me, need me.”
***
His touch is the touch she needs to feel, his words are the words she needs to heal, and she slides her lips across his cheek and his strong jaw, down to his neck where she licks at his vein and kisses his neck before she bites hard and feels the rush of his blood into her mouth. She moans with the pleasure it brings. She feels him arch his neck as his head is thrown back on the pillow and a low moan escapes his lips. She can't remember when she last fed from him, it seems so long ago, so much pain ago. But he will heal her, and she will heal him. She feels his cock grow hard as steel against her leg, and she slides her leg against him as she draws deeply from his neck, the heat between her own legs building.
“I know you battle, I feel your anger and your pain, but I am in a battle as well, and I will not lose you. I am fighting my way back to you. Please don't give up on me.”
“Never, bel, I will never give you up.”
She grips his shoulder with her hand as she drinks from him with an unquenchable thirst. Her need for him overcomes her pain, her hurt, her loss, and right now, she only wants him, only needs him. She breaks away from his neck and covers his mouth with hers, her tongue probing at his, her hand sliding down his chest, across his hard abdomen and into that tight mass of curls before wrapping her hand around his cock.
“Now take me, lover, and feed from me. Heal us... Heal us both.”
***
He feels her lips cover him in rapturous need, hungering for something far more than his blood, and he, too, feels the need. Her words wash over him, and he groans as if in pain as her hand grasps his cock. Burying his face in her neck, his breathing is ragged, and he is in need of her body, her blood.
“Mi amore, I want to take you. I am afraid I will hurt you.”
“Lover, please... you can't hurt me. Please.”
She lowers her head beside his, her neck at his lips, she can feel his breath on her, and she needs to feel the sharp bite of his fangs. She needs to feel his hands with their strong firm grip as they explore her body. She needs to feel him inside her.
Shade feels her need and his own need overpowers him. She is his and no one else will ever fill the void she fills in him. She is his life and she has given him all of her and they need each other in this moment. Sliding his hands slowly down her body, he grips her hips gently and eases inside her. His moan is deep and low and long. Fuck, she feels so soft and wet and warm...my healing...my bel.
Sinking his fangs into her neck, he draws deep and groans with pleasure, drawing softly, taking it easy on her as he feels her body move into a slow, sweet glide on his cock and he rubs her back, encouraging her to set her own pace. It is bel rosso and her savage lover, joined in their love for each other.
***
His touch is firm, yet gentle. She has missed him so much. Her love for him overwhelms and she feels the tears fall. She buries her face because she does not want him to see her tears, to misunderstand her tears. They are tears of love, not grief. She lets her hips glide slowly up and down as she rides his cock, and she feels him respond to her, matching the rhythm. I love this man, I love this man, Oh God, I love this man.
She feels the sweet sting of his bite, and his lips at her neck, drawing her blood into him. It is a turning point, a small one, but she feels him open up to her. Her own body responds as he bites and drinks, and it is like an electric current that runs through her. She thrusts harder against him, feels his cock throbbing deep inside of her, and it sends shivers down her spine. He drinks slowly from her, still cautious, but each swallow he takes increases the heat between her legs. As he unlatches and breaks away from her neck, she sits upright on him, taking all of him, letting him fill her. She rides him hard, because she knows it is what he needs, what they both need, to find their way back to each other. She watches as he throws back his head and she hears the growl that rumbles up from deep in his chest, mouth open and fangs bared. His cock throbs and releases and she feels her body respond to his when that delicious wave of ecstasy flows over both of them, again and again, before she collapses onto his chest, breath ragged, heart pounding. She places her hands on either side of his face and kisses him, and with her lips still against his, she repeats to him.
"I love you, I love you, I love you."
***
With each stroke on his cock, it brings her home to him. Shade felt he was beginning to lose her and he can feel her coming back, his minx with that flaming crimson hair, ready and willing and taking him on. H
is beast roars deep inside him for he, too, has missed his beautiful minx, and he knows she is coming home where she damn well belongs. Shade feels them both explode together, her body shivers and convulses as she rides him hard, both of them in need of something more primal than breathing.
Her body takes away his pain, his worry, and her kiss brings him right back home to her. He ravages her lips like a thirsty demon, and all he wants is to forever hold this woman, never let her feel this hell again.
“I love you so fucking much! Please tell me you are coming back to me. I cannot bear much more without you. Tell me this is healing us both.”
He wraps himself tightly around her and buries his head into her neck.
“Don’t leave me bel, I need you so much, I need to come home to you, I need to love you. You are all to me, everything. And without you, I am nothing.”
Holding her, he feels the pull of the coming dawn, the wear and tear on his body, the sweet release of emotions and the words they both had left unsaid for far too long as he is being pulled deep into his slumber. But most of all, he feels the warmth of her in his arms.
***
Kate feels the pain and anguish in his words, she feels his love. She knows he is hurting as much as she is, and she knows the separation between them has to end. She can't bear his absence in her life. This emotional barrier they built between them, it has to go, and they will tear it down. Tonight, they removed a few bricks from that wall, but she knows they both have to break through it, if they are going to come out on the other side together.
“I could never leave you, Shade.”
She strokes his face as she slides off of him, lying beside him once more, head on his chest, and hand to his cheek, her leg tossed across his. She feels his arms around her. Feels his body relax and she knows he will slip into his death slumber soon.
“Sleep my savage lover, and your bel rosso sleeps next to you.”
She falls asleep next to him, a calm sleep, not tormented by the sound of the baby crying. It is the first time she has slept since losing the baby that she has not heard that sound. The day passes too quickly, and as the sun sets, she feels him stir and quietly slip from their bed, dressing himself all in leather. She watches him as he dresses, knowing he prepares himself for another night of battle when he suddenly looks up at her.
“I did not wish to wake you, you were sleeping so soundly."
“Lover, I would be upset if you did not wake me. I hope you never leave our bed without waking me.”
He walks to their bed and sits down next to her, running his hand through her hair and bends to kiss her.
“Ti amo."
She remembers his reaction to her request of yesterday to be careful, and she noticed the bandage around his arm that he did not want to draw attention to. She will never stop worrying about him, but she knows it is not what he wants to hear. It is not what he needs to hear.
“Fight well tonight, my savage warrior,” she runs her hand across his cheek, “and never forget how much I love you.”
94
Kate can hear him downstairs in the bunker, and she can feel him when he leaves. Almost immediately, the darkness grips at her, tries to pull her down. She slips from their bed and moves to the bathroom, stepping into the shower and letting the hot water pour over her. She stands still and lets her tears flow, masked by the water. She can cry here, and no one will hear her. All of the memories of Shade rush back at her, the memories of them together, and she wants him back, full time.
She had made herself numb to try to block the pain, but she has realized she can't just numb herself to the painful loss of their baby, without numbing herself to all the other emotions as well. She can't selectively numb, so when she numbs the pain, she also numbs the joy, and gratitude, and happiness, and most importantly, the love. She has lost this baby, and she cannot lose Shade. God give her the strength to find her way out of this maze of pain. She finishes her shower, steps out and towels off, and makes some effort to put herself together, to reclaim her routine. She dresses and heads downstairs to a startled Gi.
"My lady, Is there anything I can get for you?"
“Nothing now, thank you, I'm just going to the kitchen, see if Reynaldo can fix me something.”
Reynaldo wants to fix a huge breakfast, but she begs off with coffee, juice, and toast. After eating, she heads upstairs to return to their bedroom, but as she walks past the nursery, she feels the pull. It is like a hand reaching out, grabbing at her, pulling her in, and she gives in and enters the room.
She walks over to the nanny’s bed, which has, once again, been made. She says a silent prayer, thanking the house staff for keeping her secret from Shade. Perhaps the staff knows they are both bearing as much burden as they can carry right now. She sits on the bed, her back against the pillows, and she can feel him, their baby. She can’t remember what it feels like to not be broken, and she can feel the darkness pulling at her. She sees a shadow across the door and she looks up to see Luca. She gives him a sad smile.
“Guess you knew where to find me.”
He sighs and just stares at her. “Kate, it is not my place, but you know this has to end.”
She motions for him to join her, and he walks over and sits in the chair by the bed.
“I know, Luca. I'll be okay, just not today. Have you told him? About this?”
Luca shakes his head no, “Of course not. And I won't unless... Unless I think you can't find your own way back. You are both working through your grief, in your own way. But you have placed me in the middle here.”
She reaches out and takes his hand. “I know that. I understand your loyalty to him, and please believe me when I say, I understand the position I have placed you in. I can't thank you enough, for being here, for listening. He was hurt last night, wasn't he?”
He pauses before answering, deciding how much he can share. “Yes, but it was a small wound, delivered by a poorly delivered shuriken.”
She creases her brow, “A what?”
“Oh... uh... I think you call them those shiny star-shaped thingies.” He tries to suppress a smile, “but you don't need to worry about master. Like me, he has trained all his life to be a warrior.”
“Trained... I have news for you, Luca. Warriors aren't trained. Speed and strength are developed through training. Knowledge of weapons is developed through training. But a warrior... A warrior is one who chooses to stand between their enemy and all that he loves and holds sacred. That is in the heart, Luca. You can't teach that. You are born with it. Shade was born with it. You were born with it. Warriors are born. The training just improves their skills.”
He looks at her a second before responding, “I have underestimated you, Kate. But you know, you have a warrior's heart as well. I watched you attack the feeder. Stupid move by the way, but you attacked with your heart, and not your head.”
“I know it was stupid, but I would do it again. And I have to fight for him again now. Fight through this pain we are both trapped in. But there is something I need to know.”
“What? Whatever it is Kate, if I have the answer... If it will help you... I will tell you.”
She looks him in the eyes, “I need to know where the baby is.”
He sits upright, pulls his hand from hers, and pauses a moment.
“Stay here, I'll be right back.”
He leaves the room and goes downstairs to find Gi, and together, they return to the nursery.
They walk into the room together, and she looks from one to the other. Her eyes finally settling on Gi and she pleads to him.
"I need to know."
Gi nods his head, "Yes, my lady, I knew the time would come. You understand we could not report this birth...this miscarriage. There could be no autopsy, no examination. We could not allow a mortal doctor to discover this baby was...different. But we loved the baby too, and I found a place for the baby, in the garden. When you were in California with master... I, all of us, we buried the baby. Do you wish to see him
, my lady?"
She throws her hands over her face as the tears pour from her and she can hear her own sobs.
“Please...take me to him...”
Luca goes to her and helps her off the bed, and leads her from the room, Gi walking ahead of them. As they reach the bottom of the stairs, Theresa is there, and she grasps Kate's hands. Kate sees the blood tears Theresa sheds for the baby she never got to hold as well. As they all walk past the kitchen toward the back patio, Reynaldo joins them, and they walk outside. With Gi leading the way, they walk through the garden path.
“This way, my lady."
Gi leads them down the winding path to the garden bench he has had made and placed there just for her, surrounded by fresh plantings of lavender, knowing this will not be her last visit to this spot. As they reach the bench, Luca directs her to sit. She looks at him with questioning eyes and he just nods at her.
“Sit please, Kate.”
Kate sits on the bench, still holding Luca's hand, surrounded by these people she loves when Gi speaks to her once again.
"You understand my lady, we can't have a traditional marker, nothing that would draw the attention of other mortals. But the baby is here, and I have marked the place with this garden statue of the cherub. We do not believe in angels, but I know in your culture... I hope this brings you peace, my lady."
The wave of grief and gratitude wash over her, and she does not block the pain. She knows, now, the only cure for the pain is through the pain, as she cries out loud to the heavens for her lost baby. She drops from the bench to her knees as her body is wracked with sobs, and she feels Luca drop to the ground beside her. She leans her head on his shoulder and cries until there are no tears left to cry. When she finally looks up, Gi, Theresa and Reynaldo are all still there. She feels their love, and their strength, and she can't begin to find the words to thank them for what they have done.