I’m definitely with that.
I think she’s sleep, but she rolls over to find the sheet beneath us and looks over at me. I put my arm out for her, and she eases her head onto my shoulder, as I wrap my arm around her. We just lay there for a few moments, in silence.
I turn my head to kiss her forehead. “This living together shit might work.”
Neeci laughs. “Yeah, it might.”
She pauses for a minute, like she’s thinking, then she leans into me and says, “Damn it, Sha, I think I might be falling for you.”
There’s a heavy silence, as I try to figure out what to say. I’m happy she said that shit, but I don’t really know how to say it. She starts to fidget uncomfortably. I know she probably thinks I might be freezing up on her, so I whisper back, “Damn! I think I’m feeling it, too. This shit is wild and coming on fast.”
She just looks up at me—into my eyes—and nods. It’s not long after that that we both fall asleep. Way too fast, the alarm is going off, and it’s time to get up. I feel Neeci moving around in my arms, tryna wake up. I let out a sigh and open my eyes. Neeci leans over and gives me a kiss on the lips. I roll over on top of her and start kissing her deeply, tryna spark something up, but she pulls away.
“Oh no, buddy!” she says. “We gotta get up and get ready for work.”
“Damn, baby, let’s just take a minute.”
“Nope. You ain’t get enough last night?”
“Ain’t never enough.”
“Well, too bad. C’mon, let’s go.”
She rolls out of the bed and heads for the bathroom. After a few minutes, she comes back out and heads for the kitchen. I go in to take a piss and come back out to see what she’s doing.
She’s in the kitchen making breakfast. It’s nice seeing her move around the kitchen like she knows a lil’ something. I take a seat and watch her move around. She whips us up some eggs, bacon, and toast real quick. Then, she sets the plates down and hurries to eat so she can jump into the shower. I bite into the eggs. They’re actually good. I guess I won’t be the only cook in the place. That’s what’s up. I eat nice and slow since I know I’ll have to wait for her to shower. This living together shit is gonna be pretty cool.
Yeah, I could get used to this.
Two
Shinisha
I can’t believe how good last night went. It was so simple and easy. Sha’quan and I get along well. This just might work. I can’t believe what’s been happening. I was just working at that piece of shit shop in the mall, and now I’ve got a singing gig and a new job at the Coffee Cat Club. I mean, it’s not the dream, but it’s better than what was. Plus, there’s this stuff with Sha’quan. Everything is moving so fast, but I kinda like it. It’ll be a cool story to tell when Shanisha “Neeci” Lee takes off and has to tell how she made it.
The thing with the record label is still up in the air. Maybe it’s something, maybe not. But at least I have something to fall back on and someone to help me. I still can’t believe I told Sha’quan I was falling for him. I was caught up in the moment and the shit just slipped out. I guess he feels the same way, even though he hesitated. But this whole moving in together thing was his idea, so he must be feeling something.
We made it out of the apartment smoothly this morning. I’m glad to be back up and rolling again. That bus shit is for the birds. Hopefully, Whitney can hold it together for me until I can afford to get a new car. Whichever, we made it into work okay. I took my post up at the register.
I’m still smiling to myself because Sha’quan’s eyes damn near popped out of his head when I walked out of the bedroom. I thought I’d put on a lil’ something to get his attention, so I found my favorite hip-hugging skirt that’s tight in all the right places, with a blue blouse tucked into it and some butt-raising pumps. Sha’quan was damn near drooling when we walked out. I heard him stumble down the stairs when he was walking down behind me. He opened up my car door and rubbed his hand across my ass when I walked past him to sit down in the driver’s seat. I just laughed it off. I know he’ll be back in the kitchen thinking about me all day, which is the plan.
The new job is fairly simple. I mostly just ring people up and answer phone calls. Nothing too major. The college dudes up in here tryna holla, but I just laugh ‘em off. Sha’quan has come out of the kitchen a few times, which he doesn’t usually do. When he does, I make sure to lean a bit and poke my ass out so that he can see it. And I know he does. About halfway through my shift, I go to take a break. I’m just about to get something to drink when Sha’quan comes slipping out of the kitchen and jerks his head in the direction of the back, like he wants me to follow him. I casually slip away in that direction, but I don’t see him until he pokes his head out of the bathroom and pulls me in with him. He locks the door behind us.
“Sha, what do you think you’re doing?”
He comes forward and takes me in his arms. “You know what you’ve been doing to me all day. You got that ass poking out in that skirt just for me. I can’t take it no more.”
He leans in and kisses my lips real deep and hungry, like he’s ready to devour me. I put my hands around his neck and dive deep into our kiss. I can barely breathe; this shit is so hot. He pushes me back against the sink, and I can feel his hard-on through his pants.
Just like the last time we got hot and heavy in the bathroom, we’re interrupted with a knock on the door. It’s one of the waitresses, Keisha. Apparently, the boss is looking for Sha’quan because somebody has come to see him. Me and Sha’quan just look at each other. He pulls back a bit to try and adjust, and probably soften up before he heads back out. After a few minutes, he leaves the bathroom to see who’s there for him. I realize I actually have to use it, so I do, and then I wash my hands and leave, too.
By the time I come back out and head up to the front, I see Sha’quan standing in front of the bar, arguing with some chick. Oh, hell naw! Who the fuck is this? I think. Sha’quan told me he wasn’t messing with nobody. He better not be lying to me. As I get a bit closer, I realize the chick is holding a baby in her arms. Wait, what the fuck? What is going on here? I try to ease past, like I’m not looking, but Sha’quan ain’t paying attention anyways. He’s too busy tryna get the ol’ girl out of here. Just as I’m about to try and maneuver past, Sha’quan sees me and steps around the chick into my path.
“Ay, Neeci, man,” he goes. “This shit is crazy. I don’t know what the fuck she’s talking about. I ain’t seen this girl in I don’t know how long.”
Before I can say anything, the girl turns around and goes, “Who is she? Why you explaining this to her?”
Sha’quan turns his head around. “Man, mind yo business. I told you not to be bringing this up in here. This is my job, what is wrong with you?”
“Naw, what is wrong with you?” she counters. “You ain’t been at home, and you’ve been ignoring my calls and texts. You need to quit dodging me and take care of yo responsibilities.”
“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Sha’quan fires back. “I ain’t seen or heard from you in over a year, and now you come running in here with this. Man, I’ll talk to you outside.”
“Fine,” she says. “I’ll go outside, but if you ain’t out there in ten minutes I’ll be back.”
At that, she turns and stomps out with the now crying baby. I just stand there looking at Sha’quan like “What the fuck?”
He turns back to me and goes, “Neeci, baby, I swear I haven’t seen this girl in so long. Me and Jaynie used to fuck around a while back on some booty call shit. She started acting up, and I stopped talking to her. I don’t know anything about what she’s talking about. Please believe me.”
“Is she saying that’s yo baby?”
“Yeah, but I don’t think it is. It’s been a long time since I fucked with that girl. I think it’s too far back for that kid to be mine. Look, Imma deal with it. Just tell me you believe me. I ain’t tryna fuck our shit up.”
I stand there
for a minute, tryna wrap my head around what’s going on. I look outside and see the chick, Jaynie, stomping back and forth, roughly rocking the baby. I can’t believe this shit, but I do feel like Sha’quan is telling the truth.
I can’t say a word. I just nod to Sha’quan to let him know I believe him. He gives me a kiss on the cheek before heading out the door to meet back up with Jaynie.
I go back to my post and try to work, and not watch their whole conversation. It doesn’t last long. They go back and forth for a few minutes before the chick yells something in Shaquan’s face and walks away. He just turns around and comes back in to head for the kitchen.
As he walks past me, he gives me eye contact. I can feel he’s tryna tell me something with that look. Probably just making sure I really believe him. He heads on back to the kitchen.
The rest of the night goes by without any more drama. By the time our shift is over, we head out to the car without saying a word. Sha’quan keeps quiet in the car. I can tell he’s thinking, probably about that baby, so I don’t bother him. When we get to my building, he jumps out of the car, and I just sit there blinking for a few minutes before going in after him.
I mean, I guess I understand. If somebody came and dropped some shit like that on me, I’d probably wanna be by myself too. I just go on in, but by the time I get there, he’s made his way to the bedroom to change. After, he comes back out and sits on the couch to watch TV.
I decide to try and find myself some more gigs if I can. I take a long look at the card the record label guy gave me and decide to give him a call. Surprisingly, I get through to an assistant, who puts me through to Mr. Richman immediately.
After exchanging a few pleasantries, he says that one of his artists has a gig coming up soon at Morgan State and that I could open up for him. I agree and thank him before we get off the phone.
So that’s cool, but I decide to look around a bit more to see what else I can get. I wanna start a buzz around the city.
Before I do that, I make a video of me singing a new song I’ve been working on, and I put it up on my YouTube channel. I, then, call around to a few other clubs. Two of them are interested in booking me. One of the performances is gonna be after my performance at the Coffee Cat, but I can swing it. I get so excited that I call my cousin, best friend, and mama to tell them the good news.
I go out and tell Sha’quan my good news and ask, “Hey, do you want to celebrate?”
He gives me a dry reply, “Congrats, but I’m not up for it. Maybe later.”
This kinda messes up my mood, but I get it. I just take my shower, have a glass of wine, and go to bed.
I don’t have to work the register today because it’s the night of my performance. I come in with my guitar and get ready for it. Sha’quan has still been acting funny, but I try not to let it bother me.
My attempts to make him feel better ain’t working. He’s really messed up with this baby shit. I’m starting to wonder whether or not he thinks it’s his after all. I try to push this out of my mind, so it doesn’t fuck up my performance. I gotta be locked in, because I never know who might be in the room watching me. I do some warmups and get ready to take the stage.
Nikki introduces me, and I go out and take my place. I start by warming the room up, tryna draw them in and make sure they’re feeling me. They seem into it, and I feel better when I look around and see that a few people have come back to see me. I start nice and gentle, performing a quiet tune that I wrote not too long ago. I start in slow and build up to a conclusion with some big notes. The crowd is really warmed up now, so I pick it up a bit with an India Arie song, which the crowd seems to like.
I notice that Sha’quan came out to watch, which makes me feel even better. I play a sexy song just for him, shooting looks in his direction throughout. I turn to the other side to make sure they feel it and realize that they do. People are yelling out a bit, so I keep singing to ‘em.
By the time I turn my eyes back to Sha’quan, I see some chick standing real close to him. I keep singing, but then I realize it’s the girl, Jaynie, and she starts grinding all up on him. I damn near drop my guitar. I know I just fucked up that last note, but I try to keep going without anybody noticing. I finish the song and people clap.
Sha’quan walks off with Jaynie, but I try to stay focused.
I don’t even take my usual break. I just go into my next few songs. I put my all into ‘em because I don’t wanna let my mind wonder back to Sha’quan. For the first time, I’m actually happy when the performance is over. The crowd still seems to feel it and gives me a standing O. I bow and wave, but I’m thinking, Where the hell did Sha’quan go?
I exit the stage, shake a few hands, and thank people for coming. Then, I brush through the crowd to head out to my car and put my guitar up. As I step out, I see Sha’quan standing off to the side, looking down at his phone. I look to see if that bitch Jaynie is with him, but I don’t see her.
“Did you enjoy the performance?” I ask, stomping over to him.
He looks surprised to see me. “Huh...Aw yeah, you were good.”
“You mean for the part you saw. I saw you got a bit distracted.”
“Aw, I…”
“What the fuck, Sha’quan? How you gonna have some bitch grinding up on you during my show?”
“I didn’t have her do that shit; she did it on her own.”
“Oh, and I guess you were just the fucking victim.”
“Look, she caught me off guard.”
“Gimme a fucking break!”
“I was just tryna keep shit cool, so I didn’t fuck up yo show. I didn’t wanna start no shit in there. That’s why I pulled her outside. I told her that shit wasn’t cool. She just did it because she knows you’re my girl.”
“Was your girl.”
“Man, c’mon, Neeci.”
“Naw, fuck that! You been acting shitty towards me, and now I don’t wanna be bothered anymore. Tonight, you can just go back to your place. I’m done.”
Before he can say anything, I go back into the club. I speak to a few more people before telling everybody goodnight. As I go to head out, Sha’quan looks at me like he wants to say something, but I just keep going. I’m not about to do this shit with him. I don’t care if it fucks me up a bit. I won’t be bothered with no nigga that’s up to no good. I don’t care how good the sex is. The shit ain’t worth it. I get in my car and go home.
As soon as I get in, I call my best friend, Shawna. I need to talk to somebody about this shit.
“What up, girl!” she answers. “I was just thinking about you. I shoulda came over there to see you because I got off a lil’ early tonight.”
“Aw girl, it’s cool. It was okay, but girl, shit got different in there.”
“Ooh, girl what happened?”
“So, remember I told you Sha’quan had some chick come up to the job claiming to have his baby?”
“Yep.”
“Well, I’m on the stage singing, and I look at him to see the bitch done came in there and is grinding all up on him and shit.”
“Aw hell naw! I wish I woulda been in that bitch. I woulda snatched both of their asses up. What’d you do, Neeci?”
“I kept performing, but outta the corner of my eye I see them walking out.”
“Wait, the motherfucka had the nerve to leave with the bitch?”
“Naw, I left out after the show, and he was standing outside by himself. Girl, I cussed his ass out and told him don’t come home with me. I’m done.’
“I know that’s right. Fuck him! You can find somebody else that ain’t gonna be putting you thru no bullshit.”
“I ain’t thinking about no other nigga. I just need Sha’quan to stop fucking up.”
“I know what you mean. You know I gotta keep an eye on Russell’s hoe ass. He’s on that bullshit sometimes, too.”
“Yeah, I know. I don’t know, girl. I gotta see what we’re gonna do. I know for damn sure that I ain’t about to be around here dealing wi
th no hoes every other day behind Sha’quan.”
We keep talking for a bit before I get off, get home, and go to take my shower. I keep thinking about Sha’quan. I really wanna be with him, but I’m not about to go thru no bullshit to do it. Part of me wants to text him, but I just need some time.
I wanted to believe he had changed, but I don’t like what I’m seeing from him. I might just have to let his ass go and figure something else out. Fuck! I’m gonna have to see his ass tomorrow.
This shit is about to be hard.
Three
Sha’Quan
Man, these last couple days have been seriously fucked up. Everything was going smooth, then Jaynie had to bring her ass down to the Coffee Cat and start shit. I swear I haven’t seen her ass in ages, and here she comes, out the blue, with the bullshit. Talking about how that’s my son she’s got. I wish I could say I wore a condom, but shit, I was a wild boy. I didn’t always think about shit like that, especially with chicks I was getting with on the regular. What’s worse is that I don’t exactly remember when I stopped fucking with Jaynie. I feel like it was long as hell ago, but it might not have been.
Then she had to bring her ass up there, grinding on a nigga in front of Neeci. I was grateful that Neeci believed me at first, but damn. I mean, I know I backed up from her a bit, but a kid is a serious thing. Whenever I thought about having kids, it was way down the line—when I settled down and found my one. That shit might be happening quicker than a nigga thought. Now Neeci’s not fucking with me like that.
This shit is just all wrong. It’s real fucked up because, in the past, I used to really be on some bullshit. As soon as a nigga tries to grow up and do better, the past’s gotta come and knock him upside the head. What the fuck Imma do now?
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