“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Her sleep addled brain was confused at what he was asking.
“You said it in the car, on the side of the road when we broke down. You said not to make you feel like an idiot again. What did you mean?” He watched Lucy’s expression, seeing the surprise in her eyes. He took hold of her hands. “If we’re going to do… this, I don’t want anything between us.”
Could she do it? Could she tell him the truth about what happened all those years ago? She needed to if things were going to work between them. She had to get everything out into the open. If neither of them were honest about their pasts, how could they expect to have any kind of future?
“After the cabin…” Lucy clenched her jaw, remembering the agonizing moment. “I saw you with a girl at the pool table in your house. I thought you saw me, but-” Jenson made a deep noise deep in his throat. It was in between a cough and a laugh.
“That? After all this time, it was that?” He looked up at Lucy, making her breath catch. “I’m a jealous man, Lucy.”
“Oh my God. You saw Matthew kiss me, didn’t you?”
“It’s fine. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“But it does. When he kissed me, I was shocked, but I let it happen. He was my friend, one of my best friends, and I didn’t want to hurt him, not after he insisted how much he loved me. I let him kiss me, partially because I needed to know if kissing him felt even half as good as it felt kissing you. It didn’t, it never did-” Her honesty was painful for her, but she knew it was about time she said the words.
“If he didn’t kiss you like I did, if being with him didn’t make you feel the same way as with me, why were you still with him when I came back to visit? Why were you still with him six years later?”
“I don’t know…”
Jenson put his hands either side of her face, his gaze penetrating hers, making her heart race. “That’s not a good enough answer, Lucy.”
“It’s because of you.” She jerked away from his touch, her fists balling in the bedsheets. “You were my very first proper kiss, and it felt fantastic – like the best thing I ever did in my life. I wanted you, thought I couldn’t have you. You made me feel special, but then you stabbed me in the heart when I saw you later that night. And Matthew was safe. I taught myself to want that, to be happy. I didn’t need to protect myself from him. I could be happy knowing he couldn’t hurt me as much as you did.” Lucy’s chest heaved as her heart raced from finally telling him, opening up about how she really felt back then.
“Lucy…”
She shook off his reaching touch and took a deep breath. “Eventually, being with Matthew was so easy, so comfortable, and I didn’t want my relationship to fail. My job, my friendships… I didn’t want to fail at one more damn thing, and when you came back into my life, I realized how much I had been fooling myself, and all I had been missing.” As she finished speaking, Lucy relented and allowed Jenson to touch her cheek. “You made me remember. I didn’t think I could have more. I forgot that there was more, but I’m still scared of being a failure at everything, Jenson. It’s bad enough that I now know that my relationship with Matthew was doomed from the start. When it all comes down to it, I’ve realized I’ve been so terrified of being a failure that I haven’t let myself live.”
Jenson pulled her into his lap, wrapping his strong arms around her tightly. “I’m so sorry I did that to you; made you feel that way. I was young, stupid, and jealous.” He kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose, her lips. “You’re worthy of so much more, more than any of this. You deserve everything.”
Lucy had convinced herself her relationship with Matthew was enough, what they had was love, that she wasn’t capable of getting anything better, she shouldn’t. Jenson’s voice was harsh, almost jagged as he whispered into her ear.
“You deserve everything, Lucy. Do you hear me?”
“Yes.”
Finally, she gave into the tears threatening to spill. Her sobs wracked her body, leading Jenson to readjust his grip to hold her tighter and closer to him. His fingers were gentle and steady as they stroked her hair. He was right; she did deserve a deep-seated love. The soul crushing kind she’d always dreamed about. Everyone did.
As her mind was in overdrive, Lucy felt a soft kiss against her forehead. Jenson urged her to lie back down, and when she did, curled his body around hers from behind.
I deserve love and friendship. I deserve to live my life to the fullest, she chanted, almost like a mantra in her mind. Soon, her tears dried, and her eyes grew heavy with exhaustion. The feel of Jenson’s strong heartbeat against her back lulled her to sleep. She didn’t need to be scared of life anymore.
* * *
It felt as if Lucy had only just closed her eyes when a soft knock at the door woke her.
“What time is it?” she asked groggily as Jenson rolled out of bed smoothly, grabbing his sweatpants and pulling them on.
“It’s still early. Sorry, I should have arranged for this to come a little later.” She heard him open the door and exchange words with whoever was on the other side. He soon returned with a tray loaded with coffee, juice, and covered plates. “I figured you might be hungry since we didn’t eat much last night other than snacks. Chips are great, but they’re not so good in bed. They get kinda itchy and work themselves into places they’re not invited to.”
“Speaking from experience?” Lucy asked, a smile on her face and laughter in her voice.
“Not much, if I’m honest. I had hoped we could get some more time together, that is if you’re feeling up to it.”
As much as she was dying to agree, Lucy raised her hand to her mouth as a huge yawn split her face.
“Sorry, but I’m still exhausted from last night.”
Jenson smiled softly at her. “Don’t worry. We didn’t get much sleep.” He lifted the cover off the plates on the tray to reveal fluffy, golden pancakes and fresh fruit. “How about you have a quick bite, and then go back to sleep. I’ll wake you before checkout.”
She felt a little livelier after eating, but Jenson insisted she get back into bed for a while.
“There will be lots of questions if you show up to my sister’s wedding half dead on your feet, Duncan.” He flashed a smug grin at her as she gave in, crawled back under the bedsheets, and fell asleep almost straight away.
The sun was almost full in the sky the next time she woke. The two of them packed their bags and headed to the lobby to check out. Hand in hand, they walked to the parked car, ready for the last leg of their trip. Lucy glanced at Jenson, unwilling and unable to deny the warmth in her chest caused by just looking at him.
Their night in the hotel had been an emotional rollercoaster, but she felt so much lighter. She’d spent so much time hiding or downplaying her feelings and perceived faults, but it felt good to share them with Jenson. It was obvious he didn’t want her to be perfect. In fact, she believed it might just be her imperfections he liked the most.
As they drove, she reached out and rested her hand on his solid thigh. He soon covered her hand with his own, his fingers curling into hers. It hadn’t only been Lucy who opened up. He’d been honest with her. He’d admitted his jealousy was the likely cause of them not getting together, for wasting six years. They were over it now. They were ready to face the world, together.
“We should be there in about an hour. Are you ready?”
She didn’t know how to answer. Not quite. Jenson smiled at her, and that put her worries at ease.
“Not only am I totally ready to see Megan, I’m ready to get out of this car. I’m not ready though, to try on my bridesmaid dress. I sent in my measurements four months ago. I think I’ve eaten more burgers and fries in the past four days than in the past four years. Megan is going to kill me.”
“Well, that’s a shame. Burgers and fries are one of God’s greatest gifts to mankind.”
“Not to my waistline, they’re not.”
“I’ll be the judge of that,
and I pronounce you gorgeous, Lucy Duncan.”
“I think your ruling may be a little biased, but I’m fine with it. How about you? Are you ready to reach Boston?” Jenson shrugged. “You’re worried about your parents, aren’t you?” He shrugged again, but Lucy vividly remembered how worried and upset he was the previous evening.
“Do you still not want to tell Megan, about us?”
It was something she had said to him, but now wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do.
“I think it’s best, don’t you?” Lucy waited for a response, but none came. Maybe he didn’t agree. “The last time I spoke to Megan, I was still with Matthew. How can I explain to her that in a matter of days, I…”
Jenson removed his sunglasses, placing them on the dashboard. “I understand.”
Lucy twisted in her seat to face him. “I don’t think you do, because if we say something now, then this thing between us would be out there for everyone to judge. It won’t just be ours anymore. It’s probably selfish of me, but I don’t want to share this, I don’t want to share us. I want you to myself, and I also want Megan to have her wedding, not the wedding filled with gossip about the girl who got out of a long-term relationship and is already falling for another man.”
Jenson remained silent for a few seconds. Finally, he turned his head to look at her. “You’re falling for me?”
Of course, that would be all he got from that.
“Hypothetically speaking, I never said I was talking about me.” She fumbled through the mistruth in a panic.
“I have some time to change your mind.”
“I have some time to let you try.” She scooted closer to him and leaned her head onto his shoulder, smiling to herself when he wrapped an arm around her.
In less than an hour, I won’t be able to sit like this with him. Until then, I’d better make the most of it. The thought made Lucy sad, knowing she and Jenson were coming to the end of their time alone.
As Boston loomed closer, Jenson surprised Lucy by pulling off the freeway right before they reached their destination. He turned the car into a shopping plaza, hopping out as soon as he’d parked up.
“Stay here. I’ll be right back.” He disappeared into a supermarket, leaving her alone with the car, confused as hell.
Unable to work out what Jenson was up to, Lucy made herself comfortable and listened to more of her audiobook while she waited. Jenson took his time, but eventually returned to the car with a small bag under his arm. Lucy blinked at him, even more confused when he handed it to her.
“What’s this?” She looked at Jenson from the corner of her eye to see him smiling at her.
“Open it.”
She pulled out a narrow box from the bag and laughed. “A cell phone, to replace the one I fried when I fell into the pool?”
“It’s a gift. If we’re going to pretend nothing is happening, I need a way to get hold of you.”
“A prepaid supermarket cell phone… Isn’t this what criminals use to avoid getting caught by the cops?”
“Just act natural, Duncan,” Jenson deadpanned as he fiddled with her new phone. “It was the only one I could find. Besides, it could be fun.”
He removed the packaging and turned on the phone, following the on-screen instructions.
“Okay, you’ve won me over. Thank you for the thoughtful gift, Jenson.”
A few minutes later, he handed the phone back to her.
“Call me, then I’ll have your number.”
Lucy looked down at the screen, ready to dial. She stopped as she looked at the contact details Jenson just added. “You named yourself ‘Cabin Boy’?” She spoke through her laughter. “At least it wasn’t ‘pool boy’.”
Jenson rolled his eyes at her giggling. “It’s a code name, in case someone looks at your phone. I bet you can’t guess what yours is.”
“I have a code name too? What is it?” She rolled her eyes, but her smile gave her away.
“Vinnie.”
“As in… Van Gogh? The artistic genius?”
Was that how he saw her? As far as she knew, he’d never seen her artwork.
Jenson leaned over and kissed her on the tip of her nose as she realized she’d asked her question out loud. “Yes, it’s how I see you.”
* * *
Less than twenty minutes later, Jenson pulled the car into the parking lot outside the hotel hosting Megan’s wedding. He shut off the engine, but neither of them made a move to get out.
“Wow. I knew they were spending a lot on this wedding, but this place is amazing.” A smartly dressed valet approached the car and opened the door for Lucy. “And now I’m starting to feel out of place.”
Jenson eventually climbed out of the car and grabbed both of their bags.
“Do you know where we’re supposed to go?” Lucy asked him, panic tinging her voice slightly.
“No idea. Let’s go inside and check into our rooms first. We can work out the rest from there.” He stepped closer to her and reached for her hand.
Lucy took a hasty step back, hoping no one they knew saw them. “Cabin Boy, remember?”
Neither of them could stop the laughter escaping them at the ridiculous name.
“You can call me that whenever you want.” Jenson’s voice deepened as he locked eyes with her. Before things got too far, he strode past, pulling open the main door and holding it open for her. Inside was just as, if not more, glamourous as the outside. Lucy looked around the huge lobby, watching the busy flow of people.
“Maybe we could call Megan-”
A girlish squeal cut her off as Megan flew out of a hallway and launched herself onto Jenson’s back
“It’s about damn time.” She squealed, the widest smile on her face.
Jenson almost stumbled forward but managed to catch his balance. He turned around, trying to locate his sister. Before Lucy could even blink, he twisted Megan into a headlock.
“Woah, woah, woah. That’s my future wife you have there.”
Lucy had seen pictures of Elliot, but there were some people who were more attractive in person, and he was definitely one of them. Megan laughed, not even attempting to free herself from Jenson’s grip.
“Elliot, you remember my brother, Jenson.”
Releasing Megan, Jenson straightened up and held out a hand for Elliot to shake. “Sisters. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.”
Megan’s fiancé grinned as the two of them shook hands. “It’s good to see you again, Jenson.” Elliot turned to Lucy. “And you must be the famous Lucy. Megan has been talking about you for months.”
Lucy could see how he had swept Megan off her feet.
“Elliot. I’ve heard so much about you too.” She considered giving him a friendly hug, but before she could make the decision for herself, she was pulled into his arms and struggling to breathe as he squeezed her tightly.
“It’s so great to finally meet you.”
Tears filled Lucy’s eyes as she turned to greet her best friend but managed to will them away, squeezing her eyes closed when she saw the wide smile on Megan’s face. There was no way Lucy was going to put a dampener on her best friend’s face just because she couldn’t get to grips with Megan being in love and moving on without her.
“The feeling’s mutual. Glad to meet you, at last.”
Megan took Lucy’s hand and leaned her head on her shoulder; something she’d done to Lucy for years. It made Lucy realize exactly how much she’d missed her best friend over the years. Phone calls and video calls just weren’t enough.
“I thought you’d never get here, Lucy.”
Wrapping her arms around Megan, Lucy hugged her tightly, feeling as if she’d been reunited with a piece of her heart. What was it about the Phillips siblings that did that to her?
The four of them walked to the reception desk, sharing details about the road trip.
“That reminds me, Jenson. You’re two days late. I’ve told you so many times to get rid of that old clunker
you call a car.” Megan looked her older brother up and down, eyes narrowed with suspicion.
He cleared his throat nervously, looking at Lucy. “I’m not selling my car, she’s vintage. The radiator hose busted, and we had to hang around for a while, but we’re here now.”
“And it delayed you for that long. Just a radiator hose, nothing else?”
“Yeah. That’s what happens when you break down in the middle of nowhere,” Lucy chimed in, worried Megan was on to her and Jenson. Her friend seemed to accept the excuse.
“Elliot, could you help Jenson get his and Lucy’s room keys? I need to catch up with her.”
“Sure, honey.”
Megan took Lucy by the hand and led her away from the guys.
“I was beginning to think you’d never make it.”
“Meg, you know I wouldn’t have missed your wedding for the world.”
“No, I mean the party.”
“What party? I thought I missed the bachelorette party.”
Megan laughed. “No, you didn’t. Elliot and I decided to have them together, bachelor and bachelorette. All in one.” Once again, she leaned her head on Lucy’s shoulder and wrapped her arms around her waist. “We only get to see you guys for a few days, so splitting up didn’t make any sense. I want you to get to know Elliot. Really know him, and I’m worried we’re going to run out of time.”
“Meg, there’s plenty of time.”
“Barely, not to mention the constant calls from my vendors with last-minute questions. I’m lucky my mom and Elliot’s mom are here to help.”
Lucy hid her shock at the news that Mrs. Phillips was already there. After what Jenson had told her, she was worried about the woman who had been like a second mother to her.
“What’s going on with the vendors?” She steered the conversation away from Megan’s mom, not wanting to divulge anything she wasn’t supposed to by accident.
“If only you’d been here a few days ago. Things went nuts.” Lucy got ready for a long story. “One of caterers cancelled on us at the last minute. They found out they were double booked and just dropped us. My future mother-in-law nearly had a heart attack trying to figure out what to do. Luckily, Elliot’s friend managed to reach out to some big-shot baker who’s coming to town, and they agreed to take the job.”
Her Best Friend’s Brother Page 14