“Uh…” I blink at him, not sure what to do with this turn of events and kind of wishing he’d just deck me so I’d feel better about the whole thing.
“I’m still fucking pissed at you—but if you would’ve told me this from the start I would’ve … well, I’d still have been pissed, but after I got over it I would’ve understood. That’s what friends do, Mascen. Stop self-sabotaging yourself. Why do you do this?” He slams a palm on the counter. “It’s fucking dumb. Not to mention aggravating.”
“I don’t fucking know.”
He shakes his head in disbelief at my idiocy. “You really care about her, huh?” He grinds his teeth together like the words pain him. I know even with this conversation he’s still hurt and angry, but hopefully, maybe he’ll forgive me one day. Not that I deserve it.
I exhale a weighted sigh; one I think I’ve been holding in since the last time I spoke to Rory a month ago. “I do, but she hates me for real now.” I rub my jaw in frustration.
“Has she said that?”
I lower my head, her text emblazoned in my mind. “Yeah.”
“In the heat of the moment or…?” His voice is tight and I know it’s killing him to try to be on my side in this moment. But that’s who Cole is, the guy who puts aside his own feelings for others. No one’s perfect, but I’ll never be as good as him.
“It was a text after I ignored her.”
“Fuck.” Cole rolls his eyes, slamming his palm down on the counter. “You are the biggest fucking idiot I know. Just tell her how you feel, your real, honest and true feelings. It’s not that hard.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “I didn’t know anyone could be as stupid as you, but here we are.”
I roll my tongue around my mouth. “It’s easier said than done.”
“Dude, what’s the worst that can happen? You tell her you love her and she says she hates you for real? Whatever. Move on. But if she feels the same and you let her slip away it’ll be the biggest mistake of your life.”
“How did this conversation turn from you hating my guts over Rory to you now telling me to get the girl?”
“I still hate your guts … sort of. But you never apologize for anything and you did this time. My momma always taught me to forgive those who mean it and I know you do. I’m not ready to fully forgive and forget but give me time. You pissed me off and hurt me. Right now I don’t trust you like I used to.”
“Are you seriously okay with this? With me trying to get Rory back?”
“Not completely,” he answers honestly. “But I’ll get over it. If Rory and I were meant to be we’d be together. But she’s your girl, man. Go and get her.”
“I don’t know how.” I run my fingers through my hair. “Fuck, I’ve never had to do anything like this before.”
“Don’t over think it.” Cole stands, swiping a water from the fridge like everything is back to normal between us. I know it’s not, but it’s a start. “Get her some flowers, say you’re sorry. It’s really not that difficult.” He rolls his eyes in exasperation.
I eye him skeptically. After all the shit I’ve done, I really don’t think it’s going to be as simple as he says.
* * *
Friday comes and I haven’t thought of the best way to apologize to Rory. Just saying I’m sorry feels like a bullshit lazy way to go about it. But duty calls, so I board the bus for our first game of the season in Kentucky.
Coach stands outside the bus making sure we all end up on it like we’re a bunch of unruly kindergartners he has to wrangle. Unfortunately, that’s kind of true.
“Got your head straight, Wade?” He smacks the top of my head like he’s cracking an egg.
“I think so, Coach.”
“Think so or know so?”
“Know so.”
“That’s what I want to hear.” He pats the back of my shoulder, urging me onto the bus.
I walk to an empty seat, settling against the window. All our bags are being loaded into the bus’s storage space so at least that gives me a little more leg room.
“God, I’m fucking pumped for this.” I look over to see Teddy plopping into the seat beside me hard enough to make our seats and the ones in front shake. “Nothing beats the high of a game.”
Normally I would agree right away but my mind is still on Rory.
“You’re always quiet but lately you’re quieter than normal,” he points out, taking his cap off to fluff his blond hair. “Where’s your hat?” he asks, noticing I’m missing my usual one.
“Lost it,” I mumble, knowing good and well exactly where it is. My thoughts threaten to drift back to Rory and those last moments I saw her, how fucking hot she looked stealing my hat. She’s probably thrown it in the trash by now.
“Lost it?” he repeats in shock, pulling out his Air Pods. “It’s not like you to lose something.”
I look out the window as the doors to the bus finally close. Up front Coach yells at one of the guys and the bus jerks as it pulls away from the school.
“I’ve been losing a lot lately,” I finally reply to Teddy.
His brow wrinkles as he pops one of his Air Pods in his ear. “Like you’ve got Alzheimer’s or some shit?” I look at him like he’s lost his fucking mind. “I’m just kidding man.” He knocks his elbow against mine.
He puts in the other ear bud, silencing all further conversation. Normally I’d be grateful not to hear Teddy ramble the entire way but right now I could sure use the distraction. Instead, I lean my head back, letting my gaze drift out the window as I try to figure out how to make things right.
* * *
“Look at us being room buddies.” Teddy grins behind me as I swipe the room key.
I look at him over my shoulder as the door beeps. “We always room together.”
“Yeah, but isn’t it exciting?”
I shake my head, opening the door to the room. “Exciting isn’t the word I’d use.”
With Teddy around you never know what’s going to happen. He’s an unpredictable loose cannon. While that used to be fun, it’s grown tiresome to me lately.
“Are we going out or ordering room service?”
I set my bag on the bed. “I was going to order in. Go out with the guys if you want.”
Teddy claps me on the shoulder. “I can’t leave my buddy all alone. What kind of friend would that make me?”
I roll my eyes at him. “Get out of here,” I grumble, pushing him away.
He cackles, heading toward the shower. “Order me a steak. I’m being fancy tonight.”
“What’s the celebration?” I raise a brow, waiting for his answer.
He yanks his shirt off and rolls it into a ball. He throws it at my face but I dodge it easily. “The fact you’re buying.”
I chuckle and reach for the room service menu. “Of course.”
He’s still laughing when he closes the bathroom door.
After placing an order for dinner, I sit down at the little desk in the room toying with the paper pad. I have so many thoughts and no way to make sense of them when it comes to Rory or how to explain my feelings. Reaching for the pen I start writing them all down instead.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Rory
I don’t know what possessed me to think it would be a good idea to go to Mascen’s first game. I had no real plan, just that I needed to be here.
Scooting along to our seats the three of us plop down. Kenna holds securely onto her bag of popcorn already munching away.
“I didn’t know baseball games were so popular,” I mutter, looking around at the filled seats.
“Me either.” Kenna’s reply is muffled around her popcorn. “But the way these men look I’m suddenly finding myself very interested in the sport.”
Leaning around Kenna, Li says to me, “Do you know what you’re going to do or say yet?”
“No. I guess I’m going to wing it.”
I figured if I came to the game it would be easier to confront him without giving him an easy means of escape, but my thoughts
didn’t go much farther than that in regard to how I’d get him alone or even what I’d say. This whole thing was a spur of the moment decision because I refuse to let him off the hook so easily. If he never wants to see me again that’s fine but he needs to man up and say it to my face.
“Hey, isn’t that Maddox Wade?” Li points toward the bottom of the stands where Mascen’s dad, mom, Willow, Lylah, and even Dean take their reserved seats. There are two bodyguards with them as well, one on each side to keep people from bothering them.
“That’s him,” I confirm, staring down at the family in surprise.
Over Christmas Mascen told me about the talk he had with his dad and I know a conversation doesn’t resolve all issues but I knew it went a long way to making Mascen feel better. Misunderstandings have the tendency to snowball into a bigger deal than they actually are. I wish that’s all Mascen and I were dealing with.
Settling into my seat I wait for the game to start, trying to ignore the pounding in my chest. My treacherous body is excited to see him. At least my brain is still on the I hate Mascen Wade’s guts train.
The game gets underway, the racing in my heart only increasing.
“Why are sports uniforms so sexy?” Kenna hisses under her breath, though I’m sure the people around us still hear. “They’re all fitted and hot. Look at their asses.” She points down below.
“It’s a thirst trap for us single girls,” Li replies with a smile.
“Ugh, you need to fix things with Mascen so you can set us up with his teammates.” Kenna holds the popcorn bag out to me if I want anything but I shake my head in dismissal.
“I’m not the one who needs to fix things,” I remind her.
“You know what I mean—after he grovels and kisses your ass you need to find boyfriends for Li and me.”
“I’ll add that to my to-do list.”
“You’re the best friend a girl could ask for.” My sarcasm goes right over her head since she’s too busy drooling at the guys and eating popcorn. She’s nearly to the bottom of the bag and the game has barely begun.
Where the dugout is located—at least I think that’s what it’s called—from where we sit, I can’t see the guys on the team at all to see if I spot Mascen. A part of me was worried if I made this trip there could be a chance he wasn’t even playing, but the appearance of his family confirms he’s definitely here.
Time seems to drag as I wait to lay my eyes on him. When the teams switch, my eyes eagerly track the players jogging onto the field. Finally, I spot his name embroidered on the back of his uniform as he steps onto the mound.
He rubs his thumb over his bottom lip, his eyes shadowed by a team baseball cap. I’m far enough away that I can’t make out his features, but I know from experience that his eyes are narrowed and intense. He’s in the zone out there. It may be the first time I’ve seen him play but it’s obvious he belongs there.
I’m so intrigued watching him and his movements as he throws his first pitch that I forget I’m supposed to hate his guts right now. I guess that’s our problem, the line between love and hate has always been so thin they’re practically the same thing.
“He looks good out there.” Kenna nudges my knee.
I don’t respond, too consumed in trying to take in every detail. The long lean lines of his body, the sharp cut of his jaw, and the way he holds himself like he’s the king and he’s on his throne.
Mascen throws his first pitch, the ball so fast I swear it blurs.
I don’t even pay attention to what else is going on in the game. He’s my sole focus. I begin to understand why I’ve heard so many rumors about him going pro. I know Mascen doesn’t want that, but he could. He’s incredible out there, like it’s effortless. I’m not coordinated enough to jog a mile without running out of breath and tripping over my own feet at some point.
His family cheers down below and he looks toward the stands, surprise coloring his face when he sees them. It’s obvious he wasn’t expecting them and his happiness hits me like a ton of bricks. I want Mascen to be that happy all the time, even if I want to beat him with a shovel for ignoring me.
The whole game I sit at the edge of my seat and when they win Li, Kenna, and I cheer together.
The stands start to empty out and I hurry the girls so I don’t get caught by his family.
“Are you going to wait for Mascen?” Li asks me.
I bite my lip, unsure what to do. “Maybe we should just head back.” I’m being a coward, I know, but I’m afraid of what I might do or say if I see him.
“You mean we came all this way for nothing?” Kenna bumps my shoulder playfully. “What a shame. It’s a good thing I got to see some men in tight pants. Total consolation prize.”
“I need a bathroom break before we hit the road.” I point toward the building. “You guys?”
They both shake their heads since they went during the game. I wasn’t able to pull myself away.
I watch them walk toward the parking lot before I head inside to the bathroom.
Seeing Mascen reminded me how painfully in love with him I am and I didn’t even fully realize it until it was too late. I want to see him, get things off my chest, but I also have to accept that I need to let him go. I won’t force someone to be there for me when they obviously don’t want to be.
Leaving the restroom I nearly walk straight into a lady entering.
“I’m so sorry,” I blurt, stepping aside.
She looks up, her eyes widening, and I curse my luck. “Rory? How are you?” Emma asks with a bright smile. “I didn’t know you were here. You could’ve sat with us. I’m so glad Mascen got his head out of his ass and apologized to you.”
I stare at her blankly. “What?”
“He told me he messed things up with you and felt really bad about it. I know he can be hardheaded, but I told him explaining things and apologizing go a long way to mending broken bridges.”
I blink at her. “I … I actually haven’t spoken to him in a month. He cut me off completely, but I came here to … I don’t know,” I sigh, my shoulders sagging. “I wanted to yell at him and give him a piece of my mind on what an idiot he is, if I’m being perfectly honest. Now, I don’t really feel like doing any of that. I just want to go home and leave it be.”
Her smile falls a bit but the motherly gleam in her eyes doesn’t leave. She touches my cheek briefly before letting her hand fall to her side. “Mascen is a good boy, a stubborn one, and intense, but he has a heart of gold and loves deeply. You have to trust yourself and your own heart, but I promise you, he’s worth fighting for.”
“Thanks, Emma.” I squeeze her hand. “It was good running into you.”
The restroom door swings shut behind her and I let out an exaggerated breath.
You didn’t come all this way to do nothing you wimp.
Walking down the hall, I pace a few times before turning a corner. I see some of our players walking out of a room with bags slung over their shoulders. Without thinking, I march through the door figuring the best thing is to just do it and get it over with. If I leave here without talking to him I solve nothing.
“Mascen?” I blurt.
Oh, shit.
I blink at the half-naked guys standing in the locker room.
Oh my God, what have I done?
“I’m so sorry! Wrong room!” I blurt, my cheeks red with embarrassment.
You should’ve paid attention to where you were going! The men’s locker room! Really, Rory!
I turn to reach for the door when one of the guys says, “Looking for Wade?”
Swiveling back around I nod at the blond guy, his smile amused. There’s only a tiny towel wrapped around his trim waist. “Y-Yes.” My whole body feels like it’s on fire and I try to keep my eyes on him since at least he’s sort of covered unlike some of the guys around him.
He looks me up and down, tipping his head to the back. “He should be coming out of the shower if you want to wait.”
“Wait?” I repe
at, my voice high-pitched and squeaky.
One of the guys beside him drops his towel to pull his pants up. My hands fly up to cover my eyes over my glasses.
Suddenly there’s a hand on my elbow and I jump. “Relax, I’ll take you to where he left his stuff.” I recognize the voice as the guy who was speaking to me before.
Keeping my eyes covered, I squeak, “Okay.”
He guides me forward, past the guys, some of whom chuckle in amusement. I don’t blame them, I’m sure I look insane being led through the men’s locker room.
“Just wait here.” The guy releases me.
“Thank you.”
I carefully lower my hands and find that he’s placed me so I’m staring at a wall. I can still hear the guys behind me, but at least there aren’t so many pensises everywhere now. Kenna would probably be in heaven.
I’m right beside the showers and knowing Mascen is there somewhere nearly sends me into a panic. Why did I think this was a good idea? I turn to leave, deciding to brave all the penis, and pretend all this never happened when I hear, “Princess?”
A squeal flies out of my throat and I whip around to find Mascen behind me. His hair is damp, the ends slowly curling over his forehead. The towel hanging low on his waist makes my throat go dry.
“What are you doing here?”
“I … I…” Words completely leave me, tears suddenly stinging my eyes. I haven’t seen him since the day I left his townhouse at the end of winter break. I know it’s only been a month but it feels like forever.
“I wanted to come see you when I got home. I know I’ve been a jerk ignoring you and you deserve—”
The words that were gone a moment before suddenly come to the forefront. “No,” I push his chest, “you don’t get to just wave this whole thing off like it’s no big deal, Mascen Wade.” He stares at me stoically, jerking his head in a nod. “You fucking ghosted me and I’m allowed to be pissed off about it. What’s more maddening than anything is I still have feelings for you even though you are, without a doubt, the biggest asshole I’ve ever met. If you never want to see me again, say it to my face. I deserve that. Everyone in my life—my dad, mom, even my sister, has treated me like something easy to throw away and dispose of and maybe it’s selfish of me to want more than that from you. I don’t know why I made this trip all the way here.” I throw my hands out wide. “I had no plan, no speech rehearsed, nothing. I thought maybe I’d yell at you and magically feel better but I know that won’t change anything. Nothing I say can change you. You have to do it on your own.” I poke his chest. “And frankly, I’m not sure if you’re capable of caring.”
Bad Boys Break Hearts Page 28