Never Letting Go

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Never Letting Go Page 5

by Kristin MacQueen


  “Are you going to let me teach you?” I ask as I brush a strand of hair out of her eyes. She blinks up at me for a few seconds before she swallows hard, giving me a small nod. I roll away from her, pulling my hands behind my head and stare up at the sky.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I catch her scoot closer and closer until she lays her head down on my stomach, laying sideways. We lay like that for hours, pointing out funny shaped clouds and talking about anything and everything. Later that night she finally learns to catch popcorn in her mouth.

  I pick up a pebble from the jar at my feet. This jar’s been sitting here for the past few years, not a pebble has left it since Frankie moved. I used to have to fill it up once a week.

  I toss the pebble to Frankie’s balcony, hitting her in the leg. I can't help the chuckle that erupts from me when she lets out a small yelp. I know it didn’t hurt, it just scared her. She picks up the offending pebble and tosses it over the side of the balcony, never looking around to see who threw it.

  I frown as I pick up another pebble and throw it at her. I hit her again, she sits up and glares across the yard. I lift my hand and give her a small wave, just like she did the day she moved back in. I'm shocked when she chucks the pebble at me, hitting me in the chest. She stomps inside, slams the door and yanks her curtains closed.

  Well, damn. That didn’t go the way I expected it to.

  Throwing my closet door open, I get down on my hands and knees, I know it’s in here somewhere. It takes me twenty minutes but I finally find my dry erase board I used to write notes to her on. It’s so much smaller than I remember. It felt massive when we were kids, almost the size of a poster. I pull the cap off my pen with my teeth and scribble across the surface. When I'm satisfied, I position it on my balcony where I know she’ll be able to see it. I keep my curtains open, falling asleep staring at her balcony, hoping she comes back outside.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Frankie

  Light floods my room, blinding me as I blink my eyes open. I know I shut those damn things last night. When I finally pry my eyes open, my mom’s sitting on the bottom of my bed with a cup of coffee in hand.

  “Can we not open the curtains at the butt crack of dawn?”

  “Frankie!”

  “I said butt.”

  “We both know what you meant.” She frowns.

  “But I didn’t say it.” I smirk when she rolls her eyes.

  “Breakfast in on the table. I need to be in the office early today for a meeting. There’s money for lunch or you can grab something from the kitchen if you’d rather bring something.”

  “I'm old enough to figure out lunch, Mom.”

  “I know, I know.” She kisses my head before she rushes out the door.

  Stretching my arms above my head, I turn one way then the other, trying to loosen my muscles. I drag myself out of bed, grabbing the cup of coffee mom left on my desk and settle into my chair on the balcony. I didn’t have a balcony in the city, it’s definitely my favorite thing about this house.

  I sweep my gaze across the expanse of the backyard, a smile playing on my lips. I take a sip of the perfect cup of coffee. Mom has a gift.

  Movement from Noah’s house catches my eye. He’s rolling out of bed in nothing but a pair of tight boxers. I snap my eyes back to the backyard and gulp down another sip of coffee. My cheeks flush as I try to pretend that I didn’t just catch him practically naked.

  His balcony door squeaks open but I refuse to look over.

  “Morning, Frankie.” Noah says in a low raspy voice.

  I can't not look. He’s talking to me. I can't pretend I don’t hear him; we both know I can.

  My mouth drops open slightly when my eyes find him. He’s thrown on a pair of basketball shorts but is still shirtless. His muscles on full display as he stretches one arm up, running his hand through his hair before cupping the back of his neck. He looks like a Greek god.

  “Hi!” I squeak out a little too loud. A small smile tugs on the left corner of his lips, making him look adorable.

  He waves before heading back into his room, straight to his bathroom. I can't tear my eyes away from his balcony. What happened to my scrawny best friend?

  My gaze falls on a dry erase board that I’ve seen more times than I could ever count. Two simple words are scribbled across it. He left it there for me to see, he must have left it last night.

  I’m sorry.

  Is he sorry for yesterday at school or for throwing pebbles at me? Life would be so much simpler if Noah and I could be friends again. I'm going to see him constantly for the next year, but I'm not sure if I can become close to him again knowing that I’ll lose him when we both go to college. Noah isn't someone who’s easy to leave behind. He has a way of taking over your heart and soul, every memory I have in this house involves the boy next door.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Noah

  I lean against the side of my jeep, waiting for her to come outside. I want to make things right with Frankie. I need her back in my life.

  She opens the side door, locks it behind her and heads to her car which is parked right next to mine. I’ve never loved having a shared driveway as much as I do right now.

  When she sees me, her brows furrow in confusion.

  “Hey,” I say softly.

  “Hey?” She says as more of a question than anything else.

  “I thought we could ride to school together.” The v between her brows deepen.

  “Why would we do that?” Exhaling deeply, I take a few steps towards her.

  “We’re both going to the same place and coming back at the same time. Doesn’t it make more sense to go together? We can take your car if you’d prefer that over my jeep.”

  “Ah. You want to drive the charger.”

  “I don’t want to drive the charger.” I groan, she raises a single eye brow at me. “Ok, yes, I want to drive the charger but that’s not why I'm suggesting we drive together.” She eyes me for a moment before dropping her school bag, taking the remaining steps between us, stopping right in front of me. Tilting her head up at me, her ice blue eyes trying to figure me out.

  “Why don’t we cut the shit and you tell me the real reason you want to ride together. Is your mom making you?”

  “No. Jeez, Frankie.” My fingers run through my hair; my eyes close as I try to figure out a way to explain this to her. “I... I miss you.”

  Her eyes snap to mine as soon as the words leave my mouth.

  “What?” Her voice is barely a whisper, I think she even sounds a little... hopeful.

  “I miss you. I'm trying here, Frankie.”

  “I miss you too.”

  “Do you think we can forget how much of an ass I’ve been since you came back here?”

  “Maybe if you let me drive your jeep.” Her cheeky grin lights up her face.

  “You want to drive the jeep? Why?”

  “I don’t know, seems fun.”

  I pick up her school bag, throw it over my shoulder with my own. Grabbing her hand, I pull her over to the jeep. I throw both bags in the back seat, opening the driver’s door for her.

  “You’re really going to let me drive it?”

  “Of course.”

  Handing her my keys, I head to the passenger’s seat. Her face lights up with excitement when she starts the jeep and pulls out of the driveway.

  “Isn't your girlfriend going to be upset that we’re driving together?”

  “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

  “You don’t?” Surprise fills her voice. “But Bianca’s been all over you.”

  “I’d never date Bianca. She always treated you like dirt.”

  “So? I left.”

  “Frankie, I wouldn’t date someone who treated someone like you badly.”

  “Oh.”

  “How was living in the city?”

  “It’s different.”

  “Which do you like better?”

  “I’d take living in a cardboard box if i
t brought my dad back.”

  Tears gather in her eyes, my chest tightens, it breaks a little more for her. I pull the wheel to the right until she brings us to a stop on the side of the road. I throwing the shifter into park, then unbuckle my seatbelt. Wrapping my arms around her, I close my eyes and let out a sigh.

  “I'm so sorry, Frankie. He was an amazing man, I always loved spending time with him. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for you.”

  She lets me hold her for a few minutes before she pulls back, flipping down the mirror in the visor and fixes her makeup. She doesn’t need it, last night she looked beautiful.

  “He always hoped we’d get married so you’d officially be his son.”

  “Sounds like my dad. He asked me, and I quote, Ah, little Frankie. How’s she doing? I swear he likes you more than he likes me.” Her laughter fills the space between us. I decide it’s my new favorite sound.

  “I miss your dad.”

  “Do you miss your boyfriend?” I'm fishing for information and we both know it.

  “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

  “That’s good to know.” Her eyes snap to mine before she turns her attention back to the road and heads towards school again. “I think Liam has a thing for you.” As soon as I say his name she smiles, anger courses through my system. I don’t want her to smile when she thinks of him, I want her to smile when she thinks of me.

  “He’s sweet.”

  “I guess.” I grumble.

  “Are you jealous of Liam?”

  “Hell no. Why would I be jealous of him?”

  “I don’t know, you’re the one getting upset.”

  “You used to think I was sweet too.” I say like a child.

  “You were. I wonder what happened.”

  I want to respond, tell her that when she left, it destroyed me. I lost a part of myself the day her car pulled out of the drive way and didn’t come back. It was like I became a shell of myself. Everything I once loved seemed dull and boring, I lost all interest. Became a miserable version of my former self and I’ve never been able to pull myself out of it.

  Having Frankie back, it’s like my world’s exploded in color once again. I have more interest in school and I want to put forth effort in our relationship. I want back everything we lost when she moved away.

  Before I can put my thoughts and emotions into words, we’re pulling into the school parking lot. She hops out of the car before I can stop her.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Frankie

  “There’s my girl!”

  Before I can even find the source of the voice, strong arms are wrapping around me, pulling against a firm chest. I yelp in surprise, the chest rumbling with laughter beneath my head.

  Pulling back I catch Liam’s captivating smile beaming down at me.

  “Hey, Liam.”

  “Hey, Frankie.”

  He pulls me back in for another hug, I wrap my arms tightly around his waist. Being in Liam’s arms makes me feel like nothing could ever hurt me, he’d protect me from the world.

  I hear a throat clear then Liam’s chest shakes again with laughter. When I stare up at him, his eyes are focused on something behind me. I turn around, finding Noah scowling harder than the first day of school. Liam throws his arm around my shoulders and Noah’s scowl intensifies if that’s even possible.

  “You forgot your bag.” He grumbles as he holds it out to me. Before I can make a move to take it, Liam grabs the strap and throws it over his shoulder.

  “Sorry, Liam kinda surprised me.”

  “You loved it.” He says smirking.

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “But you didn’t deny it either.” He winks at me, making the smile that’s been on my face since I saw him widen even more.

  “Oh my gosh.” Noah groans.

  “What?”

  “He’s hitting on you.”

  “So?”

  “So?”

  “So what? Why does that matter?”

  “Doesn’t that bother you?”

  “Why would a hot guy hitting on me bother me?”

  “So, I'm hot, huh?” Liam raises an eye brow and I wiggle mine at him.

  “Wow, you really have changed.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “My Frankie would’ve hated if a guy to hit on her in such an obvious way.”

  “Your Frankie was twelve and would’ve been mortified to have anyone hit on her... I’m not her anymore, Noah. You’re not my Noah anymore either.”

  I close my eyes, sucking in a deep breath. I can't stand the thought of how much we’ve changed over the past few years. He’s right, I'm not his Frankie anymore. I haven’t been her in a long time, but that’s ok. I like this version better.

  “Thank you for holding my bag,” I say to Liam as I grab my bag from his shoulder and throw it over my own. “I’ll see you guys later.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Noah

  “Why do you have to do that shit?” Liam asks with a hint of anger.

  “Do what?”

  I watch Frankie storm up the steps and out of my sight. I don’t understand what I did to upset her.

  “It’s like you don’t know if you want to push her away or pull her into your arms. It’s confusing as hell.”

  “I don’t want to pull her into my arms.”

  “Man, if looks could kill, I’d be dead. You wanted to punch me when she hugged me back. I don’t get it.”

  “Why’s she mad at me?”

  “Because, you keep trying to fit her into this mold of a girl you knew years ago. She’s changed, she doesn’t want to be that person anymore. Her dad died, I'm sure being reminded of how she used to be also reminded her of him. You either accept this version of her or you let her go. Don’t break her, Noah.”

  “I'm not trying to upset her.”

  “I know you’re not. There are some hard feelings between you two that I don’t completely understand but it definitely isn't one sided. You’re both hurting.”

  “Whatever, dude. I gotta get to class.”

  I walk away to Liam’s laughter floating through the air. He thinks he understands everything about me but he doesn’t. He didn’t know me before Frankie moved, that was the real me, this version’s a shell of who I once was.

  “Hey...” I say as I drop into the seat behind Frankie. She doesn’t turn around.

  “Hey.”

  “Can you look at me?” I ask softly. It kills me that I keep upsetting her. She slowly twists in her seat until we’re facing each other. “Look, I'm sorry. I don’t know how to do this.”

  “What exactly are you trying to do?”

  “Find my way back to how we used to be.”

  “I don’t know how to do it either.”

  “Do you think we can try to be friends again?”

  A small smile tugs on the corner of her lips, she fights it but eventually loses the battle, the smile spreading across her face.

  “I’d like that.”

  “Think we can hang out tonight?”

  “Sure, should I invite Liam?”

  My mouth drops open slightly at her question. I can't believe she is seriously trying to invite Liam when I say I want to hang out with her. After a few seconds of me sitting in stunned silence she burst out laughing.

  “I’m kidding, Noah. You really are jealous of him, aren’t you?”

  “I'm not jealous.” I grumble, crossing my arms over my chest, staring at the front of the room, waiting for the teacher to come in.

  THERE’S NOTHING BETTER than coming to lunch and finding Frankie sitting there, her face lights up when she spots me walk in, it does something to me. I actually smile.

  “Holy shit! Did you just smile?” Liam asks as I plop into the seat across from them.

  “I smile all the time.” I deadpan.

  “No, like I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile... Nope. Never. I didn’t think you knew how. Have you ever seen him smile?”
He turns his attention away from me and focuses on Frankie.

  “Noah used to smile all the time. He’s always had a gorgeous smile.” She looks up at me through her lashes and I swear she’s never been more beautiful.

  “Well, then you must’ve taken his smile with you when you left because I’ve never seen it and I moved here right after you left.”

  “Oh, shut up.” I roll my eyes. He can be so dramatic.

  “What are you up to on your first Friday night of the school year?” His question’s directed at Frankie, her eyes meet mine and a small smile plays on her plump lips.

  “Noah and I are going to hang out.”

  “Cool, what’re we all doing?”

  “No one invited you.” I growl. He holds his hands up in defense.

  “Damn. And here I thought we were all friends.” He puts a fake pout on his lips, I can't believe he thinks that crap is going to work... only it does.

  Frankie grasps his bicep with both hands and leans her head on his shoulder.

  “You can come hang out with us too.”

  “Frankie...”

  “No, Noah, he’s right. We’re all friends.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “I was thinking of just hanging out at home since we have the party tomorrow.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll buy pizza. What kind do you like, Frankie?”

  “White pizza with garlic sauce, green peppers and onions.” I blurt without thinking. I'm not sure who’s more surprised by my outburst. Frankie looks shocked that I know this, Liam gives me a smirk like he knows something he doesn’t and I'm surprise I still remember what kind of pizza she likes.

  “Really?” Liam asks Frankie.

  “It’s my favorite.” She shrugs like it’s not that big of a deal that I remember after all these years.

  “Ok, so I’ll get one of those gross pizza’s and a pepperoni. Anything else?”

  “Cheese fries with cheese on the side.” I’m rewarded with another beautiful smile. “She loves to put cheese fries on top of her pizza but likes cheese on the side so they stay crispy.”

 

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