by Chris Colfer
“Like the Brothers Grimm?” Bob asked, starting to understand.
“The Brothers Grimm, Hans Christian Andersen, Walt Disney…” Mother Goose listed. “But we stopped recruiting protégés and mostly do it ourselves these days. There isn’t a time difference to be worried about anymore. And things became so calm in our world after the Happily Ever After Assembly was formed, we needed something to do.”
“The Happily Ever After Assembly?” Bob asked.
“It’s sort of like their United Nations,” Alex said. “All the kings and queens signed a treaty to regulate peace.”
“All the kings and queens, the Fairy Godmother, the Fairy Council, and I make up the assembly. We’ve watched over the treaty since it was created,” Mother Goose said. “It’s been working out really well. Our world has stayed pretty peaceful… well, until now, that is.”
Mother Goose eyed the twins—she had been told she wasn’t supposed to bring up the current situation.
Bob nodded slightly. “I think I’m starting to understand it all,” he said. “Except one thing: You said there was a time difference between the worlds? What happened?”
Mother Goose gestured to the twins. “These two showed up,” she said with a smile. “They were the first children born of both worlds and somehow linked them together. Magic works in mysterious ways, always has.”
Bob looked over at the twins with an impressed grin on his face.
“We’re kind of a big deal,” Conner said.
Bob smiled at him. “Well, you think you know someone, right, guys?” he said with a wink.
Bob left for work within the hour and the twins began another day of moping around the house with only their worries to entertain themselves with. They had grown very tired of the same concerns rotating in their heads.
The next couple days weren’t as tense as the last week had been. Mother Goose wasn’t as strict as Xanthous, and it was a huge relief for the twins. The soldiers had to wake her in the middle of her naps to remind her of the “gnoming shifts.”
Alex’s spirits were raised by seeing how much Conner bonded with Mother Goose. The two became practically inseparable. During the day they would sit at the window looking at the front of the house and play pranks on the mailman (Mother Goose would wiggle an ear and magically move the mailbox whenever he would turn his back). After dinner, if they weren’t watching professional wrestling, Mother Goose and Conner would play cards with the soldiers. She even taught him how to hide an ace in his sleeve.
Alex didn’t fill him in on the plan that had been forming in her head for days. She already felt guilty enough breaking her grandma’s wishes alone; she didn’t want to drag her brother into it.
One night Conner went to bed early and Alex stayed up, keeping an eye on Mother Goose. She was sitting at the kitchen table, thermos in hand, reminiscing about the fairy-tale world with the soldiers. Alex could tell she was having a little too much fun, because her eyes were glazed over and she was slurring and rhyming her words.
“I haven’t had this much fun since I was so very young—and used to rub-a-dub-dub with the three men in the tub!” Mother Goose laughed and passed her thermos around the table. The soldiers each took a long swig and their eyes began to droop, too, as time went by.
“Mother Goose, may I confess something to you?” one of the soldiers said sadly. “I was one of the king’s men who tried to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. I know you were very close; I’m so sorry we couldn’t help him.”
Mother Goose’s eyes filled with tears as she was reminded of her late friend and the night he had his tragic accident.
“Humpty and I sat on that wall, Humpty and I had such a ball,” she said. “Humpty had a fall, right there and right then, because poor Humpty couldn’t hold his gin. I miss that egg so much!”
Mother Goose buried her face into her hands and cried drunken tears for a few minutes.
She woke a few moments later, collected her thermos, and took a seat in her rocking chair by the fireplace.
She snapped her fingers and a fire appeared in the fireplace. She went to take one last swig from her thermos but was disappointed to discover she and the soldiers had drunk it all. This was the moment Alex had been waiting for.
She snuck into the kitchen and retrieved the bottle of champagne that Bob had brought the night of the proposal. Alex hoped she could put it to good use tonight.
Mother Goose began to doze off again in her rocking chair when she was startled by a loud pop. Alex opened the champagne bottle right behind her.
“Care for a refill?” Alex asked and gestured to the empty thermos Mother Goose held in a tight grip.
“Oh, that’s very kind,” Mother Goose said, a little discombobulated. She held up her thermos and Alex filled it all the way to the top and set the champagne bottle aside.
“You’ve got a heavy pour; you’re my kind of girl,” Mother Goose said and took her first sip. “This is good stuff. Are you sure it isn’t being saved for anything special?”
“Bob was saving it for when he was going to propose to my mom, but that all went out the window when she was kidnapped,” Alex said restlessly and took a seat on the floor next to Mother Goose’s chair.
“Kids as good as the two of you shouldn’t go through what you’ve been through,” Mother Goose said sadly and lovingly stroked Alex’s hair. Her eyes were sad but grew heavier and glassier with every swig of the thermos she took. Alex almost had her where she wanted her—almost.
“Conner and I have been through so much together, and we’ve always been capable of handling anything that came our way,” Alex said. “So you can imagine why it’s so frustrating not knowing anything. It doesn’t matter how fast we had to grow up; we’re still being treated like children.”
A loud snoring sound came from Mother Goose; she had dozed off. Alex tapped her until she was awake again.
“Hmmm?” Mother Goose said with one eye open. “What were you saying, honey?”
Alex thought fast. Mother Goose was somewhere between consciousness and dreamland, and Alex wanted to take full advantage of it.
“You were just telling me about how bad it is in the fairy-tale world,” Alex said, nodding her head a little too convincingly.
Mother Goose bobbed her head up and down. “Things are bad to say the very least—vines and thornbush still cover the East,” she said and then looked around in a daze. “I think I’ve had too much bubbly, the room is spinning—”
“That’s terrible,” Alex said and immediately refilled Mother Goose’s thermos. “But surely the Happily Ever After Assembly can handle vines and thornbushes, right?”
Alex pushed the thermos in her direction. Mother Goose took another sip from it.
“The vines and thorns are not what’s awful—it’s the magic behind them that’s too darn powerful,” Mother Goose said. “They tried finding her before she struck—we ran out of time and out of luck.” Her head fell to her chest and she dozed off again. Alex shook her awake. It was more difficult this time.
“I’m sorry, dear, I don’t mean to keep falling asleep in the middle of your sentences,” Mother Goose said. She was practically cross-eyed from exhaustion. “What were you saying?”
Alex thought quickly again. “I was just saying I hope you find her, whoever you’re looking for,” she said.
Mother Goose nodded. She gently touched the side of Alex’s face. “Don’t fret on the idea—they’ll soon find Ezmia,” Mother Goose said.
Alex had never heard the name before. “Ezmia?” she asked. “Who is Ezmia?”
Mother Goose’s eyes grew twice in size. If she hadn’t been so intoxicated she would have sat straight up in her seat. Alex knew this was some of the information that was supposed to be kept from her and her brother.
“Oh dear,” Mother Goose said and hiccupped. “Please don’t tell your grandmother what I’ve said.”
“I won’t, I swear,” Alex said. Mother Goose slumped with relief. “As long as you
tell me who she is,” Alex added.
Mother Goose tensed up as much as she could with all the bubbly in her system. “I can’t. I promised your grandmother that I wouldn’t say a word!” she said.
“Then don’t say it; rhyme it,” Alex said. She stood up and looked closely into Mother Goose’s eyes, more desperate for information than ever. “I’m going to find out eventually. It’s only a matter of time—so please just tell me, who is Ezmia?”
Mother Goose looked around the house to make sure they were alone and took one final swig from her thermos. She looked away from Alex and into the fire, not wanting to make eye contact with Alex while she gave up the information she had sworn not to give.
“For years the world presumed she was dead—her whereabouts were unknown and left unsaid. In the shadows she stayed, quietly plotting, a vengeful wrath she planned on igniting. Driven by rage and centuries of sorrows, a suppressed fear shall soon be tomorrow’s. After failing to curse a princess’s death, she’s now set her sights on the world’s last breath. ‘Happily ever after’ will be a thing of the past—for the evil Enchantress has returned at last.…”
Mother Goose closed her eyes, not from fatigue this time, but from shame. Alex had hung on to every word.
“The Enchantress?” Alex asked, putting together the pieces of her rhyme. “The evil Enchantress who tried killing Sleeping Beauty is back?”
“Yes,” Mother Goose said. “Her name is Ezmia, and she has your mother.…”
Her chin fell on her chest and she went into the deepest sleep Alex had ever seen. Her snores filled the silent house.
Alex’s eyes darted around the room. Her heart was racing. She had to catch her breath, because learning this information knocked the wind out of her. It was as if Alex’s brain had switched to autopilot. She immediately ran up the stairs and into her bedroom. She dumped all the schoolbooks and supplies out of her backpack and piled in as many clothes as she could fit. She threw a sweater over her head and put on her running shoes.
Alex ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. She stocked all the food and necessities she knew she would need on a long trip: knives, matches, water bottles, etc. She wasn’t even that careful passing by the soldiers who were passed out at the table. Even if she was caught making a run for it, she was so determined, she didn’t think anyone or anything could stop her.
She went out the front door and steered her bike off the porch and into the street. She glanced back at all the gnomes, and while they remained completely still, she knew the soldiers inside were anything but.
“I know you can’t stop me, because I’m not in any danger,” Alex called out to the gnomes. “Yet,” she said under her breath.
She pedaled off into the night as fast as she could, knowing it’d only be a matter of time before one of the soldiers or Mother Goose came after her. Alex didn’t have much of a plan, but she knew where she was headed; she was going to her grandmother’s cottage in the mountains.
The trips her family used to take when she and her brother were small to visit their grandmother always took a couple hours by car, so she knew she had a long journey ahead of her by bike. But if there was any place she would find something of her grandmother’s to “set off ” or “turn on” that gave her an entrance into the fairy-tale world, she knew it would be there.
Alex took one final look back at her house before it disappeared. A little voice inside her head told her it would be a long time before she saw it again, but she welcomed the feeling. She didn’t care what her grandmother’s wishes were; Alex was going to find a way into the Land of Stories and save her mom—even if she died trying.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE COTTAGE
Alex woke up in a grassy field the next afternoon. She looked around and grunted to herself. She had been riding her bike all night and had just stopped to rest for a moment off the road. Clearly, that moment had lasted a few hours longer than she’d planned.
She was in the foothills leading up to the mountains where her grandmother’s cottage was. It had been a great while since the last time she and her brother had gone, so it was difficult remembering the exact directions. As the foothills slowly rose into mountain terrain, she stopped at a tiny gas station and purchased a map. Navigating became harder as the roads wound and forked up into the mountains. She glanced back and forth at the map as she continued, making sure she was traveling northeast. She remembered her parents used to drive northeast until there were no more roads to take.
Alex felt guilty for leaving her brother at home but hadn’t wanted to drag him into her spontaneous plan. Although, when night fell and Alex was forced to set up a small camp off the road by herself, she really wished her brother were there, keeping her company.
She couldn’t make up her mind if it was more dangerous to be traveling in the woods of the fairy-tale world or her world. Even though there were no Big Bad Wolves to be worried about, she was sure there were still regular wolves around.
But if she couldn’t handle a simple wolf now, how was she going to take down a powerful Enchantress when she found her? She doubted swinging a big stick would scare off the woman who’d cursed an entire kingdom for one hundred years.
The more she thought about it, the less it made sense. What did this Ezmia woman want with her mother anyway? How did she even get to her mom in the first place? If the fairies couldn’t find her or her mother, what made Alex think she could?
Alex and her brother knew more about the Enchantress than others gave them credit for. During their encounter with the Evil Queen they discovered that the Enchantress had kidnapped the Evil Queen when she was a girl and used her in a scheme to take over the fairy-tale world.
Alex lay on the ground, using her backpack as a pillow, and let her troubled thoughts wander until she finally fell asleep.
Alex was back on her bike before sunrise the next day. She biked across windy road after windy road until the middle of the afternoon. She jolted forward and almost fell off her bike when her front tire hit a particularly sharp rock and went flat.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” she said and angrily tossed her useless bike to the side of the road. She would have to travel by foot for the rest of her journey—however long that would be.
Her spirits rose an hour or so afterward when she saw a wooden bridge on the road ahead. When Alex and Conner were younger, seeing this bridge meant they were almost at their grandmother’s house. Alex knew she was close.
She jogged toward the bridge in relief, but the closer she got, the less familiar it appeared. It seemed so small compared to the one in her memories. Was it just because she was so much smaller then? Also disheartening was how decrepit the bridge appeared to be. Every piece of wood was chipped and rotting like crazy.
Alex took a couple of steps onto the bridge and examined it closer. It didn’t feel right. A car could never fit on the bridge. She looked over the side. Several hundred feet below was a dry and rocky riverbed. The bridge her family used to drive over was only a few feet higher than the stream that ran under it.
Alex sighed. She was lost.
She turned on her heels and started to head back when she heard a sudden crack. Before she could tell where the sound was coming from, Alex fell straight through the bridge, rotten wood splitting under her feet.
She screamed and grabbed hold of the bridge. She desperately tried pulling herself up, but it was no use; she could hear the wood cracking from the pressure.
“Help!” Alex screamed. “Somebody help me!”
Alex didn’t know who she was yelling to. As far as she knew she was alone in the mountains and she was about to fall to her death.
“No! No! No!” Alex said to herself. “It can’t end like this! It can’t end like this!”
She struggled to pull herself up again. Another loud crack sounded and she slipped further through the bridge and toward the rocky ground below.
Alex felt two hands grab hers just in the nick of time. She looked up
and saw a very familiar face looking down at her. At first she thought it was her dad but then realized it was Conner—it was a strange moment to notice how much he had grown up.
His face turned bright red as he struggled to hold his sister with all his might. “Now, Lester! Pull us up, buddy!” he grunted.
Conner and Alex were slowly dragged upward. Once Alex was above the bridge again, she could see Lester’s bill tightly clutching Conner’s pants, dragging him up while he dragged her. The giant goose pulled them across the bridge until they were safely on solid ground again.
The twins and Lester stayed on the ground until they all caught their breath.
“I hate you so much right now,” Conner said between heavy pants.
“That’s funny, because I’ve never loved you more,” Alex said with a big smile and rolled over to give her brother a big hug. “Thank you. I owe you one!”
“Luckily, with the amount of trouble we get ourselves into, I know you’ll have a chance to make it up to me,” he said.
Lester squawked at them as if to say, “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine!”
“She owes you one, too, Lester, don’t worry!” Conner said.
The twins stood up and brushed themselves off. They were covered in splinters and chips of rotting wood. Lester got to his feet, too, and stretched out his neck and bill.
“How did you know where I was?” Alex asked.
“Lucky guess!” Conner said. “You can’t even run away like a normal teenager. You’re supposed to leave a note! There was only one place I figured you were going. Lester and I had been flying around looking for you all day when we finally spotted your bike down the road.”
“Does Mother Goose know where I am?” Alex asked.