by Nikki Frank
I needed to talk to him, to get these feelings off my chest. They were poisoning me, which maybe I deserved. But Talon didn’t. I’d left my feelings unspoken once, and look what they’d done. This time I wasn’t going to let things fester unsaid. I’d have to hope he could understand.
“Talon?” I tugged his sleeve, holding us back a few steps from Katriane.
“Hmm . . .”
“How are you holding up?”
He shrugged.
“Are you not speaking because you’re miserable? Or because of me?”
“What’s the difference?”
That pretty much confirmed my fears. His emotions would still be raw from the loss of his parents, but I was a source of pain, too. And I was right here, exacerbating it. I paused a moment, searching for the right words.
“Talon, I―”
He put a hand in front of my face. “Just leave me alone, Olivia.”
His use of my full name brought tears to my eyes. I grabbed his hand and held it, even when he tried to pull it back. “No, I’m not leaving this alone. I have things to say. Things you need to hear. I owe you . . .” I shrugged and dropped his hand, words escaping me. “I owe you more than I could ever possibly repay, so I’ll start by trying to apologize.”
He gave a grunt but didn’t walk away.
“I . . . everything you’re going through is my fault,” I blurted. A tear slipped out, and I wiped it away with my cloak. “If I’d told you months ago how afraid of pair bonding I was, you could have—I don’t know. Then I let you go on the diplomatic mission, and I felt relieved you were gone. I mean, I missed you but . . . Then Iya came along, and I looked—and I liked what I saw, which made me feel horrible, but I think that’s what led to . . . you know, when I got drunk.
“I’ve never felt guilt like I did that day. Because you deserve better.” He opened his mouth to speak, but I held up a finger. “If I’d spoken up, you could have dumped me at those first fears. Then you wouldn’t have suffered at my hands for so long. You’ve been at my back, supporting me, loving me, being wonderful, and I betrayed you―”
This time he covered my mouth. His touch startled me into silence. “Please stop. You’re making me feel worse.” He heaved a sigh and let his hand fall away. “Look, only some of this guilt is yours to bear. What do you think I would have done if you’d told me about your fears way back when?”
I gaped at him. Obviously, he would have broken up with me. Who’d want someone around who feared being with them?
He gave me a little smile, reading me like a book. “No. I wouldn’t have ended things. I would have soothed you and tried nudging you into the pair bond. Honestly, I’ve been blaming myself, looking for reasons why I wasn’t good enough. I had to have done something to drive you away, right?”
I shook my head vehemently. “Never. I don’t know what changed. I―”
“That’s exactly the issue―change.” Talon sucked in a long, deep breath then let it out slowly. “You can go ahead and feel guilty about sleeping with Iya on Earth, but change can’t be helped. I meant what I said yesterday . . . my god, I didn’t realize a single day could drag on so long. Anyway, I didn’t want to drive you into the demon’s arms. Accepting you’ve moved on would be easier than seeing you forced into a pair bond with an akuma.”
I frowned. “Please use Iya’s name. I insisted he call you by yours. I can’t believe you feel any of this is your fault.” I nibbled my lip a moment. “We could pass the guilt from side to side forever. The thing is, my feelings might have changed on their own, but my choice of a new partner was already made by fate. And anyway, I really need you to understand my feelings now.”
“Why?” he mumbled.
“Because, if I’d been open with you way back―”
“I told you I wouldn’t have broken up with you over your fears.”
“No, but you would have known my true feelings. Then when someone else caught my eye, you wouldn’t have been blindsided, and you could have made choices for yourself based on the whole truth. This time I want you to have the whole truth. Some of it might sound selfish, but . . .”
Talon gave me a curious sideways glance.
I scrubbed my damp palms dry on my robe. “I still care about you . . . so deeply. I feel all this pain you’re going through like it’s my own. And a little more since I’m part of the cause. You are my best friend, and I will always need you. Likewise, if you need anything from me, all you have to do is ask, and it’s yours.” My shoulders drooped. “I feel like there’s so much more than that, but words and what’s inside me don’t match at all.” I shot him a desperate look. “Can you understand any of what I’m trying to say?”
He rubbed away tears and nodded. “I think so. I’m going to need time, Livy.”
I couldn’t help the little squeak of joy that popped out.
“What?” Talon asked.
I quickly calmed myself. One step at a time. “You called me Livy. You’ve been using my full name since . . .”
He gave a short nod. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
“Anything.”
“How did you?” He clutched at his chest, letting out an involuntary whimper. “When your parents . . .”
Instinctively I took his hand and held it in both my own. “I’m so sorry. My throne seems destined to rob me and those around me of the people we love most. I hope the good I do for others from that throne outweighs the price.” Rubbing his hand with my fingers, I answered his question carefully. “I struggled with my loss, but you should know. You propped me up through most of it. Inside, I forced myself to focus on the shitstorm around us. All those evil things lurking in the palace, an entire district worth of evil to purge—the work left little room for anything else.”
I heaved a sigh and fought tears of my own. “By the time we finished, I had no more distractions, and the pain wasn’t so raw. Truth be told, the loss of my parents fueled my fear of commitment. I started out afraid of the pain losing you would cause. If I really wanted to psychoanalyze myself, I might even go so far as to say I talked myself out of my feelings for you to distance myself from that possibility.”
Talon nodded and wiped away more tears.
“See, you know that would be possible.” I squeezed his hand. “Do me a favor. When and if you find someone else, don’t be stupid like me. Looking back, I can see the distance between us created its own set of problems, and I still ended up losing you.”
He reached up with his other hand and squeezed back. “You didn’t lose me. With my parents gone . . . You could have married the devil, and I’d stick with you. You’re right. Our feelings aren’t romantic anymore, but like you, I still need you. I can’t take another loss.”
“Talon.” His name came out with a little sob. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. Once again, you’re helping me, and I’m not doing anything in return.”
He pulled his hands away but gave me a little smile—the first I’d seen from him in a while. “You’re doing fine. I needed to hear you still want me around as much as you did.” The smile faded. “Why is the uphill road so long?”
“It won’t seem so bad once we reach the top. In a sick sort of way, fate tossed you a bone. Just like me, you have a shitstorm to focus on while you wait for the pain to dull. By the time I’m back from the Goblin Kingdom, you’ll be ready to face your feelings. And with calm restored, I’ll be there to help however I can.”
Chapter 15
Iya and I stood on the shore north of my palace. Behind me, Iya’s shi, Katriane, Talon, Elita, Emmett, and both my dragons shuffled as we waited. The night couldn’t have been more ideal for stealth―a new moon. Iya had forced a two-day hike into a day and a half. I wanted to cry with exhaustion, but I couldn’t rest yet.
“Iya,” I whispered, “you�
��re staying here with everyone except my dragons. Remember, no one is to know we’re still traveling together after this.”
He put a hand on my arm. “I don’t like this. You haven’t tested out your connection to Katriane in a real fight. What if something goes wrong?”
“I’ve got two dragons with me. And . . .” I hesitated, knowing he wasn’t going to like the next part. “I’ve got a plan.”
Iya’s eyes narrowed. “Now what have you cooked up?”
“I’m going to pull from Katriane and go in with a full load of demon magic. Business will get handled faster that way.”
He sucked air between his teeth. “Now I really need to go. You can’t control so much magic.”
“My magic has been more cooperative since we bonded. And two dragons ought to be able to handle me. If I lose myself, you’ll know with our connected power, and you can come. But try to wait for me. And have a little faith.”
I covered my face with both my hands. “You all have my apologies for what I’m about to do.”
Vixaria nudged me with her snout. “No one thinks you’re doing this because you enjoy killing. Everyone already knows how good you are and how tough. You drove out evil with force once. This time is no different.”
I hugged her snout. “Thanks.” My stomach fluttered in anticipation, my natural hunting instincts primed. “Velor, Vixaria, be ready to get me out of here. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
The dragons moved themselves between me and everyone else. I started the draw. At first, the magic felt normal. As I continued to pull, the power drugged me. Then the sense of easy rage took hold. Horns pushed through my hair. A feral snarl tore through the night, and Velor and Vixaria pushed me toward the castle.
“Remember who sits in your throne like an ape? Take your anger out on him,” Vixaria whispered.
The power burned in my chest; I needed an outlet. The dragons pushed me through the shadows toward the gate. All my willpower went into not attacking them.
As we cleared the hedge beside the entrance, I found my target. Two ogres stood at the gate to my palace. Their crossed blades denied access to what belonged to me. The demon magic roared at the injustice, and for once, I let the rage go. Like an animal, I lunged in, ripping the head off one ogre. In a swift movement, I’d whirled the fallen guard’s blade and speared the other’s neck. Two bodies thumped to the floor at the same time an alarm went off.
Sick joy at the kill flooded my body. I wanted more. The power urged me to rip them all apart with my bare hands.
I threw a load of magic at the door, and it exploded inward. Fire magic roared down the hall and singed everyone in the way. No one remained on the way to the throne room. They must have fled.
Disappointment burned at not finding more to punish. The throne room door got the same treatment as the front doors. Several henchmen started toward us.
“Velor. Vixaria.” I pointed at the assorted evil creatures.
Their teeth snapped, and I refocused on the pleasure of teaching the minotaur his lesson. He sat on my throne. Rage manifested as flames on my skin. I’d never sunk this far into being a demon before, but the power loved taking control.
I reached the throne in a blur, on my way to set the minotaur’s hair on fire. He roared and rushed me. I danced out of the way, hacking one of his horns off with a sword.
His massive bull’s neck made killing him the way I’d taken out the ogres too difficult. The demon magic purred happily at the thought of a challenge. This creature would get a slow death worthy of his crimes.
I rushed past again, this time leaving my dagger in his eye socket. A wild and cruel laugh erupted from deep within me. Such a thrill.
The minotaur charged, but this time his actions were slow and clumsy. I kicked his legs out from under him and grabbed his remaining horn, shoving his head into the floor.
“The dagger is poison,” I said quietly. “But no worries. You won’t miss all the fun.” A shudder ran through me as the power demanded revenge.
“Who?” He drooled as he spoke.
“I’m Olivia the demon lord, and you are an idiot. You lost control of the situation because you never took control. See, that’s how life works. If you want something, you work for the power and take it properly. As the humans say, sometimes you have to grab the bull by the horns.”
I focused magic into my arm and wrenched the horn off his head with my bare hands. He bellowed, but the poison rendered him too weak to dislodge me. Using the horn, I stabbed him through the chest.
“Now you’re going to pay.”
I lifted the sword to continue torturing him, but a deep-green dragon tail knocked me away. The minotaur’s screams echoed off the stained-glass walls of the palace as Vixaria ripped his head off.
I screamed in rage. She’d taken my prey from me. Velor tackled me from behind.
“Olivia, send the power back.” Velor rumbled from on top of me.
“No.”
I wanted to punish, to rage, to hurt.
The job is done, Livy. Iya’s voice soothed from inside my head. Send the demon magic back.
Just hearing him there startled me into stopping. How?
I’m not entirely sure. I could hear your words clearly while monitoring your power’s condition. I thought I’d try, too.
It’s not a skill that comes with the pair bond.
Maybe it does for bonded demon lords. Now, focus and don’t be evil.
The demon magic had already begun to subside at the presence of Iya’s magic. Shoving it back through my link to Katriane, I used my imp magic to seal the link. Trudging to my throne, I slumped against the back.
“You two, bring me Talon. On your way, eat anyone who does not belong in the palace. No mercy.” I sighed and wiped my face. “Display that at the main gate as a warning.” I pointed to the two halves of the minotaur. “After I’ve had twenty minutes to leave instructions with Talon, wake the palace residents and summon them to the throne room. I want to be seen and make an announcement before taking care of other business.”
The dragons nodded and disappeared. I ran out the glass doors to my terrace and threw up over the edge. My actions made me physically ill. Getting rid of the minotaur was necessary, but tormenting him wasn’t. The demon magic had pushed too far, and my cruelty made me sick.
“Olivia?” Velor called my name from inside the throne room.
“On the terrace.” I still gulped in night air and hoped it would soothe my churning stomach.
Talon’s soft footfalls made a light tapping noise on the stone surface. I’d know those steps anywhere. I turned and held back tears, beating down the urge to run to him. We’d patched things up, but not to that degree.
“Are you all right, Livy?”
“Yes. Just not at peace with the way using the demon power makes me feel.” I sighed. “I’m going to speak to the palace residents before I leave. I want them to see me and believe I’m here. Then you pretend I’m holed up in my chambers, use whatever excuse you like. If Velor and Vixaria take all the messages from my chambers, you should be able to keep up the ruse for a while. Hopefully, long enough for me to get back here. Oh, and Tomi should arrive in a day or two to start building the gateway. You have my permission to do whatever the two of you deem necessary.”
He gave me a worried look. “Do you guys really think you can pull off this assassination? What if something happens to you?”
“We might have a shot, but I’m not taking any chances. That’s why Tomi’s coming here.”
“Mistress? The palace residents are assembled.”
“Thank you, Velor. I’m coming.” I gave Talon a grim smile. “Ready to dive in?”
He nodded, holding the door open as I went in.
My palace held several hundred permanent residen
ts, including staff. They’d all squeezed into the throne room and watched me expectantly. Murmurs ran the room, but the faces were smiling.
Holding my head high, I went and stood in front of my throne. Talon followed and stood a little behind me. At my raised hand, silence fell.
“I’m happy to be home. Regretfully, you were forced to wait under the thumb of a monster. Thank you for welcoming me back with smiles. The road here has not been easy. I want you all to know the truth.
“My magic grew unstable, and I sought out a healer. We were forced to flee for Earth to keep me from hurting myself or anyone else. But I am cured and stronger than ever. My power is in full, working order. The pieces of the minotaur posted at the gate will attest to my recovery.
“I have diplomats working on the edict given by the Goblin King. Surely once he understands the circumstances, he will lift the price on my head. Then we can live in peace again. I ask you for your patience as we let the wheels of diplomacy turn. Only an emergency capable of threatening all we have worked for could bring me to break international law. With my health in hand, we will continue as prescribed by law.
“But rest assured, usurpers to my throne will be dealt with like the minotaur. We spent a year digging ourselves out from under evil influences. I will not let this district fall back into the shadows.”
The crowd erupted in cheering. I held up my hand again.
“My apologies for disturbing your sleep. I wanted to see you with my own eyes and share my triumph and the good news with you as soon as possible. You are free to return to your rest. Sleep peacefully knowing you are safe once again.”
The crowd began to break apart, and Talon let out a little whistle. “Wow, you sure grew up during my diplomatic mission. I’ve only been gone four months, but now you sound like a real ruler.”
“Come on.” I motioned for him to follow as I started down the glass hall toward my bedroom.