All I Want For Christmas

by Emily Forbes

  Mary was gripped by another contraction and Lexi let Sam talk her through it as she watched Tom prepare the drugs.

  'Sam, pull that chair around in front of Mary. Mary, lean forward and rest your head on Sam's shoulder, nice deep breaths.' Mary's gown fell open at the back, exposing her spine. 'Mary, I'm just going to swab your skin with some antiseptic, which will feel cold.' He talked her through the procedure. 'Now some local anesthetic just to numb the area. A little sting at first, then the local feels cold. All done.'

  Lexi watched as Tom palpated Mary's spine with expert fingers, locating the interspinous space between the third and fourth lumbar vertebrae. Next he pierced the skin with the epidural needle, pushing it gently into the epidural space between the vertebrae and spinal cord, before sliding the catheter into position.

  'You might feel some dull prodding sensations now as I slide the catheter into position. We'll tape it to your back so we can top up the dose of anesthetic if we need.'

  Lexi tore off strips of tape, placing them at intervals along the catheter, fixing it to Mary's back. The end of the catheter draped forward over Mary's shoulder and Tom injected the first dose of epidural anesthetic into the tube.

  'All done. You can relax now until the next contraction. It'll take a few minutes before you feel the effects but your blood pressure should start to come down pretty quickly.' He turned to Lexi. 'Are you happy to administer any top-ups through the catheter?'

  She nodded, impressed with Tom's calm and careful methods. If Mary's blood pressure responded as expected, she knew she'd cope without Tom. She needed to concentrate and that would be much easier without him, yet part of her wanted him to stay. 'If Mary's BP stabilizes and the babies remain well positioned, I'd let the epidural wear off a bit anyway so she can attempt to push.'

  'That's fine. I'll wait here until it takes effect. I want to make sure her BP is within normal limits.' He settled down to wait.

  Lexi watched him lean back in the chair, hands clasped behind his head. What was he waiting for? She didn't need him here. She'd manage. She'd been managing for five years and in a few weeks he'd be gone again. He moved and the overhead light reflected off his wedding ring, as if to underline her thoughts. He'd be gone, back to his life and his wife in Sydney.

  Lexi handed him the notes, waiting for his signature. 'Let's hope you're not needed again.' She turned away, checking the readout from the babies' heart rate monitor, but she was still all too aware of Tom.

  Out of the corner of her eye she could see him, head back, eyes partly closed, his relaxed posture once again highlighting how tense she was. She kept busy, finding things to do and holding her breath every time Penny checked Mary's BP. It seemed an age before Tom declared he was happy with Mary's situation and Lexi breathed a sigh of relief as he left the room. Now that Mary had been seen to, for the time being anyway, she'd duck out quickly and check on another couple of her patients currently in hospital. Penny would page her the instant any progress was made or she was needed in any way. It would be a relief to snatch some fresh air and clear her head, too. Any longer in here with Tom, pretending she was as unaffected by him as he appeared to be by her, and she'd have had a tension headache. And that was not something she needed when she was about to deliver twins.

  Tom wandered along the passageway, getting to know the hospital's layout, in no hurry to leave. Delivering babies was something he couldn't resist. It was also something he very rarely had a chance to do, so he wanted to be a part of this, but he'd have to get permission from the parents-to-be, which meant seeking Lexi's consent as well.

  Lexi.

  What were the odds of them ending up in a small coastal town together after all this time? Despite his light-hearted approach, seeing her here had thrown him. His first reaction had been surprise, then a mixture of pleasure and confusion, even a touch of residual anger left over from five years ago, a reaction he would've thought he'd long since dealt with. The mixed bag of feelings wasn't really surprising, given their history of an old relationship that had never really been put to bed.

  He didn't believe in fate—people shaped their own future, controlled their own individual destinies—so there was no mystical reason behind them being brought together again after all this time. But he still had to work out how to handle this. He'd come to Pelican Beach to relax and recuperate and he was determined to do that. What impact would Lexi being here have on that? Could he keep his private business private? A stray thought passed through his mind that Donna, not Lexi, might prove more of a threat on that front, but his mind quickly turned back to Lexi.

  Could he work with someone, even if only for a short while, who should have been the mother of his child? Someone who hadn't wanted that responsibility, that commitment? And why was she here, anyway, when her dream had always been to specialize?

  There were too many unanswered questions and he realized as he strode down the corridor that until some of them were answered he wouldn't be comfortable. He might not believe in fate, but coincidence had handed him a golden opportunity to get some answers to the questions he'd thought he'd long since forgotten.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Lexi had made a flying visit to her other two patients and was back by Mary's side now, waiting while the midwife took Mary's obs again. 'One-thirty over eighty-five.'

  The epidural had been effective. Mary had even had a short nap, conserving vital energy for the task ahead, but her contractions were getting stronger again, judging by her expression.

  'How are you feeling?' Lexi asked.

  'Uncomfortable. Can I have the epidural topped up?'

  Lexi moved to the foot of the bed. 'Let me examine you first, see how things are progressing.' She lifted the sheet and checked on Mary's progress. 'I'd have to say no to the epidural but the good news is you're fully dilated and I can feel one little head. I think it's time for you to meet your babies.' Lexi smiled at Mary, not surprised to see her looking a little nervous now there was no going back. 'You can start to push with the next contraction.'

  'Does anyone mind if I join you?'

  Lexi jumped as Tom appeared at her shoulder. Where had he come from? She glanced back at him, not wanting to interrupt the proceedings by questioning him in front of Sam and Mary, but he answered her question without her having to formulate it.

  'I can't resist delivering babies and when it's twins...' His words trailed off as he held his hands out and shot a killer smile at Mary. He looked like a child who'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, turning on the charm. Lexi's heart flipped in her chest. She couldn't resist his smile and she doubted if Mary could either. She was right. Mary was nodding her head and so was Sam.

  Decision made.

  'Fantastic. Where do you want me, Dr Patterson?'

  He was obviously letting everyone know Lexi was in charge, and she had to give him credit for that, even though she wanted to grab him by the scruff of his neck and lead him to the door. She'd only just got the flush out of her cheeks from having him here earlier.

  'Mary's ready to push so it's action stations really. I'll deliver and you can take the first twin.'

  Tom nodded in reply as he went to gown and scrub. Lexi took up her position at the foot of the bed with the midwife on her left.

  'Where would you like to be, Sam?'

  Sam paled. 'I'll think I'll stay up here, out of the way.'

  Lexi watched as Mary's abdomen peaked in a contraction.

  'Rightio. Take a deep breath, Mary, now breathe out and relax. With the next contraction I want you to concentrate on pushing this baby out, focus on your stomach muscles. OK, here you go. One nice long push.' Lexi placed her hands around the baby's head, guiding it out of the birth canal, feeling for the umbilical cord.

  'Keep going, Mary, you're doing well. Terrific.'

  The baby's head appeared and Lexi slipped a gloved finger into its mouth, checking for obstructions.

  'Have a rest, Mary, and with the next contraction you can push again t
o deliver the shoulders. Ok, this is it.' Lexi turned the baby to help the shoulders out, catching the slippery body as it appeared.

  'Congratulations, a perfect little girl.' Lexi grinned as she held her up briefly to show the proud parents. 'Do you want to cut the cord, Sam?'

  He shook his head, lost for words, and Lexi could see tears of joy in his eyes. She swallowed, blinking away a few stray tears of her own. No matter how many babies she brought into the world, she never lost the feeling of awe and wonder that accompanied a delivery. And she still had another one to go. She held the baby while Penny clamped and cut the umbilical cord. Turning to her right, she knew she'd find Tom there, waiting. He held out a warmed blanket and wrapped the baby, taking her to the crib under the infrared light to check her. Watching Tom cradling the tiny infant in his arms brought another lump to Lexi's throat. She swatted away thoughts about what might have been. He was completely focused on the baby, unaware of her scrutiny, and she could hardly bear to drag her eyes away from the sight before her, but professionalism kicked in and she did.

  'Well done, Mary. Time to catch your breath now while I see how long we have to wait to meet the rest of your family.'

  Penny took another set of obs while Lexi checked the position of the second twin.

  'One minute Apgar score of six,' Tom said from across the room. 'Everything looks ok.'

  'Excellent. Right, this baby's hot on the heels of its big sister. Are you ready to push again?'

  The second twin, although bigger than the first, was born with a minimum of fuss ten minutes later. 'Another daughter, just as gorgeous as her sister.'

  'What are you going to call them?' Tom was at her side again, the baby swaddled in a bunny rug in his arms.

  'Jasmine and Rose,' Sam replied, looking at Mary for confirmation. Mary nodded, beaming at her husband who hadn't let go of her hand.

  Mary opened her arms, taking her baby from Tom. 'This is Jasmine.'

  The sight of their heads, bent over the baby, made Lexi's eyes misty again. She turned away, taking Rose to the second crib, leaving Penny to tend to Mary. Like her sister, Rose was perfect. Lexi checked her Apgar scores before snapping the pink hospital bracelet around her ankle. She kept busy until she could take Rose's five minute Apgar scores, checking color, tone, respiratory effort, reflexes and heart rate again. Satisfied everything was normal, she wrapped the baby to take her to her parents.

  'Amazing, isn't it?'

  Tom was by her side. She looked up at him and she could see from the expression on his face that the emotion of the moment had touched him, too. She wondered if she was right in thinking she knew what was on his mind. Just because she thought of their baby with each and every new delivery, it didn't mean he did. Maybe he was thinking about a tribe of children he and his wife had produced.

  She picked Rose up, holding her close, using her to put some distance between herself and Tom. 'I never get tired of this part of my job.' While that was true, it did keep thoughts of their baby alive and sometimes those thoughts were more vivid than others. She turned to take Rose across the room but the touch of Tom's hand on her arm stilled her. His fingers seared her skin, sending fire through her body.

  'Have you got time for a coffee?'

  Lexi looked at the clock on the wall—not that the time mattered, she didn't have anything she should be doing. Her mum would look after Mollie for as long as necessary. She should say no. But his hand was still on her arm and she seemed incapable of being sensible when he touched her. 'Just give me a few minutes to finish here and write up my notes.'

  'I'll wait outside.' He removed his hand and Lexi's senses returned.

  She should change her mind but he was already saying goodbye to Sam and Mary. If she made sure to keep a meter-wide space between them, she could control her emotions for the time it took to have a quick coffee. She watched as Tom pushed open the door. He started pulling his scrubs over his head before he was quite out of sight, and as a glimpse of the bare contours of his tanned back was revealed she muttered under her breath, 'Meter-wide space and a few more clothes on the man, and I might just be ok.'

  The passageway outside the delivery suite was empty. Having been uncertain about accepting Tom's invitation, Lexi now found herself disappointed. He'd obviously changed his mind and she didn't know what was worse—not getting to see him or not getting the final say.

  She hoisted her bag onto her shoulder. Never mind, it would mean she could go home and have the shower she longed for, and it was the safer option, too, she mustn't forget that. She exited through the emergency entrance and was greeted by a glorious summer day. The air was still and warm, the morning sun low in a clear blue sky. She could feel fatigue seeping through her, replacing the flush of adrenaline that had carried her through the long night.

  Tom had been terrific, which should have made it harder to have him around. It would have been easier if he'd been incompetent or had an appalling bedside manner. It would have been easier to switch off her memories of the past and get on with the business of her life today. But she was relieved to find he'd lived up to her high expectations of him. She didn't want to find out she'd judged him wrongly and had been holding a candle for an illusion for all these years. Ok, so things hadn't worked out between them, but time and distance had let her see it had been her fault, not his, and she wasn't so weak that she hadn't learned to live with that. He had nothing to be sorry about. It was she who'd made the decisions and lost out on all counts, and she'd learned to live with that. If she had to give up on her dreams of him, too, it would be like losing him all over again.

  'There you are.' Lexi jumped. Tom was sitting on a bench near the doors, several paper bags on the seat beside him, the weekend paper spread across his knees.

  'Tom!' She cleared her throat and hoped he'd mistake the huskiness in her voice for tiredness. 'I thought you'd changed your mind.'

  'No. I walked to the bakery for supplies and it was such a beautiful morning I couldn't bear to go back inside.' He gathered the bags and stood up, right beside her. She took a step back, mindful of her meter-wide rule, but even that wasn't far enough.

  Even after spending all night in a hospital, he still smelt good.

  Warm and comforting, with the familiar tang of salt she associated with him. Whether it was blowing up from the sea or coming from Tom, she wasn't certain. His love of the ocean and surfing meant she would always have that association. Looking at him now, tanned and fit, she assumed he still spent a lot of time in the water.

  'Thank you for letting me assist last night. I don't get many opportunities to deliver babies any more. Not much need to as a city GP. You did a fantastic job, by the way.'

  Tom was always quick with the right words—and was never less than genuine. The next few weeks were going to be difficult, his presence a constant reminder of just what she'd thrown away. It could have been hers—Tom, a family. And if she'd just played her cards differently, she probably could even have worked out a way to specialize.

  ‘Hungry?'

  'Pardon?'

  'You're miles away if you didn't hear me offer you food, unless you've changed a lot. I brought your favorite things.' He held out a bag.

  She couldn't resist looking inside—did he really remember her favorite things?

  He did. 'Jam doughnuts and chocolate milk.'

  'Consider it a peace offering.'

  'What for?'

  'I owe you an apology.'

  'You do?'

  He nodded. 'Can we go for a walk?'

  'There's a park opposite the beach—we can go there.'

  Tom tucked the papers under his arm and fell into step beside her. She remembered how he'd always shortened his stride to keep pace with her, and he was doing it again. She was sure it wasn't a conscious response, but he often did little things that made people feel as if he noticed them. She was sure he was a fantastic GP.

  'The one born while we were dating?'

  She'd drifted off into a world of her own
when she realized he was talking. 'Mollie?' She assumed she'd gathered the threads of the conversation because he didn't correct her.

  'She's your sister's child? What happened, if you don't mind me asking?'

  'Erin and her husband Paul lived on a property near here. Paul had a dairy farm.'

  'Past tense. Where are they now?'

  'They were killed just over a year ago in a plane crash. I'm Mollie's legal guardian, that's what brought me here.' She waved an arm around to indicate the town.

  She heard his sharp intake of breath and formed the question in her mind that she knew he was about to ask. 'What happened?'

  'Paul had his pilot's license and they were flying in a single-engine plane up to Adelaide.' She kept her voice matter-of- fact, giving him the details as if she were reciting a story that had happened to someone else. She was good at that. 'There was a problem with the fuel line, a blockage, and the engine stalled. Paul tried to land the plane but clipped a tree and crashed. They were both killed instantly.' It didn't hurt so much anymore—she could talk about it now without tears.

  'And Mollie?'

  Lexi sat down, opening the milk and taking a long drink, bringing her emotions back under control. 'She wasn't with them, she was at Mum's. Dad died a few years ago and after that Mum decided to move from the West Coast to here. She loves to have Mollie but she can't manage to be a full-time parent anymore and I can't manage full-time work and being a single parent, so we look after Mollie together. They're the only family I have left.'

  She sat watching the waves tumbling onto the sand beyond the grass. The beach was almost empty at this hour on a Sunday, serene, soothing. She took a doughnut from the bag.

  'It's uncanny how much she looks like you.'

  'I know, more like me than Erin.' She took a bite of her doughnut. 'And she loves jam doughnuts, too. The rest of the family are—were—more the chocolate-cake type.'

  They were facing each other on the bench and as she took another bite of the doughnut she hit the center of it and jam exploded onto her chin. Her eyes lifted to his face as she froze for a second, mouth full of sticky bun, hands full with the milk carton and doughnut, jam pooling on her chin.