When he finished, he looked at her carefully. His eyes narrowed. “Do you need more ibuprofen? You’re in pain.”
“It’s not the kind of pain ibuprofen will help.” She stood and went back to the living room. Anger and frustration formed a sizzling hot ball in her gut. She’d wanted his touch so much at one time. Still did, if she was honest with herself. But she couldn’t have it. How could be so cruel to remind her of what was gone?
He followed her moments later, rerolling a length of gauze. “What would help?” He took a breath and quickly added. “Telling me what a jerk I am? An idiot? Yelling? Screaming? Punching me? I wish you would.”
“Why?”
“You need to let it out and we’re private here. I know you’ve wanted to do it before but wouldn’t create a scene in public. Tell me what’s going on. I know you’re furious with me. Maybe even hate me. And I deserve it. Please tell me.”
“You do deserve it. And I do hate you. You’re such a jerk! You seem to think you can waltz back into my life because it suits you and I’ll just fall back into your arms again like a lovesick idiot. Life doesn’t work that way.”
“Why not?”
“Why not?” Outrage made her voice rise. “You betrayed me. You believed the company over me when I denied their charges. You let me walk away. Made no attempt to contact me or defend me. To find out what had really happened. You said you loved me and wanted forever with me, and then you destroyed me.”
“I hurt you.”
The admission enraged her. “Understatement of the year! You broke my heart at a time when everything else in my life was going down in flames, too. I had nothing! No job, very little money, few friends, and a former fiancé who didn’t believe in me. You have no idea how hard that was. My life was in ruins, my heart shattered, my job prospects in the crapper. It took most of a year to climb out of the well of depression, to get my life together, find a way to make a living, rediscover a sort of peace. You left me hanging out over a cliff and never even looked back.”
“It’s true. I did.” He admitted it so quietly.
“You’re a cold, ambitious excuse for a man. Your career and ambitions were more important to you than I was.” The old wound broke open and poison gushed out. She continued to rale at him call him names and berate him, letting the words spew out as quickly as breath allowed. “I trusted you. We were set to combine our lives. But you couldn’t look beyond your own ambition to try to figure out if I really would’ve done such a thing. And now you think you can just snap your fingers and I’ll come running right back to you. How dare you? What do you think I am? A doll you can play with when it suits you and put back on the shelf when you’re finished?” She finally ran out of air and will.
She collapsed into a chair, feeling oddly light and empty. Energy deserted her, and she almost floated in a cloud of emotional exhaustion.
He stayed where he was, his expression controlled other than lips pressed together tightly. “I treated you abominably. I admit it. I’d go back and change it if I could, but I can’t. The past is what it is no matter how much we might regret it. But… Could you ever forgive me for it?” The words were so flat she couldn’t read any emotion in them.
“I don’t know. I just don’t know.”
He blinked, once, twice, three times, and then asked another question. “Last Saturday, when you said you shouldn’t have come, what were you thinking about?”
It took her a moment to remember. “I was thinking how wonderful it was. How much I missed it. How much I hated you for taking it from me. How much I regretted…everything. You reminded me how much I’d lost, and it hurt. Dear God, it hurt. You’re invading my life again and it brings back all the terrible memories. All the pain and heartbreak. It hurt so much when we broke up last time that I almost didn’t survive it. I can’t go back there. Won’t go back there. You don’t deserve it and I deserve better.”
He drew in a long breath and let it on a slow sigh. The words came out soft and painfully, unlike his usual confident ease. “All true. And I don’t know how to undo the damage. I can’t. I know I can’t. And the last apology I gave was rather…too easy, I suppose. I want to do better. I realize we can’t go back and reclaim what we threw away, what I threw away, but I still need to make the apology as profoundly as I can. I was wrong. Terribly wrong. Unforgivably wrong. I made the wrong decision and it cost me the most valuable thing in my life. I’ve missed you more than you can imagine since we broke up.”
He stopped and cleared his throat. “I needed to say that, but I don’t expect anything. And, now, it’s up to you. I brought some things to entertain you while you rest. I’d like to do some of them with you, but not as anything but a friend who wishes you well. However, I understand that’s likely to be too painful for you, so I’ll go and leave you in peace.”
He turned and walked to the door. He stood straight and stiff and didn’t hesitate as he undid the chain and deadbolt, opened the door, and closed it behind him.
For a moment Julie sat frozen, unable to say or do anything, held in place by surprise and confusion. The click of the door latch roused her from it. If she let him go now, that would be it. The end. He wouldn’t call her outside of business hours or come by again. Was that really what she wanted?
She stood and hurried to the door as fast as her bruised knees would allow and opened it. He stood at the end of the hall, waiting for the elevator.
“Dan?”
He heard her call and turned toward her.
“Just friends?” she asked.
He started back. “If that’s what you want?”
“I have to be honest. I don’t know what I want. I’m probably not being fair to you. But if you want to stay for a while, I’d be okay with that.”
“That’s good enough. I’m willing to be just friendly company.”
“I can’t… I won’t promise anything. Don’t read anything more into it.”
“Understood.”
He came back inside and insisted she get in the recliner. He dug in the duffel back he’d brought out pulled out several packets. They turned out to be ice packs that got cold when twisted a certain way. He put one on each of her knees.
He studied her face as she leaned back. “How about some coffee?”
“Yes, please. I made some right before you got here. Cups and sugar are in the cabinet above.”
“Good. That’ll go well with the pastries I brought. No, don’t get up. I can find cups and spoons.”
A few minutes later he brought coffee and plates with cheese danish for each of them. She almost cried when she saw them, but she was going to eat it this time. He set hers on the table by the recliner while he put his down on the coffee table in front of the sofa.
“Did anyone call the police?” he asked, as he ate.
“Didn’t I mention that? One of the people who stopped to help did, and a cop came. The purse snatcher was long gone by then and none of us could describe him well enough to be any use. The policeman did drive me home. He filed a report but there’s no hope of catching the guy.”
“I guess not.”
“I feel pretty stupid, really. I’ve lived in the city too long to forget about always paying attention to my surroundings. I was distracted, so in a way, it’s my own fault.”
“Blame for the incident goes entirely to the guy who tried to steal your laptop.” He sounded angry. “You were not responsible for that.”
After they ate, he set up his video game controller and hooked it to her television. “You’ve upgraded from that tiny little TV you had,” he said and then looked around the apartment. “You’ve upgraded a lot of things. The only thing in here I remember is the bookshelf.”
“There are a few hold-overs, but the last apartment was so tiny I barely had room to turn around. Couldn’t keep much in it.”
“No.” He pushed the TV back in place and turned on the game machine. “I don’t see a game box, so I’m guessing you haven’t played much lately.”
<
br /> “I do the occasional computer game, but I haven’t had much interest.”
“This is one of my favorites.” The game booted, and he showed her how to play.
They spent the rest of the morning in a two-person warrior contest. After breaking for a lunch of sandwiches from food she had in the refrigerator, he helped her carry laundry down to the machines in the basement. He offered to do it himself, but she pointed out that she needed to move around occasionally to keep from stiffening up even more. He insisted on accompanying her and pulling the cart.
While the machines did their thing, they played a few more rounds of the video game. Dan knew her well enough to realize the contest would fascinate her and spark her competitive instincts. They played until she was competent enough at it to win a few rounds, interspersing the games with trips down to the basement to move laundry and then collect it.
Once they’d brought up the last load and finished a game, her stomach began to rumble.
He shut off the game machine. “Are you up for having a pizza delivered?”
Julie heard the underlying question. Was she okay with him staying a while longer? She was still conflicted, but she’d enjoyed his company and he’d been careful to keep all interactions friendly but not intimate.
“Sure. Sounds good.”
“You still like sausage and mushrooms?”
She nodded. Each time he remembered something of her taste, it felt like a jab or a hole poked in some piece of her being. It felt odd and a little uncomfortable, but less painful each time it happened.
After finishing off the pizza, they went through listings of movies available through her streaming services and found a superhero movie neither of them had seen. Dan opened a bottle of wine and poured them each a glass.
“There’s microwave popcorn in the top left cabinet, right above the canned veg,” she told him.
She heard the hum of the microwave running and snap of popping kernels right before the aroma hit her. When he brought in a big bowl of hot, buttery popcorn, she dug right in. They ate and drank as they watched the movie, occasionally stopping the video to discuss a scene. It was a surprisingly restful evening.
The movie finished its last post-credits vignette at just after nine. Dan got up, took the dishes to the kitchen, and rinsed them off, then picked up his things and stuffed them into the backpack.
She was both relieved and disappointed. The longer he stayed the more confused she got about their relationship. If there even was one.
“Better be on my way.” He stopped when she stood to see him out. “How do you feel about tomorrow…? I could bring back the game machine. Or would you prefer outside distraction? The museum is still an option. We’d take it very slowly and carefully. I promise I won’t let you overdo it.”
She should tell him no. Anything else would just prove the mugging had affected her brain as well as her body. She really ought to refuse. Plead exhaustion and say she just wanted to rest.
Those weren’t the words that came out of her mouth. “I really want to see that exhibit. I may be moving slow, though.”
“Not a problem. I’ll come by here in the morning and you can decide if you’re okay with it. If you want to go, we’ll get a cab. You can sit down whenever you want, too. If not, we’ll entertain ourselves here. More Ancient Warrior Combat, maybe.”
He opened the door and headed for the elevator.
She had to hold herself back from slamming the door. Irritation made her fists clench. Irritation with herself mostly. She was such a mess. Any relationship with him was a bad idea. She knew that. Why did she give in to his request? Why did she let him get to her?
She’d made a promise to the No Brides Club that she would forgo love and concentrate on her career. No matter that most of the others were wrestling with the same sorts of issues and a couple had even succumbed to a loving embrace. She meant to keep her promise.
And Dan Foster should be the last man to tempt her.
HE SHOWED up right on time the next morning, dressed in jeans and a polo shirt. The clothes were casual but he wore them with the confidence and poise of a man comfortable in his own skin, or maybe just a man who knew he looked good no matter what he wore.
He studied her face and looked down her body. “You’re sporting some interesting colors.”
She deliberately misunderstood him. “I know. Green jeans and a blue shirt aren’t a really usual combination, but I hoped they might distract from those shades in other places on my body.”
“Hopeless.” He reached out and brushed aside a lock of hair she’d trained to fall over the side of her face, concealing the worst of the damage to her cheek. “You’re still beautiful, you know, even with the scrapes and bruises.”
“Dan!” She hoped the word sounded like a warning to back off. He grinned in response and she gave it up. “You don’t mind being seen in public with someone who looks like she was smacked around and dragged over the pavement?”
“As long as you don’t tell anyone I’ve been beating on you,” he answered.
“That’s something I’d never joke about.”
“And I shouldn’t either. But seriously, you look great. Shall we go?”
She grabbed her purse and followed him out, locking up behind them. He had a cab waiting at the street. Once again his thoughtfulness touched her, though the more cynical part of her brain said he was just trying to impress her. But really, she knew him well enough to believe the habit of courtesy went much deeper than that.
If only loyalty was as firmly rooted in him.
He helped her up the steps to the museum and they headed for the exhibit area. It had been several years since either of them had been there, but Dan had researched it online earlier, so he was able to steer them to the left after entering and on to the Classical Greek and Roman art area, guiding them to the corner where the special exhibit had been set up. They spent the next couple of hours lost in studying the displays and reading the attached notes.
Once they’d gone through the special display, they went on to the regular, permanent exhibition. Julie hadn’t been to this part of the museum in a long time. Since the last visit with him, in fact. New pieces had been added to the collection, including some ancient glassware that fascinated her.
They each knew the things that would interest the other. Julie drew Dan’s attention to a lovely green-glass amphora so delicately made it was astonishing it had survived at all. She knew the classical period had produced some sophisticated glass objects, but actually seeing them inspired unexpected awe. Dan seemed equally impressed and a few minutes later he called her to look at a plate of a blue glass inscribed with gold.
“That’s amazing,” she whispered. “It’s spectacular.”
He pointed out another delicate glass vase which had been broken and carefully reconstructed. “Don’t you do jigsaw puzzles occasionally? How would you like to have been in charge of putting that together?” His eyes glowed with amusement and the creases in his cheeks amplified his grin.
“They pay someone to do that?” she asked.
“Probably huge amounts of money.”
“But the pressure. Imagine if you glue one small piece wrong. Or break a piece. You could ruin the whole thing. Nope. Couldn’t handle it.”
He grinned again and her heart did a quick twist in her chest. She’d forgotten just how good it had been between them. How much she enjoyed sharing with him. How well they knew each other…even still, after three years apart.
She pushed the memories down. This was an interlude. A treat. Nothing lasting would come from it. Could come from it.
“Let’s get some lunch,” he suggested.
They ate at one of the cafes in the museum, paying atrocious prices for the convenience, okay food, and oddly, the atmosphere. He didn’t object when she insisted on paying for her own meal.
“What is it about this place?” she asked once they’d settled at a table.
His eyebrows lifted a bit. “What do
you mean?”
“The atmosphere. Why does it feel so comfortable and so exciting at the same time?”
He looked around dubiously. “Twentieth century commercial chic?”
“No, not that. The feeling in the air. It must be the people. Their excitement and curiosity. Or maybe it’s just being in the presence of so many amazing and special things.”
“The weight of history?”
“Maybe, but it doesn’t feel heavy at all.”
He nodded as he took a bite of his sandwich. “No, it’s more like the light of history. Or the enlightenment of history.”
“Yes, that’s more like it. A cloud of knowledge and possibilities that’s all around us and ready for anyone to take part in.”
They ate slowly, breathing in that charged atmosphere.
The only slightly disturbing incident happened when she went to use the ladies’ restroom. As she finished up, an older woman in there, washing her hands at the next sink, leaned over to say, “Are you all right, dear? Do you need help?”
“Help? No, thank you. I think I’m okay.”
She nodded. “Well, this would be a good place to disappear if you want to escape from him. Lots of ways to get out without being seen. I can help you to a back door.”
“Oh.” She tried to laugh. “The bruises. That’s very good of you, but it isn’t what you think. My friend didn’t do this. A mugger tried to grab my laptop case on the street a couple of nights ago and dragged me down when I wouldn’t let go of it.”
“Ah.” The other woman didn’t sound entirely convinced. “Well, I hope you feel better soon. But don’t be afraid to ask for help from others if you need it.”
Julie thanked her again and went back out to join Dan.
He had cleaned up the wrappers from their lunch and was ready to move on, but he asked, “How are you doing?”
“Pretty well,” she said. “Distraction is a great pain reliever.”
He studied her face and his expression relaxed after a moment. “Want to check out some other parts of the museum? I vote for either Egyptian period or Renaissance paintings.”
“Why not Egyptian and then Renaissance paintings?”
No Time for Surprises (The No Brides Club Book 6) Page 10