by JJ King
I felt like a new woman when I emerged, half an hour later, showered and groomed, and dressed in one of his T-shirts, which I’d nabbed on my way in.
Bash was sitting at his computer desk and swiveled around in his chair to face me. Instead of the smile that had been there when I'd gone into the bathroom, his lips were tight, and he looked troubled.
“What’s wrong?” I settled on the edge of the bed and faced him.
He took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, making my stomach muscles jitter with nerves. Nothing good ever came from a laborious exhalation.
“I just…” He rubbed his chin and sighed again. “Before we started laughing earlier, I wanted to talk about last night, but then we got a little sidetracked.”
Part of me wanted to crack a joke and lighten the mood, but I could feel the tension through our bond and see it in his face. Whatever he needed to say, I would listen. So, I nodded and waited for him to find the words.
A muscle worked in his jaw and Bash stood up from his chair and began pacing the room, letting a little of the wildness inside him peek out. The reticence I now realize had been present in the way he’d spoken and moved earlier, faded away now and was replaced by an intensity that made me shiver.
I reached out a hand, then pulled it back when he whirled around, emerald eyes glinting, and growled at me.
Chapter 16
My eyes went wide in surprise and I just stared at my soulmate, unable to find words through my shock.
This wasn't like him. Bash was sweet, and sexy, smart, and patient. He was everything I could've ever hoped for in a mate and I'd rarely seen him react so strongly to anything except when Viktor had been trying to kill me. I'd seen the wildness in him then, and it had thrilled me to know that he'd fight for me.
I wasn't in imminent danger now, though, but still, Bash's eyes glittered with anger, making my stomach churn. My fingers dug into the bedspread as I frantically tried to figure out why he was so mad, especially when he'd been laughing with me not that long ago.
"We're a team," Bash said in a low voice, looking up at me through thick lashes. "We're mates, but last night you acted like a lone wolf. Worse," he lifted his head and glared, “You took another man with you, instead of me. How exactly did you think that would make me feel, Elena?"
My mouth fell open and I blinked slowly, trying to wrap my head around it. "You're angry I went to see Benson without you?" I saw the way his hands clinched and unclenched in the muscle that worked in his jaw and understood that yes, he was angry I'd gone to see Benson without him. "But I called you. You know I did. You were out with the guys or passed out. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, you didn't know."
"That's the point! I didn't know. You found out that two women were murdered and three more abducted, and you didn't tell me right away." He got up and began pacing the room, like a caged animal. "You thought that maybe Benson might know something about it all and went to confront him without me."
I sputtered. "You didn't answer your phone…"
"And you couldn't have waited?" He pivoted and threw up his hands. "You had to confront someone possibly involved in that kind of atrocity and you couldn't wait a few hours for me to fucking wake up?" His voice boomed from his chest.
Excuses bubbled to my tongue, desperate to be pleaded, but I bit them back. I hated to admit it, but he was right. I'd been exhausted and emotionally distraught, yet I'd dragged Daniella and Connor across campus to stage a provocation. I could have waited; it should have waited. My chest ached with regret but before I could say anything, he continued his rant.
"Sylvie specifically said to leave it alone, in case Benson is involved which, from what he said is a probability. So, you directly disobeyed your Alpha and dragged my sister into it with you. Did you even think about that?" Bash thrust his hands into his hair, gripping his head as if it were about to explode. He was so worked up I didn't think he'd heard me. So, I said it again.
His mention of Daniella tipped my internal scales from regret to annoyed so fast it made my head spin. “Your sister is a big girl, Bash,” I said with a frown. “She can make her own decisions.” I hadn’t forced her to do anything.
His eyebrows shot up, widening his eyes. “So, you’re saying she would’ve gone off and done it on her own, then?” That muscle worked in his jaw again.
“No,” I spat out. “But you weren’t there, Bash. You said that you experienced hearing about those women through me, through my emotions, yet you’re acting like I just flew off the handle and went rogue!” Frustration churned violently in my gut.
"Didn't you, though?" he questioned, resuming his pacing. "What else do you call it when you directly ignore the command of your Alpha?"
I opened my mouth to retort, then snapped it shut when everything I’d wanted to yell at him suddenly made no sense. I'd fucked up, I realized, with an overwhelming sinking feeling. I'd have to tell Sylvie, let her know my suspicions about Benson's involvement. I pressed a hand to my stomach as if it would somehow, magically, hold back the nausea.
The tension in the room was so sick, it made my skin buzz, and not in the good way that Bash usually made me buzz. I grasped for the words to apologize, to explain why I'd felt the need to do something, to not sit idly by with nothing to offer when everyone around me was being torn to shreds.
I reached out to him through our bond, needing him to understand that my intentions hadn't been selfish, even if they'd been misguided and colored by exhaustion and grief.
But I couldn't feel him or his emotions, I realized. I frowned and reached out again, searching for the connection between us.
It wasn't there. The open path between us wasn't there no matter how hard I reached for it. Panic throbbed like bright flames at the base of my skull. He was shutting me out.
I pushed my feet and stood on shaky legs, half of me wanting to cry while the other half wanted to fight.
Bash caught the movement and paused in his frenetic pacing to stare at me. There must've been something in my expression to give away how appalled and hurt I felt, because his shoulders slumped forward and he dug his hands into his jeans pockets, glancing away for a moment.
"How could you…" I sputtered as heat rushed to my face, making me feel lightheaded.
Two knocks sounded on the door, courtesy only, before opening to reveal Daniella, Rory, and Connor, who peered in with a look of concern wrinkling his forehead.
I gritted my teeth and moved to the door to usher in my friends, even though they'd come at the worst possible time, and slammed the door behind them. But, before I could manage the move, Bash called out, "Connor, why don’t you come in? You're as much a part of this as any of us." Bash tilted his head, stiffly, inviting my ex into his dorm room.
I turned away from Connor and shot Bash a searing glare that didn't help dissipate the tension in the air. I wondered briefly how Daniella and Rory could walk into it without feeling it. The tension moved through the room, filling my body, drawing out the whispers.
Rory settled on Bash's bed and settled one of the pillows on her lap. "Sorry I wasn't around this morning," she said. "I was over at Addison's and my phone was on mute, so I didn't hear it." A slight blush pinked her cheeks, making it clear to anyone in the room who was paying attention that Rory had missed out on the mornings fun because she'd been having a sexy sleepover with her girlfriend. "Daniella said that you guys went to talk to Benson…" Rory let the sentence trail off, not quite a question but definitely questioning.
"Yeah," I replied, turning away from Bash to talk to my friend. "I know you guys felt like shit when you left, and it wasn't any better for me." I ran a hand through my hair as if that could somehow magically soothe the voices, so they went back to sleep or whatever it was they did when I wasn’t agitated. "Everyone at that table had something to do, a part to play in finding justice for those women, but…" I lifted my hands and let them fall to my side uselessly.
"But you felt useless, so you did the only
thing you could think of to help." Rory spoke softly, her dark sorrowful eyes on my face as she finished my sentence.
I wanted to hug her or turn to Bash with accusing eyes and demand to know why my soulmate didn't understand what my best friend did without my having to explain. Instead, I nodded and spoke around the sick emotion trapped in my throat. "I just wanted to help."
"Well," Daniella moved further into the room and took a seat at her brother's desk. "Regardless of our motivations, although, I can admit that I was feeling completely sidelined, too, which is why I went along with it, we found out something pretty valuable."
Bash's eyebrows shot up. "What do you think you guys found?" His voice came out low and rumbly which prompted a look of surprise from Daniella.
She eyed him for a moment without speaking, then glanced over at me and back at him. I held my breath and hoped Bash would show some decorum and keep our grievances private, even from his twin sister. Although, from the gleam in her eyes, so like his, I knew she was well aware of the tension, now.
"Benson's involved in whatever his grandfather is up to and I can assure you that they're not planning Sunday tea parties." Daniella reached into her purse and drew out a tube of lip gloss. "That asshole loves nothing more than to brag about every single little achievement he's ever made. The fact that he clammed up and walked away without putting Elena and I in our subservient female place…" She slicked her lips with the gloss and made a smacking sound, leaving her sentence unfinished but the sentiment clear as a bell.
Bash made a dismissive sound. "You can't know for sure. Maybe he had something else on his mind and you could be reading into this completely wrong. Or," he glared at her and shook his head, "he is involved, and he's already alerted his grandfather about the two nosy girls on campus who tried to weasel details out of him." His voice rose in anger and visibly raised Daniella's hackles.
It felt good to see her react to his criticism in the same way I had. I understood that Bash was feeling left out and protective of both me and his sister, but he was being a fucking ass about it.
"You weren't there," Daniella snapped. "And I don't know if you've noticed, but we're not idiots." She gestured towards me. "We let Benson start the fight and just played into it enough to get what we needed. And if it can help The Sisterhood find out who murdered and kidnapped our sisters, then it was worth it. I don't know what bug crawled up your ass today, but you should probably dig it out." Daniella huffed and swiveled away from her brother, whose face had turned a dark shade of purple.
The room was silent for a long moment, then Connor, who I'd completely forgotten was in the room, cleared his throat and offered up his take on the subject. "I know you're being protective of them, man, but they actually did pretty good. There's no way Benson sees this as a fact-finding mission." I stared at him in shock for a moment then, seeing Daniella’s smile of thanks, offered mine, too.
Bash looked at me through narrowed eyes then turned and leveled his gaze on Connor. The tension that had been present since before they joined us ratcheted up, until it was so thick it made the vein in Bash's forehead pulse. Beside me, Rory finally clued in that something was happening and turned to look at me with silent questions in her eyes.
I shook my head infinitesimally, never taking my gaze off Bash's face, which is why I knew what would happen a split second before Bash charged across the room with an ear splitting roar and slammed his fist into Connor's face.
Chapter 17
The crunch of cartilage breaking beneath bone filled my ears, followed immediately by a shout of shocked revulsion from Daniella, a loud gasp from Rory, and the thundering cacophony of my racing heart. Even the whispers paled in comparison.
They exploded like wild animals, punching, kicking, snarling, and throwing one another against walls, and chairs, and the door.
I'd seen fights before. Old Ones, I'd been in fights before, they weren't unusual, especially with young wolves. But I'd never seen anything like this before.
Connor fought back, throwing his weight into each punch and block, but there was a coldness in his eyes that was the complete opposite of what blazed from Bash's emerald depths.
There was madness there, and uncontrolled fury that twisted my gut painfully, because I knew what was at the root of it. I knew that every pent-up emotion Bash had held back from sharing with me was pouring out of him, right now, released at last.
This wasn't going to end well for either Connor or Bash. I swallowed hard and knew it wouldn't end well for me, either.
Somehow, one of them managed to open the bedroom door, spilling their brawl out into the hallway. Students parted like the Red Sea, shoving back against the walls to get away from flying fists and elbows.
I heard shouts of, "Stop that right now!" from multiple sources, but my head was spinning so fast, and the voices were chattering so incessantly, that I couldn't keep track of what was real and what was just inside my head.
Tears streamed down my face, falling helplessly to wet my shirt as I staggered after them, following the destruction wrought by the man I loved and the boy I used to love before I understood the true depths of love.
By the time they burst out of the dorm building, both Bash and Connor were bloody and limping, their lips swollen, their skin mottled with bruises that would heal quickly despite the pain that caused them.
Daniella and Rory flanked me, keeping me upright when my legs threatened to buckle. They spoke to me, reassuring me that everything would be fine, wolves sometimes fought, Bash loved me, and it would soon be over. I heard the words, registered them, but my body and mind felt numb, cold, and unable to accept that anything would be alright after all this.
Outside, what I thought was brutal turned vicious. Bash and Connor faced off, shoulders hunched, and fingers stretched wide as if they were the werewolves of Hollywood, grotesque monsters with claws and fangs. Bash snarled, pulling back his lips as he narrowed in on Connor, and threw back his head and howled at the night.
He threw himself forward and, faster than I'd ever seen, shifted into his wolf.
Connor's wolf leaped forward. I saw the change in his eyes as he embraced his nature and released his humanity. Fear surged through me at that look in the realization that this could very well turn into a fight to the death. And for what? Me? I lurched forward and felt my hands and knees on the ground, then vomited up the meal Bash had so thoughtfully gotten for me.
Daniella leaped back, saving her boots, and reached for my hair while Rory sank to the ground next to me and gently patted my back.
I raised my head and stared in horror as my soulmate leaped forward, tackling Connor to the ground, then chased him across the grass, towards the forest.
They disappeared around the corner of the next building, propelling me off my knees and into a dead run after them as the world swarmed around me hard it felt bruised against my ribs.
We didn't see them disappear into the tree line, but the sound of them, the gnashing of teeth, the howls, the sound of muscle hitting trees, filled the evening air with terrifying violence.
I wanted to run in after them, to physically grab them and pull them apart, stopping this insanity that would do nothing to ease the frustration and anger that my soulmate so obviously felt. Maybe Rory and Daniella were right. Maybe they did have to fight this out to find some peace and balance. I had to trust that they would keep their humanity enough to not go for the kill.
But how could I do that? Bash had cracked and, really, who could blame him? After the attack on campus in the fall and then the not so accidental plane crash that devastated our school and left him with questions about my honesty when it came to my past with Connor. How could I have been so stupid to think that he was coping with all this stress better than I was? Had I been so wrapped up in my own problems all this time that I hadn't even noticed he was drowning?
I shook my head and squeezed my hands into fists as I stared into the tree line, listening to the sounds of battle. I'd thought the co
nnection between us had been a foolproof way to assess his balance, although saying it like that felt too clinical, too sterile. I was his mate and I would always want to know that he was alright. The realization that he must've hidden a great deal of what he felt from me, hit me like a blow to the stomach.
Did I even know my soulmate at all?
Panic welled up in my throat, blocking off my oxygen, and I gasped for air and answers I couldn't demand any more than I could stop the fight. I clutched at my throat and dragged in ragged breaths as everything I'd pushed down, layer upon layer of denial, rose to the surface and hit me like an avalanche.
The whispers that had faded into the background as I'd listened to the sound of howling and teeth biting into fur covered flash intensified, surrounding me with a cacophony that buffeted my senses. Only, this time, it wasn't just sound. Flashes of images filled my mind, playing behind my eyelids like a movie on a screen.
I saw them, the faces of the students that had stared up at me, eyes wide in disbelief that they would never again see their parents or loved ones, that they would never live another day, find their soulmates, or grow old and experience the joy of watching future generations grow under their watchful eye.
I felt their fear and confusion, and it wrapped me in a voice that squeezed until I thought my ribs would break and puncture my heart. Surely, I deserved that. I'd brought death to their peaceful existences. No, I hadn't tried to, hadn't wanted it, but the guilt that I tried so hard to shed, was still there, like an oil slick beneath my skin. It poisoned me, stealing the innocence I'd taken for granted once upon a time. I thought that I'd stopped that, taking things for granted, but I guess I hadn't.