by Sharon Sala
Letty Murphy was sick at heart. She hadn’t thought it possible, but she felt worse than she had when her Jim had been killed. It had been, without doubt, the worst day of her life. She stared at Eulis with something akin to awe, unable to believe that he’d actually fooled so many, yet thankful that it had been done.
But the older the day got, the harder it became for her to separate Eulis the Preacher from Eulis the Drunk. The longer she looked at his clean-shaven face and neatly parted hair—the fine clothes and broad smile—the more believable he became.
June bugs began diving through the brushy rooftop, heading for the oil lanterns hanging beneath the rafters. Several hounds bayed from the settlers’ wagons as coyotes began howling on a nearby ridge. Blue shadows crept across the prairie. Night moths danced dangerously close to the lamp light while the people laughed and talked, waiting for the services to begin.
When no one was looking, Eulis gave the part in his hair a final pat and then clutched the bible even tighter, hoping that inspiration would transfer itself from it to his head. It was time. With a nod to Letty, Eulis started down the aisle between the pews, taking slow, measured steps that puffed dust onto the tips of his fine black shoes and gave him a trail-weary appearance the assembly could appreciate.
Letty headed for a seat down front. The urge to stay close to Eulis was still strong. She ignored the sly, side-long glances the men gave her, as well as the indignant whispers from the good women of the area. She knew better than most how far she’d fallen. They just didn’t understand that she felt obliged to sit as close to salvation as she could get.
After the day she’d had, her general store dress was much the worse for wear. Not only had the years of bright sunlight faded its front, but it had weakened the homespun fabric, as well. Her womanly charms were pushing their luck with each bounce of her step. The threads around the hand-worked buttonholes were fraying and stretching with each sway of her breasts. But Letty didn’t see, and if she had, was past caring. She took a seat at the outside end of the first pew, sighing with relief as Eulis continued on with kingly aplomb.
Eulis nodded and smiled to everyone he passed, relishing the silence that accompanied his arrival into their midst. It was a power unlike any he’d ever known. Yet in the midst of that power, was a fear that matched it. Fear that he would fail. Fear that they would be found out. He wondered how long it took to die when hanged, then stepped behind the pulpit and turned to face the congregation.
Letty stared at him, wide-eyed and pale from her front row seat.
Seeing as he was now a man of God, Eulis tried not to stare at her body. But it was hard to look away. She appeared as if she’d been tamped and packed inside that two-tone dress like gunpowder down the barrel of a long rifle. Sweat beaded and ran out from under her brown curls like rainwater down a pane of glass. He looked away, unwilling to let her fear feed his own. His gaze slid from Letty to the rest of the congregation.
Seventy-odd people stared back.
Unsmiling.
Unmoving.
It was a daunting and fearful sight.
Snickers came from the back benches.
Another whisper from the front.
His nervousness increased. The urge to look down and check his fly was overwhelming, but he was afraid that if he found it undone, he wouldn’t have the courage to turn and fasten it up. Moisture ran down the inside of his pant legs and he prayed for all he was worth that it was only sweat.
A horse neighed.
A child cried.
And a hound bayed as a sliver of moon appeared in the night sky over the arbor.
He took a deep breath. It was now or never.
The congregation shifted nervously. He felt them slipping away. His throat tightened. Where on earth did one start a sermon. Then it came to him. A song! They needed a song.
“You there.” He pointed to Will the Bartender. “I’m told you have a fine singing voice, sir. Would you be so kind as to step forward and lead us in some songs?”
Will swaggered as he got up from his seat. To be called upon by such a man was an honor. He would have been shocked to know that it was Eulis who had asked. Nevertheless, he felt great pride that someone knew of his gift.
“I’d be honored,” Will said, and turned to face the congregation. “First we’ll sing, Nearer My God to Thee. After that, we’ll do, Oh for a Thousand Tongues to Sing. Then we’ll finish out with a round of Onward Christian Soldiers. Would that be all right with you, Reverend Howe?”
Eulis nodded. At this point, anything was all right with him.
Will the Bartender burst forth into song. His exuberance was such that even though some of the congregation didn’t know the words, they still made a joyful noise unto the Lord.
Eulis said a prayer of his own while the people sang. There was no getting around the fact that when the songs were over, he would have to begin.
Letty was fidgeting in the seat below. Although Eulis refused to look directly at her, he could see that faded blue-white dress from the corner of his eye, fluttering like a moth to a flame. She hadn’t been still a minute since he’d taken the pulpit and he wondered if she just needed to pee. If she did, it would be simpler all around if she snuck out beyond the glow of lantern lights and took a leak behind one of the wagons. There wouldn’t be anyone out there but a dog that might see her. Then he wondered why he cared who saw her bare behind. There were few men in the territory who hadn’t seen all there was to see of Letty Murphy.
He set the bible down on the pulpit and inhaled, then closed his eyes and counted to ten. Not because it was calming. It was just as far as he could count and not lose track. The bible fell open to the middle with a plop. Eulis looked down at the jumble of words and knew that it would take him a month just to sound out the ones on the page before him.
Before he knew it, the singing was over and it was time to begin. As a child, Eulis had heard many sermons. And without fail, every preacher he’d ever heard had put the fear of God into him in such a way that he would crawl beneath the covers of his bed and hope he woke to see another day.
He looked at the people once more. They were waiting. He took a deep breath and leaned forward. Staring intently into their faces, he suddenly slapped the flat of his hand against the open pages of The Book.
“REPENT!”
Two women halfway down the aisle and three seats to the left shuddered in their seats, clutching their children to their bosoms.
“SINNERS ARE AMONG YOU!”
He pointed in random throughout the congregation and succeeded in making several people give their neighbors a suspicious glance.
“WHISKEY IS THE DRINK OF THE DEVIL!”
Someone shouted, “Amen!” A woman wailed in agreement.
My God, Letty thought. Has he lost his mind? He’s talking about himself… and about me.
“FORNICATION IS THE DOWNFALL OF THE FAMILY!”
A man fidgeted in the back of the arbor as his woman glared him into next week. Eulis gloated. He was hitting home with some truths, he could feel it.
He leaned forward again. This time, his eyes glowing with the fire of knowing he’d become a powerhouse until himself. Letty buried her face in her hands, refusing to look at the monster she’d unwittingly created. Hearing these truths being uttered from his mouth was painful. It was almost as if he’d become the preacher he was pretending to be.
Then she looked up. With tears drying on her face, she saw Eulis Potter in a new and frightening light. Maybe he was a man of God! What if he’d become that which they’d buried? She gasped at the thought. The way she saw it, there could be but one explanation. Either God had taken a hand in their misdeeds and decided to right the wrongs, or the ghost of the real Randall Howe had risen from his unhallowed grave and taken over the body of Eulis the Drunk.
Letty moaned, swaying where she sat. Several people nearby looked at her with renewed speculation. This was a powerful preacher indeed if he’d gotten the attention of a whore
like Letty Murphy.
Eulis glanced toward Letty. She was turning paler by the minute. He feared the events of the day were finally getting to her, but he couldn’t spare her more than a moment of thought. The congregation was in the palms of his hands and he had no intention of giving up his glory. This feeling was as strong as a stiff drink and he began to wonder if it was possible to substitute one for the other.
And all of a sudden, a pair of hounds that had been tied to a nearby wagon suddenly broke loose. They came running down the center of the aisle, baying and howling as they went. The momentary disturbance sent a round of giggles skittering across the assembly. Some young boys bolted, dashing after the dogs in a flurry of skinny arms and legs. Men on the aisle seats began doing their part by grabbing at the trailing ropes as the dogs ran past. But they missed, and the dogs continued toward a destination only they knew.
Eulis grinned. Nothing like a little action to liven up the place. While he was waiting for someone to curtail the animals, he happened to look up into the brushy arbor above his head. Within seconds, his heart skipped a beat. Two black, beady eyes were looking back. He stiffened with fear.
Dear Lord, it’s the devil!
He looked closer, and then relaxed. To the best of his knowledge, the devil did not have a small, pointed nose or black, mask-like markings on his face. The urge to giggle with relief was overwhelming as he realized it was only a half-grown raccoon that had taken refuge in the brush arbor roof. That explained why the dogs had come running. They’d probably picked up the animal’s scent.
But it would seem that the raccoon had enough of arbors and dogs. While everyone was involved in corralling the hounds, the raccoon leapt down from the roof, bouncing once at Eulis’s feet and then running for the closest shelter, which happened to be underneath the skirts of Letty Murphy’s store-bought dress.
“HELLSFIRE!”
Eulis didn’t mean to shout. But he was so startled by the raccoon’s sudden descent that he jumped back in fright. It was only after he saw the varmint disappear that he realized he was the only one who’d seen him fall.
The congregation may have missed the animal’s leap, but they hadn’t missed hearing the preacher curse. All eyes turned away from the dogs to the front of the arbor in time to see Letty Murphy jump from her seat. With a shriek of pure terror, she commenced to tearing at her skirts, screaming and clawing in wild abandon.
Eulis stared in disbelief as her eyes rolled back in her head. It was then he realized that the raccoon had gone up her dress!
Letty beat at her clothes and commenced to tearing at her hair. “I’m possessed! Help me, Jesus! I’m possessed. The Devil is clawing at my legs, so help me God! Save me, Jesus, save me!”
Several people jumped to their feet as the hounds bolted past. But they couldn’t catch them. They were after the raccoon that had, once again, escaped unseen.
Eulis was stunned by Letty’s behavior, as well as her sudden attack of conscience. And right before his eyes, she suddenly fell to the floor, twitching and jerking like a woman in a fit.
Someone jumped up in back and shouted, “Hallelujah!”
The congregation was impressed that the preacher’s words had been strong enough to sway a strumpet from the White Dove Saloon. And it was obvious she was swayed. She’d dropped to the floor before their eyes and now was crying and talking all crazy. Not a one of them understood a word that she said.
They began to mutter among themselves. This was powerful preaching indeed. The preacher hadn’t been in the pulpit five minutes and already the town’s worst sinner had gotten The Holy Ghost and was lying in the dirt and talking in tongues.
The raccoon was gone, but the spirit that it had delivered unto them was not.
“Praise the Lord and Reverend Howe,” someone shouted.
It was followed by a chorus of “amens” that stirred Eulis’s very soul. For a moment, he was speechless, but he knew it was imperative to continue now that he had them firm in his grasp.
Letty was still writhing in the floor at his feet as he leaned forward. Piercing each and every one of them with a watery stare, he pointed a finger slowly across the benches and shouted.
“REPENT, YE OF LITTLE FAITH!”
Someone moaned. He turned to look. It was Letty.
In fascinated horror, he watched as the straining buttons down the front of her rotting, store-bought dress began to pop. And as they did, several pounds of blossoming bosom began to escape from the cloth. In places she seemed to explode from the bodice. In others, her breasts simply rolled, rippling out from behind the blue-white fabric in soft abandon. It was hard to say who was more stunned, Eulis or his congregation.
But before anyone could react to the sight, Letty bolted to her feet, holding up her arms to the rafters, and shouting the same thing over and over.
“I repent! I repent!”
As if that wasn’t enough to stun the congregation, she began running up and down the aisle, her bare bosoms bouncing with every leap.
“I am saved! I am saved. Praise the Lord, I am saved!”
Women wept. Men turned away from her nudity. If she was turning over a new leaf, it was no longer seemly to be staring at her womanly charms.
Eulis was in shock as Letty paused at the front of the arbor and lifted her skirts, baring even more of herself to the stunned observers.
“See here! The marks of the Devil are upon my flesh. He was about to take me under and the Good Lord has driven him away. Tonight I am a new woman.”
Those nearest her spoke out in shock. “Yes, yes,” they shouted, passing the news down the line. “The scratches are there like she said. The blood is fresh and running. Praise God!”
Along with joy, several groans of regret could be heard. Her change of heart now left the single men of Lizard Flats with no whore to ease their manly pains. With Truly Fine gone more than a year now, and Letty changing before their very eyes, the last loose lady of Lizard Flats had turned herself into a sanctimonious saint.
“Preacher!”
Letty’s shout reverberated upon the hill, echoing beyond the lantern light and into the night. Eulis broke out in sweat anew. What if she was about to confess all of her sins? Some of them included him.
“Preacher, I want to be cleansed.”
Wild-eyed and on the verge of real panic, he couldn’t envision what it was she asking? Surely she wasn’t wanting that bath she was so fond of? Not now. Not when their lives were in jeopardy.
“She wants to be baptized!” someone shouted.
Another cried with joy. “Baptize the whore! Baptize the whore!”
The chant echoed beneath the roof until Eulis’s ears were ringing with the noise. In the midst of the fervor, he caught himself repeating it, too, then made himself stop. This was getting out of hand.
“Then so be it,” he shouted. “We’ll wash her in the blood of Christ and take away her sins.”
Anxious to get her energy channeled before she got them both arrested, he led the way down the aisle. On the way out of the arbor, he grabbed a lantern from a nearby pole and headed toward town with his head held high.
They wanted to baptize the whore, so by God, he’d baptize the whore.
While it was a shame there was no river in which to perform the deed, Eulis had fond memories of Pete Samuel’s watering trough. It had rid him of ants. It should do just fine on Letty Murphy’s sins.
We Shall Gather At The River Or A Reasonable Facsimile Thereof
Eulis led the way down the hill with Letty right beside him. From the waist up, she was nearly naked, yet she didn’t seem to notice or care that with every bounce of her step, her right breast bobbed up while her left sort of tilted toward the center. Eulis thought it had something to do with the sway of her walk and tried not to stare.
Will the Bartender was well into the third chorus of Onward Christian Soldiers as the congregation turned the corner. Eulis felt like a general leading his army into battle. Out of the darkness, t
he stable suddenly came into view. He lifted his lantern higher, heading toward the watering trough with single-minded intent.
When they were there, Letty fell to her knees, trying to cover her bare breasts with her hands. She moaned. The Devil’s scratches on her legs were stinging something fierce. She looked up at Eulis with wild-glazed eyes.
“Bless me preacher for I have sinned.”
Eulis groaned. She’s gonna say it! By God, she’s gonna confess what we’ve done and they’ll hang us both.
Panic struck him weak. He hung the lantern on the fence and turned toward the congregation. They were waiting for the miracle to be finished; watching with fire in their eyes and expectation on their faces.
Eulis shuddered. Last time he’d seen a crowd look like this it had been a lynch mob. When they started moving forward, he held up his hands.
“Brothers and Sisters.”
They inhaled as one and paused.
“Step back and give this sinner room to grow.” Say! That sounded good, even to me, Eulis thought.
They did as he bid, widening the space between themselves and the kneeling whore at the watering trough.
Eulis bent down. “Are you sure you know what you’re doin’?” he whispered.
Letty looked up, her sweat-glazed face glistening in the dim, yellow light. Her eyes were glassy, her lips sagged. When she didn’t answer, his stomach knotted. He’d lost her to the madness—and to the raccoon. Then she clutched at his pant legs.
“Have mercy on me, Preacher. Cleanse my soul.”
He leaned closer so that only she could hear. “I’m not a preacher, you fool. Don’t you remember nothin’?”
She buried her face in her arms and started to sob. Certain that it was only a matter of time before his identity started to unravel, his only hope was that a dip in the murky water of the trough might do her some good.
“She says she’s ready,” Eulis announced to the crowd, and sighed with relief at the pleased murmurs that he heard.
To the surprise of them all, Letty stood, then lifted her own skirts and stepped into the trough, lying back in the waters as if she were going to bed.