“I’ll, er, I’ll tidy up,” he mumbled, suddenly somewhat distracted by Daniel's honesty. “You should unpack your things and we’ll make plans later on for giving you enough space around here…”
* * *
When the chores were done, and the she-demons were happily cleaning out their bowls, James found Daniel back outside, fast asleep in the hammock, the evening light just starting to cast a shadow where he lay.
With the journey, the jet lag from traveling more than a few thousand miles west, the stress of meeting new colleagues and interviewing for a job, add in the cooking and the passionate sex, he knew his lover was quite justifiably exhausted. So for a long while, James simply stood and watched him sleeping, realizing how very young and innocent he looked when relaxed and at peace with the world.
He smiled to himself, wondering just what it was he might have done to deserve this man in his life. Such love had never quite seemed meant for men like him, and yet by the miracle of one fortuitous email from the UK, he’d found it. And right there in front of him, Daniel lay sleeping in the hammock. It wasn’t a fantasy, or some half-imagined dream any more.
He knew though, that it was a rarity for his lover to get any real rest, so the last thing James wanted was to disturb him. History however, had other ideas, and as Jim watched him grow restless he knew the dreams that had plagued his sensitive soul through all those long dark nights in England, had followed him to California.
“God, no! Don’t shoot!!!”
Before James could wake him, Daniel bolted up, breathing hard, panicked.
He fought to stay in the hammock, totally confused.
For a moment he had no idea where he was until he felt strong arms around him, holding him tight.
“James?” He was shivering with fear, his mind still there in Bodenham Jewelers. He could have sworn he still had the owner’s blood on his hands…
“I’m right here. You’re okay. You had a bad dream,” James murmured. “You’re okay now.”
He held Daniel through the shakes, soothing him past it with reassuring whispers and gentle touches, running his fingers through that dark scruffy hair and slowly down his back, pulling him close. He’d been there himself many times before, caught in the grip of horrors best left forgotten, so he knew only too well how it felt to be helpless in the face of nightmares.
“Was it the jewelry store?”
Daniel nodded mutely, nuzzling against Jim’s chest, finding peace and comfort in the older man’s strong, steady heartbeat.
“You’re safe now,” he whispered. “You don’t have to imagine me holding you any more.”
“I know, and I’m so glad.”
“I won’t let go.”
Daniel clung to him a while longer. “In the middle of the night you were always there for me.”
“And I always will be.” He kissed the top of Dan’s head softly. “Y'know I even went to the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels to light a candle for you, and I've not set foot back in a church for many, many long years. I love you that much, I would freely give Father MacIntyre a heart attack at seeing me back there again.”
Daniel chuckled lightly, took a deep breath and closed his eyes, but the past was still present. He shivered.
“You cold out here? You need a shirt?”
“No. I’m…I just…” He didn’t want to move yet, he just wanted those arms around him a while longer, as though letting go would mean finding out he was dreaming again.
“You know, you never really told me much about what happened that day. You don’t have to. You don’t ever have to if you don't want to, but it could help if you did.”
James spoke from experience, and Daniel knew it.
He sighed. “There was a sign outside on the door. It said ‘no motorcycle helmets’, so I stopped before I went in. I should’ve been paying attention, but I never even saw it coming until it was too late. I just opened the door and walked into it. It was a new place, but it had an old-fashioned bell over the door and long glass cases all brightly lit. The floor smelt like old polish. The bell rang behind me again when the owner came round to see if he could help me. His face. His whole expression changed in an instant. Something shoved me in the back, between my shoulders. I stumbled forward and…”
James pulled him tighter.
“…I know what guns sound like, but that shot. Jim, I didn’t want to believe it, not even when…”
Daniel wasn’t entirely sure he was ready to explain any of it all, but James was patient with him, giving him time to find the words without any pressure.
“The shop owner fell right there in front of me. He never had a chance. I know that now, I mean, I realize it, but all I could think of was trying to help him. I swear I tried. There was glass raining everywhere when the cases were smashed. I didn’t even realize how many guys were raiding the place. I couldn’t just lie there and do nothing! But, when I moved there was…I looked up and there was a gun in my face. The guy wore a ski mask, but in his eyes I knew I was dead. He looked at me. James, he looked straight at me and pulled the trigger.” A shudder ran down his spine, and he swallowed hard to keep from throwing up. “I remember thinking ‘I’m gonna die now’ but nothing happened. The gun jammed. I couldn’t move. I don’t even remember if I said anything, or provoked him. He just hit me. He turned the gun and hit me. I remember pain. There was pain down the side of my face. And a fist. It was…” He sighed again, struggling for meaning. “There was anger. God, he was so angry. I don’t know why he was so angry with me. I didn’t mean to make him mad.”
James continued to hold him, rocking him gently, making the hammock move. “You didn’t. You did nothing wrong. Nothing!” He needed very badly for Daniel to realize that.
“But I did.” It was the faintest of whispers that came next, “I survived that day.”
“Daniel...?”
“The shop owner died in my arms, and I just walked away. I should be dead too. I know I should’ve died in that place.”
James pushed him back, holding him tightly by the shoulders. Such anger coursed through him that he needed a couple of deep breaths before he could even speak. Taking Daniel’s face in his hands he made absolutely certain they were eye to eye.
“Don’t ever, ever think that! I won’t let you! Do you hear me? You did nothing wrong that day. You did everything you could to help the man they shot, but you weren’t meant to leave me.” James couldn’t keep the tremor from his voice. “You mustn’t feel guilty for something you had no control over.” He kissed Daniel then, firmly on the lips, a kiss full of passion and the tenderest love. “I had dreams too, of you lying dead on the floor. I felt so useless to be so far from you. I was so helpless. But we’re together. You’re here now. You weren’t meant to die that day, Daniel. You were meant to be with me.”
He felt such utter loathing for the men who had done this, such anger that any one would want to hurt the young man his arms, that for a moment it was hard to contain such rage.
Daniel blinked, and the emotion he found on Jim’s face touched something in his soul. “I love you so much,” he whispered, barely conscious of anything but those blue eyes.
James eased him back into the hammock, and spooned up behind him, curling protectively around his lover.
“Close your eyes,” he murmured quietly.
“No, I can’t…” Daniel trembled, tensing once more at the thought of what was waiting for him if he tried to sleep again.
“Yes, you can,” James answered, nuzzling the back of his neck. “Just listen to the sound of my voice, and feel me holding you. I told you I always would.” He drew a hand through Daniel’s hair. “You’ve nothing to be scared of. I promise. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Daniel began to relax as warm hands caressed him, and soft lips brushed over his skin. The whisper of breath in his ear as James spoke, had the power to soothe and calm his fears like nothing he could ever have imagined. And he'd imagined a lot during those nights w
hen he’d lain awake, drenched in sweat, trying to decide how it would feel to be held, warm and safe.
After a while he fell asleep, trusting himself completely to the man he loved.
Dreaming not of guns and violent death, but of a future that was real now.
A future with James.
And just as he’d promised, the Los Angeles Police Lieutenant kept watch over the man in his arms, content to be lying right there in that hammock under the evening sun, his hands playing lightly over Daniel’s abdomen, enjoying the touch of smooth bare skin beneath his fingers.
Before he even realized it, he was breathing in sync with Daniel, slow and easy, murmuring gently whenever he stirred, and keeping the demons at bay.
He lost track of time, but the passage of each moment hardly mattered.
He had all he could ever want, right there.
“Thank you Jim,” Daniel said sleepily, turning to snuggle against him.
“For what?” he asked, as their legs twined together, keeping each other close.
“For being real,” came the half-yawned reply.
James smiled. “Go back to sleep now.”
With Daniel’s head on his shoulder, he could kiss the thick, unruly hair he so adored running his fingers through, and with a soft sigh he closed his own eyes, drifting into peaceful slumber with his lover in his arms.
About the Author
Having successfully plunged into publishing gay fiction for a wider audience, my intention is to break the mold and offer stories that are challenging, exciting, and driven by great characters.
I aim to engage you.
If you're reading this, I hope that means I've succeeded.
My background lies in various professional writing fields and craft endeavors, all of which have enabled me to think differently about how I work, and what I create.
Stay with me, because there's much more to come.
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