by Sam Ryder
~~~
The next three days went by so fast it was like Father Time had grown wings. Like a dragon. Speaking of which, I’d overheard Vrill speaking to Mrizandr, explaining to the big fella how she would be going away for a little while and how he needed to promise not to eat anyone while she was gone.
It wasn’t particularly comforting.
Beat didn’t allow me, Vrill or Eve to fight in the next three Blacks. She said she didn’t want us to avoid our Finding threesome the easy way. I wasn’t sure getting killed or seriously injured should be considered ‘the easy way,’ but I didn’t argue with her. Plus, her statement had been full of innuendo.
In any case, no one died during those three Blacks, so things were looking up. The first Black they attempted to trap another monster but failed. The second Black they didn’t try because the ooze supply was once again running short. The third Black Airiel provided a couple of fresh pots of ooze so they gave it another go.
And, what do you know, they got one!
The monster was a thick-headed Bludgeon with hands like meat hammers. Basically they’d taken out all his buddies until just he was left. Then they surrounded him and, as Beat described it, forced him to take his medicine. Yeah, that’s right. Rather than pour the ooze over him, they force-fed him the stuff. He gagged and then collapsed. We weren’t certain the big lug was alive, but he hadn’t turned to ash when the silver sun rose, so they tied him to Ton who dragged the monster back inside the ward shields. To everyone’s delight, the shields didn’t block him, which we all took for a positive sign. If the creature’s mind was still clouded by darkness from the Morgoss, surely the shields would’ve blocked him, right?
The bigger question was what would happen when the Bludgeon awoke. I voiced that question as Beat and I watched the stone behemoth lie there, comatose. “Think he’ll wake up and go on a rampage and smash shit up?” I asked.
“Nah. More likely he’ll eat all our damn leafrat.”
“Do Bludgeons eat leafrat? I thought they only ate stones and bones?”
“Guess we’ll find out,” Beat said. “Good rhyming, by the way. You could be a rapper.”
“Yeah, I’m the next Eminem. Take good notes so you can tell me all about it if I miss it.”
“Sure. I’ll chisel them into a stone slab like the Ten Commandments.”
“Ten? There were fifteen. Didn’t you ever see A History of the World with Mel Brooks?”
“I must’ve missed it when I was busy having a life,” Beat said.
It was our usual banter, but it felt forced for some reason. Mostly because we both hated saying goodbye. Which was why neither of us would say it. We resumed watching the Bludgeon. Given the creature was made of stone, there was no sign of it breathing. Its chest didn’t rise and fall. I’d dared Beat to touch it so she put her hand on its chest to feel for a heartbeat. Nothing. For all we knew, it could’ve returned to its origins and turned back into a rock that happened to be shaped like a massive humanoid creature. I wondered if it would ever awake, or if it would just lie there like a real rock, eventually growing tufts of grass around the edges.
The silence wasn’t awkward, not with us, but I could sense there was something Beat wanted to say. She wasn’t typically one to hold back, which meant it was something serious. “Just say it,” I finally said when I couldn’t take it any longer.
She didn’t hesitate once I’d opened the door. “You were reluctant to go on the Finding mission,” she said.
“Is that a question?”
“An observation.”
“Right. An observation with all kinds of judgment behind it.”
“Not judgment. Just a feeling.”
“What feeling?” Beat was one of the most direct people I knew, but this was starting to feel like trying to decode an intercepted Russian transmission.
“That you are scared.”
“What could scare me about traveling through time and worlds to try to recruit aliens for an army fighting a thousand-year-old war against demon overlords?”
“You make jokes to deflect away from your real feelings.”
“So do you!”
“We’re not talking about me here, Sam.”
Oh shit. She’d used my first name. This was serious. “Look, I’m not sure what you’re getting at, but yes, it makes me nervous going on a Finding mission with two women who hate each other but like me. Two women who, oh yeah, I’ve had intimate relations with. I’m scared of the awkwardness, which will be off the charts.”
“That’s not it.”
“So now you’re some kind of psychologist? Where’s your couch? I would kill to lie on a couch and talk about my feelings right now.”
“More jokes,” Beat said, raising her eyebrows. She was right. I couldn’t seem to just answer straight up. Which was typically our modus operandi, but which felt like avoidance at this particular moment. But avoidance of what?
It hit me.
“Oh shit,” I said.
“Yeah,” Beat said, seeming pleased she didn’t have to spell it out for me.
“I’ve got some kind of PTSD-light.”
Beat blinked. “I’m pretty sure there’s no kind of “light” PTSD,” she said. “You either have it or you don’t.”
I took a deep breath. Visions flashed in my mind. Of Eve. As I held her in my arms as she took her last breaths. I could see—no, more like feel—the life being drained out of her as we traveled back to Tor from our first and only Finding mission together. That Finding mission had been the first time we’d really connected on a deeper level, the first time she’d torn down her walls and let me see inside her soul. It was that mission that had brought our relationship to where it was now—and almost killed her at the same time.
So yeah, I was scared. And maybe I had PTSD. Maybe while she was gone on her latest Finding mission I was avoiding thinking about her out there on her own. Maybe the thought of me going with her again scared the shit out of me because what if I was the bad luck charm? What if me being there would make the mission end in disaster yet again, except this time she would die and not wake up. Or worse, what if Vrill died too? What if I was the lone survivor, forced to relive memories of the deaths of two of the people I cared about most in this alien world every night just before I drifted off to sleep?
“Sam,” Beat said, placing her hand on my arm. “No one is going to die.”
“You can’t know that. You can’t promise that. Not here. Not out there.” I was breathing faster now. Too bad the whole Demigod thing hadn’t enhanced my ability to handle my own emotions. I had no fear in battle. I was confident in my own abilities, and the abilities of these strong women around me. But it was like driving a car: you could control your own driving but not the driving of others. You couldn’t control the drunk driver going a hundred miles an hour with the reaction time of a turtle. They could kill you and those you loved in the blink of an eye.
That was what I feared. That was what made me reluctant to go on this mission.
And that was exactly why I needed to go.
Beat, to her credit, didn’t argue with me because she knew this was something I needed to come to terms with on my own. She could guide me to the water, but I needed to drink all on my own. I drank, long and deep, figuratively speaking. And when I was done, I said, “Thanks Beat. I’m good.”
“Really? You sure?”
“Yeah. No one is going to die on this mission. Because I won’t fucking let them.”
As it turned out, I was dead wrong, pun intended.
~~~
We were arguing, as usual. Lace was in full form, stalking back and forth, claws out like she wanted to slice all of us to ribbons. She stopped, baring her fangs. “Why don’t you want to go to Protos? Scared of recruiting too many willing Warriors to bring back?” Vrill looked at me. Eve looked at me. Neither women would look at each other, which was a great start to our Finding mission that hadn’t even started yet.
“You mean the planet wh
ere your people eat their own corrupt dictators?” I said. “No thanks.” Beat snorted. Lace hissed at me. I laughed. She looked at me like she wanted to eat me. I offered her my arm and said, “Bon appetit.”
She looked at me in confusion because, of course, she didn’t speak French anymore than I did. “Fine,” Lace said, finally slumping down, defeated, her tail curling around her hips. “If you won’t go to Protos, where will you go? Don’t tell me Earth, we have more than enough of you humans as it is.”
“No,” I said. “Not Earth. I was thinking Lri Ayem.”
Vrill’s head snapped in my direction. “What? Why?”
I frowned. “I thought you would like it.”
“I—I haven’t been there in a long time. Anyway, this mission should be about Finding, not going home for a visit.”
“I know that. I was also thinking it made sense from a chances-of-success standpoint. Who better to convince the Lri Ay to fight with us than another Lri Ay?”
Vrill said nothing, considering. Eve said, “I agree. It makes sense. The reason there are more humans here than any other race…” Her eyes drifted to Lace, who stuck out her chin defiantly. “…is because I am half-human. I have more success there than any of the other planets.”
I watched Vrill the entire time. I saw her face go from reluctant to considering to acquiescence to resignation to agreement, all in a matter of a few seconds. “Fine,” she said. “We go to Lri Ayem.”
“Awesome,” I said, feeling a thrill run through me. I had never truly believed I would ever get to see Vrill’s home planet. It would be like having an Italian give you a one-on-one tour of Rome. Well, in this case, one-on-two. Plus, I was genuine when I’d pointed out she’d have a good chance of success. This was the move that made the most sense, especially considering it would be her first Finding mission since becoming our second Finder.
“When do you leave?” Beat asked.
“Immediately,” Eve said quickly. “I mean, if Sam and Vrill are ready.” She was clearly still getting used to the fact that she didn’t call all the shots anymore.
I looked at Vrill and she met my eyes. She gave a slight nod. “Okay,” I said. “We’re ready. See you on the flipside.” It was something Beat and I liked to say to avoid that whole goodbye thing.
Beat punched me on the shoulder and then climbed the glowing vines out of the ravine. Lace followed, batting me in the face with her tail. “Go to Protos next time—you won’t be disappointed.”
And then I was alone with the two women who despised each other. “What do we do now?” Vrill asked.
I’d forgotten that she was the only Finding virgin amonst us. “You should be the one to channel Airiel’s power and transport us to Lri Ay,” Eve said.
“Why?” Vrill asked, forehead lined with suspicion.
“Because you’ve never done it before. The next time you may be doing this on your own.” Eve said every word slowly and evenly, as if she was afraid of setting Vrill off if she used the wrong word or tone. I didn’t blame her given Vrill’s previous reactions.
“You’ll be fine,” I said to Vrill. “Eve will talk you through it.”
“That’s what worries me,” Vrill muttered. “Fine. What do I do first?”
Eve explained things matter-of-factly for Vrill, just like she had done with me the first time. How Vrill would lose a hundred life points for each of us to make the jump, but that she’d have plenty for the return trip, where Eve would do the transporting. Vrill managed to listen and nod and even ask a few questions without biting Eve’s head off even once. Maybe we were off to a good start.
When Eve had explained the mechanics of interplanetary travel, she said, “Now we hold hands.” She grabbed my hand and reached for Vrill’s. Vrill held my hand but didn’t immediately reach for Eve’s. “With three, we need to form a circle,” Eve said.
This was a big step for these two, who didn’t even want to be on the same side of a line as each other. Vrill sighed and then took Eve’s hand, more firmly than I expected. “Good,” Eve said. “Now we all need to hang on and not let go, especially you, Sam. You’re not a Finder. A Demigod has certain unique abilities but teleportation is not one of them.”
“Now what?” Vrill said. “How do I ‘channel’ Airiel’s power?”
I listened intently, because this wasn’t something Eve had explained to me previously. She’d just done it, whisked us off Tor and to another planet, somehow opening a portal through space and time. “She is ready and waiting, meditating in the caves. Her power is like a well that only the two of us can draw on. We are at her mercy, because she can close off the well at any time.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Vrill asked.
“Because you should have a little respect.”
“Oh really? I should respect the Three because while I’m on a Finding mission to try to recruit Warriors to fight for them, they have the ability to cut off all power and strand me on another planet? Oh, thank you goddesses for your unending mercy.”
Wow, I thought. Vrill really was getting good at the whole sarcasm thing.
“Ungrateful bi—”
“Stop,” I said, before things ended in a fight. Vrill and Eve’s knuckles were turning white as their grips tightened. Hell, both women were squeezing my hands harder now too—I could only imagine how hard they were squeezing each other’s.
“Stay out of this,” Vrill said.
“At least we can agree on that,” Eve said.
I said, “No. I won’t stay out of it. And I won’t go with you if all you’re going to do is fight the whole time. Especially when we’re trying to recruit. No one is going to agree to join us if we don’t show them we’re on the same side.”
The two women were staring at each other with anger, but at least they were listening. Vrill was the first to back down. “You’re right. Sorry. But I will not show respect for the Three. They’ll need to earn it just like everyone else.”
“Eve?” I said.
She was acting a bit like her old self, and I didn’t like it one bit. Finally, she seemed to realize it, flinching slightly. “Yeah. I—sorry. I—dammit. Sorry. I hate this. I hate being like this.” She sounded more real than she’d ever sounded before. Gradually, the whiteness on both women’s knuckles darkened back to their normal shades.
“Can we continue?”
“Yes,” Eve said. “Yes. Of course. Ariel will not cut off the power to you,” she said. “She would never do that.”
Vrill, calmer now, asked, “What will it feel like?”
“You’ll just have to experience it for yourself,” Eve said.
“Tell me,” Vrill said sharply. Jesus, I thought. These two women were like Ferraris going between zero and a hundred and then back to zero in three seconds flat.
“She’s not being difficult, Vrill,” I said. “I swear. Teleportation is indescribable. You just need to experience it on your own.
Finally, she backed down fully. “Fine. I’m ready. How do I reach Ariel’s well of power?”
“Use your new instincts,” Eve instructed. “Sometimes closing your eyes helps. Push all other thoughts from your mind until it’s blank. Then search for Ariel’s wellspring.”
I could feel Vrill’s pulse through her hand. She closed her eyes, her eyelids twitching slightly as she concentrated. I wondered what it would feel like to have goddess power flowing through your body.
And then we were gone.
I believe the last time I was teleported I likened it to being on the world’s most vicious rollercoaster in complete darkness. This time was that times a hundred. As my teeth chattered and my body was thrown about, I wondered if, like flying an airplane, the quality of the ride depended on the pilot. I stared at my glowing hammer strapped to my belt, the only source of light in the abject darkness. A sound was coming from the back of my throat, a low ahhhhh I couldn’t seem to control.
The breath burst out of me as, in an instant, the shaking stopped.
All was
peaceful.
All was calm.
Though I felt somewhat numb, I could still feel the grip of my two women companions. “Everyone alright?” I asked.
“That was intense,” Vrill said, somewhat breathlessly. “My head hurts. My body hurts.”
“You’ll get used to it,” Eve said. “Do enough of these missions and you’ll barely feel it anymore.”
“Where are we?” Vrill asked.
Like the last time, I felt weightless, as if I was wearing a metal suit trapped between opposing magnets. But also like before, I could tell we were still moving forward at a great rate of speed, though the passage was as smooth as if we were in a car on a freshly paved road.
“Between worlds,” Eve said. “We broke through the barrier. You see, each world has a barrier to protect it from potential enemies. That’s why we need so much of Airiel’s power to break through. Now that we’ve reached maximum speed through the wormhole, we’ll slice through Lri Ayem’s barrier like a knife through soft cheese. Enough talk. We are close.”
I remembered her advice from last time. “Don’t we need to close our eyes?” On Primo, the light had assaulted us like it was the first time we’d ever experienced it after a lifetime spent inside a cave.
“Not on Lri Ayem,” Eve said. “Vrill, do you want to explain or should I?”
“My world is one of darkness,” Vrill said. “It’s not complete, like in this wormhole or during the Black on Tor, but it’s unrelenting. We have no sun. Only three moons that catch a small measure of light from the nearest star and provide nothing more than a gentle glow when they rise.”
“Won’t it be freezing?” I asked, thinking we may have grossly underdressed for the climate.
Vrill squeezed my hand, her warmth spreading through me as if trying to chase away the anticipation of cold. “My world is kept warm from within. Deep inside there is a large core, which we call the Heart. It is so hot that its warmth travels through the planet and warms the exterior.”