True to Me

by Kay Bratt

  “Jaime didn’t want to work for the new owners?” Quinn asked.

  “He tried. They installed some high-tech computer system that everyone had to learn to use. Jaime had problems catching on, and they put him on probation because he made some mistakes. Computers aren’t his thing. He tried, but they eventually let him go and refused to give him his pension due to some legality he didn’t understand.”

  “They fired him because he can’t understand the technology?” Quinn thought that was beyond unfair. From what she’d seen in the photos, Jaime was about the same age as her mother, who also had trouble figuring out technology. Quinn had spent a lot of time convincing her to switch to a smartphone but didn’t even try to talk her into letting go of her mistrust of the internet. Jaime probably just needed more training. Better training, even. She felt guilty considering she’d mentally branded Jaime as a loser who’d abandoned his family.

  “Yep. Jaime heard they filled his position with two college kids who alternate shifts. They can pay them cheaper and can skip paying benefits.”

  “Why didn’t he just tell Maria? They could’ve done something about it together. He didn’t have to leave them,” Quinn said. She felt so sad for them.

  “Pride. Again, in the Hawaiians it’s a very noble attribute, but can also be a serious thing. Jaime was able to keep paying the bills for a while by getting a loan on the house, but that just put him deeper in debt. When it ran out, he left. He said he couldn’t face the kids and Maria and tell them the house was going to be taken by the bank. He really couldn’t stand the thought of telling Kupuna either. He thought he could figure something out.”

  “So he was coming back?”

  “He did plan to come back when he got a new job and was making regular money. But all he’s found to do is some roofing and a few landscaping jobs. Nothing permanent.”

  “That’s heartbreaking. So now he’ll leave again?” Quinn couldn’t imagine what Maria would do if Jaime disappeared again.

  “I don’t think so. I talked to him about having enough faith in Maria to know she’ll stand by him no matter what. I told him he should appreciate that he has a wife and kids to come home to. Some men don’t have that anymore, or never did.”

  Liam got quiet then. Quinn didn’t turn to look at him; his voice was heavy with emotion, and she was afraid she’d see tears.

  “I hope he’ll stay. She’s going to need help with Pali,” she said.

  After a minute or two went by, she broke the silence. “Well, let me tell you about my saga. I found out who my father is today.”

  “That’s great, Quinn!” He sat up straight and rubbed her arm. “I told you it’d all work out.”

  She didn’t know about working out, but at least she knew her identity now. Though, given the choice now, she wasn’t sure if she’d ever come to Maui.

  “Do you know a man named Noah Monroe?” she asked.

  “Of course. He owns Monroe Maui Excursions down on Front Street. I think his daughters and their husbands run it most of the time now. His wife is a Rocha, but she doesn’t have much to do with them. She and Noah spend a lot of time helping the homeless who hang out on the beach. They provide sack lunches and sleeping bags. Help some of them get started again. They’re good people.”

  “They’re my people,” Quinn said, saying the words slowly as though they’d sting coming out. It still didn’t sound true.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Did you know that they lost a little girl a long time ago?”

  “Yeah, I did know that. I went to school with Jonah. Everyone said the loss of his sister was why he was so hard to get along with. He felt responsible. Growing up he was always fighting or skipping class to go to the water. He bought his own small boat when he was fourteen and used to go out alone, just cruising the waters. He joined the service when he was eighteen. And I haven’t seen him in years, come to think of it.”

  Quinn breathed in and out, trying to still the explosive thumping of her heart. There was so much to explain, but how could she tell him that everything she thought she was . . . wasn’t? Finally, she was able to whisper three words.

  “He’s my brother.”

  Liam looked her way, trying to see her face in the dim moonlight.

  “What are you saying? Are you that girl? The one lost at sea?”

  She nodded, unable to speak past the lump in her throat.

  “That can’t be possible. How? I—I don’t understand.”

  “I don’t either. It’s really complicated. The story sounds like something out of a fantasy book, but according to what I know so far, it fits. I’m her, Liam. I’m Nama Monroe. Or I used to be. Of course, I’ll want proof.”

  She could tell by the increase in the speed of his breathing that he was having a hard time processing what she’d said. She didn’t blame him. She hadn’t processed it herself.

  “Quinn, if that’s the truth, I need to tell you something right now before someone else does. The lumberyard that Jaime worked for that was bought out? The new owner who fired him? It was Noah’s brother-in-law, Todd Rocha. That’s Jules’s brother. He bought the lumberyard.”

  The shame that Quinn instantly felt threatened to engulf her and smother her last breath. She was connected to this family who had caused so much pain to other people. To Maria. And her children. And God only knew what other locals were innocent collateral damage to her family’s greediness on Maui.

  She choked on sudden tears, trying to will them back. But they came faster, leaving hot tracks down her cheeks, backing up in her throat.

  He put his arm around her and pulled her in close. “You’re okay, Quinn. It’s a lot to take in, but you’re going to be just fine. And you’re right—this is going to be a hell of a story. But I’ve got all night, and we’re going to talk this through.”

  Quinn hated being so weak. She hadn’t even whimpered when Carmen and Helen told their stories. She hadn’t shed one tiny tear. She’d held it together pretty damn well, she thought. Now she realized that, more than anything, what she’d been fighting in front of them was anger. She hadn’t said it, but how could she not feel resentment about the family she’d lost? A lifetime set out for her with two parents and siblings and extended family. Something she’d dreamed of her entire life. And that made her feel guilty. She loved her mother. Her mother had sacrificed everything for her. Had given her more love than most children ever experienced. She’d been strong in front of the women, but here in the safe circle of Liam’s arms, she couldn’t stop crying.

  The emotion came from deep inside, flowing from her heart and emptying her very soul. She cried for Nama. She cried for the mother she didn’t know who’d lost her. For the father she’d never had, and for Jonah, a child racked with guilt his entire life. And the mother she had known—Beth—she must’ve lived in a state of terror that they’d be discovered. Then while she was at it, she cried about Ethan. And the loss of their trust. Maybe even of their future.

  The keening that came from her sounded like a wounded animal’s. She knew this, yet it was out of her control. Quinn cried until she had nothing left. And still Liam held her. Quiet but solid. And like a ship on the rockiest waves in the sea, he rocked her back and forth, bringing her comfort and a sense of peace with his touch. So she simply let go, an unfamiliar endeavor for her but one that was past due.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Quinn opened her eyes and saw that her nose was literally inches from a familiar spattering of freckles. Maggie snored lightly. Quinn turned over and looked at the clock, then remembered the night before. Liam had walked her back to the cottage, making sure she was inside with the door locked behind her before getting into his truck and pulling out of the driveway. Maggie was still up, nervously waiting for Quinn to be in for the night so she could go to bed too.

  As soon as Quinn’s head hit the pillow, she was out.

  What an astounding day she’d had, though. She felt like she’d been to hell and back, but then she r
emembered the evening spent under the stars, feeling less alone than she’d felt in years. The experience with Liam left her feeling slightly embarrassed but also unexpectedly refreshed. She’d needed the judgment-free outlet that he gave her so easily. He hadn’t tried to talk her down from her emotional cliff dive. He’d chosen not to use any clichés or words of wisdom to make her feel better, somehow knowing that what she needed most of all was to let it all out, to release the pain of finding out she was never who she thought she was.

  For that, she’d always treasure their friendship.

  She sat up and checked her phone. Fourteen unread emails from work.

  Nothing from Ethan.

  Relieved that she wouldn’t have to read any begging or accusatory texts so early in the morning, she quietly untangled herself from the bedcovers and headed for the bathroom.

  After a quick shower, she dressed in a shirt and well-worn shorts she normally saved for indoors only, then put on just the lightest touch of sunscreen and makeup, pulled her hair up, grabbed her bag, and slipped out the door.

  She considered her sandals outside on the porch but left them behind as she headed for the trail. The beach beckoned her to return, and Quinn was ready to comply. At the water’s edge she found she could think more easily. The soft sound of the waves lapping at the shore calmed her soul, allowing her to work out the priorities in her mind.

  Arriving at her favorite spot, she sank down in the sand and slipped her sunglasses on. The ocean was calm today, and she stared out, imagining she was on a boat that would take her far away from all her responsibilities. There were so many decisions to make now, with the first and most important one being when and how she wanted to make contact with her biological parents.

  Of course she was curious about them. Just like any child who hadn’t known their mother or father, she wondered if she looked like them. And who was she most like in her personality? Did her love of reading come from her mother, and was her tendency to bottle up her feelings something her father had handed down?

  Carmen and Helen said she looked just like her mother, but were there any physical traits from her father? Her nose, possibly? Or the shape of her ears? She thought about Maggie’s feet and how she always bemoaned that they were exact miniatures of her father’s and brothers’ wide ones, with long toes, a paternal trait she hadn’t particularly wanted.

  Quinn worried that her parents wouldn’t be impressed that she was their daughter. Of course, realizing their child hadn’t drowned would be a relief that had been a long time coming, but once that faded, would she be able to measure up to their expectations?

  Down the beach a man jogged, his dog keeping stride with him, their joy at the freedom they experienced evident with every strain of their muscles.

  Would she ever feel that way?

  Or was her life destined to be one of questions and confusion? One of always trying to present a better self to the world, of feeling judged and alone?

  She took her phone out, preparing herself to read the work emails, knowing she was really pushing things with the absence from her job. Would she find an ultimatum? Was she already fired?

  She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, filling her lungs with the delicious air of Maui, reminding herself to relax and stop worrying. Slowly, under her breath, she counted backward from ten.

  She felt a shadow block out the warmth of the sun, and when she opened her eyes, she thought she was seeing things.

  A man stood there, standing over her, just as Liam had done that first day they’d met on the beach.

  But this wasn’t Liam.

  Even with the darkness across his face, Quinn would know that profile anywhere, as well as that confident and provoking stance. Even the body language that seemed to silently challenge as he stared down at her.

  It startled her, but somehow she kept that to herself and didn’t flinch.

  “Well, aren’t you quite the beach bum?” he said, his tone anything but teasing.

  “Ethan,” she said. “What are you doing here? And how did you find me?”

  “You forgot to take the locations app off your phone.”

  The fact that she’d never enabled it crossed her mind, but she wouldn’t accuse him. They had bigger things to talk about.

  “This was really inconvenient, Quinn. All the hotels in Lahaina were booked, and I’m all the way over in Kihei. You need to come back with me so we can talk.”

  “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

  He ran his hand through his hair, releasing a long sigh. “Come on. Don’t be ridiculous. I saw that tiny shed you’re staying in, and it’s not big enough for two. Not even to talk in.”

  Obviously he didn’t know Maggie was there yet. That would really set him off. “It’s not a shed. And no one invited you into it.”

  She could feel him simmering at that. He wasn’t used to her being antagonistic, but it slipped out before she could guard her tongue. At least she hadn’t told him to go find a room with Gina, which was what she wanted to say.

  Logically, she knew starting a verbal war with him would get them nowhere. The emotional side of her wanted to jump up and kick his manly jewels for what he’d done, but that would also probably take things in the wrong direction.

  “I can’t say I’m surprised you came,” she said, her tone less provoking. “But I’m definitely not happy about it.”

  He shrugged. “You wouldn’t talk to me. What else was I supposed to do?”

  “Let me have some space is what you were supposed to do,” she said, feeling irritated. This was her place. And his arrival made it feel less so. He was ruining the day that had started on a good note. “Can you stop standing over me like that? Sit down if you insist on staying.”

  He gestured around him. “This isn’t really a conducive location for discussing our relationship.”

  Everything in her wanted to run, but he had come all the way to Maui. She had to give him that. A part of her was glad he was finally there. That he cared enough to come find her. But he was going to have to work for it if he wanted her forgiveness.

  “Well, you’re the one who came out here. And you are the one who obviously has something to say. If you want me to listen, I’m here, in this spot, at this minute,” she said.

  His face was still shadowed, but she could tell he was frustrated. He grimaced like it was beneath him to sit on the sand but settled himself beside her anyway. “That Hawaiian woman directed me to the path. Said I’d find you down here.”

  “Maria? What did you say to her?” Quinn sat up straighter. She hoped he hadn’t been a jerk.

  “I just told her I’m your fiancé surprising you with a visit and asked where you were. What did you think I was going to say?”

  “I never know with you,” she replied, relieved that he hadn’t just demanded they all get their stuff out of the house his fiancée owned. She could just see him having them all packed up and sitting at the curb within an hour, even with Pali laid up with broken bones. Ethan often showed no mercy and took pride in his ability to take on a challenge and succeed.

  Now that she could see his face, she noted that he didn’t appear to have had any sleepless nights or loss of appetite. If this was how he showed guilt and remorse, it looked good on him. He’d had a haircut, she saw, wondering if he’d gotten it for the trip or just because it was on his schedule.

  “You made me come after you, and I’m here,” he said. “But we’ve got to get back because I have to be in Phoenix by the end of the week, then Dallas after that. Both of our cars are scheduled for a tune-up, and you know my mom always comes to visit on the last week of this month.”

  Quinn felt exhausted just listening to him. Being in Maui had definitely opened her eyes to another way of living than what they were used to. Here, if there was a big swell coming or a day of sunshine after a week of rain, everyone dropped everything and headed to the beach. If someone had a small good thing happen to them, they gathered with family for food and cele
bration. No one lived on a tight schedule of must-dos and must-haves.

  At first it had felt strange to her, even unsettling. But now she looked at Ethan and thought about how buttoned up their lives really were. How regulated. Boring, even.

  “Do you ever get tired of outlining our life?”

  “What are you talking about, Quinn?” He sounded irritated.

  “I’m saying why aren’t we ever just spontaneous?”

  “In what way?” He sounded like she was asking him to solve the world’s most difficult equation.

  “Never mind, Ethan,” she said. “Look, say what you need to say because I’ve got important things to tend to.”

  “Like the house fiasco?” he asked, grinning sarcastically. “Still working on that one, huh? You ready for some help?”

  “Actually, no. I think I know just what to do. Things have taken an unexpected turn, and I’ve got a few ideas under my hat.”

  “Care to share them with me?”

  “Not really,” she said. “Next?”

  “Quinn, forget about this damn house and this island. You need to come home where you belong,” he said.

  “Why would you even want me to come home when you obviously have the skinny, perfect Gina at your beck and call?” She hated the jealousy that escaped with her words. Betrayal tasted bitter.

  “Gina meant nothing. It was just sex, and I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

  At least he had the decency to lower his head as though he were ashamed. But that wasn’t enough. She knew that Gina was everything that he always challenged her to be. Healthy. Slim. Driven.

  The fact that Quinn wasn’t enough for him hurt more than anything.

  “It’s never just sex,” she said. “I want to know how many times you’ve slipped like this, and if you want even a chance of working things out, I need you to be completely honest and transparent. You’ve done a lot of travel. Sometimes I’ve had an uneasy feeling. A woman’s intuition, if you will. But stupid me, I trusted you.”