Each iteration of Beth in his mind had been standing beside a man at a pulpit. Reece couldn’t see the man’s face clearly. Still, he felt a deep connection to the man.
"Makes sense,” Ortega was saying. “You were always a holy man with that Bible of yours. Always quoting verses and trying to help people find Jesus.”
That sounded right. It sounded like the kind of man Reece wanted to be. Apparently, it was the kind of man he had been.
He felt a deep sense of trust in the Bible and in God. Though he couldn’t remember much, he knew not to fear. He felt an unseen hand on his shoulder with every step.
"Look," said Ortega. "I'm sure you're not ready to remember a lot because of what happened back there. But when you are …”
Ortega took a deep breath. He tilted his head up to the dawning sun. When he turned his gaze back to Reece, Reece felt an ominous foreboding.
“I want you to know when you’re ready to hear about your sordid past … don't trust me. I'll make it all up."
Reece laughed. He knew Ortega’s words to be true. Mark Ortega had a serious side, but it was never the one he presented.
The two executed a complicated handshake. With another pat on the shoulder, Ortega took off. Reece made his way inside the medical building.
Instead of going into an exam room, he was shown to Dr. Patel's office. The ranch’s resident psychologist smiled and rose when Reece came in.
"How are you feeling today?"
"Fine."
Dr. Patel’s expression didn’t shift a facial muscle from its serene expression. Still, Reece got the picture that fine wasn’t the right answer.
"You look rested,” said Patel. “Nothing wrong with your sleep?”
Reece preferred to sleep. Even though he’d apparently been in a coma for days and then in and out of consciousness in the cave, he welcomed the dark oblivion sleep afforded. It was the bright light of his waking thoughts and the memories trying to invade that unsettled him.
"So, you and Beth?"
Reece blinked. The other doctors had launched into questions to get him to remember. Not this one. "Did you know us both before?”
Patel’s smile brought to mind one of the many times Reece had climbed up on Santa’s lap as a child. Jolly and expectant and ready to spread joy.
“I’ve known you both your whole lives,” said Patel. “It was clear she adored you from a young age."
Now it was Reece’s grin that felt ready to spread joy. It thrilled him that Beth’s feelings had a long tail. He wondered when the first time he’d felt something for her was?
"It was always clear you cared for her, though your feelings were late to bloom."
Reece pursed his lips to know that. He didn’t like the idea of Beth pining after him without him returning her feelings. But at some point, he’d come to his senses and asked for her hand.
“Do you remember proposing to her the first time?" asked Patel.
Reece shook his head. "She wrote to me, confessing her feelings. I still have the letter. I don't remember responding, but when I read the letter, I felt something, the first real thing I’d felt since waking up. And when I saw the ring on her finger—”
"The ring?"
"The engagement ring. That’s when I knew I had proposed, and she'd said yes."
Dr. Patel nodded again. He wasn’t smiling in serenity any longer. There was a slight tick on the left side of his face, as though he were chewing something over. He inhaled and let out a long breath.
"Is there something wrong?" asked Reece.
"No. Just realizing I'm going to need to clear my schedule for some individual and couple's therapy."
“Individual? You want to see us both separately?”
“It’s fine.”
Reece felt his shoulders snap to attention at the F-bomb. It didn’t sound truthful coming from the doctor’s mouth.
“Really,” smiled Patel. “It’s nothing to concern yourself about.”
"You don't agree with our engagement?"
"To the contrary, I've been pulling for the two of you for years. I've always thought you were a perfect match. We've all just been waiting on you. This is the right thing. It's just going to be painful for a minute."
"Because of my memory loss?”
"That, and other things. I won't worry you with that now. Now, we need to get you well both inside as well as out. We'll start with some EMDR treatments."
"What's that?"
"Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It's a method where we manipulate the eyes to try and bring the left and right hemispheres of your brain into harmony so that you can recall events."
Reece winced. "Are you going to shine a light in my eye?"
"No. You just need to follow the movement of my finger."
"And that's going to fix me?"
"There's nothing wrong with you. Your memories are all there. You've simply locked them away."
Reece wondered if maybe his memories should stay locked away.
Dr. Patel sat back in his chair and folded his hands in front of him. Reece knew he hadn’t said the words out loud, but he got the sense that Dr. Patel knew exactly what was on his mind.
"We'll start next week,” Patel said. "Today, you'll do some occupational therapy.”
“Do you mean something like taking apart and putting together a gun?”
“No, you're going to go and milk the cows."
Chapter Eight
"Are you sure?"
Reegan rubbed her palm up and down her bare shoulder. There was a light breeze outside, but they were inside the church hall where it was warm. It was the billionth time Reegan had asked Beth that question in the last twenty-four hours.
"Yes," Beth hissed. She didn't glance over at her best friend. Neither did she apologize for her short temper in the use of the single word. Beth knew Reegan would ask her again in another five minutes. The answer would be the same.
Yes, she was sure she was going to marry Reece. Yes, she was sure she was about to break up with her previous fiancé so that she could take on the suit of her new one.
Beth and Reegan sat outside the youth pastor's office. The door was closed, and a low murmur of voices wafted from the crack between the floor and the door frame. She didn't know who Walter was in there speaking with. She didn't knock to try and rush the conversation on. Although she was sure of the actions she was going to take when the door opened, she wasn't looking forward to having this conversation.
But she knew it was the right thing to do. She didn't love Walter. She might have grown to care deeply for him, but he would never have her heart. It had always belonged to Reece. It always would. And now, Reece wanted to accept it.
A quick pang went through Beth that Reece had only discovered he cared for her now that he couldn't remember anything else. But she shushed that fleeting feeling away.
This was all she'd ever wanted in her life; to be married to Reece Cartwright. She had no doubt that she'd make him happy. She knew more about him than he knew about himself. And that had even been true when he’d had his full faculties about him.
Beth would make him happy. This marriage would make her happy. Unfortunately, she'd have to hurt a good man to bring forth all the happiness.
The voices grew closer to the door frame. Walter and his guest were about to come out the other side. Beth gripped Reegan’s hands. Thankfully, her best friend knew better than to ask if she were sure again.
The door cracked open to reveal Walter’s jovial face. His smile spread when he saw her. Beth stood in greeting, letting Reegan’s hand go and preparing to speak a hard truth.
She could do this. This was the easy part. The hard part would be telling her father.
The door to Walter's office opened wider. A second figure emerged. Beth came face to face with her father.
Behind her, Reegan swore, but only loud enough for Beth to hear. Beth prayed that if her best friend were about to be struck down for cursing in the house of the lord
, that she go with her. Eternal damnation would be better than facing this present.
"There's the bride to be," said her father. "We were just talking about you."
Beth swallowed. Her stomach grumbled, not wanting to accept the bile collecting in her mouth.
"We were thinking of a fall date for the wedding," said Walter. He came up and planted a chaste kiss at her cheek. "What do you think?"
Beth opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Her throat had grown thick with saliva since her stomach was still in revolt.
"Hello, Reegan,” said her father. “Any word from Corporal Lucas about your brother?"
Reegan had to clear her throat twice before her words were audible. “Yes. They found Reece. They brought him back yesterday."
Pastor Barrett opened his palms and looked skyward. “To God be the glory. That is wonderful news. When can we see him? Is he well?"
Before Reegan could answer, Pastor Barrett turned back to Walter. "I can't wait for you to meet Reece. He's the son I never had. You two will get along famously. Beth was like a second sister to him. You'll bring him over as soon as he's well enough, Reegan? And I suppose you can bring that husband of yours too."
Beth’s father had not taken to Brandon when he and Reegan decided to marry so quickly. He believed in couple's counseling and taking the time to court. Or at least he used to. Walter and Beth had only been dating for a couple of months, and now her father wanted to push the wedding.
"Well, I'll leave you two love birds to talk,” said Pastor Barrett.
"No, Dad.” Beth’s voice rang loud and clear. Her mouth was now dry; her heart was now racing. “Don't go. You should hear this too."
Beside her, Reegan turned to step away. Beth grabbed her best friend's hand and held on in a death grip. Reegan’s sigh of resignation was only slightly louder than her curse a moment ago.
The hall was empty, which was good. Beth didn't want to go inside Walter's office where the four walls would trap her. She preferred to be in the hall so she could run if cowardliness took over her, which was very close to happening.
Now that she had both men’s full attention, and her voice was in working order, and her lifelong friend was bolted to her side by Beth’s one hand, she wasn’t sure where to begin.
“Reece is home, and he's ill."
Yes, that was a good tactic. Show how charitable this decision she’d made was. No selfishness in it at all.
"He's going to need someone to care for him."
"Of course," said her father. "You know his church family will be here for him."
Beth nodded. This was a good start. But she had no idea in which direction to continue the conversation. So, she just blurted it out. "I'm going to be the one to take care of him."
Her father’s gaze glowed with paternal pride. “You are such a good soul. I have raised a truly giving and wonderful young woman here, Walter.”
“That you have, sir. I’m a lucky man.”
Beth cringed. She was making this worse. Beside her, Reegan tried to wiggle out of her hold. Beth turned and glared at her friend until she held still. Reegan’s shoulders slumped in complete surrender, and she stopped wiggling.
Beth decided the best way to get to the point was to bulldoze a path forward. She turned to Walter. “I can't marry you. I'm going to marry Reece."
Both men's reactions were twin mirrors. They both widened their gazes as they considered her words. Then their brows frowned as though they were repeating her statement over again in their minds for clarity. Then each of their heads snapped up as realization dawned at the exact same moment.
"I'm sorry." Beth handed over the pale engagement ring. "I've loved Reece my whole life. I tried to get past it, but I see now that I never will. It would be unfair to you, Walter. You are so good and kind. You deserve someone who will love you with all her heart, and that's not me because my heart belongs to someone else."
Beth sat the ring in the palm of his hand. She could've sworn she heard a thunk as the band landed on soft flesh. The rock was heavy, and it would make a good foundation, just not for her.
Walter looked hurt and shocked and confused. Beth's heart ached as she took one last look at him, but she knew it was the right thing to do. She could've never made him happy, not truly.
She turned to her father. The look of disapproval on his face made her want to sink into the ground. "I'm sorry, Daddy."
"Reece is a good man,” said Pastor Barrett. “He would never take another man's fiancée. Did you tell him you're engaged to someone else?”
"I ..."
Her father’s head lifted until he was looking down his nose at her in total censure. “You're making a mistake."
"No.” Beth shook her head; the certainty she’d felt before the door opened returning. “I’m not."
Holding Reegan's hand tight, Beth turned on her heel and walked down the hall.
Chapter Nine
“Hmmm.” There was surprise in that rumble that had a moment ago been doubtful. “It looks like you know what you're doing there."
Of course, Reece knew what he was doing. He'd grown up in Montana, not some concrete jungle. He’d milked his fair share of cows in his lifetime.
Reece was surprised he knew that about himself. General memories were easy. It was the specific ones that hemmed him up. Those memories were still shaky, coming in wisps. But his motor actions were fine.
They'd put the cow in a head catch. Reece knew he hadn't needed the assistance of such a contraption since he’d been a boy. Though he couldn't remember the first time he'd actually performed this specific task, he knew what he was doing.
Reece sat on a wooden stool. Using his booted toe, he slid the tin bucket beneath the cow's udder. He firmly grasped the animal's teat and got an annoyed moo from the old girl.
Okay, so he was a bit out of practice. He gentled his touch and began again. Making a ring with his thumb and index finger, he tightened his pointer finger in and brought each finger towards his palm one by one. The creamy substance flowed with ease into the bucket.
It was just like riding a bike.
Hmm? He wondered if he'd remember how to ride a bike. He certainly knew what one was.
"Your talk with Patel go well?" asked Dylan Banks.
Now that the man was certain his cow wasn’t in jeopardy, his stance had relaxed. Reece hadn't recognized Dylan when he'd met the man. That was because they'd only met once before in passing, but Dylan knew his sister. Reegan had spent a lot of time at the ranch in the last year tending to the gardens.
"Yeah, it went well," Reece said.
"Did he go on about healing your inside as well as your outside?"
"Yeah, he did."
Dylan had smirked when he said it. The truth was, Reece was actually more interested in healing his heart. Unlike Dylan, who was missing a leg, Reece's limbs and extremities were fine. Reece knew he needed to recover what he’d lost. Still, a large part of him wanted to ignore the light trying to break through in his mind and instead focus on his heart.
"Listen to him," said Dylan. "His tactics may sound crazy, but he's usually right. Some of us believe he has a direct line to the man upstairs." Dylan pointed up to the heavens. "Anyway, I’ll leave you to it."
Reece watched him walk off. He was left alone with only himself, the cow, and the bucket. Reece didn’t prefer the solitude. But he also craved it.
Since he’d been awake, every person he’d encountered looked at him with expectancy. He knew they all were waiting for his memories to return. Reece felt certain that the memories would come back if he’d let them. But that would mean letting in that blinding, glaring light, and he just wasn’t ready to face that pain.
The sun was up high in the sky. Reece used the cow's body to shield himself from the rays. But the cow stepped back, and a shard of light pierced his eye.
Reece turned his face away, only to meet with another ray. He couldn't block out the memory that surfaced. It hit him square in the chest.
<
br /> He heard the sound of a woman wailing. He couldn’t see her face, but he recognized her voice. Looking back at the memory, he recognized the woman. She had been in the cave with him. She had stood in front of him when he was rescued.
Back in the memory, Reece felt his heart pumping. He felt his legs moving fast, hitting the pavement. The woman’s eyes grew wider; her wails louder. Reece’s arms came around her and then blinding red hot light. Then pain, blinding pain.
"Reece?"
His initial reaction was to jump, to jerk away, to put his hands up and ward off the intruder. But the sound of her voice, the touch of her hand, it was all a salve to his soul. Beth’s hand rested on his shoulder. Her body blocked out the sun. The light and pain evaporated like a reverse tornado swallowing it all whole.
Reece opened his eyes wider to look upon his salvation. The shards of sunlight surrounding Beth were muted, but they were still there. The encroaching memories weren't done with him.
Beth’s face went hazy before his eyes. Another memory came clearly into focus in his mind. But not of deserts and explosions. Instead, Reece saw her face.
A young Beth smiled up at him with adoration in her eyes. Another flash and it was her face again, only a few years older. She threw her head back and laughed. The sight made him catch his breath, the sound was a sweet tune. Then another flash a few years later. This time she looked at him with a softness in her gaze that Reece immediately recognized as love.
Beth Barrett loved him. Of that, he was sure. It was how she was looking at him now, once his vision had cleared and he was seeing the present moment.
Why hadn't he married her the first time she'd looked at him that way? What had taken him so long?
"Reece? Is everything okay?"
Reece pulled Beth to him. She was standing, and he was still on the stool. He didn’t dare rise. He knew his legs would be shakier than a newborn calf after the assault inside his mind.
Beth came to him willingly, allowing his head to rest against her chest. The closeness thrilled him, and he tightened his hold. He pulled her out of the light, turning her around so that his back was to the light. He would not let it consume her.
Always On His Mind Page 4