by Nancy Thayer
“It doesn’t matter. He hasn’t even looked my way.”
“Stop it. All the guys look your way and you know it.” She took Isabelle’s shoulders and pulled her away from the water, farther up onto the sand.
“You’re so cool about guys,” Isabelle said. “I wish I could be like you.”
Keely shrugged. “I think I’ve turned off my love switch. I want to concentrate on getting good grades so I can get a scholarship to college. I want to write a book before I even think of going nuts over some man.”
“It’s too late for me,” Isabelle said.
“Who is it?” Keely pleaded. “Come on. I’ll keep it secret.”
“Oh, God, I’m such a loser!” Isabelle turned toward Keely with fury. “It’s Tommy Fitzgerald! The guy who can have any girl he wants.”
“Wow.” Tommy Fitzgerald, with his black hair and ebony eyes, looked like a pirate who knew he could steal anything he wanted and get away with it. “I don’t know what to say, Isabelle. You’re as gorgeous as Tommy. And probably way smarter.”
“Yeah, because I’m so smart all I can think about is him.”
“Have you tried, I don’t know, catching his attention? Maybe, um, flirting?”
“Why no, Keely, that didn’t even occur to me,” Isabelle answered sarcastically.
“Okay, let’s think. Who does he hang out with?”
“Anyone he wants.”
“You’re beautiful,” Keely stressed. “You’re popular. You’re—”
“Stop it, Keely. Just stop it. You have no idea how it feels to be in love with a guy. Seriously, truly, painfully in love. Hopelessly in love.”
If only you knew, Keely thought. She flashed on the foolish vow she’d made with cooking sherry and seashells, her vow never to tell Isabelle that she loved Sebastian. “Let’s go to my house and eat everything in the kitchen.”
Isabelle snorted. “Food as therapy. I’ve got a better idea. Let’s go to my house, sneak some of my parents’ booze, and get drunk.”
“Not my favorite thing to do,” Keely said.
Isabelle sighed theatrically. “Fine. Let’s go stuff our faces.” Linking her arm through Keely’s, she said, “I don’t know what I would ever do without you, Keys.”
Hey, Keely, how’s it going? I’m buried under homework. I’m taking an introduction to art class that’s great. Wait till you get to college. It’s like another universe here.
More later, Sebastian
Keely wanted to throw her computer across the room. What was his problem? What was he doing? Had she been too eager to respond to his first email?
Furious with herself and with him, she didn’t reply for several days.
Hey, Sebastian, I’m snowed under, too. Everyone’s going nuts because the homecoming game between the Vineyard and the Whalers is in three weeks. Even the teachers are giving us a break.
More later, Keely
There, Keely thought. She could be as cool as he was.
She reread his first email, searching each word for hidden meanings. Why would he want to “start a conversation” only to drop out of sight?
She prided herself on her self-control. Isabelle was mooning around, losing weight, dropping grades, turning into a tragic heroine. All she could talk about was Tommy Fitzgerald. His eyes as black as night. His thick black crow hair. He smiled at her one day. She was trying to learn his class schedule so she could plan to be in the hall at the right time with the other girls who clustered around him.
“Get over yourself,” Keely said to Isabelle as they walked home from school one day. Leaves fluttered down around them, scarlet and orange and brown. “Really, he’s not worth it.”
“I know that,” Isabelle said. “I know with my mind. Smart doesn’t change the heart.”
“Hey.” Keely knocked Isabelle’s shoulder with hers. “Kind of a great mantra there. Smart doesn’t change the heart.”
“It’s infantile and meaningless,” Isabelle groused.
“Come to my house,” Keely said. “It’s chocolate chip cookie day.”
* * *
—
Two weeks before the homecoming game, at the end of the school day, Keely arrived at her locker to find Tommy Fitzgerald standing there. In front of her locker. So she couldn’t open it without asking Tommy to move.
Her mouth went dry. “Hi.”
“Hi.” His black eyes shot through her like lasers.
He was so real.
“Um, you’re standing in front of my locker.”
“I know.” He seemed amused.
Keely felt a blush break out over her face and neck. She summoned up all her cool. “Well…I need to get into my locker.”
“Sure. But I want to talk to you first.”
Keely blinked. “Do you even know who I am?”
“Of course I know who you are. You’re Keely Green. I want to take you to the homecoming dance.”
Keely clutched her textbooks as if they were the only things that could keep her from falling through the floor. “You want to take me to the homecoming dance.”
Tommy nodded. He almost smiled.
Keely hesitated. Was this some kind of sick joke? She looked around. Other students were taking things out of their lockers, slamming them, walking away. But Tommy Fitzgerald asking her to the homecoming dance? Nope. Not a real thing.
She fastened her gaze on his, lifted her chin, and bravely said, “Are you kidding me?” Her voice squeaked on “kidding,” which took away some of the cool.
That made Tommy break into a full-on smile. “Not kidding. Why would I kid?”
“I…I…I need to think about it,” Keely stuttered.
His smile dazzled her. “You need to think about it?”
“My parents—they have something planned…”
“Want me to call you tonight after you talk to them? Or come by your house?”
“Come by my house?” She had brain freeze.
“Or I’ll call. Or text.”
“Good. That’s good.”
Tommy moved. Keely froze. What was he going to do?
He put his hand on her shoulder. “If you’ll step back, I’ll get out of your way.”
It took a few moments for her to make sense of his words. “Oh. Oh, my locker.”
She stepped back, thrilled that she didn’t trip on her own feet.
“See you.” Tommy walked away.
Keely hid in the girls’ restroom when school let out. She didn’t want to talk to Isabelle. She had to think about it first. About him. She wasn’t in love with him like Isabelle, but she couldn’t not be attracted to him, that would be like preventing herself from breathing oxygen.
If she thought Sebastian was interested in her, she wouldn’t think twice about Tommy. But—no. Whatever Sebastian meant by that first email, he’d changed his mind.
It would be fun to date Tommy. It would make her the absolute coolest girl in school, even if only for a while.
It would be interesting to have sex with Tommy. Having her first time with him would certainly make the event memorable.
But why was she thinking this way? Isabelle was in love with Tommy, and Isabelle was Keely’s best friend.
Keely stuck her books in her locker, grabbed her fleece, slammed the locker door, and sauntered down the hall. She was not going to act like a groupie who’d just talked to Justin Timberlake. She was a junior in high school. She was cool. Still, it was hard not to grin.
When she was outside and two blocks away from the high school, she broke into a run toward Isabelle’s house. The Maxwell house was on Fair Street, near the Episcopal church. Over the years, it had become Keely’s second home, and she ran up the steps and across the porch and rapped quickly on the front door and opened it and ran inside.
She crashed right
into Sebastian. He was tall and blond and gorgeous in khakis and a blue button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up.
“What are you doing here?” Keely asked, panting.
“I live here,” Sebastian said.
“Well, I know that. But why aren’t you at Amherst?”
“Maybe I came home to see someone.” Sebastian looked amused.
Keely’s temper flared. “Good. You’re going to stand there and make fun of me. Great big busy college man. After sending me that email…” Keely knew her face was red. She felt as if her hair was on fire.
Sebastian’s expression changed. “I’m sorry, Keely. Let me ex—”
“Oh, forget it,” she said, trying to squeeze past him. It took all her willpower not to burst into tears. “I need to see Isabelle.”
Sebastian took hold of her arm and gently moved her out to the porch. He pulled the door shut behind him.
“Please, Keely. Listen to me a moment.”
Keely’s mouth tightened. She stared down at her feet. No way she could look him in the eyes.
“I know I behaved like a jackass. Writing that email that was so…extreme, and then cooling off so fast without explanation was just stupid. I want to apologize. I think you’ll understand when you’re in college. It’s so different from living at home and being in high school. The world opens up so wide it could swallow a person. It spins you. I was spinning. What is your major going to be, what are you going to do with your life, where are you going to live, who’s going to be your friend, and the women. I mean, kid in candy store, right? I got drunk like I never have before, and I heard some professors talk about stuff that made me want to change my life, be myself and not just do what my parents want me to do. It was exciting. It was like being strapped into a roller coaster and the end is nowhere in sight. That’s how you’re going to feel when you get off this island and start college, I promise.”
Keely raised her head and faced him defiantly. “So what you’re saying is I shouldn’t let some poor gullible chump think I like him because once I’m off this island, I won’t find him interesting anymore.”
“Right!” Sebastian said, then immediately corrected himself. “I mean, no. Not exactly that. You’ve never been any kind of gullible chump to me, Keely.”
“Well, that’s a relief,” Keely said dryly. She was proud that her voice was so sarcastic.
Sebastian smiled. Keely didn’t. She was angry with him and intoxicated by him. It was all she could do to hold on to her anger like a person clutching a plank in the middle of the ocean.
“Keely, listen. I…have feelings for you. I always have. But one thing I’ve learned is that I’m young. I want to take some chances while I can. I want to find out about myself. I don’t want to be some kind of idiot when I talk to you.”
“I’m afraid you’ve already done that,” Keely said. She pulled away from him, proud of her quick response. She shoved open the door, and went into the house, longing to think of another cool thing to say, but she was too emotional, so close to tears.
Maybe she hoped Sebastian would pull her back to him. He said he had feelings for her.
But he didn’t come after her. Without another word, Keely ran up the stairs to the second floor. She stood for a moment in the doorway to Isabelle’s room, replaying the moment with Sebastian. What had just happened? What had Sebastian said? What had he meant?
She was glad she hadn’t remained in front of Sebastian, like a dog begging for some treats. She was proud of herself.
Isabelle was on the floor of her room, bent over her geometry homework. “What are you doing?” she asked.
Keely’s knees went wobbly so she sat right down in the doorway. Your brother talked to me, she wanted to say. Instead, she said, “Tommy Fitzgerald asked me to the homecoming dance.”
Isabelle went pale. “Oh no, he did not.”
Keely smiled. “Oh yes, he did. I had no idea he even knew I existed!”
Isabelle burst into tears.
“Isabelle, wait. Listen. I didn’t accept.”
“You didn’t accept? What did you say?” Isabelle’s lovely creamy face was blotchy with emotion.
“I said I had to think about it.”
“You told Tommy Fitzgerald you have to think about it?”
“Yes, Isabelle, because I know how you feel about him. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”
“Oh, thank you very much for your amazing kindness!”
Keely rocked backward. She hadn’t expected anger from Isabelle. “Isabelle, come on. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“To you, it doesn’t! It means everything to me! You’ve so totally won!”
“Izzy, we’re not in a contest. And if we are, look at all you have that I don’t. You’ve got a brother. You’ve got this ginormous house! You’re beautiful and smart!”
“Obviously not beautiful enough for Tommy. What did you do, flirt with him?”
“No! Don’t be an ass! I would never flirt with Tommy!”
“He probably asked you to the dance because he knows he can get in your pants.”
Keely recoiled. “Well, that’s a mean thing to say. Plus, not true and you know it.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Isabelle wailed. “But why would he choose you?”
“Are you girls okay?”
Keely and Isabelle turned. Mr. Maxwell was standing in the doorway.
“We’re fine, Dad,” Isabelle said. “Just having a fight.”
“Don’t worry, there will be no broken limbs,” Keely joked, but it fell flat.
“I would hope not,” Mr. Maxwell said, tight-lipped, obviously angry.
“I’d better go home,” Keely said quietly.
“I think that’s a good idea,” Mr. Maxwell said.
Keely waited a moment for Isabelle to say something, to ask her to stay. But the room was quiet. Keely left, hurrying down the stairs and out the door. Sebastian was nowhere in sight.
Keely was almost dizzy. She and Isabelle had never had such a fight before. As she trotted down the street and around the corner on the way to her house, she realized that Sebastian could have heard them. She hoped he heard them. She hoped the truth dawned on him: Keely was a girl the most popular guy in school wanted to date. She hoped that might make Sebastian wish he’d kept up their conversation.
* * *
—
After dinner with both parents at home for once, someone knocked on the door.
“I’ll get it!” Keely raced to the door, opened it, and stepped outside, pulling it closed behind her.
Tommy stood there, all six foot four inches of pure hunk. His hands were in his pockets. He slouched almost lazily, a knowing smile on his face. And now, Keely thought, I know what the word charisma means.
He was so sure of himself. “Hey.”
“Hi. Listen, Tommy, I’m sorry, really, but I can’t go to the dance. I’ve made other plans.”
“Are you going with someone else?”
“No, it’s my parents, but maybe, I have to see how their schedule…” She was blithering and blushing. “I’m sorry.”
Tommy shrugged. “You’re being mysterious. But I get it. You don’t want to go with me.”
“It’s not that. Well, it is that. I can’t explain, I don’t want—”
“No worries. I’ll probably be able to find someone else.”
Without another word, he turned, walked back to his truck, and drove away.
“Crap. What did I just do?” Keely stood on the front porch for a long time, trying to untangle her emotions.
Later that evening, Keely called Isabelle. “Isabelle, listen. Tommy came by—”
“Your house? Tommy came to your house?”
“I stood outside to talk to him. It took about two seconds. I told him I can’t go with him
, that I had to do something with my parents.”
“So virtuous of you. So now he’ll ask me to go?”
“What else can I do? I hate this…this spat. I want to make it right somehow. You tell me.”
“This spat?” Isabelle hissed. “You think this is a spat? I’m in love with Tommy and he wants to date you? Keely, this is serious. You and I are done. There’s no coming back.”
“Isabelle, that’s just silly! You are the person I love most in the world. I can’t be happy without you. So I’m not going to the dance with him.”
Isabelle’s voice was formal and prissy. “Thank you very much. It’s generous of you to be so charitable.”
“Izzy!”
“You know I hate that nickname. Call me Isabelle.”
“Call me Ishmael,” Keely joked, and she thought that was actually pretty funny, because they were reading Moby Dick for school.
Isabelle’s line went dead.
* * *
—
Keely walked a wandering route to school the next day. She didn’t want to run into Isabelle. During classes, she ignored Isabelle when they passed in the hall or sat in the same room. She walked home along unusual streets, wishing she could stop thinking about Sebastian, wishing she could talk to Isabelle about Sebastian.
She thought he was being honest with her about how being at college opened up the world. Nantucket was small and isolated and at the same time endlessly fascinating. It was a natural lab for science geeks. The ocean, the sheltered harbor, the growing population of sharks, the increase of snowy owls, anything connected with nature brought experts from all over the world to study and photograph and write about. You could live here all your life and never be bored.
Keely never felt detached from the rest of the world, although she did often feel provincial. The seniors she knew were exhilarated and terrified at the prospect of living off-island, and she could understand that. She wanted the beauty of the island but she also wanted the excitement of the city—she wanted it all. At least she thought she did.