by Albert Camus
sage from the Apocalypse about the lukewarm?
TIHON: Yes. "I know thy works, that thou art
neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or
hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and nei-
ther cold nor hot, I will spew thee out of my
mouth. Because thou sayest . . ."
STAVROGIN: That will do. (A silence. Without
looking at him) You know, I like you very much.
133 Scene 14
TIHON (in a whisper): I like you too. (Rather
long silence. Stroking Stavrogin's elbow ivith his
finger) Don't be annoyed.
STAVROGIN (giving a start): How did you know
. . . (He resumes his normal tone of voice.)
Indeed, yes, I was annoyed because I told you
that I liked you.
TIHON (firmly): Don't be annoyed, and tell me
everything.
STAVROGIN: So you are sure that I came with an
ulterior motive?
TIHON (lowering his eyes): I read it on your face
when you came in.
(STAVROGIN is pale and his hands tremble. He
takes several sheets of paper out of his pocket.)
STAVROGIN: All right. I wrote a story about myself
which I am going to publish. Whatever you may
say to me about it won't change my decision in
any way. However, I should like you to be the
first to know this story, and I'm going to tell it
to you. (TIHON slowly nods his head.) Stop up
your ears. Promise not to listen to me and I shall
speak, (TIHON doesn't answer.) From 1861 to
1863 I lived in Petersburg indulging in debauch-
eries that provided no pleasure. I was living with
nihilist comrades who adored me because of my
money. I was dreadfully bored. So much so that
I might have hanged myself. [The reason that I
didn't hang myself then is that I was hoping for
something, I didn't know just what.] (TIHON
says nothing.) I had three apartments.
TIHON : Three?
STAVROGIN: Yes. One in which I had set up Maria
Second Part 134
Lebyatkin, who later became my legitimate wife.
And two others in which I used to receive my
mistresses. One of them was rented to me by
shopkeepers who occupied the rest of the apart-
ment and worked elsewhere. Hence I was alone
there, rather often, with their twelve-year-old
daughter named Matriocha. (He stops.)
TIHON : Do you want to go on or stop there?
STAVROGIN: I'll go on. She was a very gentle and
calm child, pale blonde and freckled. One day
I couldn't find my pocket knife. I mentioned it
to the mother, who accused her daughter and
beat her, in my presence, until she bled. That
evening I found the pocket knife in the folds of
my blanket. I put it into my waistcoat pocket
and, once outside, threw it away in the street so
that no one would know about it. Three days
later I went back to Matriocha's house. (He
stops.)
TIHON: Did you tell her parents?
STAVROGIN: NO. They weren't there. Matriocha
was alone.
TIHON: Ah!
STAVROGIN: Yes. Alone. She was sitting in a corner
on a little bench. She had her back turned. For
some time I watched her from my room. Sud-
denly she began to sing softly, very softly. My
heart began beating violently. I got up and slowly
approached Matriocha. [The windows were dec-
orated with geraniums; the sun was hot.] I sat
down silently beside her on the floor. She was
frightened and suddenly stood up. I took her
hand and kissed it; she laughed like a child; I
135 Scene 14
made her sit down again, but she again got up
with a frightened look. I kissed her hand again.
I drew her onto my lap. She withdrew a bit and
smiled again. I "was laughing too. Then she threw
her arms around my neck and kissed me. . . .
(He stops, TIHON looks at him. STAVROGIN stares
hack at him and then, showing a blank sheet) At
this point in my story I left a blank.
TIHON: Are you going to tell me what followed?
STAVROGIN (laughing awkwardly, his face dis-
torted) -. No, no. Later on. When you become
worthy of it . . . (TIHON stares at him.) But
nothing happened at all; what are you thinking?
Nothing at ail . . . It would be better if you
didn't look at me. (In a whisper) And don't try
my patience, (TIHON lowers his eyes.) When I
returned two days later, Matriocha fled into the
other room as soon as she saw me. But it was
clear to me that she hadn't said anything to her
mother. Yet I was afraid. During that whole time
I was horribly afraid that she would talk. Finally,
one day her mother told me, before leaving us
alone, that the girl was in bed with a fever. I sat
down in my room and, without stirring, watched
the bed in the darkness of the other room. An
hour later she moved. She came out of the dark-
ness, emaciated in her nightgown, came to the
door of my room, and there, tossing her head,
shook her frail little fist at me. Then she fled. I
heard her run along the inner balcony. I got up
and saw her disappear into a nook where wood
was kept. I knew what she was going to do. But
I sat down again and forced myself to wait
Second Part 136
twenty minutes. [Someone was singing in the
courtyard; a fly was buzzing near me. I caught it,
held it in my hand a moment, and then let it go.]
I recall that on a geranium near me a tiny red
spider was walking slowly. When the twenty
minutes were up, I forced myself to wait a quar-
ter of an hour more. Then, as I left, I looked into
the nook through a crack. Matriocha had hanged
herself. I left and spent the evening playing cards,
with the feeling that a weight had been lifted
from me.
TIHON: A weight lifted from you?
STAVROGIN (with a change in manner): Yes. But
at the same time I knew that the feeling was
based on a horrible cowardice and that never
again, never again, could I feel noble in this life,
or in another life, never. . . .
TIHON: Is that why you acted so strangely here?
STAVROGIN: Yes. I should have liked to kill myself.
But I didn't have the courage. So I ruined my life
in the stupidest way possible. I led an ironic life.
It occurred to me that it would be a good idea�
quite stupid, really�to marry a crazy woman,
a cripple, and so I did. I even accepted a duel and
kept from shooting in the hope of being killed
foolishly. Finally I accepted the heaviest responsi-
bilities, without believing in them. But all that
was in vain! And now I live between two dreams.
In one of them there are happy islands sur-
<
br /> rounded by a sun-drenched sea where men wake
up and go to bed innocent, and in the other I
see an emaciated Matriocha tossing her head and
shaking her little fist at me. . . . Her little fist
137 Scene 14
. . *: I should like to erase a deed from my life,
and I cannot. (He hides his head in his hands.
Then, after a silence, he straightens up.)
TIHON: Are you really going to publish this story?
STAVROGIN: Yes. Yes!
TIHON: Your intention is noble. The spirit of peni-
tence can go no further. It would be an admirable
action to punish oneself this way if only . . .
STAVROGIN: If?
TIHON: If only it were a true penance.
STAVROGIN: What do you mean?
TIHON: You express directly in your narrative the
need felt by a heart mortally wounded. This is
why you wanted to be spat upon, to be slapped,
and to be shamed. But at the same time there is
pride and defiance in your confession. [Sensual-
ity and idleness have made you insensitive, in-
capable of loving, and you seem to be proud of
that insensitivity. You are proud of what is
shameful.] That is despicable.
STAVROGIN: I thank you.
TIHON: Why?
STAVROGIN: Because, although you are annoyed
with me, you don't seem to feel any disgust and
you talk to me as to an equal.
TIHON: I was disgusted. But you have so much
pride that you didn't notice it. Yet your words
"You talk to me as to an equal" are beautiful
words. They show that your heart is great and
your strength tremendous. But that great useless
strength in you frightens me because it seeks to
express itself only in foul deeds. You have ne-
gated everything, you no longer love anything,
Second Part 138
and a punishment pursues all those who break
away from their native soil, from the truth be-
longing to their own people and their own time.
STAVROGIN: I don't fear that punishment, or any
other.
TIHON: One must fear, on the contrary. Or else
there is no punishment but only delight. Listen.
If someone, someone you didn't know, whom
you would never see again, read that confession
and forgave you silently in his heart, would that
bring you peace?
STAVROGIN: That would bring me peace. (In a
whisper) If you forgave me, that would do me
great good. (He stares at him and then breaks
out in violent passion.) No! I want to win my
own forgiveness! That is my principal and sole
aim. Only then will the vision disappear! That is
why I long for an exceptional suffering; that is
why I seek it myself! Don't discourage me or I
shall burst with rage!
TIHON (rising): If you believe that you can for-
give yourself, and that you will achieve your
forgiveness in this world through suffering, if
you seek solely to obtain that forgiveness�oh,
then you have complete faith! God will forgive
you [your absence of faith, for you venerate the
Holy Ghost without knowing it.]
STAVROGIN: There can be no forgiveness for me.
It is written in your books that there is no greater
crime than to offend one of these little ones.
TIHON: If you forgive yourself, Christ will for-
give you likewise.
STAVROGIN: No. No. Not he. Not he. There can
'�|
139 Scene 14
be no forgiveness! Never again, never again . . .
STAVROGIN takes his hat and strides toward the
door like a madman. But he turns back toward
TIHON and resumes his ceremonious manner. Me
seems exhausted.} I shall return. We shall talk of
all this again. I assure you that I'm very happy to
have met you. I appreciate your welcome and
your understanding.
TIHON: Are you leaving already? I wanted to ask
you a favor. . . . But I fear . . .
STAVROGIN: Please do. {He negligently picks up a
little crucifix from the table.)
TIHON: Don't publish that story.
STAVROGIN: I warned you that nothing will stop
me. I shall make it known to the whole world!
TIHON: I understand. But I propose to you an even
greater sacrifice. Give up your intention and in
this way you will overcome your pride, you will
crush your demon, and you will achieve liberty.
{He clasps his hands.)
STAVROGIN: You take all this too much to heart.
If I listened to you, I'd just settle down, have
children, become a member of a club, and come
to the monastery on holy days.
TIHON: No. I am suggesting a different penance.
In this monastery there is an ascetic, an old man
of such Christian wisdom that neither I nor even
you can imagine it. Go to him, submit to his
authority for five or seven years, and you will
obtain, I promise you, everything for which you
thirst.
STAVROGIN {in a bantering tone of voice): Enter
the monastery? Why not? After all, I am con-
Second Part 140
vinced that I could live like a monk, although I
am gifted with a bestial sensuality, (TIHON cries
out, with his hands stretched in front of him.)
What's the matter?
TIHON: I see, I see clearly that you have never
been closer to committing another crime even
more heinous than the one you have just related.
STAVROGIN: Calm yourself. I can promise you not
to publish this story immediately.
TIHON: NO. NO. There will come a day, an hour,
before that great sacrifice, when you will look
for a way out in a new crime, and you will com-
mit it only to avoid publication of these pages!
(STAVROGIN stares at him -fixedly, breaks the cru-
cifix, and drops the -pieces on the tabled)
CURTAIN
THIRD PART
Second Part 140
vinced that I could live like a monk, although I
am gifted with a bestial sensuality, (TIHON cries
out, with his hands stretched in front of him.)
What's the matter?
TIHON: I see, I see clearly that you have never
been closer to committing another crime even
more heinous than the one you have just related.
STAVROGIN: Calm yourself. I can promise you not
to publish this story immediately.
TIHON: No. No. There will come a day, an hour,
before that great sacrifice, when you will look
for a way out in a new crime, and you will com-
mit it only to avoid publication of these pages!
(STAVROGIN stares at him fixedly, breaks the cru-
cifix, and drops the pieces on the table.)
CURTAIN
THIRD PART
SCENE 15
At Varvara S
tavrogiris. STAVROGIN comes in, his
face distorted, hesitates, wheels around, and then
disappears through the door upstage, GRIGORIEV and
STEPAN TROFIMOVICH come in, greatly excited.
STEPAN: But, after all, what does she want of me?
GRIGORIEV: I don't know. She asked you to come
at once.
STEPAN: It must be the house search. She heard of
it. She will never forgive me.
GRIGORIEV: But who came to search you?
STEPAN: I don't know, une espece d'Allemand,
who directed everything. I was excited. He
talked. No, I was the one who talked. I told him
my whole life�from the political point of view,
I mean. I was excited but dignified, I assure you.
Yet ... I fear I may have wept.
GRIGORIEV: But you should have demanded his
search warrant. You should have shown a little
arrogance.
STEPAN: Listen, Anton, don't criticize me. When
you are unhappy, there is nothing more unbear-
able than having friends tell you that you have
made a mistake. In any case, I have taken my pre-
cautions. I have had warm clothing packed.
GRIGORIEV: For what reason?
STEPAN: Well, if they come to get me . . .
Third Part 144
That's the way it is now: they come, they seize
you, and then Siberia or worse. Consequently I
sewed thirty-five rubles into the lining of my
waistcoat.
GRIGORIEV: But there's no question of your being
arrested.
STEP AN: They must have received a telegram
from St. Petersburg.
GRIGORIEV: About you? But you haven't done
anything.
STEP AN: Yes, yes, I'll be arrested. And off to
prison, or else they forget you in a dungeon.
(He bursts into sobs.)
GRIGORIEV: Come, come, calm yourself. You
haven't anything on your conscience. Why are
you afraid?
STEPAN: Afraid? Oh, I'm not afraid! I mean, I'm
not afraid of Siberia. There's something else I
fear. I fear shame.
GRIGORIEV: Shame? What shame?
STEPAN; The whip!
GRIGORIEV: What do you mean, the whip? You
frighten me, my friend.
STEPAN: Yes, they flog you too.
GRIGORIEV: But why should they flog you? You
haven't done anything.
STEPAN: That's just it. They'll see that I haven't
done anything and they'll flog me.
GRIGORIEV: You should take a rest after you have
seen Varvara Stavrogin.
STEPAN: What will she think? How will she react
when she learns of my shame? Here she is. (He
makes the sign of the cross,)
145 Scene 15
GRIGORIEV: You make the sign of the cross?
STEPAN: Oh, I've never believed in that. But, after
all, it's better not to take any chances.
(VARVARA STAVROGIN comes in. They rise.)
VARVARA (to GRIGORIEV): Thank you, Anton.
Would you be so kind as to leave us alone? . . .
(To STEP AN TROFIMOVICH) Sit down, (GRIGORIEV
leaves. She goes to the desk and writes a note
rapidly. Meanwhile, STEPAN TROFIMOVICH squirms
on his chair. Then she turns around toward him.)
Stepan Trofimovich, we have questions to settle
before separating definitively. I shall be blunt.
(He cringes on his chair.) Don't say a word. Let
me do the talking. I consider myself committed
to continuing your allowance of twelve hundred
rubles. I am adding eight hundred rubles for ex-
ceptional expenses. Is that enough for you? It
seems to me that it is not negligible. So you will
take this money and go to live, as you will, in
Petersburg, in Moscow, abroad, but not in my
house. Do you understand?
STEPAN: Not long ago you made another arbitrary
demand, just as urgent and just as categorical. I
submitted to it. I disguised myself as a fiance and
danced the minuet for love of you. . . .
VARVARA: You didn't dance. You came to my
house wearing a new necktie, pomaded and per-
fumed. You had an urgent desire to get married;
it could be seen on your face, and, take my word
for it, it was not pretty to see. Especially with an
innocent young girl, almost a child . . .
STEPAN: Please let's not talk about it any more. I
shall go to a home for the aged.
Third Part 146
VARVARA: People don't go to a home for the aged
when they have an income of two thousand
rubles. [You say that because your son, who, by
the way, is more intelligent than you say he is,
joked one day about a home. But there are all
sorts of homes and there are even some that take
in generals. So you could have a game of whist
there. . . .]
STEPAN: Passorts. Let's not mention it.
VARVARA: Passons? So you are becoming rude