“You look like you’ve gone to another planet.” Again, Jack’s mouth was close to her ear as he stood behind her.
This time, she didn’t swivel toward him, but she kept her eyes closed and tried to train her thoughts on the music. Her coherent thoughts were definitely fading, being taken over by Jack’s familiar, and tonight, enticing scent. “The Nutcracker,” she said.
“Ah.”
She and Dallon had had tickets for The Nutcracker for the night after his accident. It was wishful thinking—most likely they wouldn’t have gone, since their schedules rarely seemed to align—but she’d told Jack, one night while they sat by Dallon’s hospital bed, that she regretted that she’d already decided that they probably wouldn’t go. They should have made going a priority.
Some people, she knew, wouldn’t remember one random story from two years before. But Jack would. He always did.
He placed his arms around her and tugged her back gently against his chest, comforting her. Her temple rested against his cheek. Was it her imagination, or did his lips skim near the edge of her eyebrow?
For one second she stiffened, before giving in to the urge to be comforted. She and Jack had hugged before. Many times, actually. She was the one making it weird right now, with all of these unexplainable feelings swirling through her every time he got close.
Attendees would arrive any minute, and then they’d be busy schmoozing the room and fixing more problems that were sure to arise once extra people factored in; but for now, this one moment, no one needed them, and everyone was too busy to gossip about how close they were.
With a sigh, she sank into him, placing a hand on his suited forearm.
“How are you doing tonight?” he murmured, the brush of his lips on her ear sending shivers down her arms. She should move, not breathe him in, not let the familiar woodsy scent of his cologne cloud her mind.
“I’m good,” she breathed. “This thing miraculously came together.”
“You know what I mean,” he said.
She sighed, her mind clearing at the reminders. She turned toward him, feeling both bereft and relieved when his arms dropped. She needed space. But she craved the closeness.
“I’m sorry this is tonight,” he said.
She blinked back tears she hadn’t realized were so close to the surface. “You know what’s funny? I was dreading it, but now that I’m here, it feels like we’re celebrating this amazing thing that Dallon did. What better night to do that than on the anniversary of his death?”
Jack’s eyes softened, and his hand came up to softly draw back some hair that had fallen in her face, his fingers lightly skimming her skin. “You’re pretty amazing.”
Her face heated up. In fact, the temperature in the entire room seemed to have risen.
His eyes scanned hers as though searching for something. What? She didn’t know, but she held her breath. His hand dropped to her shoulder, which he squeezed gently. “People are starting to arrive. Should we go greet them?”
What had he almost said? She knew him well enough to know he was holding something back. He held out his arm, and she linked hers into it.
“What did Dr. Danforth want to talk to you about earlier?”
He stumbled slightly. Not enough for anyone but her to notice. “Nothing much.”
She glanced at him, hoping to get him to meet her eye, but he focused on the people who were starting to come into the ballroom, and extended a warm enough greeting that she knew he was trying to cover for something.
Jack and Holly spent the next thirty minutes welcoming people and directing them to their seats. At some point, they got separated and drawn into different conversations, so it wasn’t until dinner was announced and they sat beside each other that she saw him again.
“You’re keeping something from me,” she whispered to him as she placed her cloth napkin in her lap.
Jack reached over the table to get the pitcher of lemonade to pour into both of their cups. She placed her hand on his arm, and he went still. “We can talk later,” he said, his voice grim.
Nerves settled in the pit of her stomach. Something was definitely wrong.
Chapter 25
By the time Jared Jennings had finished his moving keynote, earning him a standing ovation, Holly had managed to nearly forget her concern about Jack. He talked and laughed beside her, engaging their colleagues more than he usually did. Perhaps he was feeling the magical spirit of the night as well.
The quartet had taken a break to eat some dinner, and the concert pianist began to play an expressive rendition of “O Holy Night.” Holly’s dinner plate had been taken away before Jared’s keynote, and now the waitstaff delivered a slice of multilayered black forest cake.
“This is your doing, isn’t it?” Jack teased her. He’d eaten the cherry garnish from his slice, and then had pushed the rest of it back.
“You put me in charge,” she reminded him. “You could have ordered fresh fruit otherwise.”
The corner of his lips tipped upward in a way that made her stomach swirl. “True. But I can eat yours.” He reached over to pluck her cherry from her slice before she could stop him—not that she wanted the cherry, but it was the principle. Too quickly, he slid it into his mouth, the sugar glaze making the inner layer of his lips slightly pinker than before.
Her cheeks went hot again. They really needed to turn the heat down in this place.
“You did a great job.”
“Thanks,” she said, focusing on her cake, which now tasted like nothing, as though her taste buds had seized under the sight of the cherry getting stolen.
More the sight of him eating it, she thought before she could censor herself.
“Want to dance?” she surprised herself by asking.
If Jack was surprised at all, he didn’t show it. He only held out his hand for her to take. She slipped her fingers between his and followed him out to the dance floor.
“The song’s almost over,” she said, tugging him to a stop at the edge of the portable dance floor Peter and Jillian had the hotel staff install for the evening.
“Then we’d better dance while we can.” Jack pulled her close to him, keeping one of her hands in his while he placed his other on her waist. The closing notes of the song rang through the room, and in the beat of quiet that followed, Holly looked up at Jack and caught her breath at the intensity of his gaze. Had he ever looked at her so thoroughly, so powerfully? She could get swept away in that gaze, never to return.
Another song started, pulling them from their reverie, but instead of letting her go, Jack continued to hold her close. A few other couples joined them on the dance floor as the stirring strains of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” played.
“What are you doing or Christmas this year?” Jack asked.
“Work.” Holly volunteered to work the holiday so that others with families could be home with their kids. Without her mom, Dallon, and now her dad, she had no one. She’d much rather be in the hospital, helping people, than sitting at home, counting down the hours until Christmas was over. “You?” she asked.
“I’ve got Shiloh from noon on. I think we’re going to meet my brother’s family in Denver for dinner and a movie.”
“Sounds nice,” she said, maybe sounding more wistful than she’d intended.
“We’d love to have you.”
“No, you have fun with your family.” The word sent a twinge of sadness through her that she didn’t expect. Was she now the kind of friend who couldn’t be happy that her very closest friend had family to love and be with him during the holidays? No, she refused to fall down that rabbit hole of self-pity.
Jack sang the last line of the song quietly, just for her, and she closed her eyes against the overwhelming wave of longing that threatened to take her under. The song ended, but Holly stood in place, suspended in this moment, not wanting anything to break in and change it. In the distance, she heard people clapping, and then the introduction of a new song.
�
��Excuse me.” Dr. Graham, a lovely man who had served as her mentor for several years, stood beside them. “Would you mind if I have this dance?”
The sounds and motion of the night rushed back into Holly’s senses, and she wondered how long she’d been standing there with Jack, lost in him. It had felt like minutes but had likely only been a fraction of a second. Jack gave her a small wink and stood back.
She perked up at the upbeat tune of “Here Comes Santa Claus.” “Can we dance to this?”
Dr. Graham’s eyes lit up with mischief. “I can.”
With that, he took her willing hand and led her out into the middle of the dance floor, with a twist that brought her skirt in a wide motion around her and sent everyone cheering.
She laughed, her cheeks flushed as Dr. Graham—at least a foot taller than her, and apparently more athletic—took her through the most aerobic dance she’d ever been a part of. From the corner of her eye, she caught Jack messaging someone on his phone, looking serious again, but before she could think too much about it, Dr. Graham whisked her away to another area of the dance floor.
When the song finished, the people around them whistled and clapped, and she and Dr. Graham bowed. After that, the dance floor filled with a bunch of couples ready to show off their moves.
“That was something,” Holly said, still a little out of breath. She placed a hand over her racing heart.
“Thank you,” Dr. Graham said. “My wife is unable to dance this year but encouraged me to give the floor a spin.” He motioned to where his wife sat close by, her ankle encased in a boot.
“That wasn’t from dancing, right?”
Dr. Graham laughed. “We actually met and fell in love when we were dance partners in college. But no, she had a slight altercation with a curb, and the curb won, unfortunately.”
Their story lit a spark of curiosity in Holly. Maybe another good fit for the show?
She filed the idea away to come back to after Christmas, said goodbye, and walked back to Jack, who looked entirely too serious for a Christmas party. “Is everything okay?” she asked.
“Just texting Megan.” He stuck his phone in his pocket before she could see what they’d written.
“Are you two …?” She didn’t know how to finish that question. Were they dating? Were they together? Had she succeeded in finding him his one great love?
He shook his head, and she had no idea what that meant—since she had no idea what question she was going to ask.
She wanted to press him more, but she knew from long experience that Jack Shay wasn’t going to say what was on his mind until he was ready.
The rest of the night went by in a blur of lights, music, and magic. Holly had never imagined she could feel so lighthearted on this very day. The crowd started to thin as the hours wore on. First the quartet left, then their basketball star keynote, and then a crew began to lift the dance floor.
She glanced at Jack after each goodbye, but he was back on his phone again, texting Megan. She should be thrilled. She’d been successful. Megan and Jack clearly had a connection—who else had Holly ever seen Jack text spontaneously before? No one. He was not the type to have text conversations.
Unless they were with Holly.
“Great job, you two.” Dr. Danforth shook each of their hands as he headed out the door. “Between Jared’s donation and the One Great Love Story proceeds, we’ve bought ourselves another year.”
Her heart soared. Another year was enough for now. “Thank you.”
The last of the guests cleared out, leaving only the pianist still going through his folder of music. While the hotel staff cleared the tables, Jack and Holly walked over to the platform and sat on the edge of it. She’d been on her feet for hours now, and it felt good to sit.
“Can you believe it’s over?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said. “And I never want to throw a party like this again.”
She nudged his shoulder with hers. “Yes, because it was so much work handing it all off to me.”
He laughed and remained close beside her, their arms touching, as they watched the staff pull down the tablecloths. The lighting still remained dim, the room glowing only from the white Christmas lights strung from the ceiling, as if they too weren’t quite ready for the artificial lighting to steal the magic away.
In the background, she realized she could hear the soft plunking of “Bring a Torch, Jeanette Isabella.” It was lighter and more movingly melodic than any of the other songs the pianist played that night, in a way she couldn’t explain.
“Hey, don’t underestimate what I did for the cause. Going on blind dates is no joke.”
“Two of your dates canceled, and you already knew Megan. So you actually hung out twice with me, and then again with someone you’d already met, which equals zero blind dates.”
“But they would have been blind dates if the women shown up.”
“True,” Holly conceded. “But they didn’t. So no, I don’t feel bad for you getting to skate and decorate cookies while I was planning the party.”
At this, he nudged his shoulder against hers, keeping it there. “Wait. Who planned the party?”
She felt him looking at her, but she refused to give in and look back. “Me. With some delegation, of course. Like any good leader would do.”
From the corner of her eye, she saw him tip his head back with a smile. She could watch him like this all night—relaxed, happy, not looking as though he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.
“I like you like this,” she said, impulsively.
“Like what?”
“Happy.” This time when she felt him looking at her, she turned and met his gaze.
“I am happy,” he said quietly. His face relaxed, and his lips tilted upwards. The look in his eyes, though. It was fiery, and its heat was directed right at her.
Holly’s heart skipped a beat.
“Are you happy?” he asked, and it took all of the concentration she had left to piece his words together into coherent thought.
“Yes,” she whispered. She couldn’t remember a time in recent history when she was filled with such intoxicating emotions. Happiness? Yes, that was it. Maybe.
Maybe it was something more, though.
Jack kept his eyes open, watching her as he slowly leaned forward, his mouth coming closer and closer to hers. She held her breath but didn’t move one bit. Her heart beat like a whoosh through her ears until the sound of it drowned out everything else in the room. Her eyes fluttered shut, all reasonable thought leaving her but being in this moment, right here with Jack.
He paused, his lips a mere breath away from hers, and with an almost involuntary push, like a magnet being drawn toward metal, Holly closed the gap between them.
It wasn’t long before Holly was lost in the kiss: the smoothness of Jack’s freshly shaved jaw, the sweetness of the cherries, the hotness of their lips together. But even more than the physical, she was taken aback by the emotional surge of closeness and completeness she felt with him. At some point, she’d turned to him, tangling her hands in his hair, their deepening kiss becoming a thing of paradoxes: both hungry and filling. Both exhilarating and secure. Completely beautiful, but achingly so.
Holly didn’t know how long they sat there, intertwined in one another, both giving and receiving and being completely lost in this kiss—Could such a moment be described with one inadequate word as that?—when the lights turned on overhead, flooding the room with fluorescence. The light smacked against Holly’s senses, sending her reeling backwards, and then scrambling to her feet and a few steps away from the platform. Coldness rushed in where Jack had once been, and her mind cleared suddenly.
What was she doing? This was Jack. Jack! Her best friend. Not someone to kiss and to fall in l— No. She couldn’t even think it. She backed away, her heart racing, both from the sensations of Jack’s skin on hers still reeling through her and from recrimination flooding her mind.
What had she done? How
could she? And on this of all nights?
Worse, she’d opened her heart to him. She felt him there even now, and his soft smile was starting to fade as he maybe realized, along with her, that they’d made a huge mistake.
“Holly.” He stood, came close, his hand outstretched.
She stepped back as if he were a striking snake. She didn’t trust herself to touch him. Not with the way every nerve ending longed to be back in his arms. “Jack, we’re both lonely, caught up in tonight, I don’t know—”
“I love you.”
Jack’s words stopped Holly’s rambling in its tracks. Startled, she looked at him, which was a huge mistake. He stood in front of her, his face open and vulnerable in a way she’d never seen it before.
“No,” she whispered. “You can’t.”
“I do.” He shook his head ruefully, like he could hardly imagine it himself. “I love you so much I don’t know how to hold it in anymore.”
He had to stop saying it. It felt like a bullet shooting through her heart every time. She closed her eyes but felt him move closer.
“I don’t know when it started, Holly. Maybe I’ve been in love with you since medical school, even, and didn’t want to admit it. I’ve been drawn to you since then for sure. And sometime, slowly, over the last couple of years, my feelings have changed. I’ve never felt for anyone what I feel for you. When I’m not with you, I’m thinking about you, wanting to be with you. And when we are together, I’m happiest. I’m a better person when I’m with you.”
Holly caught her breath in her chest. No, no, no, no, no. “Jack,” she said, her heart breaking. She tried to speak again, but her throat was so tight, she couldn’t get the words through.
“You don’t have to say anything tonight,” Jack said tenderly, patiently. “I’ve had a lot more time to process this than you have.”
She swallowed and tried to speak again, but only managed to get out, “I can’t.” The words tore through her heart, rending it even further. She swiveled and ran for the exit needing fresh air.
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