by Tina Beckett
But the idea of actually waking up next to her tomorrow morning?
That was a heady thought. A new shot of adrenaline burst onto the scene, bringing with it the same urgency he’d felt the last time he had been with her.
Spinning with her in his arms, he pushed her heavy jacket off her shoulders, letting it fall next to his. Then he leaned down and picked her up, carrying her to the room just behind the living room, where a bed covered with a simple cotton spread was waiting. “Drop or place?”
She laughed. “Surprise me.”
His inclination was to watch her fall in a delicious heap on that bed, but since he didn’t know how thick the mattress was, he decided to lower her gently instead, setting her in the exact center, head on the pillows. He followed her down, covering her body with his, loving the feel of clothing against clothing, knowing soon enough that was all going to change. But if he only had one night, he was going to take pleasure in the small things. In every second he had with her.
He slid one leg between hers, enjoying the way her softness cradled his body. Those curves and swells that seemed to welcome him home.
Home.
She was. Even as his mouth trailed up her neck and slid across her jawline, something tickled at the back of his thoughts. A little yellow light that signaled, Caution! Judge your distance and choose well. Hell, right now he wasn’t going to judge anything. He was not going to wait for that red light—he was barreling right through this intersection no matter what the cost.
Hollee murmured something against his mouth, and he leaned back slightly to look at her. God, she was gorgeous, even as her eyes fluttered open and looked up at him with a slight questioning frown. He trailed an index finger down her nose. “It’s okay. I just needed to see you. Do you know what you do to me?”
“Pretty sure.” She wiggled against him. “If this is what I’m hoping it is.”
“Oh, it is.” He laughed. “It definitely is.”
With that all the questions were done as he rolled over, taking her with him until she was sprawled on top of him. And when he pushed up into her, she bit his lip hard enough to make a shudder roll over him.
He wanted this woman with everything that he was. “Sit up, honey.”
Doing as he asked, she straddled him, her legs pressed against the outsides of his thighs, giving a little wiggle. Hell.
“Like this?”
“Just like that.” He reached up and slid his fingers through her hair, combing it back over her shoulders. “I want you to like this. Okay?”
“I promise I will like it.” Her brows went up. “Okay?”
It was more than okay.
She leaned down and unbuttoned the long-sleeved black shirt he’d put on for the ceremony earlier—why did that suddenly seem like ages ago?—tilting back when her fingers reached the spot where the buttons disappeared between her legs. The implication of her long pause made his mouth water. Then she went up on her knees and tugged his shirt free, so she could get at the rest of the buttons. When she settled back in place, she was centered on him in a way that shot a burst of hormones through his system.
And lust. That sin he’d mentioned a few minutes ago.
“God, Hollee.”
She made slow circles with her hips, a knowing smile on her face as she watched him. Then her teeth clutched her lip as the movements changed, rocking back and forth and adding a bit more pressure. If she kept that up, they were not going to need the entire night. He reached for her, shoving her turtleneck up her torso, glorying in the way she lifted her arms to let him pull it over her head. Next came her bra, exposing more silky skin to his touch.
“Come here. I want to kiss you.”
Hollee leaned forward, her breasts mashing against his chest in a way that made him take her mouth with a fierceness that surprised even him. She was heaven on earth. And she was all his. At least for tonight.
Her tongue licked across his lips, nipping at the corners, before she kissed him deeply once again. All the while her hips kept up that tormenting motion, making the fire that was already raging in his veins grow more intense by the minute. He did not want to ask her to get off him, but if he didn’t he couldn’t finish undressing her, and if he didn’t finish undressing her...
He sat up, taking her with him, wrapping his arms around her back, his mouth still tight against hers. Finally he pulled back an inch or two. “Do you think you can stand up?”
“Possibly. My legs are a little questionable.”
He chuckled. “Okay, then I’ll do the standing.”
Tipping her off to the side, she gave a squeal before laughing. “No fair.”
“Nothing about this is fair.” He stood, finding his own legs less than co-operative, but he somehow managed to shrug his shirt the rest of the way off, before divesting himself of his jeans and the remainder of his clothes. Then he undid Hollee’s pants and tugged them down her legs, followed by her lacy undergarments. When he sat back down on the bed he was sheathed, his erection heavy and, oh, so ready.
Hollee must have sensed it as well, because in a flash she’d come around and straddled his hips again, her hands sliding up either side of his face. Her fingers feathered down his scars, her eyes following their track. Before he could frown, she touched her lips to the one on his cheek. “So sexy. So very you.”
Then she rose up just enough to position him before coming down hard, the sudden squeezing heat that enveloped him taking his breath away. He curved his arms up her naked back, palms cupping her shoulders as she continued to take him inside her. The intimacy of her whole body sliding against his was something he would never forget. Never wanted to forget.
Her lips were at his ear, her breath warm and sexy, hissing out with each downward pump. One of his hands slid deep into her hair, bringing her face around until her lips were barely against his. He brushed over them again and again, the light contact contrasting with the full-on impact of what was happening below.
His tongue tingled with the urge to thrust into her mouth, but he held off, knowing once he did that it was all over. With one hand still in her hair, the other trailed down her back, coming to rest just above her butt. He pulled her in tighter, trying to up the contact point between them. It worked, because she moaned his name, her movements growing slightly erratic as he kept her pressed against him.
He could feel the building pressure, praying he could hold it off long enough for her to get what she needed. He angled his hips higher. Pushed harder.
Suddenly her knees clamped against his thighs, using the leverage to propel herself up. Then she shoved herself down and held tight, her body going off all around him in way that brought ecstasy. And need. In a second he’d flipped her on her back and rode her even as he poured himself into her in a rush that consumed every thought in his head.
His movements slowed, her legs wrapping around him as if afraid he was leaving.
Not a chance. There was nowhere he wanted to be other than here. With her.
Nowhere.
That thought spun round and round in his head like it was a centrifuge, separating out the feelings that were packaged inside that single word and whipping them away until only one emotion remained. The most important one of all.
Hell.
He loved her. She’d just incinerated all those layers of denial he’d been building over these last few weeks, until there was no longer any hiding from the truth.
Somewhere in the middle of that revelation he’d come to a stop, his body resting against hers, not sure what he was supposed to do with what he’d just realized.
Why did he have to do anything? They only had tomorrow and then they were headed back to Arlington. There was plenty of time to think about whether he should act on this. Or whether he should just let it fade away. Again.
And until then he was going to do exactly what he’d said he was go
ing to do. Hold her until morning dawned and hope by then he’d come up with a plan that actually made sense. So he rolled off her and pulled her back against his chest.
“Mmm... Clancy?”
“Yes?” He loved how rumbly her voice was. Loved that it was because of what they’d just done.
“Can I sleep in your bed?”
He chuckled. “I thought it was your bed. I was planning on taking the couch.”
A deep sigh rolled up from inside her. “I could argue this point, but I won’t. So I’ll just change the question. Will you sleep in my bed?”
He tucked her tighter against his hips. “Yes. I will, Hollee. Gladly.”
* * *
She couldn’t remember the number of times he’d woken her in the night. But his need for her had been heady. He was still sound asleep, and as much as she loved watching him, she could already see light coming through the thin shades. The sun was up. Since her phone wasn’t nearby, she had no idea what time it actually was. Or if their hosts were waiting for them up at the house.
Or worse, if someone came knocking on the door...
“Clancy.” She breathed his name right against his ear.
His eyes fluttered open. He looked at her with a slight frown. “You’re here.”
Something about that made her blink. Where had he thought she’d be? She’d asked him to stay with her.
Unless she was putting emphasis on the wrong word. Maybe it was the “you’re” she should be focusing on. Surely he remembered who he was sleeping with.
Her insecurities about all the women Clancy had slept with when they’d been younger melded with Jacob’s later rejections and she stood in a rush, her legs not quite ready to hold her. She braced them beneath her.
Clancy didn’t form attachments. She’d learned that the hard way. Had she expected that to change, just because it was her in his bed rather than someone else?
“Hey.” He held out a hand to her. “What is it?”
“Nothing.”
“Didn’t we already talk about lying?”
She gritted her teeth for a second. “It’s light outside. We probably need to check on mom and baby.” She found her clothes, pulling them on as fast as she could.
He sat up. “Slow down for a minute.”
“You were right last night. We shouldn’t have done this.”
Reaching out, he grabbed her hand, stopping her frenetic movements. “Why not, exactly?”
Blinking hard, she decided to just lance the poison all at once and let it out. “I’m not like you. I can’t just sleep with someone and then move on to the next person.”
There was silence for what seemed like forever. “Meaning?”
She shook her head, feeling foolish somehow. So what if she wasn’t as experienced as he was?
God, she knew exactly who he was, so why was she suddenly attacking him for this particular character trait? It wasn’t like he’d tricked her into sleeping with him. No, it had been her choice. Wise or not. She needed to own it. But before she could say anything, Clancy beat her to it.
“I remember Jacob once saying something very similar to me. Going on and on about how different he was from me.” A pulse worked in his temple, and he got up and gathered his clothes together. His mouth thinned, and he seemed to be warring with something. “I know you think the man you married was a real paragon of virtue—someone worthy of sainthood—but you might be surprised.”
There was an ugly bitterness in his voice that shocked her.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Was he actually going to talk badly about someone who’d once been his best friend?
“I mean Jacob wasn’t who you thought he was.”
She swallowed, waiting for him to say the words that she’d somehow known in her heart but had never really been able to face. “He cheated on me, didn’t he?”
He didn’t say a word, just stood there like the damn stone that he was.
The world around her turned white for a terrifying second before a wave of fury swept over her. “How could you keep something like that from me?”
He headed for the bathroom, but there was no way she was going to let him walk away from this.
She ran over and grabbed his arm, and he stopped but he didn’t turn around. That’s when she realized with startling clarity that he knew—knew—beyond a shadow of a doubt that what she’d suspected was true.
A question burned on her tongue like acid.
“Why do you think...?” She changed to different words. “How do you know?”
“I saw him. And he admitted it.”
She let go of him, wrapping her arms around her midsection as wave after wave of hurt went through her. “And yet you said nothing. Just let him off without even a warning.”
“You have no idea what I did or didn’t do. But you’re right about one thing. This was a mistake. One that won’t happen again.”
Before she could say anything else, he was through the bathroom door, shutting it behind him. Seconds later, she heard the sounds of the shower going.
She sank onto the bed, her thoughts swirling. Jacob had cheated on her.
And Clancy had known about it and had never seen fit to tell her. He’d just let her go on as if everything had been fine, when it hadn’t been. He was supposed to have been her friend.
But evidently he had been Jacob’s friend first.
So much for thinking her husband had simply not been ready for children. Had he and Clancy laughed about how gullible she was?
It all made so much sense now. Her horror grew until it was all-encompassing. She decided she wasn’t going to wait for Clancy to get out of the bathroom. She was going to get her coat on and walk up to the house and see how mom and baby were doing.
And then, like it or not, she was going to have to ride back to town with him on that damned ATV. But that was the end.
She could either wallow in the past and rail against the present, or she could make a choice of her own: to finally move on with her life. Without Jacob or Clancy or the phantoms that would bang at her door whenever she saw him.
Maybe this had been about closure. She’d needed to know how the story turned out. And now she did.
Just like that, a long chapter in her life slammed shut.
As they headed back to town an hour later, Hollee only had one thought: she hoped like hell she was strong enough to leave it shut.
CHAPTER TEN
TWO WEEKS AND COUNTING, and it still hurt.
It was Christmas Eve. The artificial trees in the hospital foyer still blazed with lights and fake snowflakes still twirled from the ceiling, but the holiday had lost its luster somehow.
And she knew exactly the reason.
Clancy had disappeared from the hospital a few days after they’d got back. The official word was that he’d taken a little personal time. But rumor had it that he was rejoining the military. And yet Clancy’s shadow was still here. In the hospital newsletter about the trip to Bender, in the pictures of him as Santa that still circulated around the hospital from time to time.
Whoever had said it was better to have loved and lost hadn’t known what the hell they were talking about. Because if she’d insisted on going straight back to the compound after delivering that baby, instead of agreeing to sleep over, she might not even know what she was losing. But standing here today...
She knew. And it hurt so much she could barely breathe.
She and Kristen had had a sit-down talk, and her friend had vehemently disagreed with her for not going after Clancy. But how could she when he’d kept something so devastating from her?
When his life pattern was to walk away from anyone that might get too close?
He hadn’t tried to contact her. She’d watched her phone for any signs that she’d missed a call. She hadn’t.
She was just turning in the last of her paperwork for her shift when Ava appeared at the nurses’ desk wearing an elf hat and long Christmas-tree earrings. Hollee smiled when she saw her, although her chest was tight.
Please, don’t let her mention Clancy.
“You look festive.”
“Thanks.” Ava brushed one of the silver earrings and sent the bells on the tree jingling. “I have to wear this stuff while I can. Christmas is almost over.”
Yes, it was. And right now she was glad.
“The baby?”
“She’s fine. But Jen-Jen isn’t who I came to talk about. Do you have a minute?”
Oh, Lord, this was about Clancy.
“I was just getting ready to leave, actually.”
“It won’t take long. And it’s something you need to know.”
A horrible thought hit her. “Is Clancy okay?”
“No. He’s not.”
Her lungs stalled. “Wh-what is it?”
Ava nodded toward the waiting room that was just down the hallway, setting those ridiculous earrings jingling. Once they got there, Hollee dropped into a chair, her heart clanging like a gong. “Ava, please, just tell me.”
“I will, but I need to let you know about something else first. And I want you to know that I’m breaking a promise to Clancy in doing this.”
“If he doesn’t want you to tell me...”
“I have to. You’ll see why in a minute. And I’m hoping it’ll clear up a few things in the process.”
This time Hollee didn’t say anything, she just nodded for her to continue.
“It’s about Jen-Jen’s christening.”
Maybe this didn’t have anything to do with Clancy after all. “Please, don’t feel pressured to invite me—”
Ava held up her hand. “Not only are you invited, but I want you to be her godmother.”
Before she had a chance to digest that bit of information or respond to it, her friend continued.