"And what is that?" Ladia prodded, "What did Sarasin give up?"
"Her innocence, her youth. I am her very being, her soul."
"Her soul?" Ladia repeated in a skeptical and almost disgusted tone, "You are my living daughter's spirit?"
"Look at her," Little Sarasin held her hands out to Sarasin, "She is a defeated husk of a person. Her arms are littered with self-inflicted wounds; her dependence on alcohol is unrivaled. As soon as she puts on her makeup, she has to redo it because the tears are unending. She is missing something very important, the very thing that makes her a being. Yes, she lives, bleeds and dreams like you but she is empty. I am what is missing from your daughter, I am what can make her whole, and only God can reunite us."
"God?" Ladia looked over at Sarasin, who lowered her head in response, "Which God? The Brothers? Igo? Dura'ana?"
"The one that supplies all life," Little Sarasin explained, "The cornerstone of this planet. God is Duraan and Duraan is God, for so long he simply was, he slept in a sense. But he has found his way, gathered himself and finally learned how to manifest."
"What does God want?" Ladia asked. Her voice remained skeptical, though she spoke quickly, almost frantically, "Why does he want to make my daughter whole? Why does he want to reunite you?"
"He… knows all. He hears every thought and feels every tear," Little Sarasin said with a matter-of-fact tone, "Just like you love your daughter, he loves her too. He wants to heal us, everyone, to help the world find peace. Our wars have hurt him, our constant fighting and destruction of the planet; it all pains him greatly in a physical sense. He wants to finally see everyone happy, starting with her."
Sarasin looked over at her mother. Ladia smiled weakly at her and then closed her eyes. She took in a deep breath, and Commander Crinnan wrapped his arm around her. Ladia shrugged him away for she still felt sour about his outburst from earlier.
"So what do we need to do, sweet girl?" Ladia finally asked as she turned her head back toward Little Sarasin, "How can we... make you make you whole again?"
"She needs to come to God," Little Sarasin explained, "Only in his presence will we truly be capable of joining together... we can undo all the horror that she has endured, she can start anew."
"What do you mean?" Sarasin nervously asked, "How could all this possibly go away?"
"He can make you forget," Little Sarasin enthusiastically stepped forward with wide, hopeful eyes, "I can... we can live again together as was intended, just like Eliss. All that you have gone through, everything you have endured can go away. You can begin again, forge new memories! God can make all that happen for you."
Sarasin thought over what Little Sarasin was saying. The idea of it all sounded beautiful, the thought of forgetting Korros and the crimes she had committed. She wouldn't have to see the faces of the innocent ones she had slain in her dreams anymore; their cries of pain and pleading words wouldn't keep her awake at night. She looked from her scarred arms to her mother.
"Please," her voice was a whisper, her tone solemn. She wanted a new life she wanted to leave her current one behind forever. Ladia nodded slowly and gently combed her fingers through her daughter's hair.
"Do you deserve redemption, child?" She asked. Her words were more of an audible thought than a question, "Do you deserve... to live?"
Sarasin burst into tears and lowered her head. While she knew her mother loved her, she was also well aware of the hate that boiled inside her. She knew that Ladia despised the atrocities her daughter had committed under the banner of Govia, and Sarasin did not blame her. In her mind, the answer was no; she neither deserved redemption nor life.
"Sarasin will and should die," Little Sarasin promised, "Sayraa will rise in her place. She will be yours once again, mother. You will have the opportunity to instill in her your morals, your will. You can be her mother again."
Ladia's face twisted from her inner turmoil. She wanted Sayraa back, to see her daughter with fresh eyes that lacked judgment. She caressed Sarasin's beautiful red hair once again and closed her eyes.
"Then we shall make it so," Ladia sighed, "We must. Sarasin does deserve to die, but Sayraa, my Sayraa deserves to live! My poor girl never had a chance. She never had an opportunity."
Ladia reached out with both hands and lifted Sarasin's head so that their eyes were level. Ladia wore a look of intensity that Sarasin had never seen before. She pressed their foreheads together, and her tears began to fall again.
"I should have protected you," Ladia admitted somberly, "I should have been a better mother. You are like this because I failed. Perhaps through all this, we can both find redemption."
The mother and daughter gently wept together, and Commander Crinnan watched reverently. He was, for the most part, completely in the dark as to what was going on. He could not see Little Sarasin; he barely understood that she was there with them.
Cautiously, Crinnan reached out and placed his palm on his wife's back. He felt her warmth through her clothing and gently rubbed his hand up and down, doing his best to be supportive. She did not shrug or swat him away this time, and so he leaned in and wrapped his arms around both his wife and daughter.
"It sounds like you two have some very important work to do," Crinnan whispered as his girls trembled in his arms, "What do I need to do to help?"
"The Govian," Ladia quickly replied as she broke away from her family. She sat up straight and turned resolutely toward her husband, "Fetch him, now. Sayraa and I... we are leaving."
"Gerard?" Sarasin wiped a tear from under her eye and cleared her throat, "But why would you save him?"
"Because he loves you, he is sworn to protect you," Ladia replied, "We may need him."
"Very well," Crinnan stood from his seat and walked toward the door. He was apprehensive about his wife's plan but in spite of her past treachery he trusted her, "I will get him."
"Bring him to the hangar," Ladia commanded her husband, "Be quick..." Commander Crinnan nodded and hurried out the door. Sarasin looked at her mother and then to Little Sarasin and felt a wave of relief cascade over her.
"I am sorry," Sarasin said to her younger self, "Forever doubting you." Little Sarasin smiled and approached her.
"I never doubted you, Sarasin," she said as she reached out and grabbed her hand, "And soon, neither will you."
***
"Clear out!" Ladia shouted at the hangar staff as she and Sarasin burst through the entrance, "Now!"
The Black Knights all wore confused looks as they obeyed Vice-Commander Jamiso's order. They did not need to know her reasoning, she outranked them, and it was their duty to follow her command. When the hangar was finally clear, Ladia turned to her daughter.
"We will take a sparrow," she pointed to the small flyers on the second level and gently pushed on Sarasin's back as she guided her forward, "One should be big enough for the three of us. Wherever we are going, wherever God is, that should get us there."
"Where are we going?" Sarasin asked her younger self. Little Sarasin looked up at her and beamed.
"To the island," she smiled as if the thought of it made her warm, "Halfway between Redodra and Westlaan and then we go north as far as we can."
"Westlaan," Sarasin mumbled as she thought of the forsaken continent. She, in her time as a high ranking Govian official, had condemned many people to the prison lands. The Westlaani terrain was treacherous and littered with gigantic beasts. Govia, of course, had an outpost there, but it was heavily fortified and well out of reach of the prisoners.
"The island is unlike anything you have ever seen," Little Sarasin beamed, "Lush and fertile, filled with every kind of animal, and the flowers! Oh, the flowers are a sight to see. Other people like me, those of us who have unfinished business, we live there in peace and harmony. It is... heavenly."
Sarasin thought of the flower that grew through the sidewalk in Canrom City only a few nights prior. While she didn't know it at the time, she realized that it had been God reaching out to her. She
took in a deep breath and closed her eyes.
"How far is it?" Ladia asked, "How long will the journey take?"
"It is nearly six thousand miles from here. It will be a long journey," Little Sarasin turned and looked toward the bay doors that led outside, "But worthwhile."
Commander Crinnan burst inside, nearly dragging a limping Gerard behind him. He looked up and smiled as Sarasin ran up and threw her arms around her protector.
"I am so glad to see you, Gerard," she smiled as she embraced him. Gerard was a different kind of family to her. He had protected her, fought for her and supported her when nobody else would. His undying commitment was everything she had needed to keep going. Without him and Eryc and even Quint, she may not have made it as far as she had. Gerard gave her a weak grin and with a grunt, nodded his head.
"Glad to be here," Gerard mumbled, "We are... leaving?
"Yes," Sarasin pointed up toward the sparrows on the second floor, "We are going somewhere far away, somewhere safe."
"Fine by me," Gerard stepped forward, and Ladia glanced his way and then sighed.
"I did not realize he was so injured," She grumbled as they locked the door and made their way to the second floor, "Is he going to slow us down?"
"I will be fine, my lady," Gerard insisted. He kept pace with the others, mostly to prove he was capable. Gaians were made to take damage. While he was indeed very much wounded and weakened, it did not limit his abilities. If the need arose, he was confident he would be able to fight.
Ladia hurried to one of the sparrows and stopped to wait for the others. They were small, narrow reconnaissance vehicles, about the size of a car. They had two rows of seating and a hatch in the back with enough room for a small amount of equipment. There was a small machine gun mounted to the front, just under the nose and when the vehicle was parked, the wings folded up to the roof and then collapsed to half their size for easy storage.
"Alright," Ladia sighed as the others joined her, "In you go, big guy."
Gerard opened the back door and grumbled as he squeezed his large body inside. He had to hunch over considerably to fit, and he glared at Sarasin as she closed the door behind him.
Commander Crinnan approached his wife, and she stared at him with cold eyes. He pursed his lips and nodded his head.
"I am still angry with you," She muttered as he wrapped his arms around her, "But I love you."
"Please be safe," Crinnan whispered, "I don't want to lose you, my love."
"I will be fine," Ladia rolled her eyes and caressed her husband's cheek, "And when I get back, maybe I'll have lightened up enough for you to show me how sorry you are." Crinnan chuckled and kissed his wife. When he pulled away, he saw that Sarasin was shaking her head in disgust at her mother's innuendo.
"And you too, honey," Crinnan walked over to his daughter and hugged her tight, "I'm proud of you. No matter what. Never doubt that." He kissed the top of Sarasin's head and she for a moment rested her ear against his chest. She could feel and hear his heart beating, just like she used to when she was a child. It soothed her, gave her comfort. As he pulled away, she realized she didn't want to let go.
"I love you, daddy," Sarasin called out, just before she got in the sparrow. Crinnan gave her a wink, and she closed the door behind her. Ladia gave Crinnan one more glance before reaching for her door handle.
"Hey," He shouted as he reached out and grabbed the frame of the door. Ladia looked up at him, and he smiled down at her.
"Be good."
"Fuck that," Ladia smiled and let out a low chuckle as she pulled the door shut and Crinnan stepped back.
The engines of the sparrow whirred to life, and the wings unfolded and stretched outward. The sparrow lifted about a foot off the ground and hovered in place as Crinnan hurried over to the hangar door controls. He gave his girls one last look and a final wave as he pushed the open button on the console before him.
The doors rumbled and groaned as they slowly crept open. Sarasin sat in the front seat next to her mother and glanced back at Gerard. He gave her a gentle smile, and she turned back toward the front glass.
"You will guide us, right?" Ladia asked as she looked up into the rearview mirror. Unbeknownst to Gerard, Little Sarasin was seated next to him, and she nodded at her mother in response.
"What?" Gerard said, confused by the sudden question, "I do not know where…"
"She is not talking to you, Gerard," Sarasin interrupted, "Just relax."
"Oh," Gerard shook his head and looked out his window, "So your mother… she talks to herself too, huh?"
"Gerard," Sarasin shot her protector a glare and he smirked in response.
"Fine," He tried to recline in his seat and did his best to stretch his legs, "I will not worry about it."
"Oh fuck!" Ladia suddenly shouted. Sarasin quickly looked out the front glass to see dozens of Govian soldiers pouring from the open doors and onto the first level of the hangar. Ladia snapped her head backward to Crinnan, who in response waved her forward.
"Go!" She heard him shout, "Get out of here. I got this!"
"Go, mommy!" Little Sarasin shouted from the backseat, "Daddy will be fine!"
She hesitated for a moment and then as she cocked her head and groaned, she hit the thruster. The sparrow shot forward toward the door, and Ladia flicked the headlights on. As she looked down the tunnel, she could see hundreds of Govian soldiers running toward the open door. Bullets rang toward them and pinged off the metal flyer, Ladia clenched her teeth and turned her head toward Sarasin.
"Take the weapons controller!" She shouted, "Shoot them!"
Sarasin reached out and grabbed hold of the triggered stick on the dash in front of her. A laser sight designated her target as she moved the stick and as she directed the barrel of the weapon toward a group of soldiers, she squeezed the trigger.
The sound of rapid automatic gunfire filled their ears as Sarasin worked to kill as many of the soldiers as she could. She did not have much time; she was only able to a fire a few bursts from the machine gun before her mother shifted the thruster upward. The sparrow hesitated for a moment and then shot forward toward the exit with a sudden, and surprising eruption of speed.
The sparrow soared through the opening that led outside and into the darkness of night. Illuminated only by the light of Igo, the landscape ahead of them brought a feeling of dread to Sarasin and Ladia's hearts. From the tunnel that they had just emerged from, they saw a significant number of Govian ground forces pushing into the base. Cursing, Ladia pushed the thruster in further and pulled back on the yoke so that they gained altitude.
There were little flashes of light from the ground as the Govians fired on the sparrow, but at its height and speed, the bullets didn't have the velocity to do any damage. A few pinged of the craft and caused Sarasin to jump, but none pierced the armor. Finally, they passed over the Govian force, and Ladia took them higher.
"What about Dad?" Sarasin asked with a panicked tone as she looked over to her mother, "He was the only one in the hangar…"
"I do not know Sayraa," Ladia snapped back. Her voice quivered, and she did not move her eyes from the front glass. She didn't say another word, though the expression on her face showed a great deal of concern.
"It will be okay, mother," Little Sarasin chirped from the backseat, "Father is strong, he is capable. He will be able to protect himself. You know this."
Ladia nodded slightly and gave the sparrow all it could take. They soared past the sandy beach and found themselves flying over the ocean. Sarasin looked out the front glass at the waves below and then toward the dark horizon and hoped that her future had more in store for her than her past. She closed her eyes, and her thoughts snapped to Eliss. He was her darling boy, and Sarasin was exceedingly happy that he had been given a second chance at life.
Who is God? Was she doing the right thing? What did it all mean? As Sarasin rode in the sparrow, she couldn't help but think everything over. With the ocean below, the stars above and her
future ahead, she finally felt a sense of freedom. There was no more Govia to her, no more Dura'ana or Bishop Generals or princes… there was only her and her family.
As Sarasin breathed a sigh of relief, she turned her head and looked out at the darkness around her. She smiled at the prospect of a future that was in her own hands, and as her mother and her soul guided her toward the unknown, she found herself finally able to close her eyes and relax.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Cade V
23rd of Ramlia - 346AG
06:30 - Belhaasi Weald
Cade sat against the trunk of a tree and held his throbbing head. He had just awakened and everything for the moment was a bit blurry. Smirnov stood opposite him with the baby wrapped in his arms. He had a breathing mask over his face with a narrow tube that went into the baby's mouth and down its throat. Cade was overcome with depression when he looked around and realized that it had all been real.
Nida was dead, he and Smirnov had pulled the child from her fading body. Cade stroked his beard, and his face wrinkled up as he began to cry again. With a gentle yet heartfelt moan, he thought of their time together. He recalled the moment he first met her, their flirty interactions that eventually evolved into an affair, and finally of the love that they had shared for the five years they had known each other. Never had he met someone that he cared for so much as Nida. Her passing left him feeling broken and empty inside; he felt nothing could ever fill that void.
A faint squeak snapped Cade out of his reminiscence, and he looked up at Smirnov and the baby in his arms. He wiped the tears from his eyes, and as he watched the doctor sooth the child, he felt a terrible compulsion to stand. He pushed himself up and sniffled as he closed the distance between himself and the child. Every step closer to his baby filled him with more fear. A small part of him did not want to see her; he wished he could deny everything that happened, to forget it all and pretend that Nida and the baby never existed. A jolt of guilt shot through him, and as he stepped up to Smirnov, he weakly looked down and was unable to control himself.
The Black Knight Box Set Page 82