She kept her eyes straight ahead. Be strong, Elise. Cole deserves better. Come on.
But no matter how strong she told herself to be, her eyes must’ve given her away. Because Cole pulled over, parked his SUV and jogged to her.
“Elise.” He moved in front of her. Snow was sticking to his hair and jacket, and his eyes looked hurt. “What’s going on?”
“Cole, don’t.” She turned away.
“Hey. You said we were friends.” He waited until she faced him again. “You can tell me anything.”
In the days since she had first brought up her possible pregnancy, she had ignored Cole’s offers of coffee or study sessions. Sure, she had told him she wanted to be friends. But if she was pregnant, she didn’t even want that. This wasn’t his problem.
But he wouldn’t give up. And the truth was she didn’t want him to.
Elise kept hoping she’d get better, that the sick feeling would go away and she’d get her period. Then she and Cole could go back to sharing coffee or studying together. But not if she was pregnant.
She lowered her voice, as if she couldn’t bear to hear her own words. “I . . . never got my period.”
“I figured.” Cole didn’t seem shocked. “You never said anything, so I thought you were probably still worried.” His expression was rich with compassion. “I knew you’d tell me when you were ready.”
Her sigh sounded marked with fear. “I need a pregnancy test. I have the money.”
“You can . . . you can get a test at the store?” Cole clearly had no idea about these things. He had no reason to know.
“Yes. At Walgreens.”
Cole nodded. “Okay, then.” He reached for her hand. “I’ll take you.”
Again, the last thing Elise wanted was to drag Cole into this mess, but she needed a friend more than she needed her next breath. She took his hand, and followed him to his car.
Ten minutes later they were walking the aisles of Walgreens looking for the test. Elise didn’t know where to find one, and Cole was no help. Finally, Cole located a clerk. “Where would we find a pregnancy test?”
The woman was in her fifties, Elise guessed. She looked at Elise’s left hand and then at Cole’s. Her brow raised and she practically sneered the directions. “Second aisle over, halfway down on the right.” Criticism sharpened her voice. “Near the birth control.”
Elise wanted to scream at her. Cole wasn’t the father! The woman had no right to judge him. But before she could think of anything to say, Cole led her to the right spot. Elise picked out the least expensive test and they went to the check stand.
Again, Elise felt the eyes of the clerk watching her. All her life Elise had looked young for her age. Today was apparently no exception. They must’ve seemed like a couple of kids in deep trouble.
Which of course was absolutely not fair to Cole.
On their way out to the car, Elise stared at him. Who was this guy? In all the world there couldn’t be a nicer boy than Cole Blake. He helped her into the passenger seat, then hurried around to his side and slid behind the wheel.
“Cole.” Elise was still looking at him. She might never figure him out. “What if that woman goes to your church? Or what if she’s friends with your parents?”
“So.” Cole started the engine and shot her a carefree look. “You mean . . . what if people think we—”
“Yes.” She tucked the brown paper bag near her feet and stared at him again. “This isn’t your fault. And people are going to think you and I . . . that you had a part in this.”
“Elise.” A quiet laugh came from him. “Really?” He glanced at her and then back at the road. The snow was heavier now. “I don’t care what people think. You need help. So I’m helping.” His tone was warm. “Where do you want to take this test?”
She already had an answer. “The restroom at Java on Main. I’ll slip it into my purse.”
“Do you know what to do?”
“I’ll read the directions.” She picked up the brown bag and held it tight in her hands. “Wait in the car, okay?”
Cole shook his head. “I’ll go with you. At least to the bathroom door.” He turned on Main Street. The coffee shop was a few blocks down. “So you won’t be alone.”
“Please.” She could hear her voice rising. She couldn’t stand the thought of Cole Blake outside the bathroom door while she did whatever she had to do to find out if she was pregnant. “Stay in the car. That’s what I want.”
As they pulled into the coffee shop parking lot, Cole cut the engine, climbed out, opened her door, and looked at her. For a long time. “You’re sure?”
“Yes.” Relief washed over her. She wanted to be alone. This whole thing was so awkward. “I’ll be right back.”
There was another girl waiting for the restroom, so Elise stood there, clutching her brown bag. When it was her turn she locked the door and ripped into the package. She opened the paper box, but inside was hardly anything. A single white stick with a little window—like a thermometer.
The directions were folded up at the bottom of the carton. Elise read them and wrinkled her nose. She had to pee on the smaller part of the white stick. The test said results were best with urine first thing in the morning. Elise shrugged. She didn’t have that option.
She followed the simple steps and then stared at the small test window. Her heart pounded in her throat and just then someone knocked on the door. She dropped the stick and gasped. “Someone’s . . . in here.”
Her hands shook as she picked the stick up off the floor. At the same time she turned it around and stared at the answer area. And sure enough. Two plus signs were already becoming clear.
If this test was right, Elise was pregnant.
Why, God? No! Please, no! The air felt thick and she gasped for a full breath. She had guessed she was pregnant. But that didn’t mean she believed it. She didn’t have to believe it.
Until now.
Her hands shook as she wadded up the bag and directions and paper box. She threw them along with the test into the trash. Then she grabbed four paper towels, scrunched them up and threw them in, too.
So no one would know what she’d been doing in here.
Another knock at the door. Harder this time.
“Just a minute,” Elise yelled. She was moving as fast as she could. Especially when she couldn’t feel her feet on the floor. For a few seconds she paced across the tile. What was she supposed to do next?
Impulse took over. She washed her hands and walked into the hallway past three waiting girls, through the coffee shop and outside. Cole was out of his car standing in the snow long before she reached him. He held the door for her and then took the driver’s seat. When he was inside with the door shut he just sat there, looking at her. “Well?”
There was no getting around any of this. Elise folded her hands on her knees. “It’s positive.”
Cole took her hand again and for a while neither of them said anything. Elise closed her eyes. No way she could let her aunt and uncle know she was pregnant. They would kick her out for sure, and she wouldn’t get to finish her senior year.
Which would mean NYU was out of the question.
God, please, no. This couldn’t really be happening. Randy had used her and forced himself on her. There was nothing loving about it. A child couldn’t come from that, right?
Cole’s hand was warm against hers. “I’m here for you, Elise. I’m not going anywhere.”
She nodded. “Okay.” She had done nothing to deserve Cole Blake’s friendship. She still didn’t want to burden him with her situation. But she couldn’t turn him away. Not when she needed him more with every heartbeat.
“Are you scared?” Cole’s voice was quiet, filled with compassion. He rubbed her hand then let it go. He clearly was keeping to the friendship boundaries she’d requested.
Elise wanted to answer him, but she only nodded. If she tried to talk she would start crying. Already she could feel her eyes welling up. Yes, she wanted to
say. More than scared. I’m terrified.
Cole seemed to understand. “I meant what I said, Elise. You won’t go through this alone.” He paused. “Can I pray for you?”
Could he pray for her? Whether God really cared about a teenage girl who’d messed up, Elise didn’t know. But no one other than her mama had ever offered to pray for her. Again, she nodded. “Please, Cole. Please, pray.”
And so he took her hands, bowed his head and closed his eyes.
Elise did the same, her heart pounding.
“God, my friend Elise needs You. She’s pregnant and scared and . . . well, she doesn’t know what to do.” He hesitated. “I don’t, either. So please, would You help her? Please let her feel Your presence and please give her wisdom about what to do next. In Jesus’ name, amen.” He squeezed her hands ever so slightly and released them.
She wasn’t sure if it was the prayer or the way she felt safe with her hands in his, but Elise could breathe better now. Cole took her home then, and walked her up the snowy path to the front door. A quick hug and goodbye, and Elise walked inside.
Her aunt was already in the kitchen, making dinner. For the next few hours, Elise helped with the cooking and dishes, all the while pretending to be happy and carefree, a senior with her whole life ahead of her.
In her room that night, Elise began to think about the test. It was the cheapest one in the store. Plus she hadn’t used first morning urine. So maybe the results were wrong. She convinced herself of the possibility and three days later, early on a Saturday morning, Cole took her to Walgreens again, and once more he stayed in his Explorer and waited while she ran into Java on Main.
The test was easier this time. More familiar. And well before the one-minute limit, the pluses showed up. Two of them again. Bold and bright, as if to mock her for thinking there could’ve been an error.
“It could just be me,” she tried to explain to Cole. “Some people just have these positive tests even when they’re not pregnant. Maybe I need a different brand or—”
“Elise.” Cole put his hand on her shoulder. His voice was kind, peace laced into every word. “Maybe the tests are right. And maybe you’re pregnant.” He didn’t wait for her to debate the possibility. “If that’s what this is, I’m not leaving.” His eyes pierced hers. “I’m your friend and I’m here. I told you that.”
There was only one way to know for sure.
Finally it was after school on the second Wednesday in February and again snowy weather had caused baseball to be canceled. This time Cole took her to the Bloomington Crisis Pregnancy Center. Until Cole told her about his mom and aunt volunteering here, Elise hadn’t known places like this existed, had never needed to know. He held her hand as they walked inside.
With his fingers wrapped around hers, again Elise felt safe. They didn’t usually hold hands but she would’ve fallen to the ground without his support, and he seemed to know. Her arms and legs shook as they made their way through the lobby.
On the front desk was an engraved plaque. Elise studied it.
IN LOVING MEMORY OF SARAH BLAKE. LIFE IS NOT MEASURED BY THE LENGTH OF YEARS, BUT BY LOVE. SARAH, WE LOVE YOU NOW AND ALWAYS. MOM AND DAD. After that there was a date. A single date.
She turned to Cole. “Who was Sarah?”
His eyes were instantly deep, and Elise suddenly knew. Much of Cole’s heart was still unexplored no matter how close she felt to him. “My little sister.”
“Cole.” The truth hit Elise hard. “What happened to her?”
He slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans. The situation was obviously hard on him. “She was born with . . . problems. She only lived a few hours.”
Elise couldn’t imagine. “I’m sorry.”
He nodded. “My mom and my aunt opened this place in honor of her life.”
At that moment a woman in a white coat walked up and smiled at Cole. “Hey, there.”
“Hi.” He hugged her. “I brought my friend Elise.”
“Yes. Your mom told me you might come in.” The woman smiled. “I’m Dr. Brooke Baxter West. I volunteer here a few days a month. When I’m not at my pediatric office.”
“I’m Elise.” What was she supposed to say? She wanted to run out the door and keep going. All the way back to Louisiana or maybe California or New York. Anywhere but here, where the truth about her situation was about to be evident to this woman, too.
Cole took Elise’s hand again. “She needs an ultrasound. If that’s possible. That’s what my mom said to ask for.”
“Absolutely. Right this way.” Dr. West led them down a hallway to the last room on the right.
The whole time all Elise could think about was Cole’s mother. Another weight that hung heavy on Elise’s shoulders. Cole’s mama had wanted to meet her ever since that day Cole invited her over for dinner. But each time Elise found a reason to stay away. What would Cole’s mom think about her? She wouldn’t want a bad girl for her son.
Cole was too good. Period.
They reached the door of a small room. It looked warm and clean. A poster with a picture of an unborn baby hung on the wall. Cole’s aunt was talking, something about this was where the ultrasound would take place and how the procedure wouldn’t hurt. Elise couldn’t take her eyes off the poster or the words underneath.
For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. —Psalm 139:13
Elise shifted her eyes and looked around the room. It contained a few gray padded chairs and a white examination table and next to that a machine the size of an old-fashioned boxy computer. Cole’s aunt looked at her. “What do you think?”
What had she said? Elise blinked a few times. “Ma’am?”
“The ultrasound.” Dr. West looked a little confused. “Did you want the test now, Elise?” The woman smiled, patient. “I can perform the ultrasound, if you’re ready.”
Elise felt like she was going to be sick. What was she even doing here? At a crisis pregnancy center? She was supposed to be focusing on school. Getting the right grades so she could be accepted to NYU.
“Elise?” Cole touched her hand. “You okay?”
“Umm.” She looked at Cole. “Yes. I’m . . . I’m fine.” There was no way out of this disaster without doing the ultrasound. She had to know. Playing mind games with herself wasn’t helping anything.
Dr. West stepped back a few feet. “I can give you a little time if you want.”
“No.” Elise blurted out her answer. “I’m ready.”
Cole stared deep into her eyes. “You’re sure?”
Elise nodded. She walked into the room and looked back at Cole’s aunt. “What do I do?”
“I’ll have to pull your shirt up a bit. Are you . . . ?” Dr. West nodded toward Cole. “Do you want Cole in here?”
This was the last place Elise wanted Cole to see her. Already, he’d been the best friend she could’ve wanted at a time like this. But that didn’t mean she wanted him to watch the test. Especially if her shirt had to be up.
“Just me.” She lifted her gaze to Cole’s. “Okay?”
“Of course.” Cole started to leave. He wore his red and white baseball shirt and cap. In case the snowy weather had let up and he’d had to get to practice. The sight of him was another reminder that her trouble shouldn’t have been his. Grades and baseball. That’s all Cole should’ve been dealing with this semester.
But just as her thoughts turned on her, he stopped and spun around, his eyes deep with concern. “I’ll be in the lobby. If you need me.”
Elise wanted to be strong. But tears were building in her eyes and throat. “Thanks.” She watched him go and her mind formed one single thought.
Cole Blake had never looked cuter.
Dr. West closed the door behind them. She instructed Elise to lie on the table and lift her shirt. “Just a little.” She took a tube and squirted gel on a white paddle. “This can get a bit messy.”
“It’s all right.”
Cole’s aunt turned on the
boxy computer and the screen came to life. Elise was flat on her back, her eyes glued to the ceiling. God, if You’re there, please don’t let me really be pregnant. It would ruin everything. Her thoughts raced as fast as her heartbeat. I can’t go to NYU with a baby. I’m not ready for this. None of this. Please, God.
“Here we go.” Dr. West came closer. Elise wasn’t sure what she expected, but all at once, the warm gel and the paddle were on her skin and a sound filled the room. A fast whooshing, thudding sound. Over and over and over again.
“See that?” Cole’s aunt was kind. Her voice soft and certain.
Elise turned her head to the screen.
Dr. West pointed to a pea-size white dot at the bottom of a dark circle.
Please God, no. “The white thing?”
“Yes.” Dr. West pointed again to the small object. “That’s your baby. I’d say you’re about thirteen or fourteen weeks along. Just starting your second trimester.” She started talking about a due date.
But Elise couldn’t hear anything she said. My baby? This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t have a baby. She was a high school senior ready to take New York by storm. Her training and painting and the studio in Chelsea, all of it was just around the corner and . . .
Elise shook her head. “I can’t . . . this isn’t . . .”
Dr. West didn’t seem to hear her protests. The hint of a smile came over her. Not the smile of celebration, but something deeper. A look her mama might have given her. She moved the paddle a bit and the whooshing grew louder. “Hear that?”
Fear gripped Elise, filling her heart and mind and soul. Her fingers and toes felt tingly. Like she might pass out. She nodded. “Yes.”
“That’s your baby’s heartbeat.” Cole’s aunt held the wand in place for a long moment. “See in the center of your baby, that fluttering part. That’s his or her heart.”
Elise stared at the image on the screen. Her baby had a heartbeat? And a heart? None of this felt real. She closed her eyes again. If this is a dream, God, wake me up. I can’t take it anymore. Nausea came over her stronger than ever before. The room began to spin. When she opened her eyes she avoided the image of the tiny baby. Instead she looked straight at Cole’s aunt. “Thank you, ma’am.” Elise felt sick. “I’m . . . I’m finished now. I’ll come back tomorrow to . . . talk about . . . about options.” She closed her eyes. “Please. I . . . I need some time.”
Two Weeks: A Novel (The Baxter Family) Page 10