I smiled.
Axel glanced at my ring. “Did you guys set a date?”
I groaned inwardly. He probably had no idea that we’d had a date but canceled it. He was just making conversation.
“Soon,” Hartford said, his eyes on Dax’s bent head. “Remington’s the love of my life.”
Dax’s hands tightened on the bottle of Patrón. I might have missed it, but I couldn’t seem to keep my eyes off him. I tore them away.
Axel grinned good-naturedly, completely clueless. “Damn, man, that’s cool.” He glanced at Dax. “Dude, maybe we need to find us a girl like Remi and settle down, huh?”
The girl next to Axel popped him on the arm. “Hello. Right here.”
He laughed and kissed her on the nose, making her giggle.
Dax’s face rose, his eyes piercing me. “Meh. I prefer my life the way it is. Easy peasy.”
My heart squeezed. I know, it said.
“Drinking and partying never gets old, does it?” Axel agreed with a laugh.
“Indeed, it doesn’t.” Dax said, taking another shot.
I needed to put some space between us.
I cleared my throat. “Okay, I guess we’ll go. Hartford’s heading out and I’m going to crash. This day has been—hard.”
“That’s what she said,” Dax chimed in with a sly grin at the girls and they giggled. He flashed his eyes at Hartford. “I figured you’d be sleeping over, mate. . .”
Hartford frowned. “I’ll take a rain check on that. I’ve got family coming in from out of town tomorrow for my sister’s eighteenth birthday dinner. We’re having a big to-do at the house.”
“How sweet,” Dax murmured and flicked a glance at me. “You going?”
I blinked at the question. “Uh, no. I—I have plans that I can’t change.”
Hartford sighed, giving me a disappointed glance.
I squirmed. Hartford had invited me to his family get-together, but I’d passed since I was taking care of Malcolm tomorrow. I didn’t miss those days for anything. Since my dad had died, I had tried my hardest to fill his shoes the best I could.
Alexandria, who’d been listening to our conversation but saying nothing, turned and pulled Dax’s face to hers. “You’re ignoring me. I need some attention. All this talk is making me sleepy.”
“We can’t have that.” He grinned and she leaned in and kissed him, pressing her mouth against his, her hand on his cheek. It was a deeply passionate kiss that went on way too long, but I forced myself to watch.
See, Remi. He treats every girl the same. Kisses them all. Fucks them all.
Hartford said his goodbyes, and we used the glow of the floodlights to walk around the house and make our way over to his Lexus at the curb.
He reclined against the passenger-side door and pulled me to his chest. His sandy hair blew in the wind, and I ran my fingers through it. With the streetlight hitting his face, his eyes were more golden than I’d ever seen them. Warmth came from his gaze.
He gathered me close. “God, I’m so glad you’re back in Raleigh.”
“Yeah. . .” I trailed off.
His lips tightened ever so slightly.
“What?” I asked.
A long exhale came out. “I don’t know. Something just feels off with us.” His eyes went back toward the house. “And Dax is sending off weird vibes.”
“You can’t expect to snap your fingers and things go back to the way they were for us, and I can’t explain Dax except that you guys aren’t exactly buddies.”
“Just—tell me something.”
“What?”
He cupped my face, his gaze earnest. “Tell me you love me. You haven’t since we broke up.”
I hadn’t been ready to. But, what was I waiting for?
I let out a breath. “I do love you. I’m not going anywhere and neither are you.”
He pressed his forehead against mine, a torn expression on his face. “We should be married right now and living at my place. I want you back—all the way and in my bed. Don’t you want that?”
My fingers played with the diamond on my finger, twisting it around, my heart heavy.
He kissed me on the nose. “Am I putting too much pressure on you?”
I nodded.
Seeming satisfied with this, he pressed his lips to mine one more time, told me he’d text me later, got in his car, and drove away.
Once his taillights were gone, I came back in, and since they were all outside, I did a quick tour of the downstairs. There were two more bedrooms, a bathroom, the kitchen, and a tiny laundry room closet in the hall. Dax’s bedroom was just off the den, a big room with a king-sized bed with a white down duvet—unmade of course, the covers kicked down to the foot. A cluttered nightstand sat next to the bed with papers, schoolbooks, and a photograph I couldn’t make out no matter how long I squinted. Knowing it was wrong but not caring, I tiptoed inside his room.
Drawn to his bed, I trailed my fingers along the velvet soft duvet. The sheets were white and soft as silk. I smiled. Leave it to Dax to have the best bedding imaginable.
I zoomed in on the picture on the nightstand. It was of Dax and Declan as young boys, maybe around nine or ten. Between them was a tall lady with dark hair and a bright smile on her face. Had to be his mom because the resemblance was uncanny. They sat under a tree and Dax’s head leaned into her shoulder, as if he wanted to be even closer. A mischievous smile played across his face.
Pain cut through me at the way her hands clutched around each of them as if she’d known she was dying. It was obvious she’d adored them—yet death comes for us all, no matter the sweet life we have.
And you never get used to them being gone.
Dax hadn’t. I hadn’t.
We just dealt with it in different ways; I wanted security, while he wanted a guarded heart.
With a sigh, I set the frame back down and stepped over a mound of video games and movies to peek inside his closet. It was wide open, and I saw that his clothes were neatly organized, his extensive collection of jeans hanging on the bottom while the shirts were hung by color.
Looks like I wasn’t the only one who had an issue with OCD.
A door from somewhere in the house opened and shut.
I froze. Eeeek. Tip-toeing around the spots of clutter, I dashed into the hallway and did a quickstep into the kitchen.
Dax had his back to me at the refrigerator as he held the door open and peered inside.
A few seconds ticked by and he remained motionless, his legs slightly apart as he stood there.
Should I say something?
He exhaled as his free hand rubbed his forehead.
Five more seconds went by. Then ten. At twenty, he said “Fuck this,” slammed the door shut, and strode out the back door without even noticing I was there.
* * *
The next morning, I woke to the sound of a sparrow outside my window, singing a loud stuttering song.
This birdie sounded annoyed. I knew exactly how it felt.
I crawled out of bed and plodded over to the window. Peeking through the blinds, I saw Dax’s black Range Rover was gone from the small driveway to the right of the house. He’d driven a Beamer for the past few years, but had traded it in last semester. Parked on the street by the curb was my older model Toyota Highlander.
My phone buzzed. Glancing down, I saw a pic of Malcolm eating a pickle spear along with a bowl of Captain Crunch.
I giggled. Every other Saturday was our day—and sometimes Sundays, depending on how much my mom needed to get done. With her working now, she spent her weekends doing housework, laundry, or just running to the grocery.
Ready for you to pick me up, he texted.
Be there in an hour, I replied.
Where are we going?
Where do you want to go?
I want to hang at your house. I like Dax. He’s cool.
He’s something, I said.
Yeah? What?
I laughed out loud. God, I loved him
, especially when he didn’t get my jokes.
I showered quickly, threw on a pair of shorts, a Whitman tee, and flip-flops. My hair was too short for a high ponytail, so I spent time blowing it dry and then straightening it so it swung around my neck.
I popped in the kitchen to scrounge for a breakfast bar I’d stashed in the cabinet the night before, but came to a halt. To my surprise, on the table rested an envelope, a bag with the top folded down, and a drink carrier with two large Starbucks cups with lids.
I gingerly picked up the envelope, flipped it over, and saw my name had been scrawled in lopsided handwriting. My hands tore it open.
Remi,
I’m bloody sorry for last night. You’re right. I’m a douche. Please forgive me. What I said was wrong, and you didn’t deserve any of it. I swear it will never happen again. I don’t have a coffee pot yet, and I didn’t know what you liked, so I picked up a regular coffee and a latte. They may be cold by the time you see this. There’s cream and sugar in the bag along with some breakfast.
Dax
P.S. A key to the front and back door is under the mat out front.
FYI: I’ll be home late tonight.
I plopped down in the nearest chair, staring at the paper, my fingers running over his signature. Like him, it was expressive with a big swoop on the end of the x.
I considered writing him a reply on the back, but in the end I didn’t.
I didn’t know what I’d say.
Opening the bag, I saw three chocolate donuts and a giant sugar cookie. My mouth watered, and I realized I’d never eaten dinner. After warming up the latte in the microwave, I stuffed a donut in my mouth, grabbed my keys, and headed out to see my mom and Malcolm.
I’d worry about Dax later.
18
The morning after Remi moved in, I got up around seven to meet Declan at the gym. He was training hard for an upcoming MMA exhibition in Charlotte, and he’d picked me as his training partner. More like punching bag, I smirked as I cranked my Range Rover and left the house. I stopped at Starbucks, grabbed some items, and ran them back to the house for Remi. Then I sat down and wrote her a note.
Last night after Remi had gone upstairs and gone to bed and Axel and the girls had left, I’d found myself standing outside Remi’s door. Dying to talk to her and I had no freaking explanation for it. With my hand on her door, I’d stood there for an agonizing ten minutes, debating on whether or not to knock.
My hands had touched her doorknob, my fingers itching to turn the handle and walk inside. I needed to apologize, to beg her to forgive me for my stupid comments in the bathroom.
But . . .
I had no right to even consider going into her private room when she was asleep. In fact, I was being a stalker by even standing outside her door because she was nothing to me. Not even a friend anymore.
Just a bloody roommate.
She was the only girl I’d ever talked to about Mum, the only girl I’d ever fake-married, the only girl I’d ever made love to . . .
I walked away, tearing myself away from the door that stood between us.
Hartford stood between us too.
The best thing to do was to move on—be the usual goodtime Dax and forget about us in London.
I gritted my teeth and forced thoughts of her away.
Thank God I was going to the gym because I needed to punch something.
I walked into Front Street Gym. The older lady at the front desk—Maria—gave me a quick wave and a smile. Declan had hired her in May when he’d had the grand opening.
“Hey! How’s the house?” she asked.
I grinned. “Got a fresh coat of paint on it and a roommate. It’s all good.”
She cocked her head. “Hmmm, Declan said you might be open to selling.”
“Absolutely. You buying a house soon?” I’d been headed toward Declan who was in the back with a private client, but I backed up. Prospects.
“No, but my sister is looking for a place since her divorce—tired of her small apartment, I guess.” She tapped a pen on the desk.
I leaned on the counter and gave her my full attention. “Really. What’s she looking for?” I knew what I liked in a home—but if I wanted to buy and sell, I’d need to think about the customer.
She thought about it. “She loves a big kitchen since she likes to cook.” Her eyes brightened. “Oh, she has three grandkids, so a big yard and extra bedrooms would be great.”
I nodded. Hmmm. “Give me a few months to get it fixed up and I’d love to show it to her.” I pulled a white business card out of my gym bag that Declan had suggested I have made at a local printer. Stamped in black was my name, the address of the house, and cell number. Simple but it got the point across. I smiled as I handed it over to her.
I said goodbye and headed inside the gym. Organized chaos, Front Street was crowded already, and I weaved between the mats and sparring ring for the running room. I’d already seen Declan working with one of his private clients near the back. Waiting for him to wrap up, I hopped on an elliptical and ran a quick five miles. With the endorphins and adrenaline coursing through my blood, I immediately felt better than I had last night.
Declan ambled over soon after, but wanted to reschedule, saying that Elizabeth wanted to meet him for lunch. He smiled when he told me, and I figured “lunch” was in their small apartment in the back of the gym. We chatted a bit longer, mostly him giving me advice about my upcoming classes. I listened, but it was tough because everything had always come easy for him.
After he left, I moved to the leg presses. Using my heels, I pushed the weight up slowly then let it fall. I’d gotten in about twenty reps when I noticed a girl coming in the door dressed in bright-pink athletic wear.
Eva-Maria. The little sister who’d bullied Remi.
I let the weight clang to the footrest, jumped up and wiped my face with a towel, and strode over to her.
She was leaning over talking to a girl on the butterfly machine when I came up behind her.
I halted a few feet away. “Eva-Maria.”
She flicked her eyes over her shoulder and then completely pivoted, a huge grin on her face. “Oh my God. Dax Blay. I have been missing you at the house. Where have you been?” She wiggled over to me and threw her arms around my shoulders.
I untangled her.
She pouted. “Aren’t you missing me? I hear you got a house now. Why don’t you let me plan a big party for you?”
I studied her. She was pretty enough with pale blonde hair and nice curves, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember a specific thing about her under those clothes. I couldn’t tell you if her skin was soft, if her nipples were big or small, or if the carpet matched the drapes. At best, she was second rate, and I’d been with her more times than I cared to recall my sophomore year.
She’d never really cared about me.
And that was exactly what I’d wanted.
Because love equaled pain.
“Dax? Are you listening to me? I was just telling you about the bonfire the brothers are putting together.”
I waved her off. Of course I knew—but that was not what I wanted to discuss. “You know Remi Montague, right?”
She arched her brows. “Yeah. I’ve seen her at mixers. She’s been dating Hartford forever—although the rumor mill says they’re not engaged anymore.” She laughed.
“They are engaged,” I spat.
“Okaaay.”
“Do you remember egging her dorm room door or putting sticky notes all over her car with slut written on it? Maybe you recall the lies you told about her to all your girlfriends.”
She swung her ponytail back, a haughty expression on her face. “Whatever. I did those things, but I didn’t tell lies about her. I only told the truth. She was naked in your bed, and she did end up pregnant—”
“What?” My stomach dropped.
She frowned and looked around the room as if people might be listening. Uneasiness crossed her face. “Um, I assumed she tol
d you.”
My head pounded, and I rubbed it. “She didn’t tell me anything. What—how do you know for sure? She’d never tell you that.”
“Her suitemate told me she’d been sick as a dog and throwing up every morning. A bit later, she found a positive pregnancy test in the trash in the bathroom, and Remi had been the last one in the room. The entire dorm floor knew something was up with her because she missed a ton of classes that month and never came out of her room. Lulu told everyone she had mono, but we all assumed that was a cover story.” She grimaced. “Maybe it wasn’t yours. I—I just figured it was since I’d seen you two together.”
The room spun. I stumbled over to one of the chairs in the waiting area as far from the front desk as I could get.
She. Had. Been. Pregnant.
Was it true? I shut my eyes. Fuck. It explained so much. Why she’d hated me for dating other girls right after her. Why she’d never so much as made eye contact with me.
Eva-Maria took the seat next to me. “Are you okay?”
“What happened to the baby?” I pushed out, feeling out of breath.
She lifted her shoulders. “I don’t know—but she met Hartford soon after that.”
I leaned my head back against the wall, trying to get under control.
She said, “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but at least you don’t have to deal with Remi and kid for the rest of your life. Can you imagine?” She laughed.
My eyes flew open. “Never say her name again. If you see her coming, turn around and walk the fuck away. Leave her alone.”
Red rose in her cheeks. “I didn’t realize you cared so much.” She smiled uncertainly. “It’s obvious you’re wound up. Word among the sisters is you aren’t very accommodating these days.” Her eyes ghosted over my crotch.
A muscle twitched near my eye. My lips went flat. “I’m one step away from calling a meeting and getting you kicked out of the house. Now, get out of my sight and don’t come back to my brother’s gym.”
She whitened. “Dax. I’m sorry—”
“Get out.”
She licked her lips, sent me a final look, turned, and left the gym.
British Bad Boys: Box Set Page 38