We’d just gotten the last box of my clothes in the back of Lulu’s truck when Dax’s car came to a halt on the street.
He jumped out of the car and strode toward us.
“Oh, shit. Here comes some bloody British trouble—dammit, he’s hot, even sweaty. You think he’s dangerous? Want me to stay or go?”
“He won’t hurt me. You guys get in the truck and give us a moment.”
“Too bad I don’t have any popcorn in the cab.” She motioned for Malcolm to get in on the passenger side while she got behind the wheel. Both of them turned around to watch.
“What’s going on?” He looked in the back of the truck, taking in the contents.
Once again, he’d just come from the gym, wearing a tank and a pair of black nylon shorts. His tattoo was out there for everyone to see.
“I’m moving.”
“Where?”
“Dax, look—”
“Sonofabitch!” he yelled. “You’re moving in with Hartford, aren’t you?”
“Never. There’s a spot open in Lulu’s room.”
He raked a hand through his hair. His chest rose. “Fuck.”
I let out a breath. “Dax, look, you’ve barely been here all week. I feel like I’m the one pushing you away from something you should be proud of. You just bought this place.”
“I’m here now.”
“Not the way I want,” I said softly, my heart aching. I sucked in a breath.
He paced around me. Angry. “So, this is it? No warning. No note. No call. Not even a text—just you sneaking away while I’m gone.”
I rubbed at my wrist. My bracelet was packed away. “I was going to leave you a note.”
“I don’t care about a note, Remi! You’re leaving me.” He shook his head, his voice cracking. “Just like I said you would.”
“No, it’s not like that,” I whispered.
I was leaving him for my own sanity. I felt unhinged here without him, walking around his house, waiting for him to appear like some mysterious ghost. This house was nothing without him here. And someday—someday he’d walk in with a pretty coed, and I would lose my fucking mind. I’d crack wide open.
I forced evenness into my voice, trying to rein in the emotion. God, it was so hard to walk away from him, but I had to get some backbone. “I’m in the way of you having a home. We can’t keep pretending we want different things. Someday you’ll bring a girl home and—”
“I haven’t been with anyone but you, dammit. You.”
“Neither have I!” I yelled, my nails digging into my palms. “I only want you. Did you really think I could sleep with Hartford after us?”
His eyes softened like a morning mist. “Remi . . .”
“This isn’t easy for me,” I whispered, weakening at the sound of his voice. “It’s nearly impossible to walk away from you even when you aren’t really mine. I’d much rather wait around for you to figure things out, but it’s hurting me—it’s breaking me inside. My heart is destroyed. I—I can’t put myself through freshman year again. I can’t watch you party and drink and screw around—when I—I’m in love with you. I always have been—and you know it.” I whimpered. Tears pooled and I battled them back.
His eyes closed.
“Goodbye, Dax.” I touched his arm, and he flinched, eyes flying open.
He studied me, his eyes lingering on every part of my face. “I’m not saying goodbye. I can’t.”
* * *
We drove away in silence. I clenched my fist to my mouth to keep from screaming.
A few tense moments passed and Malcolm grabbed my hand. His big eyes took me in. “I’m sorry things got screwed up.”
“It’s okay,” I said, barely keeping it together.
He gave me a sad look. “Dax’s a little intense, but it’s because he doesn’t know how to tell you he loves you. He’s never loved a girl, I think. His head’s all messed up. He reminds me of those skinny dogs at the shelter, the ones that are scared of their own shadow, but they want you to pet them really bad—” he paused, thinking. “I don’t mean he’s a dog, dog. I’m using a metaphor here, and a damn good one I think. Not bad for an autistic guy.”
I sent him a watery smile and hugged him. “You’re amazing.” My voice was shit.
“Will you be okay?” Lulu asked.
“I don’t know. It doesn’t feel right leaving him,” I whispered. “Not at all.” I rubbed my chest. I felt empty. Lost. As in really lost. Like I might never know which direction to go in.
I clutched my pillow that someone had thrown in the cab and buried my face in it.
How was I going to live without him?
26
She drove away, and I let her.
In a grief-induced haze, I went in the house to shower and get the gym sweat off me. In between classes and studying, I’d been working out with Declan, and it gave me focus. At nights, I’d been crashing in a recliner at the Tau house, trying to get a hold on myself. There’d been no parties. No girls. All I wanted was her.
I stood in the shower with my back against the wall to hold me up.
I felt like I was dying.
After my shower, I put on jeans, a Tau shirt, and Converse. Nothing too nice since tonight was the bonfire at Myer’s Farm about five miles outside the city. The farm was owned by one of our alumni; it was an annual party with a bonfire, tug-of-war by moonlight, and lots of beer. Thank God.
I hadn’t planned on going.
But no way was I missing it to sit here and cry like a baby.
An hour later, I drove down the gravel road that led to the clearing out in the middle of a huge field. The biggest weeping willow trees I’d ever seen lined it on one side near a stream, and pine and oak trees dotted the rest of the perimeter.
I sighed. This would be good. I needed people tonight. Friends.
Axel, Alexandria, and Bettina were standing near the kegs, and I made my way over to them. I grabbed a glass and filled it up.
Here’s to many more, I told myself.
Someone cranked up the music and the dancing started, reminding me of Remi at the Masquerade.
I got another beer. And another.
As it grew late, we lit up lanterns around the part of the party where the fire didn’t illuminate. Sitting in pop-up chairs in a circle of people, we played drinking games. Alexandria planted herself next to me, her hands resting on my thighs, her fingers inching closer to my inner thigh the braver she got.
I didn’t fight her off. I didn’t encourage her either.
I was empty, nothing without Remi.
Remi.
She was all that played through my head.
Fucking hell. I stood up. I had to get out of here. People weren’t helping. Alcohol wasn’t. I needed her. She was it. Everything. My life.
I clutched my head. God, I was going to find her tonight and tell her, no, beg her to come back—
Bright lights swung into the clearing as another car parked in the designated area near the tree line. There had to be about a hundred people here, and before the night was through there’d be more.
Two girls walked into our circle. My eyes flared at one of them.
I stumbled and thankfully managed to fall back in my chair.
Wearing that short-as-fuck dress from Masquerade and heels—what was she thinking—Remi walked into our circle. The cream-colored dress showcased her Dax tattoo and was almost see-through with the lanterns behind her. Her hair was like fire, her pearls draped around her neck.
No bra. No panties.
Someone whistled.
My beer fell out of my hand and spilled on the ground.
Everyone hushed in the middle of a game of Never Have I Ever. I don’t know if it was because they saw my livid face or if they were gawking at her body.
I was a statue, couldn’t even twitch as I watched her sashay over to me, teetering a little when she stepped on a rock.
She stopped in front of Alexandria. “You. Whatever your name is. Up.”
>
“Excuse me. No. You don’t own him.” She squinted, letting out a nervous laugh. “Wait. Aren’t you his roommate?”
“Get up. I do own him. And take your hand off his leg.”
Alexandria looked at me for help. The best I could eke out was one of my trademark shrugs. My heart was freaking out. My mouth was dry as cotton. “She’s the boss,” I pushed out.
Sputtering, Alexandria stood and flicked her hair over her shoulder. “Fine. He’s boring as shit anyway.”
I burst out laughing just to relieve the awkwardness; plus the idea of me being boring was ludicrous.
Remi took her seat, politely covering her ankles so no one could see up her dress.
“Don’t you think you’re a bit overdressed?” I said curtly.
She smiled, showing me the little space between her teeth. “You’re lucky I wore anything at all.”
I hissed.
“I wore it to piss you off.”
My lids lowered. “It’s working,” I growled.
Lulu took a seat on the other side of her, which had been vacated when Alexandria stormed off.
The conversation began to grow again, but I could feel people’s eyes on us.
I knew what they were thinking.
That chick is practically naked!
Wasn’t she engaged to Hartford?
She just claimed Dax Blay as hers. Is it the end of the world?
I laughed as warmth buzzed in my brain, and it wasn’t from the beer.
Someone handed the girls cups of beer, and we got back to playing the game. I tore my eyes off Remi and kept them focused straight ahead. Maybe if I didn’t stare at her, I’d get some sense, because right now, all I wanted to do was scoop her up and carry her off.
No one could remember whose turn it was, so Remi said she’d go.
I leaned back in my chair and watched her stand. She looked damn beautiful—even if I did want to grab a blanket and wrap it around her.
She raised her glass. “Never have I ever had a one-night stand.”
Everyone murmured or chuckled and most of us took a drink. She drank. I drank.
“May I go again?” she asked sweetly, and of course, all the brothers said “Sure, babe,” eyeballs all over her. My fists clenched.
“Never have I ever had a one-night stand that turned into a three-night stand because you’d fallen in love and couldn’t bear to leave that person. Ever.”
She tipped her glass up and took a swig. I didn’t see who else did, because my eyes were only on her.
I drank.
God, I loved her. Deeply. Intensely. Completely.
She smiled around at the circle and did a little curtsey. “Thank you for letting me hijack your game.”
“Anytime,” a male called suggestively, and I sent him a go to hell look.
I stood. “My turn,” I announced. Nerves hit me. My hands shook.
It’s now or never, Dax. Tell her how you feel. Own it. Embrace it.
“Never have I ever loved someone so much that I’d get down on my knees and beg her to forgive me for being too young to know that what we had was the most beautiful thing in the world, and all I had to do was let go of my fears and love her forever.”
I gulped down the rest of my beer, watching her.
She picked up her glass, saluted me, and took a drink.
The group grew quiet. Again. Eyes on us.
Hell, we were a soap opera. I’d just confessed my love for Remi in front of the entire frat and probably some random people I didn’t even know.
Something had fried my brain because I wasn’t done.
I gazed around at my brothers. “And just so you blokes know, this girl here”—I pointed at Remi—“is mine. I love her, so chill with the flirty comments.” I leaned down to her, my arms on either side of her chair, tipped her chin up, and kissed her. Nothing crazy, but my lips and tongue telling her she was going to pay for showing up in that dress.
I sat back down and made a show of it, stretching out my arms over my head, cracking my neck, and getting loose. Fuck. I felt incredible.
Her eyes glittered as she took in every movement, her top teeth digging into her bottom lip.
A few minutes went by and the game continued. My body was amped, ready to snap at the slightest thing. Waiting for what trouble came next. It came.
“I’m headed to the keg for another beer. You want one?” she asked Lulu.
“Nope,” Lulu answered. “Watching you and Dax is enough of a buzz for me.”
Remi shrugged and took off into the darkness for the keg area.
Go after her!
I let her get about fifty feet before I jerked up, blood pumping.
I jogged, and she must have heard my footfalls because she kicked off her heels and dashed for the tree line.
Like a streak of lightning, she dodged the parked cars, weaving in and out as she headed for the weeping willow trees. Jumping a tiny stream, she landed with a little grunt, her legs disappearing under the draped foliage.
At this rate, she’d kill herself before I reached her.
The light from the bonfire and lanterns didn’t quite go this far, so by the time I pushed aside the grass-length branches and got inside, I was greeted with darkness. The only thing visible was a faint outline of her as she pressed herself against the trunk. The sounds of laughter and music from the party drifted inside the tree’s sanctuary, but the only sound I homed in on was her breathing.
I stalked toward the trunk.
She whimpered when I put my hands on her collarbone and stroked down to her wrist, fingering her bracelet.
“I see you,” I said. My hands picked hers up and pinned them above her head against the tree, careful to not hurt her.
“You caught me,” she whispered and arched toward me.
“Mmmm.” Inhaling, I ran my nose up her throat to her ear and whispered, “Whether I can see you or not, I always smell you. Every time I walk in a bakery shop and get a whiff of sugar—on a donut or a damn cookie—I get hard.”
“Is that why you bring me breakfast—”
I kissed her. The best kiss I’d ever had. Soft and languorous, my lips played with hers, giving her tiny kisses and then longer ones.
My kisses went down her neck to her collarbone and to her chest. My tongue outlined her tattoo, tracing the lines of my name as she squirmed, trying half-heartedly to get loose from being pinned. Using my teeth, I nibbled on the front of her dress, aiming for her nipples, my mouth soaking her dress until I could see rosy tips through the dress.
“Dax.” She rotated against me. “Let me touch you,” she moaned, her voice thick with heat.
“No.” I wanted to punish her until she begged me to let her do what she wanted.
Using one hand to secure her wrists, my other one reached behind her back, grabbed the zipper, and yanked it down. Her dress fell to the ground, leaving her nude, and I latched onto her breasts, my tongue, teeth, and lips devouring her.
“I’m burning that damn dress,” I said into her neck. I bit her shoulder.
She cried out in pleasure, and I went back to her mouth. Kissed her. “Do you want everyone to hear us?” I asked between kisses.
“I don’t care,” she said and sucked on my bottom lip, her teeth tugging, making me ache. I groaned, liking the way she knew me. I wanted her to do that to me for the rest of my life.
I licked her throat. “I’m going to let you go, and you’re going to stand there and not move.”
“Yes.”
With care, I let her hands rest, and she collapsed against the tree, arms dangling at her sides. Taking my sweet time, I kissed down each arm individually, to her elbows, to the palms of her hands. I went to my knees. Kissed her stomach. Sucked on her hipbone.
Emotion tore at me. Regret. Lust. Love. Real love.
“I’m so damn sorry,” I said against her skin. “I’m sorry I couldn’t commit to you in the kitchen when you told me you were done with Hartford. I’m sorry I’m terrif
ied of losing you. But I want to try. I want to be yours and you be mine. I want to wake up next to you, put my nose at your throat and just . . . breathe. I want to hold you in my arms. I want to carry you up to bed when you fall asleep. I want to kiss you wearing a mask where we pretend like we don’t know each other. I want to live in my house with you.” I pressed my forehead against her. “Just . . . don’t . . . hurt . . . me.”
She pulled my head up, stared into my eyes, and sank to her knees. We faced each other. “I will never hurt you. It’s why I came here tonight. When I left your house, it dawned on me that maybe I needed to be the one to fight harder for you if you couldn’t.”
I kissed her. “I was just getting ready to leave here, hunt you down, and take you back to my house. Seeing you leave today—I can’t ever lose you again. I’ll die without you,” I said, cradling her face. “We are meant to be, Remi.”
Her blue eyes gleamed. “Fate always knew. She tried three years ago to get us together and failed. She tried again in London and failed. But here and now, we’re listening.”
She kissed me, her hands cupping my face and sliding into my hair.
I shivered against her, melting into her. “God, I love you, Remi.”
“I love you,” she whispered.
We kissed, our arms wrapped around each other, and nothing could tear us apart.
I didn’t intend to ever let her go.
Grabbing her hand, I pulled her back up. “I haven’t been able to forget London—or Cadillac’s. I want to own you, body and soul.”
She shuddered. “I’m ready for you.”
Reaching behind my head, I tugged off my shirt, stepped out of my jeans and kicked my shoes off. She watched. Bending down, I fished a condom out of my wallet and slipped it on my hard cock.
“Let me put my back to the tree,” I murmured, my gaze heavy and low.
“Not sure I can move. I—I think it’s the only thing holding me up.”
“Love, I’m gonna hold you up.”
I picked her up and she straddled me, her legs tight around my waist. I backed up against the tree and her feet clung to it. Using every muscle in my body, my hands cupped her bottom as I eased into her wet sheath, dipping in and then backing out, groaning.
British Bad Boys: Box Set Page 44