by Karen Renee
I groaned because Gabe and I had gone out of our way to make it that much harder on him. The glass door behind us slid open, and Rainey poked her head out.
“Is that old Schwinn still around?”
“Now why would you ask that, my dear?” Pop called.
“I’m gonna ride after Vamp. Two people looking for her will be better than just one.”
“Yes, there’s still a beach cruiser in the garage. You’re welcome to take it. Have Marnie shut the garage door behind you.”
She beamed at Pop, then closed the door behind her. I frowned at the thought of Cecilia walking down the road with her bag and purse. Still didn’t make me want to run out and find her myself. Christ. If I didn’t even want to face her for five minutes more, how in the fuck was I going to endure an hour-long drive back to her apartment?
I sighed.
“What’s with the sigh?”
I gave Pop a sidelong glance. “She was adamant about meeting me here. Having her own wheels. I wonder if she knew it would come out over the next day or two?”
I heard the ice tinkling in Pop’s glass before he set it down again. “I can’t say, son. But, in talking with you and Gabe, it was clear your brother has a fair amount of anger with her. Even if she wasn’t responsible for Pauline finding you two. I could understand wanting to have her own transportation in case Gabe made her uncomfortable.”
“What am I supposed to do, Pop?” I asked.
He pressed his lips together and I knew he was going to be no help. “I can’t answer that for you, Brock. It’s another way parenthood can suck sometimes. I want to help you, but the only way for me to do that is what we’re doing right now. Me sitting and listening to you. I can’t make this better for you any more than I could make your colds better when you were a boy.”
He downed the rest of his tea. “But, I will say, whatever you do, don’t make any decisions today. Take your time. Hear her out. All of us Sullivan men are hot-headed. Wish I could’ve taught you differently. If your mother... well, no sense thinking that way, but the way you looked when you brought her in here to meet Marnie... haven’t seen that since Audrey.”
Fuck. I turned my head away from him while swallowing half my drink. Gabe nearly mentioned her that first morning with Cecilia, and Vamp tried to do the same thing earlier, but likely for different reasons.
I looked Pop in the eyes. “Can we please not go there?”
Pop’s head tilted from side to side. “Would love to do that for you, son, but I’ve never thought you’ve fully dealt with it.”
I poured more liquor in my glass, even though it forced me to think more of Audrey.
“I’ve done as much as I could to deal with it, Pop.”
Pop took a deep inhale through his nose. “Audrey didn’t factor in you insisting on driving Cecilia here? She might be a former drug addict, but alcohol often plays a role in that, too.”
I ran a hand through my hair. “You sure dear old mom’s the only shrink in the family? You’re sounding very shrinky right now.”
Pop put a hand on my forearm. “Was written all over you for almost a year how you blamed yourself for her death.”
“She never shoulda got those keys from me–”
“Nobody could have controlled her actions, Brock. Especially when you consider you were only eighteen years old. That may be the legal definition of adulthood, but I am here to tell you, it is not. Now you’ve got another beautiful, blonde woman on your arm, and she’s got substance abuse issues. The similarities are not lost on me.”
I took in a deep breath, not believing what I was about to say. “They are not the least bit similar, Pop. You’re right. No number magically makes someone an adult. There are fifteen-year-olds who are more adult than twenty-five-year-olds. And Audrey, as great as she was and as beautiful as she was, she was young and not an adult. She made a number of stupid decisions that damn night, and finding those keys was the ultimate stupid decision. The sole upside is that in wrapping that car around a tree she only killed herself and not anyone else, too.”
Pop gave me an understanding smile.
I added, “But I was still a motherfucking moron for not keeping the fuckin’ keys in my pocket. No fuckin’ way she’d have got them off me, then.”
Pop’s smile fell. “Brock. You didn’t drive her there. She told you she was staying the night at her friend’s house. It made sense to hide those keys away in a drawer. That is not on you, and you’ve got to come to peace with that.”
I threw back the Southern Comfort and decided we were done. “I know it isn’t on me, Pop. I’ve come close to peace with it. Can’t say I’ll ever be completely at peace, but I’ve definitely moved on in the past twelve years.”
Cecilia
I was wearing flip-flops, and I ran as far as the end of the driveway before I settled into a fast-paced walk. While I didn’t like running in high-heels, it didn’t change the fact I could do it for a good ten blocks before I absolutely had to stop. Running in flip-flops, not at all. If I was lucky, I wouldn’t end up with a blister between my little piggies.
With no idea where I was going exactly, I walked down the road the way Brock drove us to his Pop’s house. I had noticed some beach-access areas, and I debated heading to the shore. My mind was so muddled it would probably be helpful, but then, I might associate this bad experience with the beach from then onward.
Another public beach access loomed in the distance, and I wandered into the parking lot. There were a few cars parked, but nobody was around. I pulled my phone out of my purse and plopped my stuff on the ground. I perched my ass on the short curb bordering the parking lot. With my phone in hand, I tapped out a quick text to Lisa to see where she was. If I wasn’t mistaken, she was supposed to be in a nearby town for some seminar or something. I crossed my fingers that I wasn’t wrong.
It was official. I hated motorcycle clubs. When I found out my pimp had targeted Tennille to make up for the debt I had with him, I lost my mind. Since the rehab facility I was in at that time was a voluntary facility, I checked out, and a friend of mine was dating a biker with a different club than the Riot MC. She hooked me up with another brother, Bush, who promised to help me out of my bind.
To say that Bush didn’t help me out was the understatement of the decade. Under the ruse of ‘helping me’ he led my pimp right to me, and I found myself stuck in the same hellhole and hellish situations. I had come to the realization that all of that was on me. Knowing that did not change the fact that a biker was part of fucking my life up.
Here I was again. On the verge of something that felt like it could be really good. No, not really good. Likely, the best damned thing in my entire life; every so often it promised to be that great. And again, compliments of a biker —good guy or not— I found myself back at square one.
I realized I was having a pity party, and I needed to stop it. Vamp was right. Brock needed to know. It pissed me off that he found out by overhearing me and Vamp arguing about it.
The sun was beating down on me, and I lamented not putting on my daily moisturizer. Since I thought we’d be hitting the beach, I was going to use something far stronger, but of course when shit hit the fan, moisturizer and sunscreen were the least of my concerns. My cheeks felt like they were tightening already and I smacked my forehead. “You dumbass,” I muttered to myself. Dragging my bag to me, I dug inside for the SPF 50 and quickly slathered some on my face and neck.
Footsteps approached, and I looked up from my contemplation of the asphalt to see Vamp standing there.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Someone has to help you out.”
I scoffed. “You’ve done more than enough to ‘help’ me. And your brand of help is never going to be what I need.”
“How are you gonna get back to–”
“Lisa’s coming to get me,” I fibbed.
“Who the fuck is that?”
I tilted my head. “Not that it’s any of your concern, but
she’s my Narcotics Anonymous sponsor. Just so happened she’s at a day-long conference in Port Orange. She should be here any moment.”
He looked to the mouth of the lot and back to me. “So you’re just gonna leave it like that? Run from him. That’s it?”
I canted my head as I looked up at him. “You were right. He had a right to know, and I should’ve told him that first night. He’d have been done with me right then and there. It would’ve been better for bo–”
I interrupted myself with a sigh. “No, that’s not true. It would’ve been better for him, but not me. He’s the best man I’ve ever met. So, I’m not exactly sorry I didn’t tell him, because if I had, I would’ve deprived myself of knowing that supreme goodness. That’s why I won’t face him. Because I’m so fuckin’ selfish.”
“Even better than your father?” Vamp asked, and he squatted to join me on the curb.
I slid him a look and gave a small snort. “Obviously, you’ve never met my father. Also, obviously, you’ve not spoken to Tennille about my father much, either. Or Razor, for that matter.”
Vamp’s head tilted in understanding. “Wouldn’t be the first father who hated bikers. Hear he’s got good reasons for it, too.”
On this last, to my surprise, he nudged my shoulder with his.
I wanted to ask why he was being nice to me now, but reflexively I said, “He’s also got good reasons to get the hell over it, now that Razor’s gonna be his first son-in-law.”
His chin dipped meaningfully. “You’re damn right about that. Not gonna lie, a little surprised you’d say that. Heard about how you especially had your own grudge against bikers, though.” He stopped to shake his head. Then his eyes, as blue as Brock’s, all but glittered at me. “Bush. Really? His stench alone shoulda warned your ass off.”
I frowned and pressed my lips together at the same time. His words were irritating. Mainly because they were so damn accurate. Instead of arguing, I declared, “I was trying to keep my sister out of Marco’s sights.”
Vamp shook his head, muttering, “Whatever–”
Anything else he was going to say was cut off by the sound of bicycle tires braking on the pavement in front of us.
“What the fuck are you doin’ here, woman?” Vamp asked Rainey.
I looked up to see Rainey’s well-toned legs swinging off a banana-yellow Schwinn Beach Cruiser. She was still wearing motorcycle boots, cut-off jeans, a t-shirt, and a leather cut declaring her to be Vamp’s property and I couldn’t stop myself. I started laughing uncontrollably. Mostly this was a release of the stress from earlier, but it was also because I wished I had been quicker with the camera on my phone. It probably went against everything those damned bikers were about to see one of their women swinging off of a bicycle.
With the kickstand down on the bike, she turned from it to crouch in front of me. “Is she okay?” she asked Vamp.
“She was just fine until you showed up, Rainey. And where in the hell did you unearth that monstrosity?”
That sent me into further fits of cackles because that bike was the definition of a monstrosity. It looked like it saw better days around 1989, and I was amazed the chain still worked.
“Jesus, Cecilia, I know that bike’s a hoot, but it’s not that damn funny,” Rainey admonished.
That sobered me up fast. I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. You’re right. But, really, you didn’t think to leave the what-do-you-call-it, your cut, back at the house like your man, here, did?”
She looked down at herself and back to me. “No wonder I’m sweaty as hell.”
I bit back a chuckle as Vamp shook his head.
Rainey looked down at my purse and bag. “Now, what the hell are you doing out here? Don’t you dare tell me you called an Uber because that would be one expensive trip.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but Vamp beat me to it.
“She called her NA sponsor. Told me she ‘should be here any moment,’ but that was quite a few moments ago.”
Rainey planted a hand on her curvy hip. “And you were what? Gonna sit out here and wait well over an hour for her to come get you? Are you crazy?”
I sighed. “I get where you’re coming from, Miss I’ll-ride-a-bike-wearing-leather-in-the-Florida-heat, but what would you do? I can’t hang out back there. Christ, Gabe already hated me so I can’t imagine Brock’s far behind, and until a few moments ago, I was certain this guy,” I jerked my head at Vamp, “hated me more.”
“They don’t hate you,” Rainey declared.
“Wouldn’t be so sure about Gabe,” I muttered.
“He’s a peacemaker,” Vamp said.
My eyes widened at him. “Gabe? Not a chance–”
“Brock, honey,” he murmured, and it made my heart wrench because it reminded me of the way Brock called me ‘honey’.
Even with my heart wrenched, I barked out a laugh. “I assure you, he was anything but keeping the peace a few weeks ago when he held Gabe by the collar of his wife-beater after he called me a screaming bitch.”
“Hot,” Rainey whispered.
Vamp chuckled. “That’s different. Pop didn’t raise us to speak that way to women. Doesn’t mean we don’t or won’t do it, but for damn sure Brock wouldn’t like him speaking that way to you since it seems you mean a whole fuckuva lot to him.”
“I don’t, or I damn sure don’t any more.” I turned my head away after saying that because my nose stung and the tears were welling rapidly.
Rainey reached forward grabbing both of my hands. “Don’t say that, Cecilia. Truly. Come back to the house with us. Gabe made himself scarce after–”
“Rainey.” Vamp cut her off.
I looked between them, but I decided I didn’t want to know. Whatever happened after I left, I was better off in the dark.
She blew out a disgusted breath at Vamp, then turned back to me. “Fine. Is your ride on her way?”
I pulled my upper lip between my teeth for a moment. Letting it go, I said, “I haven’t heard back from her yet. She’s at a conference or something, so...”
“You might’ve been out here a whole lot longer than an hour,” Rainey surmised.
I nodded.
She smiled. “You’re comin’ with us if I have to put you on the handlebars my damn self.”
Chapter Nine
The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly
Brock
Just as I was ready to head inside, I heard the house alarm indicate a door had opened. Either Gabe just left, or, the better guess, was that Rainey and Vamp were back.
Pop stood up. “I’ll save you the hassle and find out if they found her.”
“Thanks, Pop.”
My gaze wandered to the kidney-bean pool and I had to stop myself from thinking about all the ways I felt duped. It wasn’t going to get me anywhere and it only pissed me off more.
A moment later, the door slid open, and I heard two items hit the glass patio table. I turned to see Vamp sitting down with a glass and a can of Coke in front of him.
“SoCo, really?”
“Jesus, you too?”
He grabbed the bottle and poured some into his glass before he popped the can of soda. “Chill. I found her. Brought her back. Marnie and Rainey are taking her shopping. Seein’ as it’s almost noon already, they’ll probably be gone the majority of the afternoon.”
I stared off into the backyard.
Since I couldn’t stand the idea of facing Cecilia again, I waited until I heard a car leave before going back into the house.
Cowardly or not, when I knew the coast was clear, I wandered out to the garage. Pop had a couple of kayaks, and I always left my stand-up paddle board here. Nothing cleared my mind like getting out on the SUP. As I carried my board and paddles out, Gabe rounded the corner.
He eyed me sharply, then grumbled a question, “You going to take her back?”
I sighed. “I don’t know.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I meant, take her back to her apartment.”
<
br /> I knew that, but realized my answer to either meaning of his question was the same. “I know that, numbnuts. And I don’t know if I am or not.”
“Could let Marnie do it, so you can hit the waves.”
I set the paddles down, and loaded the board onto the racks on my car. As I secured the straps, I knew Tomoka Park was calling my name, not the waves.
I shook my head at Gabe. “Not feelin’ like surfing.”
When I grabbed the paddles, Gabe shook his head at me. “If you say so. You paddling the Intercoastal?”
“Thinkin’ Tomoka. The drive both ways will give me time, and if I paddle most of the river, I won’t get done until dinner. Let Marnie know, I’ll eat on my own. Are we cool?”
Gabe lifted his chin. “I suppose. Marnie is not going to–”
“Pop will make sure she understands.”
I put the paddles in the trunk and climbed in my car, glad as hell Gabe and I were good. It wouldn’t be the first time a woman came between me and my brother, but normally those women were Gabe’s and not mine.
Pop was right. Cecilia was the first woman I brought home in almost twelve years.
Thinking about this made my chest hurt which pissed me off, so I cranked up my tunes. A rap song started and I snorted. Yeah, this music reminded her of bad times all right. I skipped the song and drove up A1A to the park.
THE SUN WAS SETTING when I reloaded my board into the car. I had to stop for gas, and I was starving. After I filled up my car at a nearby WaWa, I sat outside with a pizza steak sandwich, Doritos and Mountain Dew for dinner. My guess was whatever Dad and Marnie made for dinner was far and away better, but no way would I be good company tonight.
The forty-minute drive back to the house gave me more time to clear my head. I hadn’t forgiven Cecilia for keeping such a huge secret from me, but I had brought her to Pop’s place. I would soon have to take her back. That meant I’d have to nut up and figure out a way to sit in the same room with her.
After storing my paddle board, I went inside the house. Vamp, Rainey, and Pop were in the great room watching an action movie. I said my hellos, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and went upstairs. Passing by Gabe’s room I heard the constant thud of bass beats and I figured he was working on another set list. Cecilia wasn’t in my room, and that was just as well. With clothes in hand, I hit the bathroom for a shower.