by Jon Etter
“Very well,” I sighed after listening to him pontificate at exhaustive length about the fleeting nature of happiness. “I’ll just put down ‘The End’ and wash my hands of the whole dratted—”
“Nope. Sorry.” He had a wicked gleam in his eye. “You can’t do that.”
“Oh, I jolly well can!” I objected. (I must confess that I lost my temper just then, but how can one not when being forced to deal with Mr. Etter?) “The book’s done, is it not?”
“Yeah, but it’s not the end.” Mr. Etter looked especially smug, even for him. “I mean there’s a book that could undermine the power of the Seelie Court and the Sluagh Horde, a group of fairies plotting to distribute it secretly, and, of course, Sir Justinian—”
“You will not sully the one decent, noble, and inspiring character in your otherwise indecent, ignoble, and thoroughly uninspiring works by dragging him into this,” I told him firmly.
“Fine. But the fact remains that there are clearly things going on in the story that have definitely not come to an end, which is good since we’ve got another book to do.”
“We what?”
“Read your contract. The publisher wants three books from us.”
“Good gracious, why?”
Mr. Etter shrugged. “No idea. Maybe the honor of having you narrate more of their books.” He obviously meant that in jest, but it’s the only explanation that makes a bit of sense. “If it makes you feel better, you could say it’s the end for now.”
Sadly, he’s right. I am, it appears, stuck narrating yet another dreadful fairy book. I have asked my narrators union shop steward, MacKenzie “Blinky” Blinkerton, to see if there’s any way to get out of it, but old Blinky assures me there is no hope. And so, until next time . . . sigh . . . I suppose I must say that this is
The End . . . for Now
• About Jon Etter •
(written by Quentin Q. Quacksworth, Esq.)
Jon Etter was born and raised (one assumes in a barn, judging by his manners) and still lives in that vast middle part of America that holds little interest to those of us in the civilized world, although its natives seem to tolerate it well enough. As a father of two and high school English teacher, one would think him capable of being more than the subpar scribbler of silly stories that he is, although I do believe he is improving slightly. You may visit him online at www.jonetter.com if you engage in such activities.
• About Quentin Q. •
Quacksworth, Esq.
(written by Jon Etter)
Quentin Q. Quacksworth has been a professional narrator for a long time—too long, some of us would argue—and has narrated many “proper” and “morally improving” books, including Honest Jim and the Do-Right Lads, for which he somehow won a Blabby Award for Narratorial Excellence. Feel free to ask him about it or just talk to him for five minutes, and he’ll find a way to bring it up. He refuses to have anything to do with “electronic mail” or “the interwebs,” so contact him via, I don’t know, messenger pigeon or something.
• About Adam Horsepool •
Adam Horsepool is an illustrator and animator living and working in Nottingham, UK. His favorite children’s book (besides this dreadful series) is Fantastic Mr. Fox by Roald Dahl, and his favorite illustrator is Ryan Lang. To see more of Adam’s art, visit him on Instagram @adam_horsepool.