“I didn’t…” I sighed. There was no point in lying. “How’d you know that?”
Charlie had paused the game and now he knelt on the couch and turned around to point at me. “You have a gigantic hickey on your neck, dude.”
“Ooh!” Dylan said in surprise, as he turned to look. Dylan was pale and wiry in build. He had those Nordic features that are pretty common in Minnesota with white blonde hair and hauntingly light blue eyes. He didn’t talk much but he was as reliable as granite. Though at the moment, he was smirking along with Charlie. “Nice. Was she hot?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Stupid question.”
I went to the kitchen. It wasn’t very late, at least for me. I always felt like some chips and a soda coming back from the bar, which of course meant I had to share with the guys as they were now following me into the kitchen where Miguel was at the table, messing with his phone.
“What’s up?” Miguel said. He grabbed for the bag of chips as soon as I tossed them on the table. I could swear, these guys would have starved sometimes if I didn’t happen to put food in front of their faces. I think it was some animal thing. Which was odd, because all four of us were alphas of our pride, though I was kind of the alpha of the alphas if only because I was the captain of The Cougars. Miguel stuffed chips in his mouth and nodded at me, expectant.
Miguel had warm brown skin and curly black hair. He could be grumpy a lot, and prone to bouts of anger. The rest of us all knew it was because of where he came from and what he’d been through in his life. Dylan was similar but he kept his anger shoved down so deep, I was sometimes worried it would eventually explode out of him. Just now Miguel was in a good mood though. He was usually in somewhat bright spirits during hockey season.
“Luca got laaaaid!” Charlie sang, and cackled as he sat down at the table.
“Yeah?” Miguel said. “Was she hot?”
“You guys are pigs.” I mumbled around my can of Coke before taking a sip. “And yes, Of course, she was. I would like to see her again but she took off right after like her hair was on fire.” I leaned on my hand and Miguel clucked his tongue.
“Awww. Sorry, sweetie,” Miguel said in the most patronizing tone possible.
I narrowed my eyes, flipping him off. “Just as well. She was from Stone River.”
The guys all hooted like this was such scandalous news and I scoffed at all of them. “C’mon, it’s not that big of a deal.”
“Eh… It depends,” Miguel said. “It would be a big deal if Blake or one of those assholes decided it was a big deal. Or if she belonged to one of them or anyone over there really.”
“She’s no one’s mate,” I said. “She was...very alone.”
I didn’t even like saying it aloud. It made me a little sad.
“I think it would be a big deal!” Charlie said. “Blake is all about the turf war. And he can hold a grudge. If he found out you of all people were seeing a Stone River girl?” Charlie only hissed at the implication and shook his head.
Dylan didn’t seem to have an opinion at all but he gave me a consoling look as he drank his Coke.
“Look, it doesn’t matter anyway,” I muttered. “I’m never gonna see that girl again.”
But deep in my heart, I hoped it wasn’t true.
Chapter Three: Chloe
I felt a little bit bad about running away from such a good guy like that. But I could tell I knew what he didn’t. I knew the extent of my trashy and sad little life. The captain of the Cougars wouldn’t want any part of it. He was probably one of those savior types. He wanted to rescue me. Well, that was a nice thought. As much as I thought of myself as autonomous, competent, and capable, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to be rescued from time to time. But that wasn’t up to him, and it wouldn’t lead to anything real. I had to get away from him and not look back, if only because I’d felt such a strong connection to him that I couldn’t explain. I’d felt the way lions described feeling when they met their mate in old stories. I wasn’t even sure that feeling was real. The practical side of me told me it wasn’t at all. All that stuff was just a fantasy to keep you warm in the winter. Fated mates were for the old days, the days when shifters were a little freer and a little more magical. Now the best you could do was find somebody solid to call your mate, and that was saying something. Sometimes I really thought that would never happen to me. Imagining a true fated mate was only a dream.
Dad was in bed by the time I got home. Gabe was in his room, but I knew he was probably playing video games on his little TV in there. I’d shifted back into human form outside and the rush of cold since I was wearing nothing under my skirt was bracing. But it made me feel a little sexy too. Sexy in a dirty way, I guess.
I could still feel him inside me. I got ready for bed and under the covers in our cold house, I closed my eyes and ran my hands over my body, thinking of Luca; the feel of him holding me and filling me with himself. I wished things were different.
In the morning, the first thing I thought of was the night before with Luca and it made me smile to myself as I trudged off to the shower, shutting off my five o’clock alarm. But the second thing I thought of was Gabe. Usually, the first thing I thought of was Gabe, worrying about whatever he would end up doing that day. Since he’d just gotten into a fight (which was usually what I worried about), that probably meant there wouldn’t be another one for a while. I hoped. Still, he didn’t have a regular job and he needed one.
But I didn’t want him to have a regular job, I thought, as I showered. I wanted him to play for The Fangs as much as he did. Either that, or he would have to leave town and find a spot on another team. My brother lived and breathed hockey. If he didn’t play it, his soul would up and die. He felt more strongly about hockey than he did about being a shifter. I had to admit too, I was terrified that he would end up like my dad. After my mom died, he’d crawled inside of a bottle and he’d never come out. I didn’t want my brother to crawl inside of a bottle or get hooked on something even worse because he couldn’t do what he loved.
I brushed my teeth and blow-dried my hair and I couldn’t help thinking of Blake.
I remembered the way he’d firmly said that Gabe would never play for The Fangs.
But I also remembered the way he looked at me.
I looked at myself in the mirror.
Could I? Could I really?
The problem with a terrible idea is, once you start thinking about it seriously, you can’t stop thinking about it. And the more you think about it, the less terrible it seems.
About halfway through my shift, it was less of a crazy idea and very nearly a plan.
I could offer to sleep with Blake in exchange for him letting Gabe on the team. I had to ask myself if I wanted him to actually say yes, and the truth was, I did. I wanted the best for my brother. The Fangs could be rough, but I knew he could handle that and they made a nice living. It was the minor leagues, but it was still hockey in Minnesota. The games brought in a lot of money. He would be set and I knew my brother enough to know that he’d help out the family too. It wouldn’t all be on my shoulders anymore.
Blake, I thought, would probably agree. He’d like the feeling of power it gave him.
It would be skeezy, yes. But it was a trade, right? One time and that was it. He probably wouldn’t bother me after that either, which would almost make it worth it too.
And somehow, after work I found myself walking straight to Bobo’s in case he was there again. I couldn’t believe myself. But I also figured, if I was gonna do this, might as well do it while my courage was up, before I chickened out.
It didn’t take long to find Blake. But I think he sniffed me out first.
“I want to talk to you,” I said, when we both ended up at the crowded bar and after I’d already thrown back a shot to get my nerve up. “Privately.” I said in the same voice as if I were ordering soup in a restaurant. I was very business-like.
“Ooh.” Blake licked his teeth, leering at me. “How intrigu
ing.”
We ended up in a booth in the back and he sat right next to me with his arm around me. It was stupid, but given what I was proposing, I didn’t bother to throw him off.
“I have a proposal,” I said, staring down at my hands, twisting on the scratched up old table all covered in the etched initials of shifters going back decades. “I want you to put Gabe on The Fangs-”
“Jesus, Chloe,” Blake said, rolling his eyes. “How many times have I told you that’s not happening?” Under the table a hand was on my thigh, inching its way up. “Let’s talk about something more fun, huh?”
“If you put Gabe on the team,” I said slowly, “I will sleep with you. Once.”
Blake lit up like he’d just been given his most desired Christmas present. “Holy shit. You really are desperate.” He sniffed my neck and I curled my lip turning my head. “You think you won’t have a good time, baby? I’ll give you a good time.”
I didn’t even know why I hated Blake so much, beyond him not letting my brother on the team. I’d gone out with guys that weren’t so different from him. Though all of them had turned out to be huge assholes. There was just something about him that had always repulsed me and I knew how he treated other shifters, even those of his own pride. He considered a powerful alpha to be one who ruled by fear and violence. It wasn’t exactly enchanting.
Anyway, I didn’t believe he would “give me a good time.” I suspected he really only cared about his own good time.
“Whatever,” I muttered. “Just-”
“Three times,” he whispered in my ear.
Somehow the fact that we were negotiating now made it so much worse.
“One time,” I said firmly. “Don’t pretend this isn’t a good deal for you. You know my brother’s the best stick in town. If this is what it takes to get you over a stupid grudge then fine. But I’m not doing it more than once.”
It didn’t matter at all how clear I made it that I didn’t really want him. Blake was counting it as a win. He had one over on me now. Even if it didn’t happen, he had one over on me and he knew it. He grinned and said, “I gotta fantastic stick.”
“Ugh.”
“Alright,” Blake finally said, after giving me a long look that made me nervous. “It’s a deal, baby. But I’ll let you know when.”
“What?” I said, my voice pitching up. “Can’t we just do it now? At your place?”
“Oh, we’re not gonna rush this,” Blake said. “I’ll call you. Wait by the phone for me.”
Under the table, his hand slid all the way up my leg and I squirmed as he teased my crotch through my jeans but he finally let me go. Oh, this sucked. I was counting on getting it over with. Now it would be this awful thing hanging over my head for as long as Blake wanted to draw it out and meanwhile, Gabe still wouldn’t be on the team. I was brooding about this as Blake finally stood, letting me out of the booth, and he gave me a little salute that I just sneered at before making my way out of the bar.
Blake kept me hanging for two whole weeks, during which I couldn’t stop thinking about Luca, which I hadn’t expected. I was probably just hung up on him because he seemed so sweet and real and kind, everything that Blake wasn’t. My brain just kept racing between worry about when Blake would call, and wondering if I should ever just stop by a Cougars game just to see Luca’s handsome face. But I stopped myself. I was pretty good at stopping myself from doing things that made me happy. Anyway, The Cougars would be playing The Fangs soon. Then I could hide in the crowd along with the rest of the pride if I wanted. Maybe I would treat myself to that at least.
It was on another Cougars game night while I was at home, doing nothing but browsing Instagram, looking at people in town I barely cared about when Blake’s call came in. I tensed up immediately, but I answered because I’d never been a coward.
“Hey, baby,” Blake said in that husky voice. If Luca said “hey baby” in that voice, I’d be all over it. But with Blake, my skin was already crawling. “Tonight’s the night.”
I’d been on pins and needles for two whole weeks and now he was bringing this up with such short notice… I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. I felt about ready to jump out of my skin.
“Now?” I said in a small voice. “Like right now?”
“Gabe’s on the team tomorrow,” Blake said. “Long as you get your pretty ass over here in the next ten minutes.”
Blake lived in a nice house, one of the newer constructions. It was near our rink. He could walk to games in a minute. I took a deep breath and nodded like an idiot into the phone.
“Okay,” I said firmly. “I’ll be right there.”
Blake’s room was spare and smelled like cigarettes and beer, though it was neat. He shared the place with his mother and a couple other guys from The Fangs. When I got there, the front door had been unlocked and I’d had the eeriest feeling walking through the dark and empty house before Blake, obviously sniffing me out, called for me.
An hour later, it was over.
Blake had given himself a good time alright. But it hadn’t been fun for me at all. He’d been much rougher than I was used to and he wasn’t up for any suggestions that he should be more gentle. He was enjoying his control over me, that much was for sure. He never really hurt me, but he’d grabbed me so hard in a few places that I knew there would be bruises in the morning. But worse than anything else, was how I felt. I could be practical all I wanted. But I’d done the deed and I felt disgusted. I told myself the feeling would fade. At least I hoped it would.
When it was over, Blake lay back in his bed, saying nothing as I got dressed, moving slowly because I was so achy.
“Gabe’s on the team tomorrow?” I said shakily, zipping up my boot.
“Man of my word,” Blake said simply, tossing me a wink. “Now get your ass out of here, you whore.” He cackled at himself and I cringed and bowed my head, making my way out.
A few weeks later, I was pregnant.
I had tried three different brands of pregnancy tests and there was no mistaking it. As stupid as I’d been with Luca, I’d demanded a condom with Blake and I’d watched him put it on. But there was always a chance, even with condoms.
The night I discovered I was pregnant, I didn’t sleep a wink. I just lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and wishing the baby belonged to Luca Barelli. It was a silly wish, I knew. If Luca were the father… Well, I wasn’t sure but I thought there were some old pride traditions that said if you were going to bear the child of a man from another pride nobody was allowed to fight over it and nobody was allowed to contest you. Even if the prides were rivals. If Luca were the father, the baby would kind of be the answer to everything, a way out from under Blake’s thumb and Luca...Luca seemed like a guy who was allergic to not taking charge of his responsibilities.
Maybe a part of me that wanted to be strong and autonomous didn’t want to be rescued, but it had been weeks and I still hadn’t forgotten Luca’s kind eyes, or the way he’d defended me from that creep, or the way he’d felt surrounding me, filling me…
The other thing was, I wanted the baby. As if I wasn’t struggling to begin with. But I wanted to be a mom. I just didn’t want Blake to be the father.
What if Luca was the father?
The thought when it came to me seemed silly and pointless. I’d done the math in my head. I kept careful track of my cycle and I knew very well that Luca Barelli was definitely not the father.
But what if Luca was the father?
It was four o’clock in the morning and I was flirting with calling out at work because I knew I’d be useless and exhausted and now I was pregnant. It was all of those things that were putting this stupid thought into my brain, I was sure. But I couldn’t get rid of the thought once it was there.
The thing was, I knew enough about Luca just by looking into his eyes deeply enough and talking to him for that short time, that I was absolutely sure if I told him he was the father, he would take care of everything. He’d wanted to see me
again after our one night together and I really didn’t know why. He would have gotten tired of me and my trash life really quick. But if there was a baby… If there was a baby, he would be stuck with me and maybe he wouldn’t mind it. Maybe it would be nice? Maybe that feeling of connection I’d felt with him would turn out to be something real? If it turned out I’d been wrong and he was clearly miserable, I could leave. I probably couldn’t return to Stone River, not after being with the captain of the Cougars.
But that might be worth the risk.
And like all other stupid ideas, once I started thinking about it, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and gradually it started to seem less and less stupid.
On the bright side of things, Gabe was playing for The Fangs now. When I’d told him he was going to play for The Fangs, he hadn’t jumped for joy or smiled like I’d imagined.
He’d looked at me suspiciously and said, “That isn’t funny.”
We’d been drinking coffee in the kitchen. He had a ratty little mustache above his lip now. To me, he would always be in something like sixth grade. But he was a man now...I supposed. He was clutching his mug and scowling.
“What are you talking about?” He’d said then.
I wasn’t about to tell him what had really gone down. Instead, I just told him that I’d talked Blake into letting him on the team. It had taken a few minutes to convince him it was true. But I already knew a guy from the team was coming by the next day to pick Gabe up and take him down to the rink and get him started.
When he knew it was true, he finally smiled in a way I hadn’t seen him smile since he was a little kid. His eyes were glassy. He was happy, truly happy. Suddenly, it all seemed worth it to me. When he hugged me, I didn’t regret anything.
The practices with Blake, I knew were pretty punishing. But Gabe never complained. I’d gone to see him play in a few games and he was quickly becoming the team’s new star. It all made me almost as happy as him.
But now this.
The next morning, I called out from work. I really didn’t feel so hot anyway. But to make up for it, I thought I’d clean up around the house a bit.
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