I’d never heard Miguel cry before. Not once.
It made me stop in my tracks but I didn’t look back. All I said was, “We’ll talk about it later.”
And I was gone.
I ran a few blocks and found my way into the woods outside town. Immediately I shifted and started sniffing. I suspected I might have to run far into the mountains. Chloe's had a full night to get gone but if I was right and she’d made her way into the wilderness, I thought I had an okay chance of finding her.
If I didn’t, I knew I wouldn’t be able to just go back to my regular life. I’d spend the rest of my days looking for Chloe if that’s what it took. I had been doomed by this love. It was such a strong feeling inside me that I didn’t even care.
Even if it took years, I knew I would find her.
All my senses were heightened as I delved into the woods. Just in terms of size, once I shifted I somehow felt twice as large as I really was. My fur was standing up a little just like an upset housecat.
The woods seemed so delicate in the snow, all covered in white. They sprawled out around St. Dominics and Stone River and the adjoining towns. The “mountains” as we called them were more like hills; a bit of wilderness where shifters went when they wanted to get back to some nature. I went deep into the forest and it had been a long time since I’d had to track. I hunted from time to time when I got a chance, to keep my senses sharp. I’d always felt like hunting also made me a better hockey player; sharp thinking, quick reflexes…
But now I was tracking somebody who didn’t want to be found. I found tracks though and that was my best lead. It was a deceptive lead, of course. There could be plenty of female lion shifters in the woods but it was all I had to go on. I did think that if Chloe had stopped at the house to pick up some of her things, she would be hiding them somewhere. Even if she had taken some food, she would probably hunt. But most of all she would look for somewhere warm to spend the night.
These were all just my best guesses, of course. I wasn’t even sure that Chloe had taken to the woods. Maybe she had scraped up some money and hopped on a bus, in which case I’d have to go interviewing everyone in town who might have seen her.
But if I was honest with myself, it was my childhood dream I was thinking of more than anything else. My dream had changed and then Chloe had run off. I had to think those two things were connected. It made me want to look for a waterfall, which was what I ended up doing.
I didn’t actually know where there was a waterfall outside St. Dominic. I usually kept to my woods close by and these were in the opposite direction. I’d gone into the forest where there were creeks, thinking they might lead to a waterfall that I had never heard actually existed.
It was possible I was just losing my mind. But that was love.
I could hear every creature skittering off when I came near; the most dangerous predator in the vicinity by far. I could smell other shifters far off, hunting themselves or just running, but staying out of my way. I got excited every time I picked up a new scent, thinking it might be Chloe and kept getting disappointed all over again when it wasn’t.
“Are you the reader of the group?”
Chloe had asked me that question after dinner the other night. There was a bookshelf in the living room all lined with a mishmash of books because there were some varying tastes between us. Dylan read headier stuff. Charlie liked sci-fi. Miguel didn’t read a whole lot except once in a while when he’d go for something intense and kinda dark. Then there was me. I would read everything. Though I enjoyed thrillers the most. I was always reading some new pop thriller at the rink during my downtime between practice and a game.
For some reason, I was thinking about that as I ran through the woods. It was one of those little moments Chloe and I had shared getting to know each other. I’d told her what I’d like and then found myself flustered, eagerly encouraging her to borrow any of our books if she liked. But she’d been just as flustered as I had. She’d blushed and bit her lip. She’d looked so young then. She was twenty-six, of course, but sometimes she seemed so much older, as if she’d already lived a little too much for one person.
“I’m like you, I guess,” she’d said. “I like to read anything if it’s good or fun or… I don’t know about books. Didn’t go to college, didn’t pay attention in school…”
She was so self-conscious about that stuff. I’d whispered in her ear: “I didn’t go to college either...and you’re not allowed to see my report cards.”
It wasn’t as if we’d had very similar upbringings. She’d grown up dirt poor and I’d been pretty solidly middle-class and had never worried much. But despite being from feuding towns, we actually had a lot in common.
My Stone River girl…
I had an urge to call for her and couldn’t, being in lion form.
But I could roar for her, and I did. It was the evening of the day I’d left the hospital by then. I’d been searching the woods for hours and hours, coming up on dead end after dead end following tracks and scents. I followed the scent of a somewhat fresh kill and of a slightly old kill, estimating how long ago she might have eaten and where she might be. She’d be extra hungry too with the pregnancy. I’d liked teasing her about it. The thought made me sad now.
I went searching for high ground, intending to send out my call, hoping she would hear it. I followed a steep incline that formed a little overlook high in the woods and I stood on the rock ledge that jutted out of it, my paws crunching in the heavy snow beneath me.
I roared from my soul. I felt everything within me as both a man and a lion come thundering out and echo over the forest. I heard other lions answer me, recognizing my roar as an alpha, but I knew none of them were Chloe. They were answering their alpha and if nothing else, it gave me some hope to hear my people responding to me with such respect. It imparted some strength.
I didn’t find Chloe that night. I also didn’t go home. I would be expected at practice. I knew our coach and manager had already been told that my injuries had not amounted to too much. They might make me sit out one game, but they would still want to see me. Yet I had no intention of going back before I found Chloe. I searched the woods, still looking for that waterfall before exhaustion overwhelmed me and I had to sleep for a couple of hours.
Of course, I had the dream again. I woke up and it was a blur in my mind. When I sleep very little, I never remember my dreams well. But I could see in my head the vivid image of Chloe’s golden fur glinting in the moonlight. Her broad nose and fine feline head were turned up to the stars as little flurries of snow fell. Flakes alighted on the tips of her ears. She was beautiful.
I hunted for breakfast quickly, taking down a deer inside a few minutes and eating my fill before going on. I hoped she was safe, but I wasn’t too worried about her finding danger in these woods unless Blake was somehow after her now too. She was capable and she was a survivor. I felt overwhelmed thinking of my faith in her and ran on, following another stream and a fresh set of tracks.
She was in front of me for a full minute before I spotted her.
I had heard the roar of the waterfall and it was making me breathless. I felt like I’d never find it. It had been snowing heavily and the howling wind and blanket of white camouflaged sights and scents, but suddenly there it was; an endless barrage of falling water from far away and I was bounding through the snow, which was difficult and slow going as it was past my haunches now.
Then I caught her scent. It gave me the same feeling as smelling the bread that Charlie liked to bake sometimes that made the house smell so nice, but it also gave me a feeling of smelling Chloe’s skin after our first night together at the house. She really was my home and she made me feel warm and loved. But she also inspired passion and lit a fire within me.
I was staring straight ahead, probably looking something like a dumb struck Simba when I saw her under the moonlight just beyond the low hanging branches of a pine tree.
Chapter Twelve: Chloe
Th
e truth was, I’d been having an okay time in the woods. In human form, once I’d taken a small bag of my things from the house and taken off, I’d been overwhelmed with anxiety. I didn’t know where I was going to go. I didn’t know how I was going to build a life on my own with the baby I wanted and was also afraid of caring for all by myself. I’d left the house trembling and teary and once in the woods I’d shifted, intending to hide out for a couple days while I got my head together.
But once shifted, I’d felt so much better. Lions aren’t anxious types. As much as you retain your human consciousness while shifted, you can also be affected emotionally in your lion state. Often, for the better. I felt calm and strong as I ran through the woods. Hunting a late dinner had been satisfying. I could almost feel the little cub inside me being nourished by the meat. It had been like meditating to be out in the wilderness, in the serenity of the woods all blanketed with snow. My fur kept me pretty warm. I found nooks to sleep in and creeks to drink from. I stayed well away from shifters who became less and less common the farther I went into the forest, deeper in towards the hills. I thought about running a couple hundred miles from St. Dom’s and Stone River and getting to some town where I could pick up some work and put a little more money together. I wouldn’t need to pay for room and board and maybe not food, if I found the right place. I could just shift at night; hunt my food and sleep wherever I could find a good spot. I thought I might head for California eventually.
When I found the waterfall, it felt momentous somehow. I didn’t know why. I hadn’t even known there was a waterfall anywhere near these woods. I almost had a feeling of having stepped into another world. The spot of unblemished snow and icy pool into which a small bout of falls plunged from a rocky Cliffside was by far the most beautiful spot I’d seen in the forests around Stone River. I slept there and in the morning I drank from the water, hunted, and even played a bit in the snow. I thought about Luca the whole time; the romance that never was. We had just begun to get to know each other and I knew that everything we’d felt for each other was real. That was exactly why I’d had to go.
My heart was broken. I just hoped someday I’d manage to mend it.
When I saw Luca appear from between two firs, I wasn’t surprised. That was strange since my entire goal had been to get far away from him for his own good. But the waterfall had put me in such a dreamlike mood. The thing was, I’d never seen Luca in lion form either. But I knew it was him as well as I knew my own face, even before I’d picked up his scent, a little muted by the thick snow.
I was drinking from the pool when his footsteps alerted me and I looked up and saw him. I lifted my head but otherwise stayed where I was as he approached.
He knew. I could tell that too somehow. I looked at him and tried to convey everything I was feeling inside; that I had done this for him because I loved him and that I was sorry. If I’d been human, I would have burst into tears. But now I just stared.
What if he’s come because he’s angry?
What if he tells Blake where you are?
What if…?
But instead Luca padded up to me and I swear I saw a soft little smile on his feline face as he nuzzled me with his head. He licked at my ear and bumped his head against mine in a gesture of affection and it suddenly felt as if all this worry and drama had been silly.
Of course, I forgive you, he seemed to say. Of course, I love you.
There was a lot we’d need to talk about but for now, we didn’t speak. Instead, I lay down in the snow and Luca lay down with me. For one night, that was all we needed. It was just the two of us together in our purest form, assuring each other of our love.
The next morning, we did shift back into human form. I’d been wearing my parka so when I shifted back, I at least wasn’t freezing cold, but Luca looked at me with worried eyes anyway, rubbing my arms as the two of us moved to sit on a boulder near the falls. It felt almost as if the hard part was already done. We’d communed as our primal, true selves. Now it was just the nitty gritty human part we had to figure out.
“I don’t care that I’m not the father,” Luca said immediately. He reached up and stroked my cheek and I leaned into the touch. “I wish you hadn’t lied-”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry. You’ve never been anything but kind. I wish I’d trusted that.”
“It’s not the ideal start to a relationship,” Luca said with a snort. “But I get it. You were only guaranteed that protection of the pride if I was the father. But I would have covered for you. I would have kept that up forever to protect you.”
“I should’ve known Blake would figure it out anyway,” I said, rolling my eyes. “It was so stupid.”
“You were scared,” Luca said, shrugging. I teared up and nodded and Luca wrapped his arms around me. “I know you were scared. But you don’t have to be scared anymore. You’re my mate.”
I gasped at that and held him as he held me. It was all out on the table now. No more lies. Just the truth. And somehow, Luca still wanted me.
“You know, I want to take care of you as much as you’ll take care of me,” I said firmly. I needed him to agree to that. I was vulnerable now. But I wouldn’t always be.
“I hope so,” Luca said, and kissed my neck. “I could use some taking care of.”
“I’m sorry you got hurt,” I whispered, shutting his eyes and reveling in his warmth and strength. “I just didn’t want you to get hurt again. Not ever.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt either,” Luca said. “But you’re not alone in this, Chloe. I won’t let you be. I love you.”
I breathed that in like I’d just discovered air for the first time and squeezed him tight. “I love you.”
“Good,” he said, chuckling. He leaned back and kissed me sweetly, his lips warm and just a little chapped. “Now let’s go home.
“I’m worried about Gabe,” I said. Just saying it aloud brought up a fresh bout of anxiety. I knew Blake’s team was rough on a good day but if I hadn’t gotten pregnant and put all of this in motion, I think he would’ve made it alright playing for The Fangs. Or maybe I just wanted to believe that. But now… Now I had to think that he might be in real danger.
We were holding hands. We’d shifted to get back through the woods to St. Dom’s. By the time we got home, it was nearly one in the morning. But I wasn’t tired. If anything, I was feeling a little energized. I was also starving even though we’d hunted on our run. That was fun too, hunting together as a real couple. Deer had never tasted so good.
Luca squeezed my hand as he let me in the house and said, “We’re gonna help Gabe. I mean if I can get him away from Blake and have him play for The Cougars, I’d be happy. He’s a great player.”
I’d expected the other guys to be in bed this late. In fact, I’d kind of hoped for it. I felt like they must be pissed at me after everything. So when we walked in and saw Charlie, Dylan, and Miguel crowded together on the couch watching late night TV, I tensed up a little, smiling tightly.
“Oh thank God you found her,” Miguel said. He looked a little ragged. I wondered if they’d been worried about Luca while he was out looking for me. “We were about to go after you, help you find Chloe.”
“You mean you tried to run after him six times and we stopped you because we thought Luca needed to do this alone and Chloe might be scared off if she saw us and not him?” Charlie said. He raised an eyebrow at me and I snorted a laugh. He was right. I would’ve run from them.
“Yeah,” Miguel said, rubbing his eyes. “That.” He stood from his spot on the couch and nodded at me. “I owe you an apology.”
“I owe you an apology!” I said.
“Fine!” Luca said huffily. “You’re both apologetic. Good Lord. This could go on all day.”
“You’re protective of Luca,” I said, nudging the Luca in question. “I’m glad you are. I’m the one who lied. You had every reason to think badly of me.”
“Anyway, I’m glad you found each other and I’m glad y
ou’re back,” Miguel said, nodding curtly.
Charlie piped up, “For him, that’s being a warm, fuzzy teddy bear.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said, chuckling.
There was food, luckily. Luca led me to the kitchen and apparently Charlie had ordered a crazy amount of pizza as the three of them had been waiting Luca out. There was plenty left and I piled my plate high, unapologetically scarfing down pizza in front of Luca, who just watched me fondly, nibbling on his Meat Lover’s.
“Your room can be the nursery,” he said quietly.
I almost choked, but instead I smiled around my slice and blinked at him. When I finally swallowed, I said, “Really? Wow, a real nursery. You don’t think the guys will mind having a baby around?”
“I think the kid will have three uncles and definitely three babysitters,” Luca said, grinning. “Charlie will be a natural. Dylan will look at the kid in wide-eyed wonder. Miguel will be a tough nut. He’ll pretend he’s annoyed by crying and dirty diapers but I’ll bet you a little cub melts his rough old heart at first sight.”
“Miguel does seem testy sometimes.” I didn’t mean anything by it but it was obvious enough. I’d eaten as much pizza as I could stand and now sipped the grape juice Luca had poured for me, leaning on my hand.
“He’s done some things he’s not proud of,” Luca said gravely. “I don’t think he’s ever gotten over his own guilt about it. But that’s his story to tell. Came from a rough place too.”
“Well, that I understand,” I said.
“Speaking of your room,” Luca said. I found that a little amusing since he’d been the one speaking of my room. “Will you sleep in mine tonight?” He reached over and played with my hand and I smiled, suddenly a bit bashful.
“Yes, please.”
Luca beamed at that and leaned over to kiss me on the forehead. “My brilliant mate.”
It was nearly four by the time we’d cleaned up and dressed for bed. I’d left a voicemail for my boss at Tom’s apologizing for missing a day and letting him now I’d be back bright and early. But the second I hung up, Luca told me if I wanted I could quit my job at Tom’s. The thought was an enticing one. It was the only job I’d been able to get back when I was looking for work, but if Luca helped me out a little, maybe I could get something better. I’d have to think about it. It would probably be wise not to work back in Stone River anyway. I should stick to St. Dom’s until things were settled.
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