by E. M. Moore
I start rubbing his calf, kneading deep into the skin and right into the muscle.
“Fuck,” he snaps, grimacing as I try to rub the cramp out.
“I told you—”
Matt swings his gaze toward Shawn and Shawn shuts up. It really isn’t a good time to be saying I told you so.
Alec kneels right beside me. I glance over. His brows are furrowed, and he honestly looks concerned about Matt’s condition. “It’ll be okay,” I tell Matt. “You just overworked it.”
“Grab some ice, Shawn,” Alec says.
Shawn looks around like he has no idea where to find ice during homecoming but runs off anyway. I can still feel Matt’s muscle spasming under my hands, so I knead harder. I know this hurts like a bitch, but it’s the only way to get rid of it faster than just letting it take its course.
“You should be a sports PT,” Alec says.
I shake my head. Like he’d say that to one of the guys who just happened to be helping out. “No, thanks,” I tell him. “I’d rather play.” A minute later, Matt’s muscle stops spasming, so I take my hands off him and stand. At that moment, Shawn comes running back and gives him the ice.
Alec pushes off the ground and stands next to me. “I wasn’t trying to be a prick.”
I turn toward him, my eyebrows raised.
He lowers his voice. “I mean I wasn’t trying to be a prick right then.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Am I supposed to be able to tell the difference?”
Alec’s jaw ticks. I know I’ve probably taken it too far because we’re in the middle of “trials”, but some things just need to be said. They need to know that I’m never going to forget what they’ve done to me. And not just with this shit here, in camp, too.
Alec looks at me so long that I start to shift from foot to foot. His eyes are so intense, they’re almost scraping my insides, like he’s intent on knowing what I’m thinking inside. If they knew what I was thinking inside, they’d make me run suicides. After a while, he just walks away. “See you on the bleachers,” he calls out over his shoulder.
Shawn helps Matt to his feet. Matt tests the weight on his legs then swipes his hand through his hair. “About those candy bars?”
Shawn and I laugh, then help Matt walk toward the football field. Maybe today won’t be so bad with these two on my side.
16
There’s actually an area roped off just for the basketball team in the stands.
After buying Matt his candy bars from the concession stand, we head up there, sitting in the last row designated for us. When I see Dawn strolling up the bleachers, I send her a quick text telling her I have to sit with the basketball team. She looks up from her screen, and when she sees me, she comes over. “Hey. You okay?”
I shrug. I can still feel the sting of everyone’s laughter from yesterday, but right now, I have basketball to focus on, so it helps. “I’ll be fine,” I tell her with a smile.
“I gave—”
“Chase my number?” I guess. “I figured that out. Thanks.”
She bites down on her lip. “What? You don’t like him?”
I can feel Matt and Shawn’s eyes on us. I trust them for now, but that doesn’t mean I want any basketball players to know my business. I’m sure the Ballers could make them talk and use this information to their own advantage. “Can I talk to you about it later?”
“Of course,” she says. She turns to look around at the bleachers that are filling up. “I’m going to sit over there. I think.”
My stomach drops. I wish I could sit with her but sitting here with them is a part of the trials or whatever. It’s non-negotiable. It sucks that she won’t have anyone to explain the game to her. Hopefully, she’ll be just as satisfied ogling David’s ass the entire game instead of learning about the actual game. I give her a small wave and she walks off. I watch her until she sits at the far end of the bleachers.
“Your friend’s pretty hot,” Matt says.
I turn toward him. “Don’t get your hopes up. I think she’s dating David Russell.”
“Yeah, I saw them at the dance together.”
My face flames. If they were at the dance, they no doubt saw my embarrassing picture. Matt realizes what territory he’s walked into, so he just turns away. At that moment, the rest of the Ballers and their female entourage are coming up the stand steps. A different girl is hanging off Ryan than I’ve noticed before. It’s not even Rhonda who helped decorate our float. I stare at them incredulously, but neither one of them seems bothered by the fact that his arm had just been around Rhonda. If that’s the way they act, I probably couldn’t even be a part of that even if I wanted to. I can’t imagine having them and then seeing them with another girl. Hell, it sucks just seeing them with other girls, and they don’t even like me.
Other members of the basketball team follow behind them up the steps. I haven’t spoken to any of them yet, but Matt and Shawn slap hands and say hey to a few of them. They glance over me, none of them even saying anything. It makes me want to cower.
Lake is last to come up. He has a very pretty brunette on his arm that sneers at me. She makes several fist pumps toward her face, simulating sucking cock. I just look away. I have zero ground to stand on here. If I tell her to get fucked, I’m sure the Rock Ballers will be all over me. Instead of ignoring me like I’m ignoring them, Lake stops right in front of me. “You need to sit back a row.”
I look up, my jaw clenching. Sitting back a row will mean I’m not even in the basketball area, but whatever. I get up and start to move.
Shawn and Matt follow, but Lake says, “Just Dale. You two can stay.”
Matt and Shawn hover just over their seats. They’re stuck between not knowing if they should follow me to make sure we’re a team or to do what Lake says. I sit back one, my ass hitting the cold metal.
“I mean it,” Lake says, looking at them through slitted eyes. “Stay.”
I just stare straight ahead. The message is loud and clear. I’m not really with them, am I?
When the other two sit, Lake finds his seat next to the other Ballers. Ryan and Sloan turn, just casually observing my outsider status. Alec turns to look, but he faces forward again right afterward, his shoulders bunched. A girl has her head propped on his shoulder. She keeps cuddling into him like she’s trying to get him to put his arm around her, but he doesn’t. He just stares straight ahead. Hayes never turns, and he’s the only one who doesn’t have a girl by his side. He props one leg up on the seat in front of him and places his elbow on his knee. He stares out lazily like he doesn’t understand why he’s at the game but doesn’t make a move to leave either.
I notice a lot from here. Lake seems to be the only one who’s actually into the girl he’s with. The others are content for the girls to stroke their arms or cuddle into them. Lake, though, is making out with his until Ryan says something to him. They immediately pull away from one another, and then she’s like a wet blanket draped over him, whispering into his ear, smirking into his neck. I can say for certain that he’s the only one I don’t get jealous of, and I don’t think it has anything to do with his latest cruelty toward me. He just always seemed darker than the others. Even though they did the same things, he seemed to take pleasure in it more or sought out things to do. I can’t put my finger on it, but the others were mean for a different reason.
I just need to trust myself when I say that none of that matters when the outcome is the same.
Everyone gives me a wide berth from that point forward. Matt and Shawn don’t look around once. The family sitting to my right even has an empty space between me and them like they’ll catch my Baller outcast cooties. The marching band, dressed in blue with gold trim, marches out onto the field. As more and more people find seats in the stands, the tension rises around us. The game isn’t as well attended as the basketball games, but there are quite a few families and a lot of students have shown up.
To the right and down, I see my dad walk in. He always sits in the bot
tom row right where everyone walks in. Sloan elbows Ryan and juts his chin in the air toward my dad. Ryan looks over and sees him too, then nods.
I glare at the back of their heads. I don’t know what they’re up to, but I don’t want my dad to get dragged into anything going on with the Ballers. Getting humiliated in front of him is not on the top of my to-do list.
“Hey,” a voice says.
I’m so caught up in staring those two down that I don’t even look up. It isn’t until Matt looks around and back a little that I realize whoever’s there is right next to me. I turn slowly, then stare straight into the eyes of Chase Fisher. My heart beats once almost painfully in my chest. “Um, hey.”
He’s dressed in a pair of nice jeans and a Nike lacrosse shirt. His gaze is calculating, staring at me with a frown.
I look toward the field at the marching band’s performance, but there’s no way Chase is going to let me get away with that. “You didn’t text me back,” he says.
I close my eyes, reliving the humiliation of last night again. Why the hell is he pursuing this? He freaking saw me with a dick drawn on my face, plus, he barely knows me. “I’m fine,” I tell him, finally looking up again. I can’t meet his eyes for long, though, so I look away just as quickly. I hate that he’s being so nice. In a way, I know I’m fucked up. Chase is being nice to me. He wants to make sure I’m okay, and yet, I’m jealous of the fact that Ryan has a girl draped over him right now. I’m seriously messed in the head.
“Tessa…”
Someone behind him says, “Would you mind sitting down, young man?”
“Sorry,” Chase says, then he moves to sit with me. My stomach clenches. I stay right where I am even though it’s obvious Chase is trying to sit next to me. I peek at the Ballers, but they haven’t noticed us yet. Even Shawn looks around with an unsure expression. Chase has to sit at the very edge of the bleacher, his feet out in the aisle. He leans over his legs like this isn’t super awkward. “I wasn’t being a stalker, I promise. Your friend Dawn gave me your number.”
“I know,” I tell him. My heart is in my throat. I keep peeking at the Ballers and wondering if I should just tell Chase to sit somewhere else. Technically, we’re not in the basketball section anymore, so it’s not like he can’t sit here. The Ballers will be pissed though. They want to control me, and this is one way they can do it. They also don’t want me to win at anything, and the fact that this cute guy who saw me embarrassed last night still wants to talk to me won’t sit well with them.
“I’m really sorry about what happened. It’s fucked up.” He sneers down at the guys in front of me. “They were assholes when I went to school here, too.”
My hands come together, and I squeeze until my fingers turn white. “Can we not talk about that?”
He takes a quick peek at me. “Which one of them did it? You can’t just stay quiet, Tessa.” He reaches his hand up, his fingertips grazing my cheek.
I pull away. “It doesn’t matter,” I say, a hint of pleading in my voice. I really don’t want to draw any attention to us. Or him. Or just plain me. I’ve had enough attention. At least the mean kind of attention I’ve come to expect from the Ballers. I miss the attention Ryan once gave me. I clench my jaw, forcing myself not to think about it.
“It does,” he says, his voice dark. He bumps my shoulder. “But I’ll stop if you want me to.” When I don’t answer, he sighs. “I just wanted to tell you how much fun I had at the dance.”
I can’t say the same. I enjoyed talking to him, but the whole thing was marred for me because of what happened.
“And…I guess, I wanted to see if you want to do it again some time. Just you and me. No chances of getting embarrassed or bullied or—”
“Hey,” a voice snaps.
I swallow. I’d just been pulled into looking at Chase’s eyes with his words. My skin tingles as I wait for the follow-up. Chase stiffens beside me as he looks up.
“You can’t sit here,” Ryan says. “Basketball area.” He gives a cocky grin that says everything he wants to say. Meaning, get the fuck out, you’re not good enough.
Chase doesn’t take it though. He seems so mature next to the ridiculous nature of what Ryan says. Or, is he incredibly dumb? “It’s cool,” Chase says, shrugging. Then, he looks to me. “Anyway, I want to know if you’ll go on a date with me?”
The marching band’s song ended in that moment. Everyone in a five-foot radius hears Chase ask me out. I look up. My chest expands and that feeling I felt yesterday when Chase was even talking to me starts to seep back in. It feels good to be wanted. I’m not going to lie. And Chase is handsome. And nice, clearly.
Alec stands. My head snaps around to look at him. His hands are balled to fists, and the girl who was leaning on him is now rubbing her ear. “He said you can’t sit there.”
Chase’s jaw ticks. “I’m having a conversation with Tessa.” When he turns back toward me this time, his eyes are ablaze. I see a little bit of the lacrosse fighter coming out of him then. If you’re an athlete, you have to be a little bit confrontational. Games are about winning. If you don’t care about winning, you wouldn’t play. “I really want to take you out.”
I glance up at Alec who looks he’s getting madder by the second. “Maybe you should—”
Chase cocks his head at me. “Seriously? Why are you letting them do this?”
I close my eyes. In my head, I don’t see the Ballers acting like complete assholes or even Chase sitting right next to me. No, I see me years ahead, jumping in the air for a layup in front of a crowd of people. This is the only way, and I just don’t know if Chase will understand that.
“Listen, asshole,” Ryan says, standing next to Alec now. The rest of the Ballers stand, too, following their point guard. Hayes stands last, but when he turns, he might have the most dramatic affect. He’s so tall, so unreadable. “This is for basketball players only.”
Ryan points toward the tape, but Chase isn’t dumb. He realizes I’m not even inside the tape on the stands. He looks at me, his expression apologetic. But then he stands, and his hands ball into fists, too. “Really? Because from what I can see, you don’t even want her on the team. You haven’t even given her a chance.”
Lake snorts. “We don’t want her on the team.” He looks around like he thought that was all loud and clear. Trust me, it is. “She’s the one who signed up, so she has to take everything we give her.”
“Like humiliating her?” Chase moves into the aisle and then takes a step down like he’s going to confront the Ballers.
Is he insane? There’s just him, and they’re the whole basketball team. I stand up and grab the back of his shirt. When he whips around to look at me, I whisper, “Don’t do this, okay? I’m fine. I’ll talk to you later.”
Creases run deep through his forehead. He’s staring at me like I’m from an alien planet and he has no idea why I’m just taking any of this. “They’re not even playing fair. They—”
“Actually, you won’t talk to her later,” Alec interjects. “Tessa’s really busy with basketball. Tell him, Tessa.”
I glare over at him. He’s not smirking. Not in the least. His lips are a thin line, but he doesn’t look at me at all. He’s staring at Chase like he’s just took the spot of enemy number one.
Sloan holds back a laugh. “Yeah, tell him Tessa.”
My face heats. Chase is one of the only people who’s being nice to me. The last thing I want to do is tell him I don’t want to talk to him, but I have no choice. “I, um…” Below us, the football team runs onto the field. The band starts playing the fight song. The crowd not sitting near us is clapping and cheering. I peek at the Ballers again. They’re dead serious.
“Save it,” Chase says. He gives me one last look and then starts down the stands, taking the steps two at a time. Like the assholes they are, the Ballers cheer for him all the way down. I sit down immediately. My face is hot, but there’s a chill in the air, so I shiver as I watch Chase make his way out of the football
area, his cheeks a ruddy red.
The Ballers don’t look at me when they sit down, save for Alec. He shoots me a look that pins me in place, then turns slowly, allowing the girl who had her cheek on his shoulder to cozy back up to him again. I glare at the spot their bodies meet. For a moment, I could almost trick myself into thinking that Alec had another reason for not wanting Chase to ask me out. He seemed so mad. If this is just a game to him, why the clenched fists? Why the anger?
I already know my answer. They just hate me that much.
17
White-knuckled, I watch the whole game. I barely even move from my spot because I don’t want to catch the ire of any one of the Ballers even when I can feel my cell phone pinging like crazy in my pocket. I keep running through the scenario in my head. No matter how much I wanted to tell the Ballers to get fucked about who I hang out with, they determine what my fate with the basketball team will be. And basketball is my everything. Hands down.
After RHS loses the game—big surprise—the Ballers tell us we’re to help take the flatbed back to Alec’s family’s house. Matt, Shawn, and I trudge back over to the float where we start pulling off the decorations and throwing them into any available trashcan we can find. Soon, it’s whittled down to just the flatbed with the five metal folding chairs on it. Shawn and I jump onto the float to fold up the chairs. While we’re both bent over, he whispers, “If you tell anyone, I’ll deny it, but what they just did to you was fucked up.”
I look over at him, surprised. Surprised that he feels that way at all, but also surprised he would say anything.
He shrugs. “I had my own thoughts about you, pre-conceived notions you might say. At first, I thought you deserved everything you were getting. You surprised me,” he says finally.
I raise my eyebrows at him.
He chuckles. “I know. I’m serious about denying I said any of this though.” He stares at me a couple beats longer, his eyes turning almost black. “Don’t even think about saying anything to them.”