by E. M. Moore
He pulls right behind his truck, and we both get out. He hands me back the keys, and I grab them without ceremony. Things are suddenly super awkward.
“Thanks for your help today,” he says.
“No problem.”
“I guess I’ll see you Monday?”
A part of me winces. Whatever momentum I thought I was getting with Alec just had the brakes slammed on. “I’ll be there,” I tell him. My stomach knots just thinking about everyone staring at me. I wish I could erase the fact that they all saw that picture. I guess I should be glad they didn’t show it at the football game.
He waves and then walks off toward his truck. I can’t help but watch him walk away. He’s bigger than the other Ballers, but not in a husky kind of way. He’s built. His body is made for grabbing rebounds and making sure no one else gets them but him. He’s also got the perfect physique for cracking homeruns into left field.
He turns abruptly, catching me looking at him. My face grows hot, and I immediately get in my own car, my stare planted on my lap. I’m not looking back up at him. Definitely not.
When I go home, I dig out old pictures from camp and look at how much the Ballers have grown. As have I. Even when I first met them, they had this bees-to-honey quality about them. Every girl wanted to kiss them, and every guy wanted to be them.
In essence, I’ve never grown up.
18
I expected to get texts on Sunday to do Baller things, but they never came. Part of me was sad, but the other half felt relief. Alec was giving me really mixed signals, so instead of stewing about it, I spend the whole day out on the court, and then most of the evening and into the night laying on a floatie in the middle of the pool, letting myself drift this way and that. Ever since my mother had the fight with Dad on Sign-Ups night, I haven’t seen her very much, but she did sit out by the pool while I played basketball, making sure I had plenty of water and snacks when I took a break.
So, this morning when I woke, I shouldn’t have been shocked to see a text from Alec on my phone. Pick me up before school.
I was still wiping the crusties from my eyes, so I have to read it a few times. Immediately, nerves strike. I bite my lip, picturing him in my car, the smile on his face. He talked to me like an actual human being. I run my hands through my hair and then with a big sigh, I text back: I’ll text when I leave my house.
A small section of the rebellious me just wants to leave his ass at his house, but honestly, he is the only Baller being nice to me right now. Maybe I can get the others to turn around too, and in turn, salvaging the season we’re about to have because there’s no way I’m not going to make this team. The only Baller I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to turn around is Lake, and that’s because he’s just…evil. I’m a direct threat to him. Always have been. He’s probably the reason the Ballers never liked me in the first place. I’ve threatened their five-person team since we all started going to camp together. As we got older, it just got worse.
Hurrying, I take a shower and get ready before bounding down the stairs to the kitchen. Mom’s already there, a pale pink robe tied around her. She’s just turning the coffee maker on, and when I come up behind her, she jumps. Spinning, she places her hand over her chest when she realizes it’s me. “Tess, oh my God.”
“You okay?” I ask, moving around her to grab a cereal bowl.
“Out of it this morning, I guess,” she says. She looks at me and smiles. “It was so nice to see you playing yesterday. How’s everything at school going?”
I shrug because what else am I going to say to her? The Ballers are terrible people? She’ll either want to move me back to Broadwell or take it to the principal. Neither one of those things is going to get me on the basketball team, so I’m content with where I am. Plus, for some ridiculous reason, I’m still holding out hope that I can win them over. Call me a Baller groupie, I don’t know. “It’s fine.”
She puts the pod in the Keurig coffee maker and then turns again. “That’s good. Your dad says he wants to have a party here at the house when you make it on the team. Invite all the players, all that good stuff.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Dad wants to have a party here?”
She dribbles her fingers over the counter and nods.
“But he doesn’t live here.”
Mom shrugs. “I guess for show.”
I just shake my head. I don’t know what to say to her only, “We don’t even know if I’ll make the team. I need to concentrate on that now.”
She pats my head and then cups my cheek. “Of course, Tess. You just let me know if you need anything, okay? I can start making your lunch. I can time your sprints.”
I love that she’s trying. These are all things Dad used to do. He knew exactly what to put in my lunch because it was the fuel my body needed to perform well. We’d also spend hours out on the court. It almost seems lonely out there without him. I wonder what he’s doing for working out right now. He must have to go to a gym to get his playing time in, which is ridiculous. Mom wouldn’t stop him from using the court or anything here for that matter, including her.
I glance up at the time, abandon the cereal bowl, and grab a few protein bars and stick them in my bag. “Got to go. I’ll see you later tonight. I’ll let you know if I have to do anything after school for basketball.” I give her a quick kiss on the cheek and then head out. On the way to Alec’s house, I eat two protein bars then brush my shirt down as I pull onto his road. I park in his driveway, and then I do a quick check to make sure I don’t have anything in my teeth or on my face.
A screen door screeches open. I flip the visor up and look over at him. He walks out casually, his dark hair styled perfectly like he hasn’t had the time to mess it up yet. His bag is slung over his shoulder and even though I know we’re both in the same grade, he looks so much older. I gulp as I watch him approach. When he gets to the car, he gives me a sly smile. “Do you mind if I drive again?”
“Oh…” I look around the car. I’m not sure what for, but it’s almost like I’m looking for a reason not to have him drive. “Sure.” I swing the door open and go around the front. We pass each other and Alec lets his hand tangle in mine for a second as we brush against one another. My heart thumps loudly. I’m telling myself it was just a mistake—an accident—but the other part of me wonders if Alec isn’t just tolerating me. Maybe there’s something more.
Since the top is already down, Alec places his bag in the back, and I do the same before scooting into the passenger seat. This time when he gets in, he seems much more at ease. He rubs the steering wheel with a sly smile. “I think when I make it,” he says. “I’m going to get myself one of these.”
I lean back and put my seatbelt on. “When I make it,” I tell him. “I’m going to have one of these and probably a Corvette, too. A purple one.”
He chuckles. “Your dad would probably just buy you one now.”
I look over at him, eyebrows scrunched together. “You don’t know my dad. Plus, there’s something to be said for buying yourself the cool toys. I don’t want him to give them to me, I want to earn them.”
His head shifts just slightly until he’s staring at me. His green eyes are almost emerald this morning as he appraises me.
Something in me instinctively reacts to his lingering stare. My pulse beats like crazy at my wrist. My heart flies up through my throat, lodging itself there until it’s stealing my breath away. As if pulled by the same invisible force, Alec and I start moving at the same time. Our eyes lock, we both lean in. His lips are full and part just before—
His phone rings.
I throw myself back in the seat like he’s shot me. My hand over my heart, I will myself to calm down as he pulls his phone out of his pocket, his complexion pale. “Yeah?” he says tersely. “I’m coming,” he finally says.
Without a word about it, he ends the call, places it back in his pocket, then pulls around his driveway and back toward the school. The drive is quiet. The wind is whipping ou
r hair around, but it seems to be almost challenging me, too, whispering in my ear as it screams past. What are you thinking? Holy shit. Alec wanted to kiss you, too. You were that close! Nooooo.
We pull into the school parking lot because Alec, of course, is allowed to park wherever the hell he wants. When he pulls in, he heads straight for the Jeep I know belongs to Sloan. He looks over as he pulls into a spot, and I follow his gaze. All of the other Ballers are staring us down. None of them look all that happy.
“Just push this button?” Alec asks.
I look over and see that he’s asking about the top, so I nod. We wait for the top to unfold over us and then we just sit in the car for a beat after he’s shut it off. So, when the ass hits the hood of the car in front of me, I hold back a scream and jump. Right outside the windshield, Ryan has the girl he took to the dance pressed against the car.
My stomach drops. He’s groping up the side of her body, his hand inching under her shirt. He keeps going higher and higher, and I hear her moan. I can’t take it anymore. I turn away.
I turn right into Alec’s eyes. He swallows. “It’s always been Ryan, hasn’t it?”
He throws me the keys and immediately pushes the driver’s side door open. I don’t even have time to say anything much less process anything he’s said. I hurry and step out, but Alec is already walking up to Sloan and Lake. There’s no damn way I’m going to follow after him now.
With his girl still pressed to the hood of my car, Ryan turns to look at me. “I may have to borrow this, Dale. Seems like my girl here likes it.”
The girl is glaring at me, but when Ryan looks down at her, she turns her full attention-fawning smile at him, then they continue to makeout. I hit the lock button on the fob and just walk toward school. For some reason, I can’t scrape the feeling of being used off me. Alec wanting me to pick him up, but he ends up driving. Alec sending me cryptic messages. Ryan practically humping a girl on my car. If he thinks he’s going to have sex with that skank in my car, he can go screw himself. That isn’t happening.
When I look back right before I enter the building, the girl who was sitting next to Alec at the football games comes up to him and tries to take his hand. He peels it away from her and then turns his back. I walk into school more confused than ever.
It’s always been Ryan, hasn’t it?
I suppose it has, but maybe that’s because he was the only one who was ever nice to me, and that was only for a little while. Just one brief moment of bliss before it all shattered around me.
19
I finally see Dawn at lunch, so I catch her up on everything that’s happening. She’s enthralled by the idea of the Ballers having a pre-tryout master manipulation thing going on. I tell her how Alec drove my car, and I almost feel relieved when she doesn’t seem to care all that much. Don’t get me wrong, she makes the appropriate WTF comments, but she doesn’t say one thing about his ass or about how she used to want to pounce on him. That might have something to do with the fact that David comes over midway through lunch and sits down. I can tell those two have been very chummy over the weekend, which I can’t wait for her to spill about.
While they’re making googly eyes at each other, Christie comes over. She sits down next to me and says hey. I look up from staring at my milk carton, so I’m not intruding on all the sexual tension happening on the other side of the lunch table from me.
When I see Christie for the first time, she has a slight frown indentation between her eyes. It’s different than her normal self. “Hey,” I say, swallowing.
She places her hands on the stool between her legs and leans toward me. “Are you going to text my brother back?”
I rub my forehead. My brain hurts. I sneak a peek toward the Baller table. They’re all just sitting there, enjoying their lunch. “I kind of thought he wouldn’t want me to.”
“You mean after the game?” she asks. “I think he realizes it wasn’t you saying he couldn’t sit there.”
I bite my lip. Do I want to text him back? I don’t know. The only thing I do know is that I really wanted to kiss Alec this morning. I keep thinking about the way his lips parted for me. He wanted it, too.
A threatening presence looms over us. Dawn looks up, her lips moving into a straight line. “Christie,” the voice says. “I have to talk to my recruit.”
I look over my shoulder and see Alec standing there, his green eyes almost menacing. Behind him, all the Ballers are staring at us. “I’m not stopping you,” she says.
“I need to talk to her alone,” Alec says again, his patience wearing thin.
By this point, anyone else at the school would just leave. Not Christie. “Kind of hard to do that in a room full of people.” She looks back down at me. “So? Are you going to?”
“Going to what?” Alec asks.
“None of your business,” Christie snaps. She’s the only girl I’ve seen that won’t bow to them. It unnerves me.
I gulp. People are starting to look over. Even David and Dawn are watching intently at what’s going on. David starts to stand, but it looks as if Dawn has her hand on his leg. I just need to end this. This is ridiculous. Everyone’s getting antsy for no reason. “Yes,” I tell her. “I will.”
She pops up. “Good!” She leans over to give me a hug and then stands. “Chase will be so happy.”
If I thought the space was filled with tension before, now it’s tenfold. Christie practically skips away, but Alec doesn’t move. “In the hallway. Now.”
I look over my shoulder at him. His face a mask of barely controlled anger. “What?”
“Now,” he says.
“You don’t have to,” Dawn says. She reaches her hand out and places it on mine on the table.
Instead of snapping at her, Alec just looks at me with those pleading green eyes. It’s almost as if he’s trying to control himself but losing patience quickly. I stand, and Alec grasps my forearm as we walk into the hall together. He moves us to the other side of the vending machine where he pins me against the wall with his presence. “What was Christie talking about? What are you doing with Chase?”
We’re so close again. I breathe in deep, engulfing every sense in his scent. “I, um, I agreed to talk with him?”
“Why?” His gaze stares me down.
My brain finally starts working. How dare he manhandle me out here in the hall. How dare he speak to my friends like that, and me. I stand straighter. “You can have control over basketball, but nothing else, Alec. That’s it.”
He leans in more, and just being a breath away from him makes my heart skip. “Is that right, Dale? I have just control over basketball?”
I nod.
“Why are you going to talk to him?”
I shrug. “Because he was nice, for starters.”
“Nice?” he laughs mockingly. “Are you picking out furniture? Or a man?”
“What do you care?”
He reaches out and grabs my hip. I’m so startled I almost shriek. We just stand there staring at one another, our breaths mixing, and the front of my body firing off like fireworks at how close we are. “The last baseball game of our summer season is tonight. It’s in Preston. I want you there.”
Because we’re so close and it’s just too much temptation to be surrounded by Alec and not touch him, I reach out and place my hands just above the cut of his hips. I suck in a breath at the feel of his body under mine. I can’t begin to put a number on how many times I’ve seen the Ballers without shirts on. It’s hot at camp in the summer. It’s only natural for them to do that, but it wasn’t until this last year that it was distracting for me.
His body stiffens. He darts his tongue out over his lips, eyeing me, then slams his mouth shut before saying, “The other recruits will be there, too. Ditch after next period. We’ll be waiting in the parking lot.”
I snatch my hands away from him, my stomach dropping to the floor. Silly me. I thought this had something to do with me and him, and not a Baller-sanctioned hazing thing. I
step away from his grasp, and his hands fall away. “Fine. I’ll be there.”
Looking away, I hear Alec swear, then the tension leaves with him as he stalks back into the cafeteria. I almost slump to the floor when I can breathe again. It’s like I just went through an epic battle, or worse, had to stand up in front of the entire school to give a speech. The amount of relief that sweeps through me is monumental.
The bell rings overhead, and Dawn steps out of the cafeteria. She has my bag in her hand, so I walk forward to grab it from her. “Thanks,” I tell her.
“What the hell was that all about?”
“Just a Baller thing,” I say, rolling my eyes. No matter how much I wish it wasn’t, it was obvious it was.
When she looks at me, I realize I don’t think she believes me. But I’m right, right? If every other recruit is going to be at his game, it isn’t as if he’s invited me for a specific reason.
Behind her, Alec and the rest of the Ballers walk out. Alec avoids my gaze, but Ryan locks eyes with me, his stare hooded and speculating, almost accusatory. If there’s anything to accuse me of, I’m not sure what it is. Not that they can’t make shit up about whatever they want though.
I spend the next period remembering Alec’s hands on my hips. When I do, my skin tingles. It’s the same feeling I got when Ryan touched me at camp. The same desires well up inside me until I’m almost squirming in my chair with the amount of heat I’ve built up inside myself just thinking about it.