by E. M. Moore
I laugh at how cut and dry she is. Like it would be that easy for me to get over not making the team. “Thanks.”
We walk to Timothy Dale Court together. David meets us there. Today won’t be a practice at all. We’ve all done what we can do. Now, it’s about announcing who’s on the team and presenting those that made it with their jerseys. There will be less pomp and circumstance than Sign-Ups because Coach runs it. Though, there will be a big celebration day slash pep rally the day of the first scrimmage. That’s where the true crazy fanatics come out. There’s no media here tonight, so that’s good. It’s mainly a school event, regulated to just students, teachers, and people like my dad.
He accosts me when we first walk in. I can’t even get away from him if I wanted to. Dawn gives me a thin-lipped smile as she walks away and sits with David in the front row again. He doesn’t even wait for social graces. “I’m sorry, Tess. Okay? I was an idiot. I should have said something. I should have waited. I should have done whatever you thought was appropriate.” I look away from my dad, throat working. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ryan staring at us. When I look at him, he doesn’t glance away. He’s rubbing a towel over the bottom of his basketball shoes. “I didn’t know you were going to be there that night. I never would’ve wanted it to happen like that.” I slowly look up at him, glaring. “Not that I’m making excuses.” He holds up his hands. “I don’t know what to say to make it better, Pumpkin. I messed up. I’m only human. But I’m your father, and I love you. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”
I rub my head. I don’t even know what to say to him. The only thing I know is that I don’t want to think about this right now.
Like he expects this answer from me, he says, “Just don’t shut me out, okay? And I wanted to tell you how damn proud of you I am this week.” His voice falters. “My baby was so good.” A tear forms in the corner of his eye. He wipes at it, but another one just forms right after. “I absconded from giving Coach my opinion, of course, but you deserve to be on that team, Quintessa. You deserve to be right up there with them. You always have been. I’m sorry if I never said it enough.”
He cups my cheek, and then he walks away. I just stand there, feeling a little heavy-footed, yet light-headed at the same time. Dawn stands, who’s watched the whole thing. She puts her hands on my shoulders. “Alright, focus. Get out there. You got this.” She turns me toward the court and pushes me forward. She gives me a little slap on the butt, and I jump at the sting. She laughs, and I can’t help but laugh with her as I rub my butt cheek. Obviously, she doesn’t get the idea of an easy butt slap.
I jog out onto the court and wait for Coach to come out. Nothing registers around me. Not the other players, not the students and teachers who’ve gathered. I’m in a perfectly calm bubble. When I see Coach approach us, though, I start to shake from head to toe. It feels like everything I ever wanted comes down to this moment.
One of the young kids who’s been helping with equipment wheels a cart behind him. The top is open and there are blue jerseys spilling out over it. I shift from foot-to-foot. When Coach gets in front of us, he’s all smiles. Past him, I see my dad towering over everybody and taking a seat by himself. It looks like he’s pulled himself back together.
“Wow,” Coach said. “I couldn’t be more pleased with the caliber of talent we had to choose from this year. You should all be proud of yourselves for the hard work and effort you put into every day and every second.” The players all start to clap. I bring my hands together a little late, but I give everyone the round of applause they deserve. There’s a reason why RHS is one of the best in the state.
He puts his hand on the box. “I’m just going to start calling names. If your name gets called, you’re on the team. If it doesn’t, I’m so sorry. This really isn’t a dig at anyone’s skill level because you were all so good. We just can’t take everybody. If you don’t make it and you’re interested in helping out the team with equipment, see me. I know it seems like a crappy deal, but there’s always next year, and if you love basketball as much as you all say you do, you’d do anything to be around the talent that’s here, eating everything up.” Even before he stops talking, I know if I don’t make it, I’ll volunteer to help. He’s right. Why wouldn’t I? I have one more year left if this doesn’t work out. Though, please, God, make this work. “Ryan Linc,” Coach says, pulling out the first jersey.
I smile and clap. Ryan jogs forward and takes the Warrior jersey, holding it up in the air for a second while the crowd claps and yells. Past them all, I can see my dad politely clapping. For a moment, I think to myself, Shit. Will Ryan ever be my stepbrother?
I toss that thought aside as Coach calls the rest of the Ballers’ names one-by-one. The crowd reacts the same for each one, cheering for their kings of RHS. I close my eyes and sway as Coach calls more names. I don’t count, but it seems to me he’s called a lot. He must be close to finished. I gulp, swallowing down the churning bile in my throat and stomach.
“Quintessa Dale.”
My eyes snap open. I just stand there for a moment. My ears ring and buzz. When I don’t come right up, Coach raises his gaze. He smiles at me and turns my jersey around, the last name Dale clearly woven into the back with the number nine. I drop. I don’t faint, but my knees buckle until I’m squatting, my hands covering my mouth. I try not to, but tears come to my eyes.
“That’s my girl,” my dad yells, and I think that’s the only thing that makes me actually stand up and move. My hand’s still covering my mouth, but I grab the jersey anyway. Coach claps my back, and I turn to see all the players smiling and clapping for me. Sloan is bouncing up and down. Alec has his hands around his mouth, shouting something. It’s all too much. Lake is the only one who’s giving me a small golf clap. Ryan, even, with his jersey over his shoulder has one of the most genuine smiles I’ve ever seen him give.
There’s only one name after me, but I don’t even hear it. I couldn’t even repeat who’s on the team other than the Ballers and me. I filter back into the line. Everyone goes silent when Coach holds his hands up. He moves in, and we all gather around. “RHS on three. Ready?” I put my hand in, squished between other bodies. For right now, I’m riding a high I don’t want to come down from. I want to bottle this moment and revisit it every time I have another moment of self-doubt. “One, two, RHS!” we all scream, raising our hands in the air.
We disperse, and I’m still shaken that I have no idea what to do or who to turn to. It doesn’t matter because I’m lifted from behind. My dad literally lifts me off my feet and puts me on his shoulder. He slaps my leg. “I knew you could do it.” I’m grinning from ear-to-ear. I steady myself with my hand on his bald head before I see the Ballers make their way over to me. Dad drops me on my feet. “I have to talk to Coach.” When he sneaks by Ryan, he gives him a hearty handshake and then moves on.
“Number nine?” Alec asks. He reaches out and curls his fingers into the waistband of my jeans.
“You know it,” I say.
Lake has made himself busy by making out with his flavor of the week, so we all just stand there looking at one another. “Congratulations, Tessa,” Ryan says. “You deserve it.”
I bite my lip. The crazy tears that dropped are all dry now. “Thanks,” I tell him. I look around. “So, now that we’re all on the same team, can I say something?” They all look to one another, but eventually Ryan shrugs. I take a deep breath. “Don’t you ever do something so stupid as to put your hands in jeopardy again. Are we clear?”
Alec is pretty much the only one who looks properly chastised. Sloan just grins. Hayes looks unaffected. It’s Ryan who steps forward, his gaze hard. “We’ll do all that and more if we have to.”
Tension sparks between us as we stare one another down. This basketball season is going to be very, very interesting.
31
The newness of the moment fades eventually. Dawn gives me goodbye hugs. Students filter out. The new team and I stay right where we are. I loo
k at the dozens of guys and feel a tightness in my chest. These are my people. We’re a team already. From being on plenty of teams in my life, I know from this moment forward we’ll have to work together to achieve what we want. Some of us might not all get along. Hell, some of them might not even want me on this team, but at least they should be able to see that I deserve to be. That’s why I work my ass off.
Surprisingly, Matt makes the team, but Shawn doesn’t. We have too many good centers already, or at least that’s what I hear the rumors are. When I look at the Ballers, I’m not so sure. Sloan is smirking when he sees Shawn talking to Coach, and I’m reminded of the fact that they don’t like him very much. Maybe he didn’t get their vote. It’s not as if Shawn would have been able to start if he did make the team. That’s Hayes through and through. He’s not just a good player for us, he’s the best center in the state.
Other than Shawn not making it, two guys who were on the team last year didn’t make it either. There’s no way of knowing yet if they’ll take Coach up on his offer to help the team, but I hope they do.
“Alright.”
I look up at the sound of my dad’s voice and see him walking toward the rest of the team. He’s got such a big smile on his face that it warms me from the inside. Though we’ve had our issues lately, he’s still my dad, and I guess they’re allowed to make mistakes.
“I talked to the Mrs.” He claps his hands together. “Party at the Dale House right now. Bring your bathing suits. If you need directions, let me know or ask Quintessa.”
My mouth drops. Everyone seems completely excited to be invited over to our house, but there’s just one word clogging my brain. I peer over at Ryan. His face is hard. That had to have hurt him, too. Mrs.? Since when? I swallow and walk up to my dad. He’s giving Jeff Warner directions, so I smile and wait like a good little girl, but when Jeff leaves, I tug on his sleeve. “Dad, is this a good idea?”
He puts his large hand on my shoulder. “I talked to your mom. She’s ecstatic for you. She’s arranging everything right now. Don’t you worry about it.”
Then, he walks away without another word. Several of my new teammates track him down. I turn to see the Ballers standing together. They all know what happened. They know there’s no Mrs. There’s my mom and Ryan’s mom. Walking up to them, I shrug. “I don’t know,” I tell them. Then, I look at Ryan. I know what this feels like. Betrayal. A sucker punch to the stomach. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugs and looks away.
I take a deep breath. “Are you guys coming?”
Lake smirks. There’s something in his eyes that makes a shiver run up my spine. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Alec puts his arm around me and pulls me to him. He drops a kiss to the side of my head. “We’ll be there.”
I step away. “If anyone needs a ride, you can come with me, but I’m leaving right away. I better get going now in case my mom needs help.” I start jogging through Timothy Dale Court toward the glass doors that empty into the parking lot. I hear sneakers squeaking behind me, but that’s not unusual on a basketball court so I don’t stop. When I’m outside, my new jersey clenched in my fists, a voice calls my name. It makes me stop immediately. Turning, I find Ryan Linc just now stepping out of the glass doors.
He walks up to me, his stride sure, but as he gets closer, I notice his hands are in his pockets and his shoulders are a little hunched. “Do you think it’s cool if I come?” When I drop my head to the side, he sighs. “I mean your mom. You must have told her what happened at my house. About my mom...”
“She’s not mad at you, Ryan.”
He looks away. “Yeah, well, my mom’s been the other woman before, and some people don’t give a shit that it has nothing to do with me.”
I bite down on my lip, guilt slapping me in the face. Ryan’s never been that nice to me, except for when I thought he was faking it, but I never wanted to be a mean person in return. I said some terrible things to him, but I was just so pissed when I found out about my dad. “I didn’t mean what I said about your mom that—”
He steps closer, forcing me to look up at him. “Don’t fucking apologize to me.”
I swallow. The tension in his shoulders is overwhelming. If he was concrete, he would start to fissure about now.
His balled hands come up to his mouth. “I just want to make sure I’m not going to piss your mom off if I show up.”
“You won’t,” I promise him. I look over my shoulder to my Mustang. “You want a ride?”
He glances back toward Timothy Dale Court, but the Ballers haven’t come out yet. Other players are filtering toward their cars, and I hope they have to go home to get their swimming gear first. My mom will flip if a bunch of kids start showing up when I’m not there first.
I shift on my feet. “I’m sorry, Ryan, I really have to go. No pressure about the ride, but if you want to come now, we have to go.”
I turn to jog toward my car. I press the unlock button on my fob and slide in. As I do, I hear the passenger side door opening and see Ryan get in, stretching his long lets out. When I pull my seatbelt around me, I hide a smile into my shoulder and then start the car. Ryan immediately starts texting, and I imagining he’s telling the rest of the Ballers that he’s riding with me. The rest of them will probably come in Sloan’s Jeep.
Driving a little faster than I normally would, I punch it up the mountain toward home, hugging the curves. Ryan is too busy looking at all the fancy buttons in the car as we drive. He even fiddles with the radio. I was too impatient to put the top down, but he still seems impressed. The whole time we’re in the car together, my skin is buzzing. Ryan Linc likes me. He admitted it. Sure, he acted like it killed him to do it, but he did. The knowledge makes me feel funny. Vindicated, in a way. I always felt like there was something so wrong with me that I was drawn to a bunch of guys that didn’t give two shits about me. Now, I know that isn’t true. Well, on the surface it’s true, but maybe not deep down. I don’t know, I’m no psychologist. I don’t know why guys are so weird.
When we get to my house, I pull along the side of the garage in the grass. I don’t know how many cars there are going to be, but we need to give people enough space to park. I grab my new jersey and head inside. As soon as we walk into the foyer, my mom yells, “I’m in the kitchen.”
Ryan seems hesitant to go any further, but I wave him on. He’s looking at the house, not really acting in awe of it, but inspecting everything. I know it’s a lot different from his house.
“I swear I could kill your father.”
I laugh and bite my lip. “I have someone with me, Mom,” I call out.
I hear her curse and then Ryan and I come around the corner. She looks up. When she sees who it is, she only falters a little. I have to give her credit. If I had the time, I should have texted her a warning. “You remember Ryan Linc, right Mom?”
“Of course.” Mom wipes her hands on a towel that’s on the counter and then comes around. She hugs him, and I’m suddenly jealous of my mom. It’s been a long time since I’ve had my arms around Ryan. “Congratulations on making the team again,” she says. “Though, I suppose there wasn’t any doubt you’d be on it.” Then, she turns toward me. Her eyes swallow me, and I hold up my new jersey with my name and number on it. She touches my cheek then wraps me in a hug. “I’m so proud of you, Tess.” She steps back, eyes shining, but turns away quickly. “I’m just making cookies. I have pizza and soda being delivered in about fifteen minutes. Hope that’s okay.”
“That’s excellent, Mrs. Dale. Thank you. I know the team will appreciate it.”
My mom’s cheeks pink. Even I look at Ryan Linc like an alien has just taken over his body. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard him be that polite before. Ever. “If you guys would set up our extra folding tables in the sunroom, that would be great.”
“We’re on it,” I tell her. Ryan follows me into the garage. We have enough for three cars, yet I hardly park in here and my dad hasn’t parked here in
a long time. My mother’s car is the only one that hasn’t moved much. On the opposite side of the garage, I pull out two folding tables my mom always brings out for parties.
Ryan and I both grab one. He’s working on how to get his best grip when he looks up at me, his voice and face hard. “Why is your mom being so nice?”
His voice is so laced in anger it sounds like he’s mad at my mom for accepting him. Maybe he’s not used to it, I don’t know, but it makes my heart clench. “What’s happening isn’t your fault. In fact, when I told her what happened, she said she felt bad for you. She’s not working some angle, if that’s what you’re worried about. Not everyone does that.”
He looks away, jaw working. “You’re nice, too,” he says, swallowing hard. “How can you even stand to be in the same room with me? I humiliated you several times. I beat up your boyfriend. I—”
“Chase isn’t my boyfriend.”
“You know what I mean,” he snaps. “Why?”
That question is hard to answer. I push hair away from my face and breathe out. “I honestly don’t know. If you want, I’ll try to hate you.”
I turn away, table in tow. His voice is low, but I hear him say, “I don’t know what I want.”
We’ve just set the tables up when Ryan’s phone goes off. He answers it, then rattles off directions to my house. When he puts it down, he tells me that one of the guys needed directions.
He really is like the basketball team’s ringleader. They’re the kings of RHS, and that’s true that they all are, but Ryan is the ultimate. It makes sense based on his point guard position. He’s also the captain and a natural-born leader. It must be a lot to take so much on himself. Though, when he’s not in charge, that’s when he gets antsy, frustrated, and acts without thinking.
“Stop studying me.”
I turn away. I hadn’t realized I had been.