by E. M. Moore
“One start,” Coach grumbles, shaking his head. “You had an opportunity.”
Past tense. I had an opportunity. I close my eyes again, hoping his choice of words doesn’t mean I won’t get another opportunity. Why would he start me again though? He doesn’t want to have what’s happened tonight happen again. The night imploded. His team is pissed.
We sit there for a good length of time. I’ve re-run everything that happened in my head, the good and the bad, a dozen times. Finally, Coach sighs. “I’ll do the best I can, Tessa, but we can’t have such unrest on the team. I admit, I was a little skeptical about you wanting to play with us, but it didn’t take me long before I realized you belong here. I’ll never deny that just because you’re going against the status quo.” He shakes his head. “Your dad told me I wouldn’t be let down, and he was right. You have a real shot at something. I don’t understand the way people’s minds work sometimes.”
“Neither do I.”
The locker room door opens, and my dad walks in. “Tessa, your mom’s going to take you home.”
I stand. I’m still soaked in sweat, and I have that worn out feeling. I really need a bath and to get some sleep. I’m crashing from the high of getting the start and then the low of having everyone laughing at my panties. Dad touches my shoulder when I walk by him. “You made me proud today.”
“I doubt that.”
He doesn’t let me walk past him. His hand squeezes on my shoulder to stop me. “Anyone who can stand there and take that, is a star.”
I stare up into his eyes. He’s proud of me, that much is certain, but I’m not. “I don’t know if it matters if I don’t feel like one though.”
I grab my bag and push the locker room door open. Sloan is waiting just outside for me. He pushes away from the wall when I come out. I take one look at him and turn away. “Tessa,” he whispers. “I swear I don’t know how they got those.”
I’m glad he knows they were even mine, but at the same time, there’s only one real explanation. It wasn’t him, and I don’t think it’s because he’s invited the Baller Bitches into his house. “Don’t be naive, Sloan,” I tell him. “We know how they got their hands on them.”
“I didn’t do it,” he urges.
Mom’s starting to walk up to us now. Her heels click across the court. When I look up at her, her lips are a thin line. I can tell she’s been crying, but she’s also mad.
“I don’t know,” I hear someone bite out. When I glance toward the sound, I see Ryan talking to his mother on the other side of the gym.
Fucking awkward.
I stop walking, letting my mom come to me so I have time to look at Sloan. His hazel eyes are piercing, and he’s practically humming with intensity. I can tell from the look in his eyes and the way he talks to me that he really didn’t have anything to do with it like I thought. But he also doesn’t get who did it. “Lake did it,” I say, keeping my voice low. “I’m guessing because you guys share everything you told him about the air hockey table. Has he been over to your house recently? Was he ever alone?”
Sloan rubs both hands through his sweat-drenched hair. My mom’s there now, so I just walk away with her. One hand comes over my shoulder and she rubs there. “You are so brave, Tess. So brave.”
I don’t know. Maybe I am. Or maybe I’m just numb. My mom takes me home since my car’s in the shop getting the words Baller Skank buffed and painted over. She’s silent most of the way until I look over to see tears falling down her cheeks unchecked. “Mom…”
She turns away and finally rubs at her face. “I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.”
“I’m fine, Mom.”
“I just don’t know why anyone would do that to you. To anyone, really, but to you, Quintessa. You’ve tried so hard. I don’t think I want you seeing those boys anymore. Your dad is furious. You should’ve heard him yelling at Ryan Linc.”
I gasp. “What did he say?”
“He wants to know why those things are happening. He asked him if those were your actual pair of underwear. Oh God.” She breaks down again.
I close my eyes.
“Were they, Tess? Are they yours?”
I nod. A cry rips through her throat. “It’s not what you think,” I try and tell her. But isn’t it? It’s obvious someone ended up with my underwear for a reason. “Well, maybe it is. I don’t know, Mom.”
Her fingers curl around the steering wheel. “You’re not seeing those boys again.”
“It’s not their fault those girls are torturing me.”
“It’s not? You also don’t see them doing anything about it, do you? Don’t tell me they don’t know or that they can’t do anything. I’ve been around this school for ages. I get how things are. I’ve heard your father’s stories. I know, Tess. Those boys are trouble, and you’re not seeing them again.”
I put my hands over my face and lean my head against the car back. “It’s just one of them.”
“They’re all the same,” she snaps. “Anyone can see that.”
She doesn’t know. What I’ve done and felt with Sloan and Alec, hell even Ryan, the way he looked me in the eyes and said those things when we were in the shower together…you can’t fake shit like that. I think. Maybe I’m just completely fucked in the head.
She pulls into the driveway, and I step out. “Call Dawn,” she says. “She was worried about you.”
I nod, grab my bag, get out of the car, and don’t stop until I’m stripping in my bathroom, letting the hot water fill the tub. I drop a bath bomb in and step into the slicing hot water. The only thing I’ve brought in with me is my phone so I can call Dawn. I push her face in my Contacts list. The first thing out of her mouth is, “Fuck those bitches.”
I try to laugh, but instead, I cry. One sob turns into two and then I’m sniffling. There’s no hiding it now.
“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, Tessa. If it makes you feel any better, I smashed Rhonda Kyle’s face into a locker.”
That makes me stop. “No way.”
“Yep. It’s done.”
I hear David’s voice call out. “Oh, she did it! My girl looked hot.”
I laugh at his interpretation of what happened. “Thank you?” Is that something I thank someone for? I don’t know.
“So, what are you going to do?” she asks.
“About…?”
“You can’t still want to stay on the team, right? I mean, Tessa, that was awful.”
“A scout was there tonight. WNBA.”
She sucks in a breath. “No.”
“Yep.”
“I should’ve hit her twice.”
“I don’t know if it matters. Coach said it probably didn’t make a difference.”
“I thought you played great,” Dawn says.
I laugh. “You have no idea what you’re talking about though.”
“I know your balls went through the hoop. That’s good.”
On the other side of the line, I hear David say, “Hey, isn’t that…?”
“No!” Dawn says, her voice in shock.
“What?” I ask, sitting straight up. Bath water sloshes everywhere.
Dawn curses under her breath. “David and I are going for a walk. We just saw the Ballers pull up to Ryan Linc’s house. Bunch of assholes. I should go in there and kick all their asses.”
“They’re all together?”
“Mm-hmm. Maybe I’ll start his freaking house on fire.”
“Damn, Babe,” I hear David say in the background.
I sigh. “It’s all Lake.”
“Does it matter? Tessa.” She breathes out. “David said he’d straight-up kick the shit out of anyone who did that to me. Why aren’t they doing the same thing?”
I snap my jaw shut. That’s what everyone’s been trying to tell me lately, and here I am still trying to make excuses for them. Maybe I just want to believe they wouldn’t keep doing this to me. Not after all that’s happened. “I thought after I made the team everything would be perfect.”
“It seems like it’s done nothing but get worse.”
She’s right. Everyone’s right. I need to do something about this, but not quit basketball like they all think I’m going to do. I’ll never do that. “I got to let you go, ‘kay? Talk to you tomorrow?”
“You sure?” Dawn asks. “I’m not above setting that house on fire.”
“Yeah, I’m good,” I tell her. Revenge would be nice, but I also don’t want her to really go through with it. I really like four-fifths of the guys in that house right now.
We hang up, and I immediately finish the bath, get out, and dry off. I grab some clothes from my dresser and change. Sneaking down the stairs, I look first into the kitchen, but then notice my mom’s on a float in the middle of the pool. I should’ve known. She always goes for a swim when she wants to be alone. I grab her keys off the counter and shut the front door behind me.
I’m not giving up basketball. But everyone is right, something needs to happen because I can’t keep going on like this.
My mom’s car starts, and I can barely tell it’s running. I ease it out the driveway and point it toward Rockport. Soon, I’ll be outside Ryan Linc’s house, so I can confront Lake.
37
Sloan’s Jeep is in the driveway. I don’t see another car there, neither my father’s nor Ryan’s mom’s. Good. This started with the Ballers and me, it can finish with the Ballers and me.
I march up to the front door and knock before I can talk myself out of it. The last time I was here, it ended badly. This could turn out the same, but I’m not going to let the tightening in my stomach tell me not to.
Ryan pulls the door open. His face falls. Behind him, I hear Alec roar, “It’s not right.”
“Guys,” Ryan calls out. He opens the screen door, and I walk in. Alec and Sloan stand. Hayes turns toward me. His face is a mask of fury. I’ve never seen that much emotion out of him ever.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Lake says. “Who invited you?”
“I did.”
He stands. Hayes stands right with him, but Lake doesn’t even see. “Oh, you got something to say, Daddy’s girl?”
I briefly look at Sloan. He calls me that. It turned into something endearing, but now it just sounds hateful. I despise the nickname coming from his mouth. “You’re pathetic.”
He laughs cruelly. “I’m pathetic? Really? I’m not the one who got the start today because my daddy pulled some strings.”
I walk up to him, place two hands on his chest and shove. “My dad would never do that. You’re just pissed I got the start. It was one fucking start, Lake. One. And it was for a purpose.”
He steadies himself after stumbling back a few steps. “Oh, the WNBA scout, you mean? The WNBA scout your dad got to come?”
I’m shaking I’m so mad. I want nothing more than for Lake O’Brien to feel the anger I have wafting off me in waves. I raise my hand to punch him, but Ryan grabs my wrist and lowers it steadily. “It’s true, Tessa.”
I whirl. “What?”
“Your dad. He got the scout there.”
I shake my head. “No.”
“He told me.”
Disbelief makes the color drain from my face, but Ryan doesn’t look like he’s joking. He’s not even being an ass like he usually is. He’s thin-lipped and staring at me with his gray eyes flecked in silver.
“When?”
“After the game. He told my mom he couldn’t believe those girls ruined the scout he got to show up for you.”
I shake my head again, but it’s not too unbelievable now. My dad’s been hating the way I’ve been treated on the court. I told him I was staying on the team. This is probably what he did to counteract it. I turn back toward Lake. “He didn’t get me the start.”
Lake just shrugs. “Your dad got you the scout. The scout got you the start. So, how do you figure he didn’t get you the start? Unlike you, I like to work for what I earn.”
“Fuck you. You know how hard I work. If you don’t, you’re blind or intentionally not paying attention.”
Alec moves forward. He cups my cheek. Lake just sighs, but Alec ignores him anyway. “You should probably just leave, baby.”
“No.”
“You weren’t invited,” Lake says. “Cling much?”
“I’m not leaving until I talk to your dumb ass, O’Brien. I’m not spending the rest of the basketball season like this. Championships is almost here. You’ve had your fun. You’ve gotten your bitches to tear me down. You made a crown out of my panties. Congratulations. I think everything you wanted to say has been said. You don’t like me. I don’t give a fuck.”
Lake’s face goes red. He comes toward me until I’m backed into a side table. His face is shaking. “It’s not done until they see you for the hack you are.”
“That’ll be pretty hard to do because it’ll never happen.”
Ryan pulls Lake away from me. “Come on. Stop this.”
Lake shoves him. “No. I’ve stood by. I’ve been the nice friend.”
Nice friend? Is he fucking insane?
“I’ve watched you four cream your pants over her, but I’m not standing by anymore. It’s her or me.”
All the air gets vacuumed from the room. “What?” Ryan moves toward Lake, but Lake backs away with his hands up.
“Oh, come on,” I say to Lake. “Really? How fucking old are you? I’ve ignored you, you can fucking ignore me, too.”
He shakes his head. “You all just heard what I had to say before she came in. It’s not done. I’m serious. Don’t fucking test me. I want her gone.”
It’s so quiet in the house I can hear the hum of the refrigerator. I look to Sloan first who’s running his hands through his hair. Alec sits on the couch, his head in his hands. Hayes’ mask of fury hasn’t slipped since I stepped in.
“We’ve gone through this shit before, Ryan,” Lake keeps going. “No one’s worth coming between us. Or have you guys forgotten that?”
“Dude,” Sloan says, “we haven’t forgotten.”
“Yeah?” Lake asks. “I’ve had fun watching all this play out. Truly. Today was some funny shit, but I’m done with it now. I think it’s time for the Baller Skank to leave. Haven’t you guys had enough fun with her already?”
Hayes’ hands clench, and he moves forward, but Sloan pushes him back. No one else moves. No one says anything. As time goes on, I realize they’re not going to. Everyone was right. They’re not sticking up for me. I swallow the emotion clogging my throat. He’s going to fuck this up for me just like he’s fucked up everything else for me since that summer at camp. I get it now. I get he was the reason for that, too. Just like now, they’re taking his side.
I can’t let him do that without trying to stop it.
“Stop doing this,” I plead with him. The tension in the room changes. I don’t even care that it sounds like I’m begging. I am begging.
“You’re done, Dale.” He smirks. To be fair, he told me this would happen.
I turn toward Alec. “Alec…” My eyes beg him to make this stop. It’s so obvious to me what’s going on, but I can see the clear confusion in his eyes. He drops his head and looks at the floor. Hayes shifts from foot to foot, his gaze darting around the room. I move to Ryan. The only person who can put an end to this now is Ryan. They’ll listen to him. “You know how long I’ve had a crush on you. I heard what you said to me in the locker room that day. I know you don’t want this.”
Lake snickers. “Anyone else getting deja vu?”
My mind flashes to camp when Ryan broke up with me in front of everyone. It was all a big laugh. My gut twists at the similar feelings.
“I told you it wouldn’t work,” Ryan says. “I told you if it interfered with basketball, it was done.” I swallow, staring into his cold, gray eyes, and I know the minute I lose. “Just stop, Tessa.” His throat works. “I was wrong about you. You’re just like the rest of the girls that hang around us, and you certainly don’t earn everything you get like you’ve been trying
to convince us of. We don’t want you. It’s time for you to leave.”
“Don’t do this.”
“But hey, it was fun,” Ryan says, smiling. “I mean, Alec and Sloan certainly got their rocks off, didn’t they?”
Jealousy flashes in his eyes for a split second. Or maybe it’s not that. Obviously, I can’t read the Ballers at all. I never would have believed I would have ended up in this position again.
A quick sweep of the room tells me everything I need to know. There are no heroes here. No one is going to swoop in at the buzzer and make the winning shot. We’re all losers. I just can’t believe I thought they would stick up for me eventually.
“I’m staying on the team,” I stammer out.
Ryan shrugs. “I’m sure you’ll still have your cheering section.” At that, I turn and head toward the door. My throat is closing quick. I have my hand around the doorknob when Ryan says, “Don’t think you’re going to get any more playing time, Dale. Your shot’s over.”
I pull the door open, leaving it to bang behind me. My chest rips open as I walk to my car alone. It’s three years ago all over again. I remember I ran back to my cabin and cried on my bunk like a baby. Now, I’m running to my mom’s car, tears streaming down my face. It all seems too familiar except Ryan Linc doesn’t come outside to tell me I’m not driving home like this. Nope. Now, I just drive home with my heart torn to shreds, bleeding every mile back up the hill where I apparently belong.
Epilogue
I’m clutching the seat of my chair, white knuckling the folding chair’s gray pad as Ryan sprints down the court. There are two seconds left of the Championship game against Steuben. I jump up with everyone else as he soars through the air. Less than a second left. The ball hits the rim, and I take my first breath of relief in the second half.
The ball falls into the basket. The stadium erupts.
I sit back in my chair, watching the scene unfold around me. RHS just won the State Championships. I’ve played zero minutes since that night the Ballers abandoned me. This doesn’t feel like my victory at all. It feels like my failure. Everything I wanted whooshes past me as the entire team minus myself congregates on the court, hugging one another. From the corner of the court, I see the head of our division walk toward the mass of bodies with a trophy.