by Megan Slayer
He picked up his keys, then glanced down at his attire. A dress shirt, slacks and open necktie weren’t proper club threads. He should change. He yanked his tie from underneath his collar and unbuttoned his cuffs, then the rest of his shirt. He kicked out of his shoes, then padded upstairs to his bedroom. Deciding to treat himself to a few hours at the club both freed and scared him. He hadn’t gone out for a night on the town in almost three years. Even Phillip hadn’t wanted to club with him.
He removed his shirt and threw it as well as his tie onto the bed. He tossed his undershirt onto the pile. Chilly air kissed his nude torso and he shivered. Well, fuck. What should he wear to go out? He scratched his belly and surveyed the garments in the closet. Nothing screamed club clothes, but what did he know? He was so out of practice.
“Dr. Dane?”
Dane froze. Tanner? Dane darted toward the hallway but stopped in the doorway when he collided with a solid wall of man. He grunted.
“Sorry.” Tanner grasped Dane’s biceps. “I wasn’t sure if you were home. I saw the car, but it’s so quiet.” He didn’t let go. “I figured you might be on a date.”
Dane settled into Tanner’s hold. Being in Tanner’s arms, even at a distance, pleased him. He couldn’t think straight. “Uh, yeah…” Wait, he didn’t have a date. “I mean, no.”
Tanner grinned. “You look frustrated—by your lack of a date? Or because you have one?”
God damn it. How could he say he was just horny without sounding like a jackass? Blood rushed to his dick and fever filled his body. He stared at Tanner’s mouth. If he leaned forward, he’d be able to kiss him.
“Dane?”
“Yes?” He met Tanner’s gaze. “Sorry.”
“Do you run around half-naked often?” Tanner asked. “Do you have a date?”
“Yes. No.” Fuck. “I was changing.”
“For that date you may or may not have?”
“No.” Shame washed over him. He wanted to feast on Tanner’s mouth. The scent of Tanner’s cologne soothed him. Yet, he couldn’t act on his urges.
Tanner tipped his head. He still hadn’t let go. His grin widened and his eyes sparkled. “So you don’t have a date?”
“I don’t.” Confession might be good for the soul, but it was hard as hell on the ego.
“But you’re changing?” Tanner caressed Dane’s biceps with the pad of his thumb.
“I wanted to go out.”
“Where to?” Tanner asked.
“I didn’t plan ahead.” Fuckety fuck. The man who normally detailed his life to the tiniest detail had no plans whatsoever.
“Would you be interested in staying in?”
“Since my plans are rather loose, yeah, I could stay in.”
“Good. I need you.”
He had to have heard Tanner wrong. “Need me?” he blurted.
“Yeah.” Tanner kissed him. The momentary touch of his lips on Dane’s pleased and surprised him. The action flew by, making Dane wonder if it’d even happened.
Dane blinked. Tanner had kissed him, but he doubted himself. Was the memory of Tanner’s lips and the scruff on his chin real or imagined? His heart fluttered and he wanted another kiss. He wanted to caress Tanner and feel the roughness of Tanner’s whiskers once more. He wanted to gaze into Tanner’s eyes and commit the color patterns to memory.
Tanner slid his palms over Dane’s bare chest. “Don’t you want me to kiss you?”
“I do, but only because you want to.” Not because he’d been forced or any other reason. “I’m taken aback. I assumed you’d have a date tonight.”
“I have a game tomorrow,” Tanner said. “I very much want to kiss you because it feels right.”
He hooked his fingers into Tanner’s front pockets and pulled him tight to his chest. Dane shouldn’t be acting so boldly, but he needed this. He slanted his mouth over Tanner’s. The scrape of Tanner’s day-old whiskers on Dane’s cheeks sent shivers down his spine. He bumped noses with Tanner. When the ballplayer opened to him, Dane slid his tongue into Tanner’s mouth. He swallowed Tanner’s moan.
Tanner threaded his arms around Dane and stuffed his hands into Dane’s back pockets. He broke the kiss. “Yes.”
“Good?” Dane rested his forehead on Tanner’s and sighed. Up close, he noticed the flecks of cobalt in Tanner’s eyes and the dusting of freckles on Tanner’s cheeks. Dane licked his lips. “This isn’t smart.” But he loved every second of being a twosome.
“Nope,” Tanner said. “It’s forbidden.”
“It is.” Being bad has never been this good.
“We shouldn’t.”
“Huh-uh.” Dane swayed with Tanner in his embrace. He brushed his mouth over Tanner’s, kissing him again. “We could get into trouble.” He didn’t care. “Could get deep.”
“We’d be in over our head.”
“Yeah, but I don’t give a shit.” Dane wanted more of Tanner. He hadn’t let go in this way in forever.
“You don’t?” Tanner stiffened. “We should stop.” He patted Dane’s ass but didn’t pull away. “I know better than this and so do you. If neither of us cares that we’re breaking the rules, then this can’t end well. I still have to live with you until the end of September.”
“I know.” His cheeks and the tips of his ears burned. Part of him couldn’t shake the embarrassment. He knew the rules. Any other time, he’d have been the one enforcing the code of conduct. The rest of him detested the rules. “I still want you.” Despite the argument, he wasn’t swayed.
“Good to know.” Tanner released him. He flopped onto Dane’s bed and sighed. “We are so fucked up.”
He frowned. Confusion clouded his mind. What had just happened? One minute he’d been tangled up with Tanner and now? Tanner was on his bed, but not inviting him to join in. “Tanner.”
“I’m sorry.” Tanner shook his head then scrubbed his face with both hands.
Dane sat beside him. “For what?” For teasing me?
“I need you.” Tanner rolled onto his side and caressed Dane’s thigh. “I want nothing more than to be with you, but I’m messed up.”
He should put on a shirt. Instead, Dane stretched out opposite Tanner. “I’m not wild about being teased, but I won’t take advantage of you in this manner. You’re hurting. Talk to me.”
Tanner didn’t speak right away. He swept his gaze over Dane a couple of times then palmed Dane’s hip. “I didn’t want to come to Cedarwood. When I learned about the trade, I was pissed. I trashed my apartment then cleaned it all up because I needed to get the deposit back. But I had a chip on my shoulder. I downplayed my feelings because I didn’t want to be labeled difficult.”
“Tanner.” He held the ballplayer’s hand. “We all have things change when we want them to stay the same. It’s natural to be upset.”
“Maybe.” Tanner laced his fingers with Dane’s. “I still think I should be big time. I have what it takes to play in the majors.”
“I have no doubt you do,” Dane murmured. Was he wrong to be loving this closeness?
“But I’m not headed for the pros. I’m probably done with baseball once my contract is up in Cedarwood,” Tanner said. “I’m getting too old to move to the next level.”
“How old are you?”
“Twenty-five.”
“That’s not bad.”
“It’s ancient. I should’ve moved up by now,” Tanner said. “They want young and talented. I’m talented, but I’m not young—by baseball standards.”
Dane wasn’t sure what to say. He’d never thought about the age range for athletes. “Don’t give up.”
“How can I not?” Tanner sat up and raked his fingers through his hair. “Do you know I got fan mail today?”
“I didn’t.”
“Five letters. One from a fan who wants to marry me. She’s a woman, but she doesn’t realize I’m gay. Two from kids who look up to me. Fine because I want to be a role model to them. But the other two letters are from this group in town. I didn’
t open the envelopes until I got to the house. They came to the stadium.”
“Who are they from?” Dane sat up and matched Tanner’s pose. “What do they say?”
“I need to get the hell out of Cedarwood.” Tanner faced Dane. “If I’m going to be gay, I need to leave. If I’m not gay, but I’m living with a gay doctor, you might turn me gay. If you don’t turn me gay, I might realize I am homosexual and they don’t want my kind—our kind—in Cedarwood. Not only am I being pushed out for who I am, or am perceived to be, but because I’m aging out of the sport I love.”
Dane suppressed a growl. The coalition had struck again. He’d never understand why people couldn’t learn to get along. Why did the love life of Cedarwood residents have to be public fodder? And why couldn’t he and Tanner have a few hours of fun? What if they bent the rules more than a little? If he could give Tanner comfort for a while, he’d make the sacrifice—but could Tanner?
Chapter Five
Tanner groaned. He needed to center, but being with Dane messed him up. The worries over the letters, the comments from Zeppelin, his being out but not blunt about it…none of that mattered when he wanted to bury himself in Dane. He’d broken plenty of rules and, most of the time, didn’t care when he’d done it. But this was different. He wanted to be good enough for Dane.
“What are you thinking?” Dane asked.
He wanted Dane. He needed to be loved. He craved stability in his life. Could he say any of that? So soon? “My first game is tomorrow and I’m kind of freaking out.” Tanner faced Dane. He hadn’t lied. “How do you do it?”
“Do what?” Dane smoothed the wrinkles in Tanner’s T-shirt. “Put up with the coalition?” He paused. “Until a very short time ago, I didn’t know they had a name. But what I try to do is ignore them.”
“How is that working?” He needed to know. He’d try anything to get his head into the game.
“Depends on the day,” Dane said. “One week they leave me alone. The next week I get accosted at the store. I’m leery of new people, despite seeing new patients all the time at the office. I hate change, but I can’t stay away from it. I prefer to do my own thing. I don’t flaunt myself, but I’m not hiding, either.”
“How do you stay sane?” He’d be miserable in no time if he tried to ignore the haters.
“Did you notice I lived alone until you came along?” A tiny smile curled on Dane’s lips. “It’s not because I enjoy my own company.”
“And here I thought you did.” He tangled his legs with Dane’s again. This was what he missed—relaxing with his lover and having a sanctuary in the midst of the chaos. But he and Dane weren’t lovers.
“If you love your life and don’t engage the coalition, they’ll leave you alone. If you opt to fight, they’ll bring it. I try to stay below the radar, but I don’t lie about who I am.” Dane shrugged. “You’re doing what you love and being yourself. Don’t let a group of jerks take that away. I’m on your side. I want you to succeed.”
Tanner embraced the reassurance in Dane’s voice. “You are?”
“I’ve been there. I didn’t grow up in Cedarwood. I came here to work and haven’t left.” Dane settled on his back. “When I was offered the chance to live here, I thought I’d found a quiet town to doctor in with a friend of mine.” His voice caught. “I’m still here.”
“What happened to your friend?” Tanner paused. “If you don’t want to tell me, I understand.” He shouldn’t pry. “It’s not my business.”
“Ashton Pierce. We went to college and med school together. He told me about this town. He grew up here. He’d say it was quaint, quiet and friendly. All through our residency, he talked about coming back. He sold me on Cedarwood. Once residency was over, he got into the practice I’m at today. He knew the head doctor who opened the original office—right next door to the hospital. It was almost too good to be true, but I went along with Ashton’s ideas.”
He loved the sparkle in Dane’s eyes and the wistfulness in his voice. He could listen to Dane for hours. “I didn’t see Ashton’s name on the office list.”
“He moved away,” Dane said. “His wife didn’t like me. I spent more time with Ashton than she did and she hated me for it. He left the practice and me.”
The twinge in Dane’s voice spoke volumes. “You had an affair with him, didn’t you?” He snuggled up to Dane and rested his head on Dane’s shoulder again. He draped his arm across his belly.
“Not when he was married.”
“You loved him.” Probably still did.
“I did.” Dane rubbed his cheek against the top of Tanner’s head. “We were inseparable in college. He was my first boyfriend. Everyone thought we were just friends. No one knew when we went back to the dorms… Anyway, we split because he wanted to date a woman and I’m not bisexual. He wasn’t going to come out, even to admit he was bisexual, and once he met Nissa, I refused to come between them. We stayed friends and even worked together, but the tension was always there. He kissed me once during the last Christmas party and I didn’t push him away when I should’ve. After the first of the year, he left the practice and they moved to Kentucky.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry.” Tanner toyed with the trail of short hairs leading beneath Dane’s waistband. “I like having your attention and I can kind of see how Nissa would feel threatened. You’re sweet and handsome and caring. You had history with Ashton. If you were with someone, she’d be happy. But you alone were too much for him to resist. I get it. You’re too much for me to resist. If you were with him or anyone else, what you and I are doing right now wouldn’t be possible.”
“I suppose not.”
Tanner rose up on his elbow again. He could have nights like this all the time if he wanted. But he had to be honest. He’d never bared his soul to anyone—not even to his family. Right now, he wanted to tell Dane everything. “I’m afraid.”
“Of what?” Dane asked. “Me? I won’t hurt you. I won’t ask you to leave, either.”
Thank you, God. “I’m happy to hear that.” He relaxed a bit more. “The last family that sponsored me didn’t want a gay man in their house and kicked me out. I didn’t have the balls to tell the owner of the team that I’d lost my sponsorship, so I lied.”
“I thought you were supposed to focus on baseball.” Dane caressed Tanner’s cheek. “Tanner.”
“I lived above a restaurant and waited tables when I wasn’t playing or practicing.” He massaged his forehead. “I’m not proud of lying, but they threatened to tell everyone I was gay. Back then, I didn’t want anyone to know. I have a reputation for being the hot guy on the team—the one the women want to be with.”
“You didn’t want to lose your notoriety.” Dane cocked his eyebrow. “Why not be notorious for playing ball? Why have a gimmick?”
“I thought it would help my game. Those six months of working myself to the bone didn’t do anything for my playing ability, other than dull it.” He summoned his courage. “I worked hard to be where I am, but I’m scared. I’m afraid to be out and proud. I say I’m not worried, but I’m bullshitting everyone. In private, I’m happy. This last week has been the best in a long time. But I see what happens when you’re not true to yourself. Being a gay athlete can suck ass. The guys in the locker room may not accept me. I might be looking at them strangely or want to come on to them.”
“Do you?” Dane asked. “Really? Are you a stark-raving madman just looking for dick when you go into that locker room?”
“No.”
“Then you have nothing to worry about—concerning them.” Dane grinned. “You could’ve had me and you didn’t pounce the way I thought you might. Makes me think I’m repulsive.”
“No, you’re not.” Tanner crawled onto Dane, stretching out on top of him. “Feel that? I’m very much attracted to you and want to be with you.” He paused. One more second and he could take this to places he wasn’t ready to go, or he could slow down. “But I don’t want to screw this up. I doubt you’d turn me
in if we split, but I don’t want you to think I’m doing this because you’re right here and so sexy.”
Dane stuffed his hands into Tanner’s back pockets. “You’re trying to fix my wounded ego.” He laughed. “I like it. You’re pretty sexy, too.”
“Thank you.” He brushed his nose along Dane’s. “You’ve got the prescription for anxiety, don’t you? Being hot?”
“I am a doctor.” Dane patted Tanner’s ass. “What else is bothering you? I can see it in your eyes. Talk to me.” He shifted beneath Tanner, rubbing the bulge in his pants over the one in Tanner’s. “Are you upset about the rule? The one stating we shouldn’t be doing this?”
Heat seared Tanner from within. “Don’t want to talk.”
Dane kissed Tanner and slid his hands along Tanner’s back.
“Yes.” Tanner straddled Dane. He stripped his shirt off and flexed. “Like what you see?”
“I do.” He palmed Tanner’s chest. The man had so much muscle. He pinched one of Tanner’s nipples.
“Fuck.” Tanner arched into his touch. “I love that.”
Dane sat up the best he could and trailed his fingers over Tanner’s ribs. At the same time, he bit one of Tanner’s nipples.
Tanner ran his fingers through Dane’s hair, holding him to his chest. A groan rumbled in Tanner’s throat. He tipped his head back. How had he gone this long without Dane? Easy. He hadn’t been in Cedarwood. Coming to the small town had been a boon Tanner wouldn’t relinquish.
Dane scraped his teeth across Tanner’s nipple. He had Tanner on the edge before they’d even fucked. Each bite and suck on Tanner’s skin elicited a slew of groans. Dane smoothed his hands around Tanner’s ribs to his back, then down to the swell of his ass.
“Jesus, I want you in my ass. Want it so much.” Tanner held Dane against his chest. “Fuck.” Every synapse in his brain buzzed.
“Give me a chance. You’re holding too tightly,” Dane managed.
Tanner let go long enough to scramble off Dane’s lap. He stripped out of his clothes in record time. Dane wriggled out of his trousers and boxers.